The first call came through at 4.53 in the afternoon and Steve didn’t answer. He didn’t recognise the number and he certainly wasn’t going to pause in the middle of tracking gun runners through the jungle just to find out why some random company can offer him better insurance rates or why their hair care product is better than all the others. He really hated cold callers.
The second call came a few minutes later at 4.57 as Steve was hunkered down behind a felled tree as bullets ripped past his head. He was so focused on him and Danny and the automatic gunfire that he didn’t even hear the phone ringing.
At 5.10, the call went straight to voicemail as Danny was sitting on top of one of their handcuffed suspects to prevent his pants from getting any muddier and Steve was calling in their location to Chin and Kono, trying to explain to the latter that he was sorry she’d missed this gunfight and promising to phone her in next time.
The fourth time Steve actually answered, though it was a close run thing. By this point it was 6.00pm and only he and Danny were left at the office. The phone had rung and Steve had taken quite some time to locate which of his many pockets it was in. Danny had made some smug comment about why cargo pants were stupid. Steve responded by throwing a pencil at his head, answering the phone as he did.
He knew the second they spoke something was wrong.
“Who is this?”
“This is Dr. Saunders, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
Steve’s heart stopped. It didn’t take a genius to work out who they must be talking about. Danny was right there in front of him and she was his only living relative.
“What is it? Is Mary ok? What’s happened?” Danny stood up from the desk and moved over to where Steve was standing, a questioning look in his eye. It was no secret that Danny and Steve’s sister got along like a house on fire and it was somehow reassuring for Steve to know that there was someone else there who’d care if something had happened to her.
“Your sister Mary was involved in a car accident a few hours ago; she was brought to Queen’s Medical Centre. She’s in surgery now an-”
“Surgery? How bad is it?”
“Mr McGarrett, I would really advise you to come to the hospital as soon as possible.”
Steve felt all his breath rush out of his chest at once and he deflated against the edge of his desk. He nodded briefly before remembering he couldn’t be seen. “Of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
He didn’t even bother hanging up; just put the phone back in his pocket and begun rummaging frantically for his car keys.
“Hey Babe, what’s happened?” Danny’s tone was the same that he used to console weeping widows or panicked victims. Steve found that it was oddly soothing.
“It’s Mary. She was in some car accident, I didn’t even know she was in Hawaii, she’s in hospital right now and I have to go, Danny. I need to-”
“I’m driving.” Danny stated removing the keys from his pocket and marching toward the door, tone showing Steve had no choice but to dumbly follow him. He didn’t really even remember the walk to the car. For the hell of it he opened his mouth to protest but Danny just raised a hand.
“One,” Danny said, already climbing into the car as Steve did the same, “You are in no state to drive.” Steve took one look at his shaking hands and decided Danny was probably right “And two,” the other man added, “This is my car.” And he tried for a smile that fell flat but was comforting all the same.
They peeled out of the car park and this was probably the most reckless Steve had seen Danny drive. He didn’t even notice when Danny turned on the lights and siren, too wrapped up in his own thoughts.
Danny himself was worried for Steve. The man was barely holding it together as it was, always inches away from shattering into pieces, and from the white knuckled clench Steve had on the door handle that iron control of his was slowly slipping. Danny was terrified that if Steve lost Mary it might just break him for good and if that happened? If that happened then Danny didn’t even know what he might do because somehow, aside from Grace, meeting that crazy bastard had been the best thing that ever happened to him.
Danny skipped every red light going to get them there as fast as possible. Steve didn’t even wait for the car to stop, just hopped out the moving vehicle as it slowed into the parking lot leaving Danny to park and chase after him.
“I need the room number for Mary McGarrett.” Steve barked at the woman behind the reception desk, his Navy SEAL mask firmly in place.
