“Tony. Can I ask why you're carrying around a small infant?” Natasha had her arms crossed in suspicion as she took in the sight of Tony and Steve walking into the Avengers meeting room with a baby in a car seat.
“We adopted him.” Steve spoke confidently, the proud, new father smile was quite suiting on him. “His name is Peter.”
“Well aren't you a cute, little, wrinkly mess.” Clint was the first to step up and baby talk to child, prodding at its cheeks.
“You guys adopted a baby?” Banner eyed the child but not nearly as much as he looked over Tony.
“Yes, we've been thinking about this for a long time and the agency sent us the news last week that they'd found us a match and why are you all looking at us like that?”
“So what you're saying is... Tony's a parent?” Natasha didn't hesitate to speak what was on everyone's mind.
Tony arched his eyebrow but for once he stayed silent.
“He's actually better with Peter than I am...”
Steve not only saw, but he could literally feel everyone's heads tilt ever-so slightly in confusion or astonishment, or perhaps what he said caused their brains to unhook simultaneously.
“After the serum, baby's were always afraid of me... it's taking me and Peter a little while to get used to each other.”
“Little squirt loves me though. Of course, who wouldn't?” Tony grinned smugly as he picked up the child from the car seat and rocked him in his arms, causing the small boy to giggle wildly.
“How about that.” Banner mumbled, an amused smile spreading across his lips.
- - - - - - -
“Tony...?” Steve's voice called to him from the living room, distress clearly written in it.
“What's wrong, Steve?” Tony hurried to respond as he turned off the tap and dried his hands on the dish towel. Steve had the same tone of voice during Peter's infancy... those times when he didn't understand how to change a diaper, why burping wasn't working, and what exactly was making Peter cry at any given moment.
“You should... come see this.”
“See what?” Tony asked as he walked into the room, unsure if there was any urgency to his husband's voice anymore. Immediately he took in his surroundings, Steve was standing in the center of the room, crayons were on the ground and several of Peter's colorings were scattered around the floor, however... the most important detail of the current state of the room... “Why is our son attached to the ceiling?”
“I... don't know.” Steve still had an intense amount of worry clouding his eyes but his posture had relaxed slightly, as though he'd gotten used to their son crawling about the ceiling like a play pen and that there really wasn't anything wrong in the long run.
“Unfortunately, I do not have the answer to this one.”
For a few moments, the concerned parents merely blinked at their son's movements across the ceiling. Steve imagined if JARVIS were a physical being, he'd be looking up with the same dumb expression on his usually clever face.
Suddenly, Peter let go and was only hanging on by one of his hands. Both fathers rushed to his location, arms out and ready to catch him in an instant but Peter never dropped. Instead, he raised his other hand to the ceiling and proceeded to cross the ceiling in the same manner one would move about monkey bars.
“I'll look into it...”
- - - - - - - - -
“So... our son is a spider?”
Steve didn't exactly know how to take Tony's news. He'd run several tests on their son to pinpoint exactly what had happened to their previously normal six year old child, and apparently he had the proportional strength of a spider and various other attributes that could be linked back to arachnids.
“His room is covered in spider webs.”
“Those are something he'll learn to control.” Tony reassured him, as though he was the expert physician on a new outbreak of a disease.
“How can you be sure?”
“My math is-”
“Always right but how do you do the math on our kid spinning masterful webs, hanging from the ceiling and lifting things too heavy for an average adult?”
“It... just is.” Tony nearly faltered and Steve pinched the bridge of his nose as he breathed deeply.
“What do we tell the others?”
“Do we have to?”
“Tony, our son has some form of super powers. I think the people he's grown to refer to as aunt and uncle are privy to this knowledge.”
Steve glanced up through his eyelashes. “Good question...”
“I don't mean to interrupt but Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton are at the front door.” Steve was almost thankful to have JARVIS interrupt until he understood what he was saying.
“Convenient.” Tony mused, standing up from his position atop his desk. “Let them in.”
“I will also grant Dr. Banner access as well, he has just arrived.”
“Too convenient...” Steve stared at Tony, confusion written in his eyes.
“It's not like they sensed we needed to talk to them. Thor is still on Asgard and Pepper's not here which must rule out that possibility.”
“You've always said she was an outlier.”
Tony narrowed his eyes at his husband. “You're not meant to remember that.”
