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Adding Distance

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He was out with her tonight. Never before had Steve felt so lonely. Kono was going out with Adam; Chin was having a romantic dinner with Malia. As for Danny, he was with Gabby. Steve tried to sleep for the umpteenth time, but it was no use. Each time he tried to sleep, more of those thoughts entered his head. The pain in his heart became worse. He was alone. There was nobody who needed him. Catherine moved on, and he had no other friends outside of Five-0. He just rolled around in bed, begging sleep to take him soon.

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As badly as he needed sleep, it didn’t happen. Steve felt worse in the morning, his eyes heavy and red from the tears that managed to break free from his control. He’d always been able to rely on his friends, one in particular, to hold them back after a tough day. Now, even he was unable to stay with Danny. Besides, Danny was better off with Gabby. He’s a family man. He needs a family to keep going. As long as Danny is happy, Steve will be okay. He refused to allow his own selfish desires to destroy this bond.

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Work was hell. Normally, he would have been able to power through the day and not lose it. Today was different - Gabby came by at lunch time to take Danny out for some food. Steve retreated to his office for the day. Kono came in to check on him, but he assured her that things were fine. She wouldn’t believe that for one second, but she saw it in his eyes that Steve didn’t want to talk about it. It was better if no questions were asked. This way, if something went wrong, he could just leave everything behind.

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Steve called in sick the next day. Danny could never see him crying. He’d cried more in the last two nights than he ever had since his mother’s death. His father sent him and Mary away, and he didn’t allow himself to cry anymore. Showing emotion was weak. Steve knew this wasn’t true, but chose to accept it as his truth. It was the only thing protecting his heart from any more suffering. He joined the Navy to give himself direction. He dedicated his life to his country. Then he met Danny and all of these walls were crushed instantly.

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The sound he feared all day had finally arrived. That pounding on his door was getting louder and more erratic. Why couldn’t anyone understand? He had locked the doors up all around his house. He had turned off his cell phone. He disconnected the landline. He didn’t want to be disturbed. Yet someone had the brilliant idea to keep pounding on his front door. The shouting began, and Steve realized that there was no chance of escaping this. He had to stop ignoring him. He slowly dragged himself down the stairs and opened the door as he dreaded this encounter.

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“You, my friend, scared the shit out of me! Do you know how much it worried me to find out your phone is off, huh?! How about adding on the fact that you’ve been acting very differently since Sunday?!?! You've been distant, but you haven’t been this distant since we met, which is strange, seeing as how you’ve been talking to me a lot more since we got back from North Korea. Now what is this? Did I do something to make you not want to talk anymore? Is that it?!”

“No, Danny, now please, just go home,” Steve begged.

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Danny couldn’t believe the words Steve had just said. After hearing about his meltdown at HQ when he went to have lunch with his girlfriend, he figured that Steve needed someone to talk to. Sure, he hadn’t been too close to Steve lately. Of course he hadn’t – he was with Gabby, and enjoying his time with the woman who began to brighten up his life again. But Steve seemed to be fucking everything up without even trying. Whatever was eating him up was also destroying everyone's friendships with Steve. At this rate, he realized they might never see him again.

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“Danny, please,” Steve pleaded when Danny didn’t move.

After looking at Steve’s face, Danny’s curiosity had been sparked. Steve was making a face Danny had never seen before. This face confused him, and he found he didn’t want to leave because that would mean he’d never know the meaning behind this face. Whatever had happened to Steve had set off a chain reaction that caused Steve to close himself off completely. His eyes were red, probably from Super SEAL finally being a normal human being and crying, and there were bags under his eyes. What the hell messed him up?

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“Babe?” Danny reached in to give Steve a hug, but Steve began to back away from him, a look of guilt and terror in his eyes. He couldn’t let Danny do this; if he did, he’d have wanted more. Danny kept walking closer and closer. He knew there was something wrong. Steve’s attempt at hiding this had failed miserably. Danny’s curiosity made this impossible. He needed to get out. He couldn’t stay here anymore. It was no longer just because Danny was with Gabby, but also because he could never trust himself with Danny again. His emotions had betrayed him.