“I’m sorry Sir but I can’t just giv-”
“Don’t give me that bullshit just tell me-” His voice was beginning to crack and he was breathing heavily. The raised voice was punctuated by his hand slamming down on the desk, she jerked back in her seat looking, unsurprisingly, shocked. Steve could be really scary when he wanted to be. Danny’s gentle hand on his back gave him pause enough that the man could place his badge on the desk.
“Detective Williams, Commander McGarrett, Five-0.” He indicated the two of them “We’re going to need that room number, Miss.” The woman just nodded and begun typing away frantically at her computer and the hand on Steve’s back begun to rub calming circles. Steve’s face remained blank.
“I’m sorry sir but it appears Miss McGarrett is still in surgery. Dr Saunders is her Doctor though. Her office can be found on the third floor.” Steve left without another word and Danny only managed a nod before following after him. The elevator opened as they reached it and Danny couldn’t help but be glad of that small blessing as things would almost certainly have been punched or thrown had there been any delay.
“Danny, please don’t.” And it isn’t like Danny to actually listen, except Steve’s voice was soft and forced and fraying around the edges and he looked so thoroughly wrecked that Danny was stopped in his tracks.
He had very little time to dwell on anything as the elevator soon shuddered to a halt and Steve was gone the second that the doors opened. Danny almost had to jog to keep up as Steve continued to just march ahead and was so worried he almost walked straight into the man when he stopped suddenly in front of a door.
He had to wince at the force with which Steve knocked on the door. He could practically hear the wood fracturing.
“Yes?” The woman who answered the door was middle aged. Her hair was blonde although clearly in the process of turning grey and a pair of thick black-rimmed glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. She was also remarkably calm for someone who had just almost had their door knocked down.
“Yes. Commander McGarrett I presume?” she looked between them briefly and must have seen a flicker of confusion in one of their eyes. “You have quite the reputation at this hospital given the regularity of your visits.”
“How’s my sister?” Her expression softened somewhat.
“Commander, I suggest you come into my office so we can talk... alone.” Danny was about to back away and allow Steve to go but the man was suddenly clutching at his hand and gripping tightly.
“Anything you need to say, it’s ok, Danny can hear.” And he gave the smaller man’s hand a squeeze. Danny can ignore his own feelings for a while if this is what Steve needs. If this will help him hold it together then Danny won’t argue.
The doctor sends him an appraising look before nodding and leading them both into her office.
“How’s Mary?” Steve asks again, the desperation seeping back into his voice. The Doctor merely gestured him into a seat and waited for him to sit in it, Danny sank down next to him with his hand still firmly in Steve’s iron grip.
“Commander McGarrett, there is no easy way to tell you this but I’m afraid since I phoned you Mary has passed away.” The already harsh grip on his fingers tightened and Danny allowed himself to squeeze back. “The surgeons continued operating as long as they could but it would seem there was more extensive internal damage done than they originally feared. There was nothing more we could do for you sister. I am so sorry.”
And Steve just deflated completely. Danny felt him sag in his chair and drag in a shaky breath. His fingers went limp around the smaller man’s hand and his head dropped forward. He just looked so broken. Like someone had cut everyone of his strings. Danny couldn’t bear it and readjusted his arm so he could link their fingers together; gripping the larger hand tightly, thumb running circles on the back of it. He could feel his own heart clench at the thought of Mary’s death but Steve needed him right now.
He could deal with his feelings later.
“Abigail, on the other hand” The doctor continued “made it out almost unscathed, it was mirac-”
“I’m sorry,” Danny interrupted when he saw Steve wasn’t going to “who’s Abigail?”
“You mean you didn’t know?”
“We didn’t know what?” Steve was looking up now, SEAL stone mask firmly in place. He was sitting up with his back rigid straight and Danny couldn’t quite decide if this was worse than before or better. Steve had changed a lot since he moved to Hawaii but right now Steve looked no different from the man he had been when he and Danny first met, guns drawn. He painted the perfect image of a Navy SEAL except for the part where their hands were still joined on the arm of his chair.
Both the doctor and Danny took a moment to look at Steve before Dr. Saunders continued, “Commander, when was the last time you saw your sister?”
