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Immortal Nessie

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Immortal Nessie

The following account was found in the papers of Issac LaMouche, the world-famous “animal psychologist” or “animal psychic” who spent the last 30 years of his life communicating with pets and letting their owners know what was bothering them.

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To whoever finds my writings after my death:

You know by now how I have been able to read the minds and emotions of animals since I was a child. I eventually went public with my talent, and I believe put it to good use, by helping humans understand our animal friends better. There is one such event, though, that I have kept secret for 28 years as I did not wish to be committed to an asylum.

Back in 1987 I had traveled from the States with friends to visit Scotland and see the famous Loch Ness. On a dare, we camped on the shore one night. I was awakened in the middle of the night by splashing noises, followed by an event that was so overwhelming and powerful that I can still feel the intensity of it today. Something large loomed out of the lake, and I immediately gained contact with an animal mind, but somehow different than any contact I had experienced before. Nessie herself was communicating with me! She could sense that I alone could understand her message and plea. I shall herein attempt to summarize what she told me that night so long ago. I must pass it on ere I die.

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I am what you humans call a plesiosaur, a rather large one (if I do say so myself). What I call my awakening, or becoming a rational being, happened late one night a long time ago. That night I swam up to the surface of my water-home (what you call Loch Ness) to get a breath of air. I could hear various noises and clanky sounds coming from the shore. Getting curious, I swam over there with just my eyes above the water to see what was making the sounds.

In the moonlight, I saw 2 of you humans on the shore swinging shiny pointy things at each other. (I later learned these are called swords.) They didn’t see me since I was still mostly submerged and they were only watching each other. They kept up their strange actions for some time.

I watched in wonder. Weeks before, I had been poked with one of those shiny things by a human in a boat when I raised my head to look at him. That sure hurt! All I had wanted to do was look. Afraid my reflexes got the better of me. He didn’t taste all that good, either.

Anyway, as I got closer and closer to the two on the shore, I raised my head and about 4 or 5 feet of my neck out of the water to get a better view. One of them happened to catch a glimpse of me to his side, and turned to look. His eyes got really large and he froze. Just then, the other one swung a mighty blow, cutting off his head. My reflexes cut in; I quickly darted my head in and grabbed and swallowed the head and body of the dead one. You should have seen the face of the victor. Your human faces are so expressive! With huge eyes, and mouth open, he stood there trembling so hard he dropped his sword.

I had seen lightning before during storms. What happened next was like that, but stronger and very painful. Lightning started flowing from within my gut, out through my head and mouth, striking the human standing on the shore. While this was going on, rapidly-flowing images of being a human played in my mind. I learned how to tell human males and females apart. I learned what it was like to eat cooked food, and about Immortals. I learned to understand several human languages and how to use a sword. I FELT what it was like to hold and swing, parry and riposte; but this was of course useless knowledge since I have flippers, not hands. Somehow, I felt more alive than ever. Had I become Immortal?

When the lightning storm was over, I knew the name of the man on the shore, what the fight had been about, and many other things about Immortals. Now I understood that the one I had caused the death of was a good man, who had been seeking to right a wrong. I took up his cause. The human on the shore was just getting to his feet, still in wide-eyed shock, when I swooped in and neatly nipped off his head.

I didn’t want to just swallow him whole, since that wouldn’t have killed him. There’s also no telling what pains I would have suffered in my gut until he got expelled a few days later, 80 feet further down my body. On the other flipper, it might have been entertaining to watch his face as he broke loose underwater from a pile of... but never mind that.

I swallowed his body as well, then pushed off back into the lake. Why waste the food? This time the lightning storm occurred almost completely internally, gut to brain, and I again learned much about humans. The shock of 2 quickenings within 5 minutes, as well as being made Immortal in the first place, sent me into a trance. I drifted to the bottom of the lake, where I fell asleep. To this day, I don’t know how long I lay there, but it may have been centuries.

I know about the Gathering. Tell the Immortals that no one will be able to get the “prize” without killing me. I didn’t ask for this life. Sometimes I think that if an Immortal came to visit me, I would let him take my head to end my loneliness. But what Immortal would think to come here, or even imagine that I’m one of them?

It isn’t easy being green.