Chapter 1: Avengers (and Loki): The Camping Episode.
Tony rolled out of his and Steve's shared bed, dreading the day that followed. The entire team. including Fury, Coulson, and Loki, were going camping. Which is a terrible idea on it's own because to Tony Stark's dismay, there is hardly ever wifi. Steve was already awake and disturbingly cheery. "Morning. Coffee?" Steve offered his lover a cup and Tony took it greedily. He gulped it down and Steve already had another cup waiting. Steve smiled and poured another cup, even though Tony was taking his time with this one. "You gonna be ready soon? Fury wants us to leave in an hour."
"That's insane. The whole idea is horse crap." Tony said rubbing his sleep coated eyes and looking at his partner.
"Well, I'm ready and gonna head down and see if they need help." Steve kissed the top of Tony's head and left the room, two suitcases in tow, one for himself and one for Tony.
Downstairs Coulson had packed the van they'd rented. It seated the 9 that were attending... respectively. Somebody had to sit in the back with the equipment. At least by his calculation someone did. "Need some help?" Steve called out seeing the two agents. "That's a lot just for a night of camping." He said seeing the back stuffed with bags and tents and pots and pans.
"Well somebody is gonna have to sit back here."
"Oh, I'm pretty sure Tasha will gladly take her seat on Barton's lap so I don't believe seating is a problem."
"Have you seen any of the others? We're leaving in 45."
"Just Tony, but I'll go find them for you." Steve left his bags with his bosses and they tied them securely to the top of the van.
A few minutes later, Clint and Natasha came out, holding hands, both looking more tired than the other. "Let's get this over with." Clint said, his sunglasses covering his blood-shot tired eyes. He crawled in and Phil explained the situation. Without a word Natasha slid onto her boyfriends lap and buckled them in.
After that, out came Bruce with a small tote. He smiled and greeted the bosses and crawled in beside the two lovers, suddenly regretting getting there so soon. Moments later, out emerged Thor with brother Loki in tow. They both took a seat. Loki one seat in-front of Thor (the middle row of seats) and Thor claiming the window seat eagerly beside Bruce holding boxes upon boxes of poptarts on his lap.
"You're not bringing those." Fury said coming up to Thor who was smiling happily.
"Yes I am." Thor said giving them a loving pat.
"Just put them in the back." Loki said rubbing his temples. Even for a Norse god 7 AM was too early.
Steve came out of the building next. "Tony is being a brat." Steve said taking a seat in the middle beside Loki, leaving one more seat for Tony.
"I am not." Tony said appearing and climbing in next, "You just don't understand my logic about how stupid this trip really is."
"Just buckle in and we'll be on our way on this 'stupid trip'." Fury said slamming the door beside Tony and climbing into the drivers seat. Clouson slid into shotgun and that's when it all started.
"Why's he get shotgun?" Tony piped up crossing his arms.
"Because he's my agent." Fury said starting the engine.
"That's favoritism and frankly, I don't like it." Tony said gazing at the road as they pulled onto the highway. Fury didn't respond, he already knew this was going to be a very very long drive.
"Stop touching me." Coulson heard Bruce say from the very back of the van.
"I am only touching to see if you will get angered to get us out of this situation." Thor said as he ripped open a pop tart packet.
"I told you to put those in the back." Loki said whipping around in his seat.
"Watch your butt there." Steve said leaning onto Tony to get the Asgardian ass out of his face. Tony smirked and began to play with his cell phone.
"Maybe if Thor would put them up..." Clint said picking his glasses up so Thor could see the bird-man's eyes. Thor whimpered a little and closed the box back up, turning and putting the box in the back of the van. "Thank you." Natasha smirked and started playing with the AC vent.
"Wouldja knock it off?" Clint asked annoyed after a few minutes. Natasha gave him a stern look. "Oh no, that's not gonna work." Clint replied nervously trying to stand his ground.
"You guys watch out, I'm getting annoyed as it is." Bruce said shoving his earbuds into his ears.
"You guys really thought it was a great idea to get Mr. Anger Issues onto a cramped van for 4 hours?" Tony asked. Coulson flipped on the radio annoyed. Then quickly back off more annoyed than he was to begin with because there was not a single decent song on. "Turn that back on Agent." Fury said giving him a look. Coulson did as he was told and regretted it, "I beez in the trap beez beez in the trap." Nick sang aloud. When Loki caught wind of what the song was, he joined in.