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Danny finally caught up to him, or Steve allowed himself to get caught. It didn’t matter to Danny. This was a first step. To Steve, however, this was evidently painful, as the moment Danny caught him in an embrace, his tears he’d worked so hard to hold back started to flow once more. Danny eased him gently on the couch before he got up, walked to the kitchen, and pulled his phone out, quickly calling someone.

“Gabby? Yeah, sorry, gonna have to cancel plans for tonight. No, I don’t know when I’ll be free again. Yeah, I’ll call you later.”

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Steve had stopped crying when Danny returned. Danny noted a confused look in his eyes, marginally different from the suffering he had seen earlier. Danny wondered what had caused the change, but then it hit him like a bag of rocks. Steve’s distance, the reason why he’d become closed off after Sunday, why he had asked him to leave earlier, and why the crying had begun so suddenly and stopped just as suddenly – everything suddenly made sense, and Danny couldn’t decide what course of action to take. How would he explain to Gabby that Steve was in love with him?

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It wasn’t the fact that Steve was in love with him that was hard to explain, but that Danny didn’t know how to explain that he would never turn his back on Steve, especially after this. He knew that Steve would never make him choose between him and Gabby. This was obvious after this stunt he pulled the last few days, but Danny didn’t feel like this was a choice. He’d always side with Steve. He didn’t know how to explain this feeling exactly, but he did know that he’d always felt more for Steve than he did for Gabby.

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“Danny, you should go.”

Danny snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Steve say those words; it was his turn to be confused. His partner, who was in love with him, is still trying to push him away. He’d just cancelled plans with Gabby to be with Steve – what about this is so hard to understand?

“Don’t try and make me, babe. I’m not leaving.”

“Danny, I don’t want your sympathy. I’ve lived through things like this before. If you remember, Mom died, Dad sent Mary and me away. I’ll be fine.”

There was still hurt in his eyes.

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“Steve, you are a gargantuan idiot, so I’ll forgive what you-“

“Danny, please be quiet and leave.”

“Steven. It’s not nice to interrupt someone when they are talking. Didn’t your parents ever teach you manners? Listen to me. You're my best friend here. I'm not going to leave. Before Sunday, we were closer than many of the friends I’ve had for years. When you’re hurting like this, I won’t be the friend who leaves you in this shit alone. No. Friends stick with each other, and last I checked, we’re on the way towards something way more than ‘just friends.’”

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Steve just stared at Danny, puzzled expression on his face.

“What do you mean, Danny? We’re on our way to more than just friends?”

“Fuck, Steven, you are one of the densest people I know, and I know a lot of people. Look, I should have said this a while ago, but you are the only person around who I can’t ever find it in me to say no to. You can get on every single nerve in my body and I can be the most pissed off person you’d ever seen, and I still wouldn’t say no to you.”

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Steve looked at Danny dumbfounded.

“Look, Steve, I’m sorry for not saying anything earlier, but I wasn’t entirely sure you would feel the same. Even now, I feel like I’m treading on thin ice, since you haven’t actually said a word, and I’m the one doing all of the talking, and I feel like I should stop now, but then we’d be left with some kind of awkward silence, since someone here doesn’t know that every day is show-and-tell day for your emotions. There’s no need for a written invitation for you to show-”

Steve quieted Danny with a kiss.

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It was short, small, and Steve backed away almost as quickly as the kiss had started. He still wasn’t entirely sure he read the situation right. Sure, he could run into enemy territory with nothing but a rifle and knowledge that his team is somewhere around him, but this was entirely new. He was cautious – didn’t want to mess things up with Danny. With Danny talking like that, however, this kind of thing was hard to suppress. He had been doing it all along, and he was sure that this time, his blush was so bright, Danny couldn’t miss it.

