Tony couldn't decide which joke he should make.
The gang was being sort of hilarious now.
On one hand, there was Thor, at the kitchen table, who was trying so very hard to understand Angry Birds. Tony had downloaded it into his phone for him.
Half of him knew he had probably done it for his own amusement.
Thor had kept asking questions, such as "How have the pigs done the birds wrong again?" "What does this bird do?" and "Why won't that fall down?" occasionally he'd win a level and then declare it to the room, rather loudly.
Tony was unsure where Clint was.
Probably taking a nap in his nest.
Although, now that he thought about it, Bruce was no fun today, working in his lab. Some science bro. Tony had tried to get him to come and do something fun with him, but with no luck.
("That's fine, raging green giant. I'll have fun without you." Tony had told him, as he left his lab.)
And that's where Steve came in. Tony found that the most fun he could probably have was with Steve. The poor, naive, adorable super soldier didn't even know how much fun he supplied Tony with.
It was almost like a game.
Tony's very own game he invented and loved. It could last hours or minutes. He never really won, but that was the thing. He wouldn't really win until he more or less won Steve.
He'd say "Steve's heart", but that would just sound too cheesy.
The "game" was simple
All Tony had to do was say something. Something flirtatious.
It started out simple today, with a quick "Oh, hello, super sexy soldier."
And that was all it took for Steve to nearly choke on his drink.
The kitchen was silent for a few minutes while Tony made coffee, Steve scanned through the paper, trying to focus and not notice Tony's glances, while Thor seemed to notice neither of them and started complaining about the game again.
"Uh, no, buddy. You can't use your hammer in any way. Try not to break the phone, big guy." Tony warned, finishing making his coffee.
Thor sighed. "I'm not sure I see the point in this game."
"Then just stop playing it." Tony shrugged.
"No. It's torturous fun." Thor said quietly, returning to his game.
Tony laughed quietly, and returned to his game as well. "So, hot stuff," he started, casually and nearly exploded into a fit of laughter when Steve looked up.
"Oh, oh my god. You answer to 'hot stuff'?"
Steve looked away, a blush forming on his cheeks. And that's what Tony was looking for. Flustered Steve. The prize to his flirtatious game. "I...I didn't-"
"Actually, sexy soldier, you did." Tony smirked.
"Stark," Steve started, in a warning tone. "What is it that you want exactly?"
Tony attempted to figure out his answer. What did he want?
He hadn't really had a plan. He just liked making Steve blush. That adorable look of annoyance and embarrassment and, Tony would swear it was there, a small occasional smile, was literally the highlight of his day.
"Don't know. Maybe I wanted to know how you are, what you're doing tonight..." he paused, taking a sip of his coffee, and attempting to read Steve's facial expression. Slightly annoyed, unfocused on the paper in front of him, but trying so hard to look like he was reading it, and that blush slowly rising to his ears.
Tony smirked again and tried to sound as casual as he could, "or maybe I was just going to compliment your shirt."
Steve looked at him now. Exasperatedly skeptic, if there could even be such a thing. And Tony thanked god Steve wore his emotions on his face. "Last time I wore this shirt you asked what farmer I stole it from. Now you're complimenting it?" He asked and took another drink. And yes, Tony had indeed said that. But, the plaid shirts had to stop somewhere didn't it? Did he buy them in bulk?
"Well, I admit, it would look much better on my bedroom floor." Tony smirked as Steve once again nearly spit out his drink.
"You actually got that? See, I thought that would have gone right over your head. Good job, Cap'n."
"Yes, I got that! After spending time with you I've...figured a few things out." And he had. But, he left out the part of Clint explaining that specific phrase to him. “-And it was inappropriate." He looked over at Thor quickly.
Tony was totally sure Thor wouldn't understand what he just said. But, Steve seemed to think he might. "Cap, you think me winking at you during lunch is inappropriate." Tony pointed out and smiled widely when he noticed he had possibly maxed out the poor not-as-naive-as-he-thought super soldier's blush.
"Well, it...it is." he said, his voice rising a few pitches.
Oh, Tony had just gotten a new high score.
"Whatever you say, Cap'n." He winked.
Steve sighed and looked away quickly and then…there it was! A smile forming on Steve's lips. Tony had almost won this round definitely.
He was about to say something, that he would probably end up regretting if Steve said "no". But asking the other man out could be his way to celebrate a job well done in today's round of "flirt with Steve until he blushes like a schoolgirl".
But of course the unmentioned female Avenger ruined it by walking into the kitchen.
"Oh thank god." Steve whispered in relief.
Natasha looked at him confused for a minute and then shook her head deciding to ignore it.
She went to say something when Tony spoke up instead. "Why are you all dressed up?" He asked, gesturing towards her, noting the dress and heels. "Finally taking Robin Hood on a date?"
"No. It's just for a mission." She said flatly. "And Clint and I will not be going on any dates."
"Why not?" Thor spoke up, setting down his phone. "It is what you do when you fancy someone, isn't it? And I thought you two fancied each other." He said, genuine and confused. "Like Tony and Steve, right?"
"Oh my god. What?" Steve's head snapped towards Thor and then to Tony. "No. We're not..." he looked at Natasha now. "Tony and I do not-" he went on frantically, before Tony cut him off.
"Right. I thought you and big bird were into each other." He said, and then smiled at Steve. Every part of him feeling thoroughly amused. Thor thought they fancied each other.
He won. That had to be a win in something. Or everything.
"I can assure you Clint and I do not feel that way for each other."
"You sure? You guys give each other glances all the time. Heated ones. Ones that make it seem like you…fancy each other." Tony said and glanced at Steve, who was beet red, and fidgeting. This only amused Tony further. It was actually rather adorable.
"I'd hardly call anything between Clint and I heated. Also, you just described you and Steve." Natasha folded her arms across her chest.
Tony smiled at her. "Maybe so."
Steve sighed again and looked at Tony. "No, Tony. We don't give each other any type of…glances."
"Wait, I thought you did." Thor said, confused. "I thought you and Tony...how did you say it, Tony? Oh. Have the hots for each other."
"Wait, what does that mean?" Steve asked looking at Tony, the naive confusion Tony was used to with Steve returning.
Tony just smirked as Thor answered. "It means you two are partners, yes?"
"What? Tony is that what it means?" Steve asked, glancing at Natasha as she held back a laugh.
"Hum...well, not really. And, not that in anyway are you and I or Robin Hood and Princess are partners, but, you know, they'd like to be." Tony said taking a sip of his way too cooled down coffee.
"And you and Steve would like to be as well?" Thor asked.
"Oh my god." Steve said, quietly. "No. Tony's just…" he trailed off, looking at Tony for a second, trying to think of the right word. Annoying, obnoxious, frustrating, attractive, infuriating, genius, ridiculous. "Tony." he said and decided that basically summed it up.
Tony just smiled at that as well. "Well, anyway, Natasha, have fun on your not-a-date-with-Robin Hood."
"And you let me know when you and Steve set the date for your wedding." She said, grabbing her keys and leaving.
"Are you and Steve going to be wed?" Thor asked, excitedly.
Steve put is face in his hands and let out a noise of annoyance. "We are not getting married."
"Right now." Tony said, playfully with a smirk.
Steve looked at him, and although his expression softened at the sight of pure amusement on Tony's face, he still felt thoroughly agitated. "Not ever."
Thor looked at both of them for a minute, before declaring; "You humans do not make any sense to me."