Tony gave the two a grossed out look, he, like most if not all the Avengers (and Loki), hated this Minaj girl. "What's this song even about?" Steve asked confused. Fury whipped around in his seat still managing to drive perfectly straight.
"It's about you needing to shut the fuck up while I'm singing Captain." he turned around and happily kept going. Loki continued as well, Thor cheering him on. Tony patted Steve's thigh.
"Can we play a game?" Thor called out.
"Can we not interrupt my song?" Fury replied gripping the steering wheel. 3 hours to go, just 3 more hours.
"I need to pee." Loki said just as the annoying song ended.
"Well too bad,you interrupted my song."
"I need to pee too." Natasha called out.
"Yeah, lets stop, if we don't go, I'll be soaked too." Clint added.
"There's a rest stop. Please?" Steve asked trying to be polite even after Fury using profanity towards him. Nick only grunted in response and pulled onto the shoulder. He parked the van and everyone filled out. Loki and Natasha rushed inside, nudging and elbowing each other to get in the main door first. Natasha won. Steve and Tony walked to the bathroom hand in hand, Tony released the grip to buy from the candy machine.
Thor found a candy machine too and coaxed 5 dollars out of Coulson, promising to share candy with him.
Bruce sauntered off to drink water and use the restroom.
Coulson and Fury waited by the van. Neither had to use the restroom and never had any of the agents or Avengers even seen the two of them take a bathroom break. Steve returned to the van first. He was munching on some trail mix. "Care for any?" He politely offered the two agents, they both declined and he took a seat in the very back where Thor had been seated. Loki came out next, he carried a small juice box and climbed into the back with Steve. Closely behind followed Clint who took the final seat in the back with Steve and Loki.
Thor emerged from the restrooms arms full of those free soaps some have and candy bars that he gave 3 to Coulson. He took a seat in the middle row, in the middle seat. Then came Natasha who carried nothing with her. Last was Tony, of course, 10 minutes after the woman. He took the last seat, right infront of Steve. "I like the new seating arrangements." Tony said and buckled in. Everyone in turn buckled up and they took off.
"Wait, wait, Fury. We forgot the big guy." Natasha said realizing, they'd left Bruce behind. Fury sighed angrily and turned back around. They found Bruce sitting motionless on a bench outside of the rest stop. Coulson got out and gathered Bruce who carried Trail Mix like Steve. Natasha squeezed into the back with her man, Loki, and Steve. Once agaian they took off.
"Can we play a game now?" Tony questioned just as they got on the highway.
"Sure. We can play: NO." Fury said shaking his head slightly.
"How do you play that?" Loki asked curious.
"It's when everyone stays quiet and doesn't play a game." Coulson added, reading his bosses thoughts.
"That doesn't make any sense, why don't we just play I-Spy?" Steve asked happily. Everyone nodded.
"I'll start, I-Spy something, tall." Tony said smirked a little. Nobody had a guess, "it's a human."
"Is it Bruce?" Natasha asked smiling herself.
"No. I-spy something that is tall, human, and in this van with us." Tony added getting annoyed nobody has guessed yet.
"Is it I?" Loki asked putting his hand on his chest. Tony shook his head no with a disgusted look.
"2 and a half more hours." Fury huffed under his breath.
"Is it Mr. Fury?" Thor asked feeling Triumphant. Tony nodded.
"I-Spy something white." Thor said smiling and looking at everyone. Everyone looked around, "white surrounded by black and yellow." Thor added confidently.
"The road." Clint said bored, "dammit, can't we play anything else?"
"We could play, shut up." Fury answered. Everyone did for a few minutes before speaking again.
"Can we stop and get food?" Loki asked slowly.
"Ask someone for a candy bar, you all got so much junk." Coulson replied finishing one of the three Thor gave him in return for money.
"Or, you could all just go the fuck to sleep and we'd get there a whole lot faster." Nick said rubbing his left temple and resting his elbow on the arm rest. Everyone snickered a little and kept talking, "we can only hope for silence agent." he added looking to Coulson.
"Well sir, I do believe Banner has fallen asleep, so that's one down." Coulson turned to make sure, and he was correct, "Tony is dozing off so that'll calm things down substantially."
