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In Disguises No One Knows

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 “Hey, Odinson!”

Thor looks up from where his head is pillowed on his desk to come face to face with a bloodied Victor Von Doom. This is not how he wanted to start his day off. 

“What happened to your face, Doom? The mirror finally get fed up with having to look at your face everyday?”  Thor says with an eye roll and a stretch.

“Very funny. You tell your little faggot friend the next time I see him he’s fucking dead.”

Thor tenses up mid stretch at that and gets up to punch the fuck of this asshole when he sees Loki appear in the doorway.

“Little faggot fiend? Now you wouldn’t be talking about me, would you Vicky dear?” Loki’s got his signature smirk on and Thor can see even from where he’s standing that his eyes have their usual sparkle.

Visctor snarls “You think it’s funny?”

Loki’s smile turns predatory ‘Well yes love, that’s the point of a practical joke you see.”

“We’ll see how funny you think it is after school then.”

 Loki rolls his eyes and slips past Victor to take a seat in Thor’s empty desk.

“Violence Vicky, really? I thought what we had was special.” He drawls as he picks disinterestedly at his black nails.

“Fuck you.” Victor spits.

“I always figured, with you always singling me out that you wanted to, but I’m glad you’ve come to terms with it as well.”

Victor makes a move towards Loki but Thor effortlessly stands between them and raises an eyebrow at Victor.

“I really don’t think you want to do this so early in the morning, dude. It was a prank, let it go.”

The bell ringing cuts off whatever retort Victor had and he stalks off in a huff.

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 The thing is nobody really gets his relationship with Loki. Thor is tall, broad shouldered and blond whereas Loki is small, dark haired, and thin. Thor plays football and enjoys working out. Loki’s idea of a workout is reading books on quantum psychics and figuring out new ways to torture the other neighborhood teens.  Everybody expects that Thor is some dumb football player from a privileged family who isn’t going anywhere, and Loki was the first person to not assume anything about him. Loki brings out a side of him Thor didn’t previously know he had. Loki was and is the only person who understands him, who actually takes the time to sit down and just talk to him. In turn Thor likes to think he’s good for Loki, too. He’s certain that Loki would have moved on to much more serious pranks without him, or that he would still be selling his Zoloft to Svadilfari instead of taking it himself.

 They complete each other, and when Thor has thoughts like that he gets a dull ache inside his chest and isn’t entirely sure why, though he suspects it’s because he knows Loki doesn’t genuinely like anybody in that way. The closest person he could see Loki having real feelings for is Svadilfari, which wouldn’t terribly surprise him given all the time they’ve taken to spending alone together.

To Thor’s credit, he really did try to like Svadilfari. He was the first person who could really keep up with Loki mentally and ever since he came around Loki’s had fewer boredom fueled “episodes”. It’s just that he hadn’t expected Svadilfari to take up so of Loki’s time. He thought it’d be a nice way to deflect Loki’s negative attention off of him and onto some other poor sap. Except that isn’t what’s happening. No, instead he’s pacing in his bedroom at twelve o clock at night waiting for Loki to pick up because he needs their chemistry assignment and why the fuck isn’t Loki answering? Or, perhaps a better question to ask he thinks ruefully is when did he turn into such a girl?

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 “What do you think Sif looks like naked?”  He’s walking home with Loki and he figures the best way to feel out how Loki would feel about him pursuing anyone would be to see what Loki thinks of her tits. Loki’s shoulders tense up when he asks.

“Just get her number off any of the stalls in the bathroom and I’m sure you can find out for yourself.” Loki spits out.

“Don’t be an asshole.” Thor says, punching Loki in the shoulder. Loki winces and Thor immediately regrets it. He wants to ask how things are at home, wants to ask if Loki’s dad is still giving him a hard time, but ever since Loki came back from their ‘family vacation’ he’s been even less willing to talk about his home life.

“Because blatantly objectifying a girl you claim to have romantic feelings for isn’t a dick move at all” Loki deadpans.

“Touché, short one, touché ” Loki throws him a dirty look and speeds up so that Thor has to jog to catch up.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” It isn’t until Loki rounds on him with a look he usually reserves for Nick Fury or Phil Coulson that Thor knows he’s said something wrong.

