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A Series of Unfortunate Events, or Is It?

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Part 1

"Erik, I'm pregnant"

"...are you sure?"

Going by Magda's exasperated yet panicked look in her eyes, she was sure.

Well shit.


Between two jobs and building the twin's room, Erik is soon finding himself excited at the prospect of being a dad.

"Baby, do you think I've built their crib large enoug-"

"Erik, I don't know how to tell you this"

Erik drops his tools at the tone of Magda's voice, and rushes to her side.

"What's wrong? Are the twins alright? Are you alright?"

She takes Erik's hands and looks at him, eyes filled with worry and, is that shame?

"I'm so sorry, I-I've been lying to you"

"What about? Come sit down, nothing can be that bad, please don't cry"

"I cheated on you"

"...when? Since your pregnancy?"

"I don't know if the twins are yours"

Well shit.



Part 2

"Lehnsherr, step into my office"

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Close the door behind you"

Erik fought hard to keep his expression neutral, its the hardest he's worked all day.

"I'm sorry to say, we're going to have to let you go"

Well shit.


"Hey there maus, hows your day been"

The humanoid creature behind the thick glass looks adoringly at Erik and makes cooing and clucking noises.

"Lehnsherr? Can you hear me"

Erik adjusted his ear piece, "What's up Azazel?"

"There's a situation up at 7th, I've been called to help. Can you handle cleaning its cell alone today?"

Erik looks at the creature he's nicknamed maus, smiles and playfully taps at the glass.

"Sure, but you owe me"

"I'll buy you a beer"

"Two and make them German"

No sooner has Erik entered the cell, the creature snuggles up to him and proceeds to pee all over him.

Well shit.


(Courtesy of amazing prompter)

"Mr. Lehnsherr I presume?"

He nodded, "I work sub-level 9-1 janitorial."

"Ah yes. Well it seems we're in a bit of a predicament."

"How so?"

"The subject sprayed you with a mist-like substance, did it not?"

Erik nodded.

"It seems Subject X-163, or Charles as Dr. McCoy calls him, has decided you're his mate."

Well shit.


Part 3

Erik bent down to kiss Wanda and Pietro goodnight. He cant help thinking if this will be for the last time.

"Who was he?"

He is still holding the test results. His hands trembling.

Negative. One word that shatters his world.

"Does it really matter?"

Erik gives Magda a look of resignation. He hasn't the energy left for anger.

Later that night, Erik is rejected for the fifth time in his search for a second job.

Well shit.


"I'm telling you, it was just piss."

"Look Lehnsherr, if the good doctor says its some mating call, then its a fucking mating call."


Logan's eyes twitched.

"Don't force me to stick the Beast on you bud, ya' aint gonna like the lecture he's got a boner to give."

He placed his cigar back in his mouth and sauntered away.

Well shit.


Part 4

"Come on maus, show them they're making a big mistake."

"Here, piss on this one!"

Erik hauls Azazel in front of Charles, ignoring the other man's glare.

Charles only hisses and maneuvers the overly tanned Russian out of the way so he can sniff at Erik's crotch.

Well shit.


"It doesn't need to change anything my love."

Magda's voice was soft and pleading.

"To everyone that matters, you are their father."

"You're the one who's been taking responsibility, and giving them the love they deserve."

Erik still finds it hard to look Magda in the eye, so he glances away.

Only to see a growing pile of unpaid bills.

Well shit.


Part 5

Charles has really taken to his mating instincts.

He'll take to pissing, or 'sporing' they said, at every opportunity when Erik is there.

He's also taken to groping Erik at every opportunity.

"No maus! Bad!"

Charles stares at Erik with watery puppy eyes, and slumps into a corner.

Well shit.


"Tell me why you think you're right for this job."

Erik sighs inwardly, and begins a practiced drabble about just how much cock he's willing to suck to get this job.

At the end of interview, he remembers to give one final glance back to say thank you, only to see his resume thrown into the trash.

Well shit.