Steve looked around the van awkwardly then glanced at Tony's phone. Nearly 10, so another hour.
"Can we play the game of Karaoke? i believe my brother has the cd." Thor said happy and handing Coulson the disc. Nick looked at the disc and it read: 90's Greatest.
"Fine. Fine!" Fury replied shaking his head in disbelief. "This is going to be the longest hour of my life."
"Just wait sir, I'm sure it'll get worse." Coulson added as the cd began.
"I'll start!" Tony said with a sudden burst of energy. The song was the Backstreet Boys with "I Want It That Way". Both Coulson and Fury shuddered as Stark began. He serenaded Steve, even though his terrible singing voice sounded more like a cat murder. Steve was holding back rippling laughter like the rest of them, even though Tony was positive he was doing astounding.
The next song, Thor new and sang. This song was the classic "Baby One More Time". Thor enthusiastically sang along with elaborate hand gestures. Steve knew this song too so he was doing backup between laughing historically. Loki sang the second verse and Thor allowed him. It was a beautifully deafening time. Tony couldn't help but record it. The whole thing.
This went on until Steve took over. His song was the last on the record and 10 minutes before they reached the campsite, "Acky Breaky Heart." Fury couldn't take the horrible screeching of Steve's voice trying to mimic Cyrus, off-beat too, so he ejected the disc.
"We're almost there, get your shit together." he said turning onto a dirt road with a tiny farm house in the distance.
"If there's some blond hillbilly kid sitting on the front porch playing a banjo, we're leaving." Tony said as the road narrowed, the speed limit sign changed from 25 to 15 to 30 within 10 feet of each other.
Chapter 2: Avengers (and Loki): Camping Nightmare
Tony is sure they are surrounded by cannibals. Clint lost is speedos and Coulson is just as cruel as the rest of them.
The van reached the tiny farmhouse and to Tony's horror there most defiantly was a young blonde boy playing a banjo on the front porch. "We're leaving. Their going to capture and eat us." Tony said unbuckling and trying to make a grab for the steering wheel.
"You coward." Steve piped up.
"I don't have my suit with me, this kids gonna eat us, we're going."
"Do we rent a site here?" Nick called out as the child noticed them.
"Just go down a little more, there's a box for ya." The kid answered and continued with his banjo playing.
"We're gonna die everyone. Hope you enjoyed your lives. I hope I don't taste good and give them the shits." Tony rambled on about being eaten and what-not as the others rolled their eyes.
Fury pulled up to the box with one window and a hole in said window for the person to take your money. "One campsite for 9 please." Fury said calmly over Tony's paranoia.
"Curfew is at 11, swim at your own risk and have fun. Your site 13."
"See, thirteen, that means death, we're gonna die Fury. DIE." Tony added as they drove off to find the campsite.
"How about a swim when we get settled?" Coulson said to everyone ignoring Tony.
"A swim in a death trap. That water is probably all spiced up so they don't have to add any spices when they boil our guts."
"Tony! Shut up before we release Tasha on you!" Bruce said rolling his eyes.
"I wouldn't mind either." Natasha said unbuckling her and Clint's belt as Nick parked the car at lot 13. It was right under a nice shady tree. Bruce opened his door, he and Thor slid out. Tony didn't budge.
"Sweetie, you gotta open the door so we can get out." Steve said leaning over the back of Tony's seat. Loki climbed over and rushed outside.
"FINALLY! FREEDOM!" Loki yelled happy to be out of the cramped vehicle.
"Nope, I'm staying right here. They can't get me here." Tony replied crossing his arms over his reactor. Natasha stealthily climbed over the seat and helped Clint out.
Steve leaned in to whisper in Tony's ear, "or, the cannibals could easily push the van into the river with you in it, in the dead of night, and we'd never know and they WILL eat you." Steve smiled. He knew he'd got him.
"Would you stop wasting my time Rogers, I wanna get to fresh air." Tony hastily opened his door and rushed out. Steve smirked and climbed out of the van as well. There were two other families within visible range, but they were quite a distance away. "We're going to die and nobody will hear our screams." Tony said leaning on the back of the van as everyone unpacked it.
"Maybe if you help they won't take you alive." Clint said pulling a rolled up tent out for he and Natasha.
"No way, I'll sweat, sweat is salt, that's what they want me to do is be pre-salted."