“You’re a jerk. Seriously I don’t even know why I even talk to you, you uncultured pig.” Loki spits. Thor’s about to fire back that Loki’s the one who’s clung to him all these years, that Loki’s the one who gets jealous the minute he befriends anyone else, but then he notices the subtle bruising under Loki’s eye. It’s fading, and Thor can tell that Loki’s probably used some of his brothers’ theater make up to cover it, which worries him more than the bruise itself. Loki hasn’t needed to cover his bruises with make-up for almost a year and Thor was sure things must have been getting better. He’s reaching out to run his hand over it when he remembers how much Loki abhors being touched without permission. Instead he drops his hand, awkwardly clears his throat, and decides to just let it go.

Except that his mouth apparently doesn’t get the message.

 

“I just don’t understand why you’re being such a psycho.” Shit.  Thor braces himself for a verbal barrage that doesn’t come. Instead Loki let’s out a weary sounding sigh and rubs his hand over his face before turning to face him.

“And I don’t understand why you always try to push my buttons yet here we are, darling.”

“You realize how stupid calling me darling all the time sounds right?” Loki gives a non-committal grunt and takes out his keys as they approach their respective houses.

Thor waits until they’re on Loki’s stoop before he decides he isn’t quite ready to leave Loki alone given the recent developments and the fact that Loki’s been snappy and withdrawn for days, so instead of their customary secret handshake before Thor hops the barriers to his own stoop he pulls Loki in for a hug.

“You wanna come over? Mom’s making pot pies I think.” Before Loki can answer a loud crash followed by yelling erupts from inside Loki’s house.

Loki puts his key into the door before turning to the side to look at Thor.

“Nah, Dad will be pissed if I don’t come home tonight. Leave your window open maybe I’ll sneak over later.”

At the moment he says it Loki looks so tired and drawn Thor is tempted to just grab Loki and drag him over to his house anyway. He doesn’t do that though, instead he nods and watches Loki open his door and disappear inside before hopping over to his own side. That night after dinner he tries his best to drown out the screaming next door with music but eventually he gives up and falls in to a fitful sleep.

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The next morning he and Loki barely talk as they trudge to school and Thor doesn’t bring up the fact that Loki is heavily limping. Their silence is broken when they’re joined by a laughing Svadilfari and Tony at the corner. They walk two more streets listening to Svadilfari talk about his apparent break up with Current Guy He’s Fucking and Thor figures if Svadilfari hasn’t mentioned it by now he isn’t going to.

“So I told him look, I think you’re a swell guy but I just don’t have the time to date right now and besides you’re the one who-Loki you’re limping.” 

“It’s always good to know that you have a firm grasp of the obvious, Svad.”

Thor is sure Svadilfari isn’t going to stand for being insulted this early in the morning, but Tony steps in and saves the day.

“Svad why don’t you tell Loki about that rare poison you read about, yeah?” 

Thor may not like Svadilfari spending so much time with Loki, but he’s glad he at least gets a friend in Tony out of it.

Loki’s late. Although he really isn’t upset seeing as Loki has made it his personal mission to be at least five minutes to everything. What’s unusual (and if he’s being perfectly honest with himself, upsetting) is that this is their time. Loki is almost never late for something he and Thor are doing together.


He’s got his iPod and an almost endless supply of Judas Priest, and his sketchbook but sitting in the cold outside the science building is starting to wear on his nerves and he absolutely hates being annoyed at Loki. He’s drawing a design for Darcy’s mural, doing the occasional air guitar, and thinking about whether he should just go home when the doors open and the physics club kids come trudging out. He’s about to call out to Loki when he notices that Loki is standing off to the side talking to Svadilfari, which in and of itself isn’t terribly suspicious, it’s just the Svadilfari keeps looking over at Thor and they’re standing incredibly close. For one moment, Thor has the crazy urge to go over there and interrupt them. He stays put, knowing how much Loki hates to be interrupted however. It would, however be nice if they could get in Thor’s car and get out of the cold, and it’s that thought that has him setting off across the grass to where they’re standing.