“About eight months ago.” He managed finally, voice forced into being level and doing a good job of it to anyone who didn’t know him like Danny did “We are - ” He caught himself at the last minute and had to swallow hard before continuing “We were never very good at communicating. Now who is Abigail?” There was a steely undertone in his voice now that Danny recognised from interrogations.
“Commander, I’m really not quite sure how to say this but Abigail is your sister’s daughter.”
I shall attempt to update this at least every week but I am a slow writer so I apologise if there are longer delays between Chapters.
This idea has been bugging me for a long time so I felt I should finally have a go at writing it, feedback would be amazing!
Thank you for reading.
Chapter 2: The Meeting
Hurrah this Chapter actually came quite quickly, I can't promise progress will remain this good...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“Commander, I’m really not quite sure how to say this but Abigail is your sister’s daughter.”
If Danny was a braver man he could have looked at Steve then, tried to see if he was ok, if he was holding himself together, instead he stayed staring straight at the woman in front of him. He simply resumed his thumb rubbing gently back and forth over Steve’s knuckles.
The doctor started talking again.
“Mr McGarrett, Abigail is two months old. If the last time you saw your sister was eight months ago, then your sister would already have been three months along.” The silence that followed seemed to last an eternity and Danny would have bet his life that Steve would not have been the one to break it. He would also have lost.
“Can I see her?” And Danny nearly fell out of his chair with shock at both the words and the vulnerable, soft tone with which they were spoken. He turned to look at his partner only to find that Steve was already looking at him. He could have spent forever trying to interpret all of the emotions showing on the SEALs face right then.
He doesn’t even get the chance to start as Dr Saunders is standing up and nodding and telling them “Of course.” and gesturing for them to follow her.
Both men stand ready to leave the room after her and Danny realises that at some point they have let go of each other’s hands. He tries to ignore how cold it feels now his fingers aren’t wrapped in the warmth of Steve’s much larger ones and instead trails after Steve and the doctor.
Steve’s palms are sweating and he wipes them on his shirt. The tiny person behind this door was all he had left. He and Mary had never been all that close but she was still his sister and it still hit him like a freight train now that she was gone. He stopped walking and breathed deeply. One thing at a time and right now he couldn’t afford to think about Mary. He couldn’t. Not when he was about to meet Mary’s daughter, his niece, who he hadn’t even known existed more than half an hour ago.
One of the reasons he was one of the best as far as SEALs go is his iron self control – his ability to compartmentalise – stuff away his feelings and thoughts into mental boxes until a later time. Mary’s box is currently chained and locked and stuffed in the furthest corner of his mind. He’ll grieve, but later, when he hasn’t got that one emotion over-riding all the others, the need to check on his one last connection, the one last member of his family.
“Babe?” He shakes his head and Danny is standing in front of him still looking concerned and he feels another pang of emotion, the one that often comes along with his partner and shares the same Do-not-touch-with-a-mile-long-stick mental box as his classified missions. “You zoned out a bit there, I mean are you sure you’re up for this? It’s not too late to go home babe, you don’t have to do this, and we can go home if you need Steve? Whatever you need to do? Abigail will still be here tomorrow if you want to do it then instead-”
“Danny.” Steve allowed a hint of a smile to grace his face at the familiar rambling. Danny eyed him for a second. He was pretty sure at that moment that if Danny told him they were going home, that they would come back tomorrow, he would have quietly climbed into the car and let Danny drive. He was also pretty sure Danny knew that all too well.
“Ok. If this is what you need Steve.” Steve let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding and allowed Danny to guide him through the door with a hand on the small of his back. Dr Saunders was standing holding a tiny bundle in her arms.
“Commander McGarrett, Mr Williams” She glanced in Danny’s direction “Meet Abigail McGarrett.” All the air left the room as Steve’s entire focus centred on that one little girl. He couldn’t even answer when the doctor asked if he’d like to hold her; just managed to nod his head. He doesn’t even notice her leave the room as he’s too busy taking in every little detail of the child he’s now holding.
