![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Work Text:
Shawn watched as the bottle spun round and round, and mentally crossed his fingers that it wouldn't land on him. It finally shuddered to a stop, neck pointed at Gus.
"Gus!" Stacy Schumann squealed and clapped her hands. "Come on, you have to kiss Tammy."
On the other side of the circle Tammy looked at Gus like he was a delicious chocolate poptart and reapplied her glittery gold lipgloss.
"He doesn't have to do anything!" Shawn protested, putting his arm protectively across Gus's body.
"It's okay," Gus said, as he pushed Shawn's arm down to lean forward across the circle. Tracy pressed her mouth awkwardly to Gus's and everyone clapped and cheered as they sat back down.
Gus wiped the glitter off his mouth and shot a shy smile at Tammy.
Shawn felt his stomach flip, and thought he must have eaten too much pizza.
"Internet dating?" Shawn asked, looking over Gus's shoulder. Gus squawked and put his hands over the screen. "I'm hurt, Gus. Why didn't you tell me? We could have bonded over how men lie in their profiles over a tub of Ben & Jerry's." He sat on the edge of the desk and leaned in an attempt to get a good look at Gus's screen.
"My Mom signed me up for a birthday present," Gus said, glaring at him and snapping the laptop shut. "Joy got engaged and Mom's got wedding fever."
"Engaged?" Shawn asked, " Hmmm, I didn't sense that in the ether..."
"For the last time, Shawn, you are not psychic." Gus snapped.
"Why such a grumpypants, mi amigo?" Shawn asked, concerned.
"I am not a grumpypants," Gus said, getting up.
"Sure," Shawn said, already planning ways to cheer him up.
***
"Open up, Gus," Shawn called out as he rang the doorbell. "I've got the Molly Ringwald box set and two extra large pizzas with our names on them!"
Gus yanked open the door, wearing a lavender shirt half-buttoned over a grey t-shirt.
"What are you doing, Shawn?" he asked.
Shawn pushed past him into the hall, balancing the pizzas carefully.
"Operation Cheer Up Gus is..." he trailed off as he took in what Gus was wearing.
"Those are your date jeans!" he said.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Gus sniffed.
"You do. Date jeans. You wear those jeans on dates because you think they make your butt look good!"
Shawn canted his head and checked out the Gus-butt.
"Which they totally do--have you been sneaking in extra squats? And-" he sniffed, then dragged his forefinger across Gus's skull. Gus batted his hand away.
"Gus, did you oil your head? You have got a date!"
"Ok, fine. Yes, I have a date. With Katerina, a very nice lady who trains seeing-eye dogs," Gus said, buttoning his shirt.
"You actually used the dating agency? Dude, come on!"
"Mom paid for a months subscription," Gus said primly, "so I should at least try."
"But I got anchovies and pineapple!" Shawn said, remembering the pizza phase of Operation Cheer Up Gus. "We've got Sixteen Candles, and I won't even make fun of you crying about John Hughes!"
"His movies were the voice of a generation," Gus said, "and I'm going to be late."
He picked his jacket up off the back of the chair, turned, and closed the front door behind him.
"Fine!" Shawn called after him, sitting on Gus's sofa. "But I'm not saving you any pizza!"
***
Shawn woke up next morning, Gus's emergency afghan thrown over him and the pizza boxes stacked neatly on the coffee table. He could hear Gus clattering about in the kitchen, so he snagged a cold slice of pizza and went to find him.
"Good date?" he asked.
Gus jumped and made an unmanly squeak.
"Don't creep up on me," he said. "And, no, I don't think I'll see her again."
"Ah, never mind," Shawn said, and patted his shoulder. "There's plenty more butterflies in the meadow."
"It's fish in the sea, Shawn." Gus said, pouring his coffee.
"You have that allergy," Shawn said airily. "Now remember, Gus, you are a handsome, intelligent, and successful man. Let's face it: you're a catch. No being a moping manatee, okay?"
Gus smiled, just like Shawn had known he would.
"I know. That's why I've got another date tomorrow," he said, with what Shawn felt was a quite unnecessary amount of smugness.