Even as he approaches he still can’t really hear what Loki and Svadilfari are saying, but it does seem like they’re talking about him the closer he gets, the only snatch of the conversation he catches is ‘tell him or I will’ and ‘just going to get harder’ before Loki spots Thor coming and pushes Svadilfari away and plasters his signature smirk onto his face

“Sorry, Thor,” Loki says, gesturing between himself and Svadilfari, still smirking. “You know how Svad and I get.”

Svadilfari smiles at Loki and says, “See you around.” before walking off in the direction of his car.

Loki turns to Thor and levels him with a look, before saying “You wanna tell me what that was all about?”

Thor decides that feigning innocence is the way to go and asks “what?”

Loki’s look intensifies “You were glaring at Svad like he killed Balder or something.”

Never one to admit and wrongdoing Thor snaps out “Whatever I just didn’t want to get frostbite waiting for you and Svad to stop making stupid goo-goo eyes at each other.” And marches over to his car before wrenching the door open and looking expectantly back at a stunned Loki.  

“Well, you coming, or what?”

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They meet up with Darcy and Jane at Burger King one morning a few weeks after their fight for breakfast and joke and laugh about Nick Fury’s sudden resemblance to an incredibly stern pirate and Loki’s most recent run in with Victor.

“That guys such an asshole man its like come on, just admit you wanna plow Loki like a fucking field and sit down somewhere y’know?” Svadilfari says as he drapes an arm over Loki’s shoulders. Thor feels his stomach drop into his stomach at the easy intimacy of the gesture.

“Not that Thor would let anyone near enough to our fair princess for that to ever happen.”

Thor is so busy analyzing the way Svadilfari always seems to be touching Loki lately that he doesn’t realize Darcy is quietly chewing and watching him with a shrewd expression on her face. He tries to school his features into one of off handed nonchalance, and for a second he’s worried her love of mischief is going to drive her to say something revealing but instead she turns to Tony and says

“Speaking of closet cases, Steve asked about you yesterday.” They all laugh and while Thor laughs along and busies himself with finishing his hash brown he can still feel Darcy’s piercing gaze on him and he knows a confrontation is imminent.

The confrontation happens a lot sooner than he thinks. Darcy corners him after school as he attempts to slip past her on his way out school. “Hold it right there, Odinson!” Damn.

He’d attempt to run but Darcy is fast and though she may be a foot shorter than him he’s a little (ok a lot) scared of her wrath.

He turns to face all five feet two inches of Darcy and smiles. ”Hey, Darce”

She glares at him. “Don’t ‘hey Darce’ me, Thor. What are you doing?”

Thor pauses for a moment “Going home?”

Darcy take two menacing steps towards him and Thor realizes how just freaky it is that she’s a foot shorter then him and still manages to be scary as hell.

“Fine let me rephrase. What are you doing with Loki?”

Thor takes a step towards the double doors. “Going to hang out?”

Darcy’s frown deepens. “Don’t be obtuse, Thor.”

Thor takes the statement as a chance to slip in a joke “I don’t know I’ve been told I’m pretty acute…get it acute, like I’m attractive.” Darcy doesn’t smile.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Darcy.” Thor puts both of his hands up in defeat.

Darcy heaves a heavy sigh and he can tell whatever she’s going to say next isn’t going to be pleasant.

“Look I know you two are like super awesome bff’s and you don’t think anybody else understands that but I do, and I care about Loki too. You don’t get to pine silently for him for years and then turn around and act all pouty when someone else actually has the balls to ask Loki out.”

Thor feels his stomach drop once he realizes the full extent of what Darcy’s said.

“What-I-I don’t-“

Darcy cuts him off with a hand in his face.

“Svadilfari is good for him and Loki’s dealing with a lot right now and the last thing he needs is you to pile on by being a jealous asshole. Remember that, Thor” and with that she breezes past him out the doors.