Once she was bundled into his arms he could see her face better and see a few scratches that must have been caused in the crash. None of them are very deep but it still makes him hold her even more gently. He couldn’t help but marvel at how much she looked like her mother. She has a head of dark hair, a characteristic Steve shared with his sister even if she’d preferred to dye hers blonde, and she yawned as she blinked open her eyes which were without a doubt all Mary’s, bright and wide and blue and absolutely huge in her tiny little face.
There’s a choked off noise from where Danny’s standing and he looks over to see Danny staring at her with the same kind of awe that must be reflected in his own face. Danny looks up and catches his eye and Steve manages to send him a small smile. Danny returns it before lowering his gaze back to the baby in Steve’s arms. The blonde man raises a small finger to run gently down Abigail’s cheek which she immediately grasps on to with one of her tiny little fists, stuffs into her mouth and begins to gnaw on happily.
Steve can’t help the laugh that huffs out of him because Danny just looks completely endeared by the whole thing and in that moment right there, in the hospital on the worst day of Steve’s life, he realises quite how in love with Danny he is. How he is absolutely beyond hope, ridiculously in love with the man.
He also knows for certain that in that moment he’s about to do something stupid, he’s trying to contain so much right now that something is about to give, he can feel the words bubbling up in his throat and he can’t stop them-
Except then his phone is ringing and the moment is broken. Abi, he decided she looks like an Abi, has spat out Danny’s finger and her little face is screwing up, big eyes filling with tears and he doesn’t know how to stop this. Danny, always his back up, is there. He’s fishing Steve’s phone out of his pocket and checking who it is.
“It’s Kono, do you want to...” Danny makes a complex motion with his hand but Steve understands anyway.
“Danny, I can’t. I just... could you? Please? I jus-” but the detective is right there with him, like he always is.
“It’s ok babe. I get it.” And Steve thinks that out of every one, maybe Danny does get it. Matt may not be dead but Danny sure as hell isn’t ever going to see him again. Even if he does it will either be in a bag or behind bars, there is no way around that. So maybe Danny does understand, does get it. Danny is answering Steve’s phone as he leaves the room.
Abi’s face has smoothed out again and she is staring up at him calculatingly. He feels himself smile slightly at the intense look on her face and she smiles right back, letting out a high burbling noise that Steve chooses to believe is a laugh.
He’s still smiling when Dr Saunders walks back in.
Thanks so much to everyone who's read, as always feedback is loved and I really hope you enjoyed this Chapter. I shall attempt to update soon!
Chapter 3: The choice
Ok, so here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy! There is still angst at the moment and probably will be for some time.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Danny takes a couple of swallows and stares at the phone for a long moment before he can get up the courage to actually answer it.
“Danny? Is that you? Chin’s here, we just heard over the radio that...Is Steve alright, what happened?” Danny felt a brief stab of guilt at not having left to call her and Chin earlier to fill them in but one thought of the way Steve grasped his hand silenced it pretty quickly.
“It’s not good Kono.”
“What is it? Is she ok?”
“Mary” He had to pause and collect himself briefly “Kono, Mary didn’t make it. The damage was too extensive. They couldn’t help her.” Danny could hear Kono’s sob from the other end of the line and there was a murmuring before Chin’s voice was in his ear, the man for once in his life didn’t sound zen. The rough edge showed he was only holding it together for Kono’s sake, just as Danny was holding on for Steve.
“How is he?” and Danny didn’t ever want to hear that broken tone to Chin’s voice again, nor Kono’s quiet sobbing in the background.
“Pretty well considering but still not good. I’m worried he’s going to revert, go back to being that Navy guy with no emotions and atrocious people skills. I’m pretty sure Abi is the only reason he’s holding it together.”
“Danny, it won’t- Who’s Abi?” after giving himself a quick mental kick for not explaining before Danny continued
“Abigail McGarrett is a two month old baby girl and happens to be Mary’s daughter, Steve’s niece.”
