Work Header

Bavarian Brawl

Work Text:

Parker was sitting in front of the television in Fiona's apartment, eating her favorite brand of cereal, when Fiona stood in front of the television.


"No, Parker. I found a job for us to do. This woman works in a German-themed restaurant."

"Like Oktoberfest?"

Fiona nodded. "Exactly like that. The woman thinks her boss is stealing from her and her fellow employees. I need you to sneak in the restaurant's office, grab a flash drive with the payroll on it, and we'll look at it on Michael's computer. He's gone at the moment. He's not going to mind unless he has some virus that wipes his computer out. I'll start a fight with you and someone should throw us out. We should be able to hop in my car and flee before the police catch us. But there's a catch."

Parker blew a raspberry.

"We've got to dress up like the waitresses there. We'll have to wear bodices."

Parker stared at Fiona.

"The shoes aren't that high. I promise."


Parker and Fiona pretended to go to work at the German-themed restaurant. While Fiona typed in a fake code with a device that measured how long an employee worked in the restaurant, Parker picked a lock and snuck into the owner's office. She stole the flash drive Fiona mentioned to her and hid it in a hidden compartment she put close to her body.

When Parker met up with Fiona, Fiona was carrying a tray of Griebenschmalz. Parker pushed the Griebenschmalz in Fiona's face.

"You bitch!"

Fiona threw Parker onto the ground. "What did I do?"

"I'm going to turn you into a carcass!"

"Parker," Fiona whispered, "I think you're taking this a bit too seriously."

Parker shrugged. "I always thought turning someone into a carcass was a compliment."

Parker grabbed someone's plate of Bavarian cream and threw the cream onto Fiona's face.

"Oh, so you're going to throw sweet things in my face?"

Fiona threw some of the Bavarian cream back into Parker's face. Parker laughed.

They rolled around on the floor, being careful not to knock patrons or servers down with them. One of them would get up and throw more Griebenschmalz or Bavarian cream in their hair and on their bodies, all while throwing punches and knees and pulling hair.

The fighting came to a head when Fiona pushed Parker against a wall.
She started ripping the bodice on Parker's outfit.



"I think you're the one taking this a bit too seriously."

"I haven't been this bothered since I first arrived in Miami." She started kissing on Parker's neck. "I should've told you that violence turns me on. It's my fault. Just go with it." She nibbled Parker's neck while Parker went through her sticky, food-coated hair. "Oh, baby, I'm sorry."

The owner of the restaurant came from the back of the house. "You two," he said, "out! I'm calling the police on you. You can have your little lesbian affair in a jail cell and not in my restaurant." He grabbed the two and booted them out of the restaurant.

As soon as he was reaching for his phone, Parker and Fiona were gone.


Fiona sped as fast as she could back to her apartment. Instead of getting out and immediately going back in her apartment, the two sat in her car.

"Tomorrow I'm going to the car wash to get the interiors cleaned," Fiona said.

"Are you still bothered, Glenanne?"

"Yes, Parker."

"I'm not supposed to tell Hardison about this, am I?"

"I'm not telling Michael. To the backseat."

Parker shrugged. "I guess."