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Thor stands stock still for a moment thinking about the way things have been between Loki and himself lately. He wishes he could say things have been the same, but they haven’t. Loki’s been withdrawn and irritable with him and has been spending an increased amount of time with Svad and in turn Thor’s been pulling away more and more. The worst part is that this isn’t elementary school where they’d fight and go to their respective corners and be friends again in thirty minutes. Loki doesn’t need him as much anymore and Thor realizes with a sort of terrifying clarity that he can’t imagine his life without Loki. He can’t imagine not spending every Friday watching crappy movies and eating junk food with Loki, can’t imagine not having anyone to study with, and he doesn’t even want to think about giving up the easy rapport they’ve built with each other through years of ups and downs.

So much of his life is based around Loki, hell his choice of colleges to apply to has been based off Loki. They’ve never had a fight they couldn’t get over, but this rift between them he has no idea how to fix. He feels like he and Loki are standing on an increasingly fragile piece of glass and the more they avoid each other the flimsier is gets. The problem is that when it breaks, and Thor knows it will, he knows that there will be no amount of glue and tape to make it as beautiful as it was before.

He hasn’t even realized how long he’s been standing until he looks up and realizes the halls are completely empty. He pushes open the doors opens his umbrella and walks out, thinking that at least the weather seems to sympathize with him.

He takes the long way home and walks as slowly as he possibly can, knowing that as soon as he gets home he’ll have to put of the façade of happy go lucky son for his parents and little brother. He stops off at a small coffee shop by his house for tea and sits for an hour until one of the waiters tells him that if he isn’t going to buy more tea, or pull out a laptop then he needs to get lost. It’s dark when he leaves and though it’s stopped raining the clouds over head still look over full and sullen and it isn’t until it begins raining that realizes he’s forgotten his umbrella.

When he gets home all the lights are off in the house and he knows he’s in for a lecture tomorrow morning but he just can’t bring himself to care. He doesn’t care that his parents will be furious about him being late, and that Balder will be disappointed that he wasn’t there to rough house before bed time, all he wants to do is curl up in his bed and sleep for days. 

 

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He avoids Loki for the rest of the month, and is grateful that Tony, Jane, and Darcy have the sense not to bring Loki up in front of him. The worst thing is that as adept he is at avoiding Loki during school, they still live right next to each other. He still hears Loki’s parents shouting at all hours of the night, he still sees Loki taking the trash out in his back yard with half his face covered in bruises, and on several especially gut wrenching instances he sees Svadilfari sneaking in and out of Loki’s backyard. Most of the time he’s able to busy himself with his school work, or with art club, or hanging out with Tony but there is always a Loki shaped hole in their plans. Thor goes over Tony’s house to watch Jackass Number Two and before he can catch himself he finds himself saying that Loki would love all these pranks. He regrets it as soon as he says it because Tony pauses the movie, turns and turns on him with a serous look on his face and Thor just knows Tony is going to make him talk about it.

“What happened between you two anyway, I was expecting you guys to announce your engagement any minute.”

Thor shifts around uncomfortable before he settles for a vague “We grew apart.”

Tony fixes Thor with a look before he turns back to the screen. They go back to watching the movie and they laugh and joke as though nothing happened, but as Thor leaves Tony looks at him seriously and says

“He really misses you, you know. You’re all he talks about.” Thor has no idea what to say to that so instead he rushes from the house and takes the long way home to think again.

He gets home just before it begins to rain again to find Svadilfari waiting for him on his porch.

“I’m fucking Loki.” He says without preamble with a strange look in his eyes.

Thor feels like someone has just pushed all of the air out of his body.

“I’m fucking Loki and it’s so good, Thor you have no idea.”

Thor feels his hands curling in to fists. “Fuck off, Svadilfari.”

“Last night he sucked me off and I made him swallow my come. All of it. Every. Fucking. Drop.”

Svad’s always been crass about his conquests but to hear him talk about Loki that way is too much.

“Get the fuck off my porch Svadilfari, I mean it.”

“Nah man I think I’ll stand here and tell you all about the time I fucked Loki is his parents bed. That was the best he-“

Thor’s fist collides with Svadilfari’s jaw before he even realizes he’s throwing a punch. Thor’s always had a temper but he’s never hit a friend but to hear Svadilfari, who he thought was good for Loki talking about him like he’s just another one of Svad’s conquests sets him off. All the last few weeks of ducking  into a classroom every time he sees Svad and Loki together, all the casual touches he’s had to endure, all the kisses on Loki’s porch he has to pretend not to see come rushing to the surface. He wants to hurt Svadilfari, more than he’s ever wanted to hurt anyone, because Svad and Loki have hurt him more than anyone ever has. He’s kicking Svadilfari in the ribs when he realizes Svadilfari is laughing.

