*Nsync does it again
The sequel to *Nsync goes online
“Joey…Joey…hello? Earth to Joe. Are you having some kind of prolonged sex fantasy?” Chris asked as he waved his hand in front of his bandmate’s spaced-out face. The five members of *Nsync were all babbling to each other in a limo after their TRL appearance. All but Joey, who was abnormally quiet.
“Huh? What?” Joey said confusedly.
“Yep, sex fantasy, I knew it,” Chris commented.
“Who is it with this time?” Justin asked, nudging his buddy with his elbow. “The hottie from last night?”
“Which one?” Lance said dryly.
“So many conquests, so little time, so few types of penicillin,” JC stated.
“Good one, dude!” Chris hooted surprisingly. “You may have a sense of humor after all.”
“Thanks—hey, shut up!” They all laughed at their friend’s expense. “I’d kick all your asses…but I don’t want to ruin my Dolce & Gabbana,” JC said, indicating his incredibly ornate eyesore of an outfit.
“Dude,” Justin sighed, shaking his head, “you need help.”
“Guys, you’ll never believe what I found out,” Joey said softly, as the limo pulled up to a red light. They all turned to their friend in eager anticipation. Joey whispered, “Remember the…orgy story?”
“I thought we agreed to never speak of that again,” JC said nervously.
“I know, but—”
“Let’s just forget about that night!” Chris said as he crossed his arms defensively.
“I think I’m having recurring nightmares about it!” groaned Lance.
“But I found out who wrote it!” Joey yelled.
“Who?” shrieked the other four delightedly. Just as Joey was about to speak they heard a loud honk. They turned to see another stretch limousine pull up alongside theirs, and the back, tinted window come down. It was the Backstreet Boys.
“Oh my God,” Joey mumbled. The other four guys looked at Joey, then to the five men in the other limousine, who shot their competition wide, mischievous smiles. Just as the light turned green, Kevin gave the boys a wink, and their limo screeched off, leaving *Nsync’s in the dust.
The boys were silent for a long time. Finally, Justin spoke up.
“So…it was…it was them, wasn’t it?” Joey shook his head yes, mortified.
“What were they thinking?” Chris asked with a disgusted look on his face.
“Did they think we wouldn’t find out?” JC replied.
“I know,” Joey sighed. There was another long silence.
“So,” Lance said, “which part did Kevin write?”
JC paced back and forth in his hotel room at 2 am. He had been unable to sleep, so naturally he was extremely agitated.
“Dammit! Dammit!” he cursed to himself, or so he thought.
“Would you shut up? I’m trying to sleep,” Chris mumbled from his bed. “Oh, God, I’m starting to sound like you. Shoot me if I start wearing feather boas.” JC ignored the remark, which intrigued his friend. “What, no snappy comeback? No threat of sadistic violence? Are you having a breakdown?”
“I’m blocked. I can’t get…nevermind!”
“Well, have an Ex-Lax, unblock yourself and be quiet!” Chris rolled over and covered his ears with a pillow. JC sat down at the desk, exasperated, and stared at his notebook computer blinking brightly in the otherwise dark room. He read over the words typed so far on a page entitled “Generic love song #50.”
We can’t go back to the way it was before
When you ignored me, and I thought you a
This is the way it should be now
Just accept it, girl—don’t have a cow
“What the hell is wrong with me?” he whispered to himself, rubbing his eyes in hope that the lyrics would somehow be much, much better afterwards.
Tonight is the night we’ll admit our love
Stars and angels smiling down from above
You don’t care about my fame, the glitz or the cash
I don’t care about your past—all I want is some slash
Joey sat on his bed in his hotel room, balancing his notebook computer on his lap as he cradled his cell phone between his ear and shoulder.
“What are you doing right now?” asked a female voice on the other end of the line.
“Just reading over this script a friend emailed to me,” he said as he scrolled down some text.
“Oh yeah?” she purred. “So…what are you wearing?” Joey stopped reading, eyebrows raised.
“Nothing,” he lied. “What are you wearing?”
“Absolutely…nothing.” Joey exited out of the script.
“Really. And why are you telling me this?” he inquired slyly.
“Because I’d really like to—do you want me to tell you? It’s naughty,” the woman said seductively.
“Oh, yeah!” Joey placed his hands on the keyboard and started typing the woman’s words as she spoke. She began describing in explicit detail just what she planned to do to him. Joey giggled as he tried to keep up.
“Hold up!” he yelled all of a sudden. “C-u…is that with two n’s or just one?” Just then the door opened and Lance walked in, looking preoccupied, and flopped down on his bed.
“Hey, buddy,” Joey grunted, only looking up for a second before returning to his risqué text.
“Who’s that?” the woman cooed. “A friend of yours?”