There’s a pause before Chin speaks “I didn’t know Mary had a-”
“Daughter? No, nor did we.”
“So Steve didn’t...?” Danny shook his head, forgetting they couldn’t see him.
“No. He didn’t, it was news to him.”
He could hear Kono’s shocked ‘Oh my God’ drift down the line. Chin remained carefully quiet.
“Hey Danny?” and he nearly cried at how worried and small Kono’s voice sounded right then
“Do you think we should come see Steve? Make sure he’s ok? I mean, you’re with him Danny, what do you think?”
“I think” He paused trying to think of the best way he could say it. “I think you should leave it a couple of days. All of this is a lot to take in you know? How about I talk to him and call you when he’s ready?”
“Whatever you think is best. We’re here for him, whatever happens.” Danny took a shaky breath but let relief take over now he knew the team, the Ohana would be there with him to support Steve no matter what.
“Hey Danny?” and Chin was back on the line using his serious tone of voice again. “Take care of him ok?” Something about Chin’s tone of voice showed that there was a deeper meaning to his words and Danny had so swallow past a lump in his throat.
“Aloha Danny.” And Chin was hanging up the phone leaving Danny to pace nervously, and try to collect himself until he saw Dr Saunders leave the room Steve was in.
“Detective Williams?” her look was gentle but somehow still firm. She reminded him of his mother and he absently ran a hand through his hair to try and make it look at least a little more presentable.
“Danny, then. I’ve just spoken to your partner. It seems the two of you have a hard decision to make. I’ll be in my office or when you’re ready you can reach me on this number.” She handed him a card with a phone number on it. “Take all the time you need.”
Thinking about it Danny was pretty sure she assumed they were a couple. He didn’t bother to try and correct her. He wiped his palms on his trousers before stepping back into Abi’s hospital room. Steve was sitting in a chair by the window with her cradled in his arms, she was obviously asleep but Steve just looked at her so openly, hopelessly, that Danny had to look away. Felt like he was intruding on a moment that was entirely private and that he had no right to be intruding on. He cleared his throat.
“Danny!” Steve’s head whipped up and he accidentally jostled Abi who then shifted in her sleep. There was a tense pause before she snuffled back down, clearly not planning on waking up. Steve’s eyes shifted once again to Danny’s face. “How are they?”
“How are they?” the disbelief was evident in his tone “Upset obviously, but mostly worried about you. They wanted to see you but I told them to give it a little bit.” He held his breath hoping he’d made the right decision.
“Thank you.” Some of the tension Danny’d been holding on to whooshed out of him at the genuine relief in Steve’s tone. “I’m not sure I could have handled-” Steve cut himself off with a gulping breath and turned to look back at the baby in his arms.
Danny nodded and edged over to sit on the arm of the chair Steve was on. He ran a gentle hand over Abi’s head before he spoke again. “What did the Dr want? She said something to me about a decision...” He let the sentence hang and the pause afterwards went on so long he was sure that Steve wasn’t going to answer.
“She gave me a choice.” Steve started. He sounded genuinely pained by each syllable that he forced out. “They tried to contact the father but with little hope. It would seem there is no way to find out who the father is as none of her friends knew anything about him. Just said it was a onetime thing with some random guy and somehow, Mary got pregnant.” Steve took a long break and Danny let a hand sweep across his back in a large arc.
“What choice?” Danny urged as gently as he could. He was pretty sure he could guess the answer.
“She said that as the closest living relative I have the option to adopt Abigail if I want to.” Danny couldn’t help the sharp catch in his breath but continued the comforting movement of his hand on Steve’s back.
Steve let out a choked of whimper and Danny was almost certain he was about to cry but he paused and shook his head as if clearing it.
“Danny, I don’t know what to do.” His voice sounded so small, so vulnerable that Danny couldn’t resist pulling him a little closer.
