Derek watched as Stiles sat by himself on a bench in the graveyard. He could practically see the scene replaying in the kid's head, over and over again. He was suffering and Derek couldn't help feel guilty. The fact was that Stiles had saved his life. Derek had been caught completely off guard by this hunter; he was a young man who couldn't have been much older than Stiles was himself. The kid was strong, fast and capable, but it didn't change the fact that he was just a human kid. He had this blade and in a split second had Derek by the throat, besting his Alpha instincts by the simple element of surprise. Derek had never made such a foolish mistake in his entire life. His mind had just been elsewhere and the wolf hadn't had time to take over.
He knew it had been a split second decision on Stiles' part. He had lunged forward, grabbed the knife and in seconds it had, instead of slitting Derek's throat, plunged into the kid's chest. Now, Derek didn't know what would have happened had Stiles not intervened. Chances were he would have caught his balance, changed and tore the kid to shreds, but the other off chance that Stiles did save his life…well, that made him grateful to the kid.
That wasn't the issue, however. The hunters had fled shortly after the man fell, obviously dead. The moment that Derek caught himself and regrouped, Stiles had collapsed into himself. Everyone could smell the scents of death and grief. They all knew what Stiles had done and why he had done it, but that didn't change the fact that the teenager had suddenly and instantly become a killer.
He was devastated by the kill; even more so than Derek thought even Scott would be in the same situation. It was tearing him apart. He shut them all out, even Scott. He pulled away and stopped talking. Now Scott was insisting that Derek had to do something to help his friend out. Derek wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He let his footsteps alert Stiles to the fact that he was there. The teenager whipped his head around to face him. "Why the graveyard?" Derek asked Stiles, trying to ease into the conversation. He felt the fear in Stiles and wondered if the elevated heart rate was caused by surprise he was there or a genuine fear.
"I was at my mom's grave, if you'd like to know," Stiles huffed, glaring at Derek as hard as he could. "I thought it might help me think or something. I come here sometimes, to be alone." The teenager emphasized the word alone as hard as he could, as if Derek didn't catch the hint that he wanted to be alone.
He nodded to explain that he understood the intentions but had no intention of his own of leaving. "Did it help?" he asked.
"Not nearly enough," Stiles said back, instantly. He then turned so that he was looking directly at Derek. Derek found himself overwhelmed by the sheer amount of emotion coming off of the kid, through his expressive eyes. They were red, as if he'd been crying, but no tears remained. He was wrecked. "Why'd you come after me Derek? I don't want you here."
"I have no idea what I'm doing right now," Derek agreed. "I came because nobody else could get through to you. I'm a last resort. Also, Scott was whining." He honestly was trying to make the kid feel better but he had no idea what to do. He figured that, at least, his misguided attempts at being comforting would make the teen laugh.
"Quite noble of you," Stiles shot back. "I know that Scott's whining can be quite the persuasive thing. You can go away though, Derek, I'm fine. I'm not going to burst into tears and die or anything. Promise. You can even relay that back to Scott."
"You're not fine."
Really, what was the point in pretending that he was fine when he undoubtedly wasn't? Derek admired his innocence in a way. A kill that was impulsive, in defense of another member of one's pack, it was just something that was in his world. It was not, evidently, the same in Stiles' eyes and the kid was struggling to contain himself. He could sense the restraint, the deep breaths, and the attempts to keep from crying. The other man was a dam waiting to burst and it was all about to come out. Derek just hadn't yet realized that his one statement might be the trigger to send it all flowing free.
Stiles' body lurched forward with a sob. He put his hands on his knees and cried, the tears flowing freely. Derek panicked momentarily, just watching him sob his heart out. "I can't…I can't stop seeing him…" he breathed out, the words raw and coming out ragged."I killed him. He was just some dumb, brainwashed kid. I killed him like some kind of…kind of monster. Just some dumb brainwashed kid. You would have wolfed out ten seconds later Derek. He wasn't gonna…kill you. I'm stupid and a monster and I killed him."
"I don't know what would have happened…" Derek tried, even though Stiles assessment was probably right.
