Steve would be awake constantly at night wondering. With his baby boy Peter on his chest and his husband snuggled up against his side, he still wondered. During rain, snow, and sleet, he would think. Even if JARVIS was making that mechanical humming sound that would send Tony and Peter to sleep, he’d lay down in his bed wondering. Just dreaming with his eyes open.
“Mr. Rogers, are you okay? Do you need assistants?” JARVIS whispered. He knew that Peter was with them in the bed. He always knew and that’s why Peter would call him ‘Uncle Jar’. Steve slowly moved Peter to nestle against Tony’s head. He did that weird thing when he’d throw his legs out so he was basically holding his dad’s head against his stomach. Steve would snicker if he knew that it’d be low enough not to wake the two.
“No, JARVIS. I’m not physically old, yah know.” He said rubbing his hand down his face. He was stiff actually. It might have been the fact that they had been working so long on Peter’s new room. It could have been the deep thoughts he had while laying down. He fixed his bunched muscles and turned to a screen that had popped up with the time. 2o’clock in the morning. Also referred to (and out of the earshot of baby Peter) ass o’clock.
“Have you been thinking again?” JARVIS asked with sincerity in his robotic voice. Steve never understood how he seemed to be able to sound like that. 2012, a clusterfuck technology. He sighed and moved to the changing station that Tony installed before Steve could nag him for one. He smiled at a small wall of photos they had. They have only had the 5 month old for three months, but they had a giant gallery of family photos in the living room and the changing station.
“You always seem to know Jarvis. That’s my favorite trait. Can you guess about what because I can’t remember?” Steve really couldn’t. A picture of Peter and Tony from when Peter was introduced to Scrubs and Toy Story had wiped his memory of his late night thoughts. Moments like though always reminds him that’s what he misses. He misses the family he had during the war. He misses the brotherly teasing he had with Bucky. That warm feeling he got when he saw Peggy smile. Just everyone was missed.
“Is it Miss Carter and Mr. Barnes? Is it your family and friends in general?” JARVIS asked in a calm voice. But it had a tinge of ‘if-you-lie-I’ll-always-know.’ Steve sighed and looked at the screen. He thought about the face behind it. If it even had a face. He would think he would look like Stephen Fry and yes, surprisingly, Steve knew who he was.
“Yes, JARVIS, it’s always been them. I wonder, what if Peggy saw me with Tony and Pete? I knew she would accept it, but I always thought that we could get something good going on. And Bucky, dear ol’ Bucky. I would think if he’d accept me and my family. I mean, Bucky would always stick by me, but he lived and died in the 40s..” Steve said sitting on the stool next to the changing station.
“I know Peggy would accept you for who you are. Bucky, you have to think. Has been there every moment throughout the war? Did he prefer Steve to Captain America when you were back at base? Of course he was. So he would accept it. Might be a bumpy road for a while, but he’d understand. The real question is: Would you leave now to go back?” JARVIS said. He silenced himself when he heard little Peter stir from where he had his butt snuggling the top of Tony’s head. Steve moved to pick up the baby and rock him back to sleep before he made a fuss.
The brown hair that was darker than his and lighter than Tony’s fell on his face. His cheeks were red and he had pink tinged lips. He had the more peaceful and elegant features when he was asleep. Steve looked at Tony. He was shirtless with black pajama bottoms. He was now snuggled into the pillow.
“No. I’d stay. For them, for me,” Steve trailed off and started again, “-for love.”