“Steve, you don’t have to make this decision now ok? Take all the time you need. Dr Saunders gave me her card so you can call her as soon as you decide. Right now though I think you need to go home. You haven’t slept in a couple of days Steve. I know that because I was working the same case as you. As much as it may seem like it you aren’t invincible, so we are both going to go home and sleep and make this decision in the morning.”
“We?” Danny was pretty sure he could feel a blush rising on his neck despite the situation.
“Of course, what you think I’m going to leave you alone in this? Of course ‘we’. I can’t say I understand what this must be like for you Steve I can’t, but I will do anything I can to help. If you choose to adopt Abi I will be behind you one hundred percent, anything you need, so will Chin and Kono. We are Ohana remember and you aren’t alone in this, you got that?”
Steve managed a slow and somewhat stunned nod
“Good. Now I’d better go find a nurse to take Abi so we can leave.”
Steve tightened an arm around the small baby for a fraction of a second before relaxing and using the time it would take Danny to get a nurse to try to memorise her face.
Sadly for you guys (and I did warn you this would happen at some point) I am going on holiday for two weeks on Saturday so you will have to wait until I arrive home for an update. Sorry about that! As always however feedback on this chapter is greatly appreciated and you are all fabulous for having read this anyway. x
(I'm not really sure why the note beneath this one decided it belonged there but I can't seem to get it to leave. Just so's you know in case any of you were wondering.)
(You probably weren't.)
(Wondering that is)
Chapter 4: The Snap
I'm back! hurrah! (did you miss me?) And I come bearing a new chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The ride home was silent save for a few quiet comments from Danny about other road users or the ‘insane temperature of this hellhole even at night’ though even those seemed to happen more because Danny physically couldn’t hold them in rather than because he was actually trying to stimulate a conversation.
Steve was grateful either way. The comments stopped him getting too deep into his own thoughts and reminded him that Danny was there, even though Steve hadn’t asked, like he always is. The flicker of hope that started up after that thought was almost enough to break Steve completely.
A comment from Danny pulled him out of the moment. He felt another wave of gratitude towards the man driving him home.
It didn’t take all that long for them to be pulling up outside Steve’s house. Steve should have expected Danny to get out too, he really should, but somehow he was still caught off-guard when Danny unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car.
There was no time for him to protest; Danny was already standing outside the front door and getting out his key. By the time Steve got to the living room Danny was already by the closet getting out sheets to put over the sofa.
The raised eyebrow made Danny’s muttered ‘what do you think you idiot’ seem a little redundant in Steve’s eyes. It would seem his partner disagreed.
“Do you want anything to eat?” Steve huffed out a laugh, he’d completely forgotten about dinner. He also realised this wasn’t all that funny but he blamed that on exhaustion, grief and the other myriad emotions playing for dominance with him right now.
Steve looked up and realised that Danny was still waiting for his answer, he managed to shake his head and Danny let out a small disappointed sigh.
“Do you want to talk?” Another head shake “Steve I’m going to need you to work with me here. Use your words.” Steve allowed himself another small smile
“Danny I’m...” I was only at this point he realised quite how utterly tired he was “Danny I just want to go to bed?” He thought about how it had come out and decided to correct himself before Danny did “I mean I would like to go to bed now.”
“Yeah.” And Steve couldn’t help the small worry that if Danny nodded much harder his head may fall off. “Yeah ok.”
“Goodnight D.” Steve managed as he made his way towards the stairs and watched as Danny shuffled about and took out the pyjamas he kept in the closet with the sheets. They were really a testament to how often Danny ended up crashing on Steve’s couch. He stopped on the first step. “Danny?”
“Yeah?” Danny popped his head through the hole in his pyjama top.
“Thank you, for today, for” He flailed his arm slightly uselessly as if it could convey what he wanted it too “everything.” Danny looked flabbergasted for a minute before managing to close his mouth, his entire face softening into a look that was almost tender
“You’re welcome, Steve. And I’m sorry.” Steve nodded – just one sharp bob of the head- before starting up the stairs.