“Yeah,” Joey answered. “Now, back to that strap-on thing you were talking about…were you serious about the size? I mean, two inches in diameter is a lot—”
“What’s he look like…your friend?” she asked curiously. Joey didn’t follow.
“I dunno. About five-ten …usually blonde…goofy…nowhere as hot as yours truly. Anyway—”
“I bet you’d love it if he joined us…wouldn’t you?”
“What??!!” Joey cried, looking at the phone in horror. “What are you talking about? He’s a guy!”
“I know!” she giggled. “I bet you’d love it if he pushed you on your back and—”
“Hey! I’m not paying you $2.99 a minute for that!” Joey screamed as he clicked the phone off and threw it down. “Jeez, what’s with these women today?”
“What was that about?” Lance asked, but sounded only mildly interested.
“Just some dial-a—nevermind. She was talking…I mean, she was describing—”
“Yeah, phone sex, I get it. I have roomed with you before, you know,” Lance sighed, rubbing his temples.
“Well…everything was going fine…and then she was all talking about how I’d like it if you—YOU, dude, not another chick—would…would…ugh, I can’t even say it.” Lance looked at his friend nervously.
“Ugh…that’s very…strange. I mean, why would she say that? I mean, that’s just like—”
“Those slash stories, I know,” Joey sighed, lying back on the bed and placing the computer down delicately. “I always thought women weren’t interested in watching guys together. I guess I was wrong.” Lance adopted his friend’s pose on his own bed, and they stared at the ceiling silently for a few seconds.
“Do you ever,” Lance said slowly, “like, since that night two months ago…um…read those—”
“No!” Joey yelled emphatically.
“Yeah, me neither. Me neither.” Lance turned red.
“I mean…I might have…accidentally…come across one or two,” Joey confessed after another long pause.
“Yeah…like, if you just happen to be looking for something to read.”
“Yeah! And you just happen to be looking at the fan fictions.”
“And you just happen to be looking at the NC-17 rated stuff,” Lance said hastily. He and Joey glanced at each other quickly, then turned back to the ceiling.
“But…you know…I always stop reading when it gets to the explicit slash stuff,” Joey said.
“Yeah, me too,” said Lance. “It’s not like its well written or anything.”
“Nah. Or like its…interesting or anything!”
“Course not. Or like its titillating or anything.”
“Or hot or anything—”
“You wanna look up some stuff on fanfiction.net?”
“Let’s do it.”
“Hey, man,” Justin said as the door opened. He’d been knocking for two whole minutes before JC answered. “Are you guys still up? I’m wired.”
“It’s late,” JC whispered, looking very agitated. “I’m trying to work on something, and Chris is—”
“Trying to sleep! Shut your piehole and go away!” Chris screamed from his bed.
“What do you want, man?” JC asked, obviously irritated, and looking back at his computer.
“I’m bored…I can’t sleep…I can’t keep still,” Justin said as he fidgeted.
“Take a sleeping pill…and get out…NOW!” Chris grumbled, rolling over and shielding his eyes from the hallway light with his hand. “Are you on something? Again?”
“No way, man. You know I treat my body like the temple it is,” Justin said proudly, before bringing a soft pack of Marlboro’s to his nose and inhaling deeply. “Ugh…must…have…control.”
“Go away, Justin,” JC barked. “I need to concentrate. Go bother JoLa.”
“Aw, c’mon,” Justin whined as he looked over JC’s shoulder. “What are you writing anyway?”
“Just working on some songs,” JC answered nervously.
“Really?” Justin asked suspiciously, looking JC in the eye. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were writing a—”
“Good night!” JC yelled as he slammed the door in his friend’s face.
“Is he gone yet?” Chris mumbled from his bed. JC shook his head and returned to his laptop. Chris sat up, now completely alert. “So…what are you writing so diligently over there?”
“Nothing. Go to sleep,” JC said, not looking up from the screen.
“I can’t sleep—the sound of your bony ass fingers on those keys is keeping me awake!” Chris sighed and waited for the obligatory “fuck you” or “I’ll kick your ass”, but it didn’t come. JC was completely enthralled in his work. “How’s that slash story coming?” JC stopped typing and turned completely red.
“Wha…huh?” JC screeched. “What do you mean? I’m not writing—”
“Give it up, dude. I can see right through you. Well, I’d be able to see right through you, if not for those incandescent vomit clothes you’re wearing! Damn!”
“You of all people should know fashion—”
“Don’t even go there! Anyway, that’s not the point. Ever since we found out about Backstreet’s little secret earlier today, you’ve been acting real weird. Weirder than usual. You just can’t get it out of your head, can you? You and your…intensity,” Chris said triumphantly as he pulled the covers over his head. “Spazz.” JC was quiet for a bit.
“Can…can you believe they wrote that?”