"It doesn't matter. I killed him." It seemed that the boy could barely say anything except for those three words. It was like Stiles was trying to hammer into his own brain the fact that he was a killer and he had killed. Derek knew very well that he was going to drive himself insane if he kept at it. "I killed some stupid kid and I can't…I'm not a killer Derek…I'm just a kid…I'm…"
Derek didn't know what to do with Stiles, having no experience with comforting someone who was obviously devastated. He was always tough love with the pack; he never had to handle someone who was obviously breaking into pieces. When Stiles started sobbing again, eyes closed to try and stop the tears, he grabbed him and gently took him by the shoulders. The steady hand seemed to help, but Stiles still choked out, "Am I some kind of monster Derek? I killed him without thinking…with-without stopping and thinking…"
"You're not a monster!" Derek yelled, even though he knew that he was being a bit harsh with a devastated teenager. He stared Stiles in the eye, hard, holding him there and commanding his gaze with every bit of strength he had. "C'mon, things happen when you're defending your pack. That's something my…my family instilled in me pretty young. You do what you have to in order to protect what's yours…"
"You would have protected yourself," he whispered. "I know you would have."
"Probably," he said, "but you still defended me. I appreciate that." Derek was never that good at showing appreciation. He was even less skilled at it in it after all of his years spent alone. He didn't say thank you to Stiles when he saved his life before and now saying thank you seemed so…awkward and wrong.
"How am I supposed to forget?"
Derek sighed heavily and didn't know. He couldn't tell the kid with the good heart how to forget that he made a kill. He scooted up forward and pressed his lips to the kid's, a gentle gesture. "I tend to forget in a more physical way," he said against the soft skin. It seemed like such a bad idea, to offer sex up to help Stiles out, but he generally did forget his pain in a more physical way. He usually ended up fighting someone when it occurred, but sex was just fighting in another form. It was probably accurate to believe that a very physical response could help a teenage boy, right?
"I…" Stiles mumbled, but he immediately gravitated towards Derek, pressing up against him and into another kiss. He was insistent and demanding. Derek could taste the pain on his lips, he swore he could. "Please, Derek. Would you really? I mean…I need…" He was pretty desperate and Derek tasted the tears on his face, right along with his grief. He wrapped both arms around the teenager and held him steady. "I need…"
"It's probably not advisable, Stiles," he said, deciding he would at least give that warning. This was a sweet, innocent boy who was grieving over something he'd done. He felt like a killer, a monster and even though that was probably how Derek would get rid of his own grief, it wasn't right for Stiles, likely. "I mean, there are other ways for you to deal with your emo-"
"I like you, did you know that?" Stiles whispered against his lips, choking on the words. He laughed a pathetic laugh that was coupled with an undignified sob. "I think that's why I killed him, even though I knew you'd throw him off of you and make hunter mash ten seconds later."I have a stupid, silly crush on you and yet I'm so screwed in the head I can't process that you just kissed me."
Stiles was panicking and Derek could feel it. He thought that he was some kind of monster because he couldn't feel anything. That had to be it. Derek grabbed Stiles by the face and held it. Stiles flinched under the grip but didn't move, not that he could. "You're in shock, not a monster," he said. He could feel the signs of a panic attack rising and did his best to try and quell them. "You're not…alright…" he soothed, trying to make his voice calmer, gentler.
He kissed Stiles again quickly. It was intense, more intense than he should have kissed the teenager, but really he hoped that he could break the shock and make the kid feel again. He hoped it worked. "I'm taking you somewhere," he said.
It seemed like only minutes before he'd gotten Stiles into his car drove him back to the house. They stayed far from the house itself, because of the Argent's tendency to stalk it, but the point was made. "What's a monster Stiles?" he asked. The teenager stared at the house at a complete loss for words. "A killer without a conscience or a meaning is a monster. Kate Argent and those who took my family down were monsters. You're a kid with a good heart, good intentions and who's dealing properly with the topic of killing…"
Derek stared at the house for a long time, the memories of what occurred there assaulting his brain for a second. He only looked back to Stiles when the teenager tugged him on the collar of his shirt. Derek turned his head, feeling the way Stiles' heart was racing and then Stiles pulled him into a kiss. It was deep, demanding and Derek let the human take control of the whole action. "Thank you Derek," he mumbled against his lips. "Now are you going to distract me in the car or can we go somewhere else…"
Derek chuckled at his words. Stiles was still hurting but he felt a spark of the kid he loved and the kid who annoyed the hell out of him under the surface. "Alright, sit back," he said. He drove them to a motel out of town, something that earned a "really?" from the boy, but was the best Derek could do without the pack picking up on the methods that he used to make Stiles feel better. They got a room and despite Stiles making comments about motel sheets, he was the first to pull of his shirt and stare at Derek with lust filled eyes.
"So you really like me?" Derek asked, entertaining a partial smile. He didn't smile a lot, but he couldn't help himself when he thought about that. He was the most unlikable bastard in Stiles Stilinski's world and yet somehow there was still an attraction. That was exciting to him. "Really Stiles? Me? Couldn't think of any better guy to be drawn to?"