Nick had had just about enough and threw a tent at him, "set it up." he growled. Steve smirked at his lover and came over to lend a hand.
"Rude." Tony said un-zipping the tent. Steve shook the tent onto the ground and Tony continued, "we're going to be eaten you know."
"No we aren't, just stop. Anyway, metal won't taste too good for them. Lead poisoning I'm sure." Steve winked and handed a corner of the tent to Tony. Tony smiled, he knew Steve meant well so he'd shut up...for now.
An hour later, Tony and Steve had a double tent like Clint and Natasha. Thor and Loki shared a tent with Bruce. Nick took a single tent like Phil did. Everyone was pleased, except Bruce.
"Can't I have a solo tent too?" He whined.
"Sorry, but we only have two." Fury said emerging from his tent in navy blue swim trunks, having every intention to get in the water directly across from them.
"Wait, you're going swimming?" Loki asked, "Can we have our lunch first? I understand there is a cafeteria not far up the road." Loki nodded in the direction.
"I'm swimming. You do whatever." Nick sauntered off and into the water. Everyone looked back and forth from one to the other.
"Come on, let's go." Phil sighed and started leading the way. Tony rushed off after Phil, obviously still terrified of possible cannibals. He flicked his hand behind him and shook it vigorously, signaling Steve to come and hold it. Thor and Loki followed shortly after. Clint gave Natasha a look and she smirked.
"Later." She replied patting Clint's shoulder and leading him after their teammates.
At the cafeteria, it was a buffet to Steve's dismay -whom hated buffets, and Thor's joy -whom loved buffets. Thor rushed off and the rest of them stayed and read the little sign in front of them.
"Breakfast and Lunches Free all Day. Dinner $4 and up. 12 & under- Free. 13 through 60 $4. Senior Citizens $2." Phil read stuffing his hands in his pockets. Everyone had one question on their minds.
"So does Steve count as a senior citizen or what?" Clint piped up, speaking for all of them.
"Well...it's not dinner so we don't have to worry yet. Right now our priority is Odinson." Everyone looked to the biggest man in the room, one plate loaded with different foods.
"Oh no." Loki said reluctantly going to his love and telling him he has to put some back for the rest of us. Thor agreed and put a fourth of the food back. Everyone then took off and gathered all the food they wanted.
Bruce a nice salad, Tony some ribs and middle-eastern food, Steve a simple burger and fries. Natasha put on her plate a little of everything and her lover Clint gathered sunflower seeds from the salad bar as well as croutons and water, he looked overjoyed to find all of his favorite foods scattered around the buffet. Loki opted for some Hispanic food, a beef tamale and cheese enchilada. Phil got the same as Steve, nice and simple.
Everyone finished in a messy frinzey and left quickly. When they reached the campsite, everyone was ready for a nice swim. Steve wore his red, white and blue trunks he found at Wal-Mart. Phil wore his Captain America trunks he got from mail-order. Tony wore red trunks like Thor. Loki went with the green ones and Bruce the purple. Natasha wore a simple black bikini and Clint black speedos.
"Oh God take them off." Tony said seeing the bird-man.
"I swim better in these." Clint said putting his hands on his hips and leaning on his left foot.
"You can't sw- just get in." Fury said seeing his trusted agent in God awful speedos.
Everyone jumped in except Tony, for obvious reasons, so like the gentleman he is, Steve stayed with his boyfriend in waist high water.
Clint somehow got his water gun past Fury and went up behind him and gently let out a stream of water on the nape of his neck. Fury couldn't figure it out for the longest time until Thor caught on and laughed a booming laugh and ruined it for the rest of them.
"I'm done here." Fury said walking out of the water and drying off then disappearing in his tent. Bruce was having his own little fun until Hawkeye started doing to him what he was to Fury.
Bruce turned to face Clint, then jumped him. Clint dropped the water gun and Natasha picked it up quickly, treating it as a real weapon, aiming it at Loki. Loki smirked and put his hands up as if he'd been caught. Bruce and Clint came up form under water and Bruce left quickly. Clint made quick motions under water.
"I told you not to wear those!" Natasha said realizing Clint's speedos had fallen off and he couldn't find them. Everyone caught on and ran off to their tents quickly. Natasha left him there, taking his towel with her.
"How long do you think he'll last before he grows the balls to come out?" Tony asked smirked.