***
Over the next two weeks, Gus had dates with Malika (worked in publishing, had a pet goat), Beth (who answered all of Shawn's completely reasonable questions about her intentions toward Gus with high pitched giggles) and Nandy (who picked Gus up on her awesome motorbike and took him rock climbing). He went for lunch dates, dinner dates, breakfast dates and coffee dates, behaving as though he was determined to get his money's worth from the agency. Every time, Shawn got that funny Gus-feeling in his stomach, which only went away when he came back to the office, or his apartment, or Shawn's apartment, alone.
***
"Was it a bad date?" Shawn asked as Gus came back from his date with Akiko (likes: tennis and bubble baths; dislikes: negativity) after only an hour.
"No, she was very nice," Gus said in the same neutral tone he used for all date-inquests. "Just not what I was looking for."
"That's the seventh 'not what I was looking for' since you started this thing," Shawn said. He picked up a dart, aimed at the dartboard on the back of the door, and let it fly. It hit the 1.
Gus picked up the next dart.
"I know the right person is out there," he said, throwing the dart. It hit the board, right next to Shawn's.
***
"You'll have to go to your Dad's cookout this afternoon by yourself," Gus said a few days later. "I've got a date. Amrit will be here any second."
"Amrit? Isn't that a...guy's na-" Shawn trailed off as a tall guy with short wavy hair and a killer smile tapped at the office door.
"Gus?" he asked, seeming unsure when he saw Shawn.
"Hey, Amrit," Gus said, getting up. "I'm all ready to go. See you later, Shawn."
"I'm not waiting up for you!" Shawn called after them, already slotting new information into place.
***
"I didn't know you buttered your bread on both sides," Shawn said the next morning, wanting to get it out there.
"You didn't know I was married, either," Gus said, not looking up from the newspaper. "It's not like I tell you everything."
"Yes, and we need to work on that," Shawn said, pointing at him. Gus did not look convinced. "What if our lives depended on playing some crazed kidnapper's twisted version of The Newlywed Game, Gus? Did you think of that?"
"it's not like I know everything about you" Gus said.
"Name one thing you don't know about me." Shawn challenged, half hoping for a question on his own butter preferences.
"Where you were during the first half of 2002?"
"Llama-taming in Peru. Don't change the subject."
"Okay, fine. I occasionally butter my bread on both sides," Gus said huffily. "And as a matter of fact, I have another date with Amrit tomorrow. We're going to the Space Centre. That okay with you?"
"Yes, fine," Shawn said, pushing aside the urge to say no, no, no.
***
Amrit lasted two dates, but then there was Dave (second unit director on some soap opera) Alec (something to do with computers, took Gus to a Doctor Who retrospective), and Hitoshi (who, embarrassingly, turned out to be Akiko's brother).
"Dude," Shawn said, after Gus came back from yet another unsuccessful date. "You've been on, like, twenty dates. One of them must have been worth it."
"I told you, they weren't what I was looking for," Gus said.
"Then what are you looking for?"Shawn asked, because as far as he could tell, not one of the dates had anything in common with any of the others.
Gus didn't answer.
***
"Gus!" Shawn said, later that day "I'm bored. Let's do something." He spun round in his chair a few times. He really was bored. Someone needed to invent a harder version of minesweeper.
"I need to do this," Gus said, tapping away at the laptop.
"What are you doing?" Shawn asked.
"Reading the profiles of people who sent me messages today. Trying to decide who to write back to," Gus grinned, bright and shiny. "Hey, you could help! Now, we've got Lottie, likes windsurfing and volunteers for Habitat for Humanity, or Hector, who says he is '6 foot 2 of sweet caramel love', or Tammy--oh, hey, it's Tammy from high school! Remember when we played spin the bottle? She kissed me..."
Gus got a dreamy look on his face, and suddenly, Shawn couldn't stand it anymore. He stalked over, spun Gus around in his rolly chair, and kissed him.
"Took you long enough," Gus murmured, and kissed him back, even though it was a really awkward angle.
"Wait, what?" Shawn asked, suddenly as off-balance as a tight rope walker with vertigo. "But--you went on all those dates! The dating agency!"
"My mom paid for it," Gus said, and tugged the front of Shawn's shirt until Shawn got the message and squatted down so they were level. "You can't not use a present. That would be rude, Shawn."
Before Shawn could protest again, Gus smothered his splutters with another kiss.
Concentrating on learning every secret corner of Gus's mouth, Shawn decided he was okay with letting Gus get the last word, if it ended like this.