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This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

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"If you don't close the refrigerator door," a voice said from behind, "you'll lose the cool air and waste all of Stark's free electricity."

Bruce had been crouching over the vegetable drawer, and turned now to see Clint Barton, fresh from the training room apparently, walking into the shared kitchen. The archer shrugged and added "just an interesting fact."

"Well, thanks, I'll keep that in mind." Bruce turned his attentions to another shelf, trying to complete his search as quickly as possible. The meat in the oven was close to finished cooking, and the waiting team in the other room could only practice patience for so long.

"What are you looking for anyways?" Clint had taken up a seat at the island bar, and proceeded to open the large potato chip bag without asking. Bruce forced himself not to say anything; the rest of the team would just have to deal with whatever Clint left for them.

"Avocados," Bruce answered, "for the hamburgers." Clint scrunched up his nose at that, so before he could quip anything back Bruce continued, saying "I thought we had some in here, where'd they get put?"

"I think they got all used up," Clint said, through a mouthful of potato chip.

"Used up?" Bruce asked, reminding himself that he hadn't wanted to eat any of those chips anyways. "I'm pretty sure I bought five yesterday."

Clint swallowed, and then hesitated, before repeating, "Yeah, they got used up." He avoided Bruce's gaze for five full seconds, though Bruce knew Clint could see him perfectly, before adding "Thor saw some guacamole in a movie or something and Stark made some for him and Cap to try out. Can you believe Cap's never had guacamole before?"

Clint's lighthearted attempt to segue the conversation away wasn't going to deter Bruce. "They needed five avocados to make a batch of guacamole?"

"Well, they did have Thor with them."

"They needed all five avocados to make a batch of guacamole?" he repeated. Clint was visibly struggling.

"Well they... they may have only used the four." Bruce said nothing, waiting.

"OK, I know this is going to sound really weird," Clint finally said, louder than before, as he stood up from the island bar, "but your stupid avocados make really good target practice, OK? They blend in with the training room wall, and their skins are tough and - it doesn't matter. I used it. I'm sorry. I didn't know you wanted it."

"Of course-!" Bruce started, but shook his head and forced himself not to finish the sentence. Of course I wanted to use it, why else would I buy five avocados if I didn't want to have at least one to use?

Clint opened his mouth to say something else, but the timer on the oven rang at that exact moment. Bruce took a breath before shutting it off and opening the oven door. A blast of heat filled the room.

"I'll just go tell the guys that dinner's ready, then?" Clint asked, already backing out of the room slowly. Bruce nodded; they both understood the subtext of Clint's offer. I'll just get out of your way and stay out of sight for the next few minutes, then? With any luck, 'the guys' wouldn't actually be on their way in until Bruce had taken his chance to indulge in some of those stupidly unhealthy potato chips.