He pulled his pyjama bottoms out of the drawer on autopilot and went to use his own bathroom attached to his bedroom before remembering that the pipes were leaking in there. He’d have to head down the hall to the main bathroom.
It hadn’t occurred to him that that would mean going past Mary’s old room until he was there, standing in the doorway which was already slightly ajar. He wasn’t thinking as he pushed the door further open, not really.
The room itself wasn’t much different than any of the other ones in the house; anything of real value Mary had taken with her when she moved out, but there were still books on the shelf in the corner and there were a couple of posters on the wall. There were some dusty ornaments on the top of the chest of drawers and among them was a photograph that Steve had no idea even existed. It was of the whole family, back before his mom had died, on the beach behind the house.
Mary was sitting on his dad’s knee with what looked like a little seashell clutched tightly in her hand while he scowled angrily in his mother’s embrace, pointedly looking away from the camera while they all just laughed at him.
He was suddenly so angry with them, all of them. For his Mom for dying when he was so young and his father for sending them away and never really explaining why, for dying and leaving Steve to care for Mary all by himself and her for leaving this kid behind. He hadn’t even been able to look after his grown up sister, how the hell was he meant to care for the child? This baby who up until a few hours ago he hadn’t even known existed yet already loved more than anything in the world.
He didn’t know he was going to knock the photo to the ground until the frame was shattering on the floor and he was moving on to knocking all the other ornaments off the
dresser in one big sweep, relishing the destruction.
Danny sat up when he heard the sound of the smashing coming from upstairs and swore quietly to himself. He was off the sofa and up the stairs, before he could really register it, running as fast he could into Mary’s old room and shit because there were broken pieces of china all over the floor and shards of glass from a few picture frames.
The side tables had been upturned and there was a chair broken to kindling in the corner. The room looked like a hurricane had hit it and Steve was right in the middle of it tearing posters off the walls, heart rending pained noises forcing their way out of him. Danny was over to him in a second grabbing both his arms to stop him. He wasn’t an idiot, Steve was a Navy SEAL and perfectly capable of taking down Danny if he really wanted to, but Steve would never hurt him, Danny knew that much.
Steve’s attempts to get Danny to release him were feeble at best before he was just crumbling against the shorter man, face burying into Danny’s neck and arms folding themselves around him as if he may never let go. Full body sobs started to wrack through him and Danny could feel the tears soak in to the shoulder of his T-shirt. He wrapped his arms as firmly around Steve as he dared and they stood there for God knows how long, until the shuddering eased, the heart wrenching sounds that had been escaping Steve eased into more muffled whimpers and the hands clutching at the back of Danny’s shirt eased their grip a tiny bit.
Keeping a hand on Steve’s shoulder Danny led his partner quietly out of the room and towards his own bed. He waited for Steve to be sat down before he dared move away at all. One of his hands came up to card through Steve’s hair but he aborted the motion.
“Are you ok?” the silence stretched on for what felt like hours.
“I will be.” Steve nodded and he sounded so absolutely certain that Danny had to believe him. He supposed it was the best he could have hoped for given the situation.
“Good. Well. Night Steve.” He turned to leave.
“Don’t go. Please just... not tonight?” Danny turned and caught Steve’s eye and Damnit if Steve didn’t just raise his chin a little, challenging Danny to say something.
Even after all he’d been through today Steve was still the bravest man Danny knew. He nodded and Steve visibly calmed, lying back and curling up on one side of the bed and Danny walked around and climbed in the other side, facing the middle bringing him nose to nose with Steve.
There was a hint of a smile on Steve’s face as he turned off the lamp by the bed.
It was a long time before he could relax and he begun to doze off into sleep.
He was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to hear Steve’s murmured thank you or feel Steve take hold of his hand in the dark.
Thanks for reading. Also quick request, I find myself in need of a beta for this so if anyone would be willing just let me know in the comments, it would be very much appreciated! As always feedback makes me squee and again thank you all for reading, you are fabulous.