"Sundown." Phil said smiling too.
The rest of the day, everyone cruelly sat by the waters edge, teasing Clint as the water got colder and the sky got darker. Clint begged for someone to bring him a towel but everyone refused. Steve felt pity for him and went and got him one.
"You big softie." Tony teased as Steve stood a few inches in the water, held the towel out and waited for Clint to grab it. Once Clint did he made a run to his tent and stayed there the rest of the night. Phil went and got food for everyone because everyone was being quite lazy for Avengers. The night dragged and one by one everyone went to their tents.
In Natasha and Clint's tent, Clint awoke to Natasha's rustling getting un-dressed. He smirked seeing his woman in the glow of the moonlight as she lie beside him.
In Thor, Loki, and Bruce's shared tent, Thor ate the rest of his poptarts, Loki sat on his sleeping bag and looked out the mesh to the water and Bruce shoved his ear buds in and played some music to fall asleep to.
In Tony and Steve's tent, well, it was sexy-time...
For Phil he did SHEILD business unlike Fury who was fast asleep and had been for hours.
Chapter 3: The Avengers (and Loki): The Long Road Home
Tony is threatened. Clint is living up to his superhero name. Everyone wants to pull some pranks but nobody is willing. They finally return home and the only ones who seemed to enjoy it were Steve and Phil.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Nick Fury woke from his slumber first. 5 o'clock on the dot and not a minute later. He shuffled around in his one man tent and pulled on clothes, considering he slept in the nude. He stepped outside and set up a folding chair and sat waiting for the sun to rise.
Bruce awoke next. He looked over remembering he was sharing with Thor and Loki. He looked at his watch, "5:37", he read aloud. He was wide awake, his sleeping bag did no justice in making the ground softer. He stood as best he could in the 5 and a half foot tall tent and pulled on some clothes and walked outside to find Fury doing what he was planning on doing himself.
"Morning." Banner said nodding and taking up a chair beside his boss.
Nick nodded and took another sip of his luke warm coffee.
Steve rolled away from Tony, waking up third. He looked at his lover and smiled to himself, sitting up, pulling on a shirt (not caring about his boxers) and crawled out of the tent. He saw Bruce and Nick sitting up, just as the sun was peeping over the ground. He stood there for a while until he heard a rustle, then saw Clint crawling on his hands and knees out of the tent.
"You okay there buddy?" Steve asked helping Barton up. The bird-man nodded and disappeared into the trees behind them. Surely to use the restroom and take advantage of the darkness.
Out came Loki next, already holding a cup of steaming coffee. Steve nodded a hello and Loki walked by him, giving a small gesture to signify a good morning. Natasha appeared suddenly behind Bruce and tapped him on the shoulder. Bruce yelped and jumped, falling onto the ground. Natasha smiled and helped him back up only to sit on his knee briefly then get up to pour herself some coffee.
The sun was up and neither Phil, Thor, and Tony had woken. Clint had been gone for over an hour and nobody was worried. Steve checked on Tony, he was asleep the exact same way he'd left him.
"I'm hungry." Bruce said standing, "The buffet should be open by now right?" he looked at his watch; 7:05.
"Should." Natasha said finishing her second cup of extremely black and lightly sweetened coffee.
"I'll go along with you." Loki said standing from his seat on the ground and following the man.
Faintly, there was a russlting that grew louder and louder. Thor peeped his head out of the tent, like a kitten, and smiled smugly.
"What did you do?" Steve asked curious.
"The Man of Iron is still frightened of the killers of the forest is he not?" Thor asked still smiling.
"Yessss." Steve said getting a little worried.
"While everyone was in slumber, I wrote a note telling him I'm watching him. I'm surprised you did not notice it when you arose." Steve went to take a look, and there right in Tony's half clinched hand, was a dirty note written in what could easily be mistaken for blood.
"Thor you didn't." Natasha said smirking, she was looking forward to Tony waking up. Thor nodded then grabbed a 48 count box of poptarts and ripped a pack open.
Steve smiled and shook his head. Phil crawled out of his tent next, obvious signs of little sleep loomed about him. "morning." he whispered almost inaudibly. He smelled the coffee and shambled to it, half-heartily pouring a cup and pouring cream into it. "Where is everyone?" he questioned after waking up some.
"Bruce and Loki are getting breakfast and Tony's asleep." Nick answered, already dreading the ride back.