Steve's eyebrow rose, just so. “Really?”
“No, you're naïve and innocent to the ways of math and science.”
“Tony, are you ready?”
“Yeah, yeah. Let's go tell them their nephew is a spider.”
“Peter's not a spider, Tony.” Steve scolded, despite his previous affiliation of his son to the eight legged creatures.
“I haven't exactly ruled it out yet.”
- - - - - - -
Clint's eyes scanned back and forth along the hallway, suspiciously observing every detail.
“Something's different... something's changed slightly. New paint? Carpet? Has the ceiling been washed?”
“Spider webs.” Natasha stated, ignoring Clint's attempt at humor.
“Wow, I knew Tony was a slob but I didn't think things would get this bad with Cap around.” Banner's voice echoed behind them as he absorbed the new décor of Stark Tower.
“I highly doubt a significant lack of cleaning caused these cobwebs.” Natasha seemed to be surveying the area. Banner often wondered if maybe she could see through walls and simply refused to tell any of the other Avengers that she such powers.
“JARVIS? Is there something we should know?” Banner looked up at the ceiling, hoping the AI would have the answers.
“Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers are currently debating whether or not to debrief you on the situation.”
“In which they're smuggling illegal African spiders or they've discovered a new love for catacombs because I'm not enjoying either possibility.”
“Clint?” Natasha's brow quirked at him.
“What? Spiders are creepy little buggers that can crawl literally anywhere on your body and catacombs are often filled with zombies and/or mummies, neither option is comforting.”
“Really Barton, I never expected those fears from you.” Banner brushed passed him, down the familiar hall to peer into the living room where many of them had spent long nights watching movies and yelling at the television. “Mummies are completely harmless and zombie don't-”
The two assassins followed quickly after Banner seemed to lose all coherent speech. Clint was there first, arrow ready on his bow to take out whatever might have brainwashed or subdued their scientist. Natasha's stealthy footing placed her inside the room swiftly, gun at the ready. Both of them fell nearly as blank as Banner, just as quickly.
“Do children normally spin webs from their wrists?” Clint asked, genuinely hoping for an answer.
“Not... that I've made notice.” The words tumbled from Banner's mouth as his hand moved to remove his glasses and rub his eyes.
“Peter. Hunny. Come to auntie Tasha.” Natasha's words were sweet and soothing as she attempted to lure the young child from spraying webs across the television screen.
Peter turned with a wide smile on his face, happy to hear the familiar voice of his favorite aunt and Natasha found herself with a face full of human-spiderwebs. Clint barely suppressed a laugh as Peter sauntered over, dropping his hands and stopping the flow of webs.
Without missing a beat, Natasha wiped the webs from her face and scooped Peter up in her arms after placing her gun back in its holster.
“Hey there little man, what are you doing up here all alone?”
“Oh is that what they call it now?” Banner chuckled to himself, amused by the situation but still incredibly confused and stunned.
“It's abstract art, isn't it Pete?” Clint grinned and Peter nodded along with him, as though he understood the full implications of abstract art.
“Do we tell him it's not normal?” Banner whispered to the two assassins.
“Oh yeah, scar the kid why don't you. You're a freak, Peter. That's what he needs to hear at this age.” Clint almost snapped but he kept his voice low enough.
“Uh guys...” Natasha brought their attention back to Peter as the young boy had decided he no longer wanted to stay in his aunt's arms.
Clint stared, mouth open and Natasha's eyes had widened to a concerned degree but neither made attempts to grab the boy or assist him in any way.
“Oh good,” The three turned to see Tony in the doorway with Steve looming over his shoulder.
““Is your son literally climbing up the wall or was I drugged with hallucinogens again?” Banner asked, keeping his eye on the child while also expecting Tony to give him a straight answer.
“I guess we don't need to tell them.” Steve sighed, though he knew seeing wasn't believing and they would still need to explain a whole lot more... to both themselves and their team.
Taking three steps into Tony's personal space, Clint locked Tony's gaze with his own. “Tell me, and be honest, is your son a spider?”
Steve groaned loudly, shaking his head as he buried his face in the palm of his hand. Tony's lips only served to quirk into the most smug grin he'd ever seen. And Natasha took this as a cue to pull Peter off the wall and hand him to Banner for potential analysis.