Merlin Emrys: Guide and Owner’s Manual
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated Merlin unit! To ensure that you get the full benefit of your adorable warlock, please pay careful attention to the following instructions.
Section One: Basic Information
Name/Alias: Merlin, “Emrys”, Idiot, “Young Warlock”, Dragonlord, etc.
Date of Manufacture: Unknown (the Hunith unit isn’t talking, no matter what bribes are offered)
Place of Manufacture: Ealdor, Albion (formerly Cenred’s Kingdom)
Height: around 5’11”
Weight: a bit more than a twig
Race: Human (magical variety)
Your Merlin unit will come with the following accessories:
- 1 book about magic
- 1 Sidhe staff
- 1 carved wooden dragon
- 3 sets of clothes (shirts, neck scarves trousers, boots, etc)
When you first open your Merlin unit, he will be insatiably curious and cheerful. If magic is banned in your area of residence, please inform him of this immediately in case he gets it into his head to save you or a bucket of water from falling. Don’t forget to reassure him that you hold no such prejudices against magic, however!
Cleaning: The Merlin unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, according to the traditions of the society he was born to. If this is not clean enough for you, then please feel free to instruct him. Thoroughly. *wink*
Section Two: Programming
Your Merlin unit is sweet and fun, and can carry out the following functions:
- Manservant: contrary to the beliefs of certain
prats princes and/or kings, the Merlin unit is quite skilled in cleaning and keeping things in order. Magic comes in handy in this function, provided he is careful about its use, of course.
- Advisor: He gives excellent advice. If you need inspiration to overcome your half-sister’s nefarious coups, a few words of advice about thinking as well as fighting, or whether or not to submit to an arranged marriage vs. marrying the love of your life, Merlin will be there for you.
- Protector: Some would argue that this is the Merlin unit’s primary function. He is an insanely powerful warlock after all. If you’re ever in danger, he will be there.
Your Merlin unit comes with five different modes:
The Dragonlord mode is activated whenever the Merlin unit is ever in contact with the Kilgharrah unit (sold separately), or with any other dragon-related creature. He can command dragons with his deep, otherworldly voice, inspire fear in stupid thieves out to steal dragon eggs, or have a multilayered, complex conversation about destiny with them.
Friend/Advisor mode is activated in either casual situations (often at the Merlin unit’s own instigation), or when someone is sorely in need of advice or a willing ear. He will tease and laugh, or offer some fine pearls of wisdom where appropriate.
The Lover mode actually has two sub-nodes -- het or slash. The het sub-mode is notoriously fussy, often only activated when the Merlin unit is in proximity to the Freya unit (sold separately). The slash sub-mode can be activated at will, however.
Manservant will activate when there are servant things to be done. Need your clothes washed, your armor polished, your bed made, a bath drawn, and not enough time to do it all? Just flip the switch and he will get to work (with some grumbling).
The Warlock mode activates whenever there is a need for magic. Not the simple cleaning magic that can appear in Manservant mode, but the serious ‘I-Will-Fuck-Your-Shit-Up-If-You-Look-At-My-Friends-Wrong’ kind of magic. Is your home in danger? Are your friends and family in need of magical assistance against a tyrant? Merlin will be there to help.
Reactions to other units:
Arthur Pendragon: This unit is the Merlin unit’s best friend. Merlin believes in him and will seek to assist him however possible. There’s no harm in leaving them alone together, but don’t be surprised if they run off on some quest every now and then.
Gaius: This unit is a mentor and father figure to Merlin, and Gaius will encourage him to tread cautiously, particularly in regards to his magic.
Guinevere (Gwen): The Gwen and Merlin units are very close friends. They’ll be just fine.
Gwaine: This unit is a good friend of the Merlin unit, but they have a tendency to get into a number of scrapes together. Warn the local taverns.
Lancelot: Another good friend to the Merlin unit. The Lancelot unit is aware of his magic, and will be ready to assist Merlin in any magic-related incident, and then subsequently cover for him when necessary.
Morgana: The Merlin unit’s reactions to this unit varies, so exercise caution when these two are put in the same room together. If the Morgana unit is in King’s Ward mode, then things should be all right, as the Merlin unit will consider her a friend, but if she is in either the Le Fey or Morgause’s Good Little Soldier modes, DO NOT let them catch sight of each other, or your house will probably end up completely trashed as they proceed to try and kill each other.
Mordred: The Merlin unit is extremely wary of this unit, and will dislike the idea of letting him anywhere near an Arthur unit. Do not leave them alone unless you wish to hear of your Merlin unit trying to kill the Mordred unit and starting an unholy feud with him.
Morgause: Treat her the same as a Mordred unit.
Uther Pendragon: Erm, the Merlin unit will probably avoid this unit as much as possible, given that Uther is extremely magic-phobic. Don’t try to force them to interact unless a Arthur unit is nearby to keep the peace, and even then, it’s still not recommended.
Section III: Frequently Asked Questions
A: Get a Gaius unit. He’ll instill at least some caution in your wayward warlock.
Q: My Merlin and Arthur units are behaving strangely. I’m used to them running off on quests, but now they keep smiling and touching each other. I even caught my Merlin unit sneaking into Arthur’s chambers last night! WTF is happening here?
A: Most likely both units have activated their slash sub-modes. As for what is happening in Arthur’s chambers, read any number of fanfics. I’m sure you’ll get the gist of what they’re up to.
Q: My Merlin unit keeps eyeing my Lancelot unit suspiciously. Oh, and Lancelot has a sudden liking for black clothes. What’s going on? I thought these two were friends (and opposed to the color black in all ways)!
A: Uh oh. Your Lancelot unit has gone into his Morgana’s Bitch mode. Proceed with extreme caution and commandeer your Merlin unit’s assistance in reseting him before he commits suicide and Merlin is forced to bury him in the Lake of Avalon.
Q: Merlin is behaving strangely fretful and worried, keeps muttering about Arthur. Why?
A: Most likely the Arthur unit is going through some kind of crisis (his kingdom has been taken over by his half-sister, there are magical creatures harassing his people, etc), and the Merlin wishes to offer him his support and/or advice. Just point out the Arthur unit and step back. They’ll be fine after Merlin gives his heartfelt speech.
Section IV: Warranty