“I know!” Chris yelled, jumping out of the bed. “They must have sat around talking about it…having meetings about it…picturing us…in…different—”
“Positions,” JC whispered, grimacing. “Ugh…that orgy story was just…heinous.”
“Anus is right.” JC clutched his stomach. “Anyway…it doesn’t get any less obscene after the second read.” Chris winced as soon as the words came out of his mouth.
“You…read it again?” JC said playfully.
“Shit. Look, I was bored, ok? Dammit, I’m never going to hear the end of this,” Chris complained as he climbed back into bed. After a minute, JC spoke up.
“Um…I read it again, too.”
“I knew it! We must be sick in the head,” Chris whined, covering his head with a pillow.
“I was browsing these slash sites…trying to understand why, exactly, these people like to imagine us…you know…doing…it!”
“What are you, twelve?”
“Don’t you wonder, though? I mean—what does it mean? Do you know how many sites on the web are dedicated to the supposed ‘relationship’ between me and Lance?” JC said as he made quotation marks in the air.
“Tell me something, Chris,” JC said seriously. “Do I give off…gay vibes?”
“Good night!” Chris rolled over quickly and started snoring.
“Asshole.” JC went back to his “work.” After a few minutes, he found himself blocked again.
“Chris?” he whispered. “You still awake?”
“I’m almost done with this songfic—can I ask you a quick quest—”
“Ummmm,” JC whispered, completely embarrassed, “what rhymes with ‘handjob’?”
“Good God. This writer is out of her mind!” Lance said, wide-eyed, as he and Joey finished chapter 15 of a *Nsync fanfic titled “You don’t have to be alive.”
“How can someone so young describe such decadent sadomasochism in such detail?” Joey said. “I think this writer—what’s her name—WannaFatOneInMe—said in her profile she was only 17. I wasn’t thinking about stuff like this when I was 17!”
“You were too busy chasing skirt when you were 17,” Lance replied dryly. “Some things never change.”
“Damn straight.” Just then someone knocked at the door. Lance and Joey shut up, waiting for perpetrator to go away, but he didn’t.
“Hey…it’s me,” they heard Justin say behind the door.
“Damn!” Joey tiptoed over to the door as Lance closed the laptop. When Joey saw that the incriminating evidence was hidden away, he opened the door a crack.
“What is it, man?” Joey whispered, rubbing his eyes and faking sleepiness.
“What are you guys doing?” Justin asked, craning his neck to try to see inside. “I’m so tired I can’t sleep. I need some stimulation.”
“Um,” Joey said, scratching his head, “I think I have last month’s Penthouse somewhere in my suitcase—”
“Not that kind!” Justin protested as he pushed the door open a little. “Besides…I’ve already seen that one.”
“We’re not doing anything interesting in here,” Lance said, and then blurted out, “just reading.” Joey glared at him, and Lance almost slapped himself. “I mean, uh…you know…work stuff. Yeah…work stuff.” Justin looked at the two very guilty faces in front of him and pushed himself all the way in the room.
“I know what you guys are doing,” Justin said slyly. “You’re reading slash, aren’t you?”
“Are you kidding?” Lance said, red-faced, and then giggled uncontrollably. Joey covered his face in shame.
“I knew it!” Justin said accusingly. “What, are you looking to see if you know who wrote a sequel? Don’t you think it’s a little weird to be reading this stuff?” Joey and Lance looked at each other nervously. “I mean, not that it means anything…or that you actually want to do that stuff, but—”
“Justin…you look tired,” Lance said with fake concern.
“Don’t try to change the subject!”
“You should go get some sleep,” added Joey. “Your eyes look really tired.”
“You guys—really? Do I look that bad?” Justin touched his face tentatively and looked around the room for a mirror. “I can’t look bad. I need my beauty sleep. I’m seeing my boo tomorrow night!”
“You’re right to be worried,” Joey said, rolling his eyes. As Justin studied his face for signs of premature aging, Joey took something out of his bag. He winked at Lance as he walked over to the anxious blonde and slapped him on the back.
“Here, man,” he said soothingly. “Take these. You’ll sleep like a baby.” Justin looked down into Joey’s hand at 2 strangely colored capsules.
“Joe, you know I don’t do drugs.” Lance and Joey raised their eyebrows. “Ok…usually. C’mon, I’m trying to be au natural these days, guys! I like to take care of my body, know what I’m saying?” Joey looked at Justin closely.
“Man…is that a…zit?” Justin’s eyes widened. He grabbed the pills and ran out of the room without another word. Joey laughed and closed the door.
“What did you give him?” Lance asked as he balanced Joey’s computer on his lap.
“Just enough to knock him out and get rid of him,” Joey said with a smile. When Lance made a disapproving face, Joey held up a small blue box. “Nyquil gelcaps, my man. Works every time.”