"What about Barton?" he asked rubbing his eyes, even his bags had bags.
"I don't know where he is..." Steve said trailing off and looking in the direction he last saw Clint go.
Then, ripping through the silence was a blood curling scream. A scream so terrifying that it assured you the person screaming was in a state of fear and terror. Steve closed his eyes, Thor smirked because he knew it was his dirty work in play, Natasha winced then smiled when the screaming stopped. Phil looked around curious and worried. Tony and Steve's tent shuffled and out ran Tony in just his boxers. He ran to Steve and hid behind him.
"What is it?" Steve asked, even though he knew what was going on.
"The note!!!" Tony shrieked in a womanly manner. He pointed to the tent as if there was a big disgusting bug inside it.
"What note?" Thor asked, obviously taking his role as the unknowning friend, extremely seriously. Even Steve almost believed he didn't do it.
"It said their watching meeee!!! Steeeeve!! Steve Their going to kill meee!" Tony whinned and gripped at the back of Steve's shirt. Nick Fury rolled his eyes and starting breaking down his tent.
"Nobody is going to kill you, except Nick maybe." Steve said trying to make sure Tony didn't think his boyfriend knew anything about it.
"You coward." Natasha said shaking hr head and going in the tent herself and grabbing the note.
"That note!" Tony said pointing then looking all around him, when suddenly- something dropped from the trees above, an arrow with anther note. Steve caught on as well as Natasha, Phil, and Nick did. Clint was in the trees aiding Thor in his scheme. Tony practically crawled onto Steve as the blonde picked up the note, reading it aloud, "we're coming for you Tony." Tony shrieked right in Steve's ear.
"Tony, calm down." Steve said pulling the smaller man off him. "Thor and Clint are playing a prank on you!" Steve smiled and put his hands on Tony's shoulders.
"NO no, thats blood on those notes."
"Poptart filling." Thor smiled, a mouth full of the nastily bready breakfast treat.
"What."Tony said pulling away from Steve. Bruce and Loki appeared, smiling. They saw a scuffle was about to happen and froze, "you." Tony said pointing at the Norse God.
"Me." Thor said nodding happily.
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Tony yelled jumping the extremely large and heavy man. Clint climbed out of a tree and smiled to himself, pleased that for the time being, Tony was not mad at him.
Thor just sat and took the measly punches Tony threw. "Knock it off Stark." Fury said standing over the two. "Disassemble your tent and get your ass in the van." Tony gave Thor one last dirty look, then spied Clint.
"And you. You're not out of this." Stark shook his head and went back to the tent.
Everyone packed their tents and things and they were off. Nick checked them out and they passed by the boy Tony claimed was the cannibal. Tony was still hysterical but Steve calmed him down, for about 5 minutes. "Please!" Phil turned in the shotgun seat and looked at Tony, "I NEED sleep. Shut up." Phil grabbed a pillow and leaned it against the window. Tony quieted down.
"I require sustenance." Thor piped up after a while. Everyone rolled their eyes and grunted.
"Can't you wait, 2 more hours?" Loki asked rubbing his eyes.
"I hunger," Thor said again.
"Just wait. How could you be hungry anyway? You ate a 48 count box of poptarts for breakfast." Tony said giving the God a look. Thor sighed, acknowledging his defeat.
"Well, I have to pee so." Clint said from the very back of the van. Natasha squirmed, "And Natasha does too."
"We just left!" Nick said opening his palm to the highway exposing his already growing frustration with his team.
"That doesn't change that we have to pee." Natasha added, a hint of anger in her voice.
"I have to bring the browns to the superbowl so we might wanna take care of that..." Tony trailed off. Nick sighed a huge sigh and pulled off at a rest stop.
"ALRIGHT! You all have 10 minutes." He shifted the van into park and majority of the team dashed out. Bruce, who had a window seat in the very back with Thor and Loki, was fast asleep. Bruce commented to himself how comfortable the van was compared to the ground upon entering the vehicle.
Steve remained in his seat like Fury, Coulson, Bruce and he did. Tony dashed off, Natasha tried to hide her waddle but it was quite evident she'd been holding it for a substantial amount of time. Clint disappeared as soon as he exited the van.