He drags Svadilfari to the side of his house and pins against him to the wall.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?”

Svadilfari smiles and his teeth are bloody “You, man. I thought you’d cry when I told you, not kick my ass.”

Thor is genuinely puzzled at that “You didn’t think you talking about Loki like a common whore would make me kick your ass?”

Svadilfari pries Thor’s hands off him and leans over to spit out blood and slide down to sit in the driveway “Not one of my best plans I’ll admit but hey, someone had to do something.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You and Loki dancing around each other like a pair of awkward school girls” Svadilfari stops and cocks his head to the side before continuing “actually that’s kind of accurate.”

Thor must still look confused because Svadilfari huffs and pulls Thor to sit across from him on the driveway

“I’m fucking Loki” he pauses when he sees Thor’s fists curling again “calm your tits, big guy. Anyway I’m fucking Loki and he’s great and the sex is great and all but I’m not right for him dude, you are.”

“W-what?”

Svadilfari looks at him strangely before saying “Yeah I don’t get it either I’m totally handsome and rich but all he wants to do is pine over you.”

Svadilfari stands up and wipes his nose and offers a hand to pull Thor up.

“Loki is amazing, Thor. He’s smart and funny and gorgeous, and he’d be a great catch for someone, but all he wants is you.” A sort of bitter look crosses Svadilfari’s face at that statement “he loves you Thor, and I can tell that you love him too and as much as I’d love keep having mind blowing sex with him I’d much rather see you both happy.”

He steps closer to Thor then so they’re almost nose to nose “so you need to grow some balls and tell him, because if you continue to hurt him I’ll kick your ass.”

Thor is still gaping like a fish when Loki walks up and looks between the two of them a few times before he asks in a small voice “Svad? What’s going on?”

Svadilfari plasters on his trademark smirk, and picks his sunglasses up to slip them on his face before he leans in to kiss Loki full on he mouth

“It’s over, toots, I don’t do long term.” He smacks Loki on the ass on his way past to his car and drives off without another word.

Tears are welling up in Loki’s eyes and he turns to leave but Thor’s decided he’s had enough and reaches out to grab Loki’s wrist gently.

Loki turns to look at him, green eyes too bright before Thor steels himself, takes a deep breath and says “We need to talk.” 

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“Pass me a slice of pepperoni, Thor.” Loki is reclined on Thor’s bed, head pillowed on Thor’s chest as they watch Dune.

Thor props himself up on his elbows to look down at Loki “The magic word motherfucker, do you know it?”

Loki rolls his eyes with a groan “I knew letting you see pulp fiction would bite me in the ass.”

Thor rolls them over and deigns to shut Loki up with a kiss rather than dignify his comment with a response.

There really isn’t much that’s changed in their relationship, not really. Loki is still a smug asshole, Thor is still loud and obnoxious and between them they both still have mountains upon mountains of emotional baggage. Except now Thor can kiss Loki when he wants him to shut up, now Thor knows to kiss the juncture of Loki’s neck and shoulder if he really wants to get Loki going, and now he knows what Loki looks like under him, naked and glorious as Thor kisses every inch of skin he can.

When they show up to school the day after their talk Svadilfari takes one look at their joined hands and breaks out into the most genuine smile Thor has ever seen on his face before ruffling Loki’s hair and wandering off proclaiming Tony owes him fifty bucks.

Darcy and Jane both emit high pitched squeals of delight and proceed to try and convince them both to go to prom next year, and Tony grumbles about how he knew it would happen and they’re all idiots but later after calculus he takes Thor aside and tells him he’s glad they’ve worked it out. They’ve still got a lot to talk about, there’s the issue of Loki’s father, the issues of Thor’s own parents neglect, but through it all he knows that he and Loki have each other, and that makes all the difference in the world.