The previous night, Hayate had stood on the roof for quite some time, long after most had left to go to bed. Now, he sat on the balcony, arms wrapped around his knees, head arched back against the rail, still sulking and self-loathing. He had managed to hear the young girl, Rosette, practically howling in despair about not having a long life last night when he had stood upon the roof.
He sighed, rubbing his hands together as he sat now, still thinking on the same lines as he had been the night before. Really, in all honesty he could say he DID know how that was, kind-of. He might only look eighteen, but thirty-two years has been enough for him and he wouldn’t mind having to sacrifice that now, even though he knows he’ll miss Himeno if he does. He has been…one of the luckier Leafe Knights. It was considered rare for most Leafe Knights to live anymore than maybe twenty years beyond their maturity at eighteen, maybe thirty or more, if one was lucky enough to be working in a time of extensive peace. Some knights never got much farther than eighteen. After all, preventing a new Princess of Disaster and saving the world from the Princess of Disaster is a full-time job. He had lost three knights at eighteen and that was sixteen years ago. He had some way in hell managed to survive with three of his own colleagues to train the successors of those three knights. While he knew that the sacrifice for the greater good was a part of a Leafe Knight’s duty, he did regret the fact that he had managed to live beyond three of them.
He’d considered how he’d feel if he could change what happened, but…it would be a lie and that wouldn’t be being true to his own opinions either. Still there was a lingering wish to know if it could ever be possible to have a limitless supply of Leafe and not have to worry about fading. To not have to worry about anyone. To not have to let everyone and everything die in turn, regardless of the fact that death is one of nature’s ways.
Sometimes, he just wanted his colleagues back and those times he had tried to erase from memory, and he occasionally wishes he hadn’t created the Princess of Disaster and that everything could have….been nice from the start. At the same time though, everything he knew now would be gone if he could change that.