"Rogers. It's been ten minutes, go find them." Nick said unbuckling his belt and stepping out of the van. Steve did as asked and found Tony immediately. He sent Tony back as Steve awkwardly creaked the ladies room door open.
"Tash? Tash hey, we need to get going." Steve called out, he didn't want to have to do this.
"I'm right here." Natasha said appearing behind him.
"Oh..." Steve trailed off and lead her back to the van.
"Where's Barton?" Coulson asked, seeing he hadn't returned. Steve shrugged along with Natasha. Coulson groaned and waddled off to find Clint. A good 15 minutes later, they were on the road again.
"I still want food." Thor said five minutes into the ride.
"How about a game?" Coulson asked, "We could play ispy or shut up."
"I like shut up." Tony said tapping on his phone.
"Tony..." Steve said sternly. Tony rolled his eyes.
"I'll start, I spy something grey."
"The road." Tony said bored already. Coulson sighed in defeat and passed his turn on to Tony who rejected it and gave it right on to Steve who couldn't think of anything difficult so he gave his turn to Thor who spied poptarts even though there was not a poptart in sight. His reasoning was because he was hungry and Fury still refused to stop for food until he was hungry. The game ended there.
Coulson spoke up in the silence, "How about more 90's karaoke?" He turned in his seat expecting excited faces but got bored glares. Except from Banner who was still fast asleep. "okay then...how about we play a game of the next person who falls asleep gets a terrible prank done to them before they wake up?"
"But Bruce has been asleep for hours!" Steve retorted pointing a thumb at the sleeping brute.
"He's not in this game." Phil smirked.
"Yeah, he might hulk out." Tony added smiling and putting his phone away, "I'm down to play that." Everyone else nodded. "Oh but Natasha isnt in this either, she might kill us if we pull a prank on her."
"I will. Trust me." She answered smiling from Clint's lap.
"If your'e still hungry shut up. I'm pulling into the drive-through. You all get ONE thing off the menu, except Thor, Bruce, and Natasha." Nick said rolling his window down.
"Burger." Tony said quickly. "Fries and coffee." he added quickly. Steve nodded in agreement that those foods were what he wanted too. Everyone told Fury their orders as he recited them to the woman on the other end.
Everyone happily got their food after about 10 minutes of sorting whose was whose. Especially with Thor's "no pickles" policy for his burgers. After everyone finished, Coulson took the wheel from Nick and he had a turn driving. They drove for a solid 15 minutes before Loki spoke up.
"I require the facilities of this midgardian planet." he crumbled his trash and shoved it into one of the bags.
"Seriously, we just pulled out of the parking lot, you could've ran in and went."
"I didn't have to then." Loki often used sass to everyone, so his tone was normal.
"We'll wait until someone else has to too. Anyway, we're playing that sleeping prank game." Coulson glanced at his boss who was asleep, but damn, he looked so pissed off.
"Riiiiight." Thor said smiling and looking from person to person. Bruce finished his food and situated is body to go back to sleep. The game was explained to him and he agreed that he's counted out.
For the next two hours, everyone stayed silent. Looking from one to another. Natasha fell asleep about 30 minutes in and Tony begged to prank her but everyone refused to allow him because she'd likely take it out on all of them for letting him do it. Steve then realized Nick was asleep and asked if he was part of the game. Phil quickly said no that anyone up in the front weren't involved in the game.
"We're almost home." Phil said taking the exit to Avengers Tower.
"WHAT!?" everyone yelled, waking Bruce, Tasha, and Fury.
"But we didn't prank anyone!" Clint said sliding Natasha off his lap and crawling up front.
"So? We're home, see." Phil parked the car and turned it off.
"That's not fair, we have to go camping agian so we can prank each other." Clint replied opening the doors and hopping out first, disappering before Phil could answer him.
"We're not doing his again are we sir?" Phil asked Nick as everyone made their was back to their apartments in the building, except Steve.
"It'd be fun." Steve smiled grabbing his and Tony's things then dashing off to catch up with his man.
"Never again." Nick Fury replied shuttering. "Seeing Barton's junk for that long was quite enough camping with these dumbasses for me." He closed the back of the van then headed to his apartment, leaving Coulson standing there.
"I enjoyed it." Phil smiled to himself and made his way to his apartment, for much needed sleep.
Oh my goodness. I really didn't want to write this one so I procrastinated it so hard. It's no good but this camping episode needed an end. So I apologize.