"No. Absolutely not. You can't date Captain America."
"You don't get to to decide who I can and cannot date."
"I'm your father."
"Cool, now say it like Darth Vader."
"Darcy." Her dad replies with the long-suffering sigh she's grown used to over the years.
"Phil." She mocks back, kicking her feet up onto the edge of his desk.
"He's...older than you."
"Only by like seven years. You're nine years older than Clint."
"He's from the forties."
"So he won't cop a feel on the first date. I thought that would be a selling point for you."
"I..." He trails off, running his hand through his hair.
Darcy smirks, "Careful sir, that's a diminishing resource."
"You know you're brother doesn't cause me nearly as much trouble as you do."
"Please, Arthur's basically a younger version of you. And he hasn't figured out how to get that stick out of his-"
"Sorry." She says, not remotely apologetic at all. "So about Steve- I'm going to go out with him."
"Is it because you have a crush on him? Because let me remind you, I was totally cool about it when you started shacking up with the boy-toy."
"You had a crush on Clint?"
"Dude, have you seen his arms? Of course I had a crush on him."
"This conversation is going worse than I than I expected."
"Tell me the truth, do you not think I'm good enough for him or is this just some sort of weird parental power trip?"
"Of course not! Darcy, I don't want you to get hurt. He's still going through a lot and I couldn't stand to see you unhappy if it doesn't work out."
"Pops, I'm a big girl. You can't protect me forever."
"I can sure as hell try."
"I love you too, but you've got to start letting me make my own mistakes. If I want to go out with Steve, you can't stop me."
"I had to take a shot. What kind of father would I be if I didn't hate all your boyfriends?"
Darcy considers that for a moment and nods.
"So are we done with the father-daughter Hallmark moment? The step-padre promised to take me out for Mexican."
"Sure, I wouldn't dream of standing in the way of Two Dollar Taco Tuesday."
"You know where he's at?"
"You really need to ask?"
"Right." Darcy cracks her knuckles, lets her feet drop back onto the floor, and then calls out over her shoulder. "Hey ceiling cat, I can has a taco?"
It's a credit to her genes that Darcy doesn't jump when Clint lands silently next to her chair, but she takes personal credit for the pissy look on his face.
"I told you to stop calling me that!"
"Then stop living up to your name."
"As much fun as this whole conversation has been, can you two take your bickering somewhere else? Some of us have actual work to do."
Darcy looks thoughtfully at Clint, "You ever worry he's going to leave you for his paperwork one day?"
"I know you're joking," Clint says shaking his head, "but it's a legitimate fear."
"Hilarious. Both of you. Now get out."
Darcy rolls her eyes, but obediently turns around when Clint moves to kiss her dad goodbye. There are some things no child should be forced to watch their parents do.
"Okay," Darcy says later, when she's finally got a plate full of tacos on the table in front of her, "just how much of that conversation did you hear?"
Clint grins wickedly and leans back in his chair, flexing his bicep and winking outrageously.
"You're such an asshole." She replies, leaning across the table so she can punch him in the arm.
"You wouldn't have me any other way."
And it's true. Darcy's (immediate and Avengers) family might be ridiculously dysfunctional but she couldn't imagine life without them. So she just smiles back, takes a bite of her taco, and goes back to wondering how many dates and low cut tops it'll take until she can get into Steve's pants.