"My options were limited," Stiles said with a smile that indicated he didn't mean what he was saying at all. He tugged Derek close and kissed him. He was feeling better, that was true, but Derek could feel his sadness and desperation and need. It made him want to kiss the hell out of the other boy and just make it all better, so he did. He kissed Stiles with passion and fury.
He pushed the smaller man down on the bed and pulled his shirt up. Stiles wasn't buff or particularly formed or anything like that but he had the perfect body. Derek stared up and down the boy's body, eyes wide. He couldn't help drink in the image of Stiles in front of him. Stiles undid and pulled down his pants by himself, so Derek backed off and stripped off his own clothing. He couldn't help be flattered by the gaping stare that Stiles was giving him. It was very flattering.
He leaned down and kissed the boy and he could sense his tears before they even came. "Are you okay?" he asked the crying teenager.
"Mhm," Stiles mumbled back. "I'm just emotional and-"
Derek cut him off with a kiss. He was determined to help Stiles feel better about himself, about everything. He pressed a kiss to the curve of his neck, smiling at the shudder he felt go through Stiles' body. He stroked a hand down his chest and whispered little things to him. "I'm glad a kid like you is part of my pack…" he growled low, under his breath."Heroic little thing you are…I admire what you did for me…"
He spread his legs and crawled up between them, making quick work of preparing Stiles to take it. He used a lot of lube, knowing that Stiles was human and delicate. He was cautious and careful. The blur drove him absolutely crazy. "Is this okay?" he asked as he felt like he was on autopilot. He wanted to make Stiles comfortable and able to take it.
"Yes," Stiles whimpered, very vocal, rocking himself forward on Derek's fingers. Derek admired the raw emotion. He finally slowed himself down enough to look on the desperate body below him.
When he pressed his erection against Stiles' thigh, mumbling against his neck about how much he wanted him, he sensed some hesitance. "Are you okay?" he asked again, his voice rough and raw as he rocked against the slippery skin, but never pressed inside of his entrance that had been worked open. "What is it?"
"I know you can smell the virginity radiating off of me but I want this," Stiles whined, pressing up to try and urge him to do it. "Please." He let out a desperate and whiny sounding moan. He stared into Derek's eyes, his beautiful brown eyes blown out with lust and sparkling. He was forgetting about his pain. "I need this more than anything right now Derek."
Derek had to admit that he sort of could "smell the virginity" on Stiles, but at the same time he wouldn't let that hold him back. Stiles was mature enough to know exactly what he needed and if Derek could make him feel less pain than he was going to. He slowly started to press inside, groaning at the feeling of his cock slipping deeper and deeper into the tight heat of the body below him. It had been a long time since he'd had sex and the last couple of times had definitely not been this fulfilling.
He pressed all the way in until he was touching the boy with his hips. Stiles winced and shifted, looking up at Derek with his head turned to the side. "Hurts…just a little but it's actually kind of good," he whispered with a faint hiss. "Never imagined that it'd feel like this. You can move."
Derek started moving with just a slow thrust of his hips. He held Stiles waist, rolling in gently. "Feels kind of awesome," he agreed, as he moved in and out of the wet tight heat. His senses were on fire. He was a werewolf born and raised, of course, but a couple members of his pack had told him once that sex was better for a werewolf than any human could ever imagine. Stiles was limp underneath him, except for the hands that were clutching at him like he was a crutch. He thrust slowly but steadily, making sure to hit the spot every single time. He could sense and smell Stiles' pain melting away into lust, desire and plain want. He wanted Stiles to want this, more than he wanted anything in the world.
He touched Stiles, as much as he could, but when the boy came it was with barely a touch to his leaking member. Derek felt the pure release of the orgasm, Stiles humping against his stomach like his life depended on it. "Please, Derek, please," he whispered. Derek didn't look into Stiles' eyes until he reached his own point of completion, growling into the boy's solid shoulder.
He pulled back and looked into Stiles' eyes. He could see the tears flowing freely down his face but he was pretty sure that they weren't from pain or upset anymore. He leaned down against his cheek, tasting the tears there when he kissed his lips. "You okay?"
Stiles nodded. "Yeah," he rasped. Derek could tell that the boy was more than convinced that his actions were justified. "You know what Derek?"
"I'd do it again if I could," Stiles mumbled. "Not just for you, but for Scott, Erica…any of us really."
Derek nodded. He knew that Stiles would, because the kid was no monster. He was a hero and he was incredibly loyal to his pack.