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“Steven, if you don’t get back here and give me a real kiss, I swear, I’m leaving, and I won’t break up with my girlfriend, because you do not just get to pull away without a word after doing that, do you hear me?!”

Steve began grinning.

“You were going to break up with Gabby for me? You know I cannot give you more of a family, and you’re always saying I’m crazy. Are you sure you’d want to do that?”

“Steven, I am this close to walking out that door, so stop me if you want more than this.”

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Steve looked at Danny, and closed his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Danny, pulled him close, and kissed him. It wasn’t intense like Danny expected, but more delicate. He blamed this on Steve’s emotional state for the last few days, but decided to enjoy it. He didn’t know if SuperSEAL would ever appear this vulnerable again, but it was a nice thing to see.

“Danny, if we do this, please, don’t leave ever. I don’t think I’d be able to lose you. I’ve wanted this for a long time, and I need to know, do you want this too?”

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Danny saw a look on Steve’s face he had not seen before – one that looked like every wall he’d built over the last twenty years was a touch away from crumbling. Steve’s heart shone through his eyes. Danny could see the desire that had been locked away. He could see that Steve wanted so badly for Danny to tell him that he was on board with this. There was also fear – fear Danny had never seen before, probably because nobody got this close to Steve. Danny cared about Gabby, but he wasn’t about to leave Steve’s side any time soon.

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“You, Steven, need to listen more. I distinctly remember telling you that I cannot say no to you because I care about you too much, you Neanderthal goof. Now the question I need to know the answer to is this one: do you love me? Because this, my friend, can be-“

“Yes.” Steve hadn’t even waited for Danny to finish before answering. “Yes, I love you.”

Steve looked at Danny’s face; a smile had formed.

“Hold that thought Steve. I’ll be right back.”

Danny left the room, his cell phone in hand.

“Gabby, I’m really sorry, but-“

Steve stopped listening.

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Danny knew when the relationship with Gabby had begun that if it came down to her versus Steve, he’d pick Steve over her. This call was going to be a tough one to get through, he thought to himself. When Gabby picked up, she sounded so gentle. Danny hated that he’d be the one to ruin this day of hers.

“Danny? What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Gabby, I’m really sorry, but-“ He paused, trying to find the right way to say this.

“You’re finally asking him out?” She replied. He couldn’t believe his ears. Did his girlfriend just ask him that?!

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“Danny?” For some reason, Danny couldn’t comprehend anything she was saying.

“Uh…What did you ask me again?”

“Did you ask Steve out? I honestly didn’t think we would last after what happened on Sunday. The combination of him distancing himself and you worrying about him that night-“

“I was no-“

“You forget how much of your heart you show. It was obvious to the waiter. When you stepped outside, he asked me what was wrong with my friend, not my boyfriend.”

Danny’s stomach felt so twisted. Gabby didn’t sound angry, but he was still nervous that he had hurt her.

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“Gabby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-“

“Stop apologizing, Danny. Were you not the one who told me that it was right to follow my heart? We were good as lovers, but we’ll be better as friends. You wouldn’t be truly happy if you didn’t follow your own advice.”

Danny was almost in tears, the buildup of emotions from the day finally reaching its peak.

“Gabby, how can I ever repay you for this?”

“Just tell me one thing – did he say yes?”

Danny couldn’t stop grinning at how blessed he was.

“Yeah, he did.”

“Danny, next week, we’re celebrating.”

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Danny reentered the house after his call with Gabby. Steve noted how red Danny’s eyes appeared. He dove in to hug his partner.

“What happened?”

“Gabby was proud of us. She’s taking us out to dinner and you’re going to get some clothes that are not cargo pants because those things are hideous.”

“Did she really say that, or was that you, Danno?”

“My lips are sealed; took an oath between friends. Those are sacred. Wait, I’m talking to my socially inept Neanderthal.”

Steve leaned in and kissed his partner, finally happy that he had all he would ever need.