Chapter 5: The decision
I am so, so sorry for keeping you guys waiting so long for such a short chapter. I am a horrible person and you all deserve far, far better.
This Chapter was betaed by the wonderful Jantique.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Danny woke in the morning to the sound of some obnoxious bird calling directly outside of the window. It was making a hideous sound and he could just tell that it was one of those things that is coloured offensively brightly, just like everything else on the island.
Reaching out to the sheets next to him Danny found them empty and cool, though rumpled enough that he could tell he hadn’t imagined it; that Steve had definitely shared the bed last night. That Steve really had asked him to stay.
It was the smell of coffee that managed to wake him properly, wind its way through his sleepy haze and actually lure him out of bed. He took a moment to collect himself before walking down the stairs. He knew he had to do this – to hold it together – for Steve’s sake, but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.
Steve was sitting at the kitchen table when Danny got there, a mug of coffee sitting in front of the seat next to him as well as the one in his hands. Danny picked it up and inhaled deeply before taking as big a gulp as he could manage and received a sincere –if slightly wobbly– smile for his pains.
Danny settled into his chair and allowed the silence to wash over him; he nearly choked when Steve suddenly started to speak.
“I know what I’m going to do.” He nodded his head as he said it as if confirming it to himself.
“You’re going to adopt her.” It wasn’t a question and Steve looked a little surprised.
“Well yes. How could you have-”
“I know you Steve, remember? There was no way in hell that you were ever going to let that kid out of your life. The second you held her I knew that this is what you were going to do.” The smile that graced Steve’s face now looked almost coy, he stared intently at his coffee rather than meet Danny’s eyes.
“I didn’t even know.”
“Yeah but you’re an idiot.” A snort managed to work its way out of Steve and Danny couldn’t help a feeling of accomplishment at having made Steve laugh.
“Hang on though Steve, there’s something else that I wanted to say first.” Steve pretended to zip his mouth shut and for a minute Danny just had to wonder at the man. “I just wanted you to know that I know you don’t have that much experience with raising kids, or being around kids” Steve frowned a little “but I want you to know ok, that I’m here. Any questions, any problems, anything at all ok? You don’t have to do this on your own Steve, it’s a kid and it’s big and it’s scary but you do not have to do this alone. I will be with you every step of the way. Chin and Kono too ok?”
And by some miracle Steve didn’t argue. He didn’t try to be a stoical go-it-alone SEAL. He nodded and smiled again and just muttered ‘thank you’.
“Now speaking of Chin and Kono do you want to call them or shall I?”
“Could you? I’m not sure I can see them, not just yet” and it isn’t that he doesn’t love Chin and Kono, it’s not that he doesn’t trust them as much as he trusts Danny. It’s that they don’t get him like Danny does, don’t know when to stop him or let him go; when to tell him off and just when to say the perfect thing. He isn’t in love with them like he is with
Danno. “I need to call the hospital.”
Danny grinned at him
“You’re having a baby.”
“Holy shit I’m gonna be a Dad.” And Danny laughed at him, a proper, perfect laugh. He felt himself laughing too.
When they stopped Steve’s cheeks hurt and his sides felt like they might be about to split. The hollow thing inside his chest from the news of Mary’s death still lingered there, always would, but for the first time since he got the news, he had the feeling that it might get a little better.
At the tap on his knee Steve looked up and saw Danny waving his phone in his face, along with a small piece of paper.
“Dr Saunders’ number” he explained at Steve’s slightly confused look “Go call her.” Taking the paper and phone from Danny’s hand he stood and walked out of the room.
His hands were shaking when he started to dial the number and he took a moment to calm himself down, trying again with steadier hands.
She picked up almost immediately.
“Hello this is Dr Saunders, how can I help?”
“This is Commander Steven McGarrett of Five-0, I’m calling about Abigail McGarrett...”
Thank you so much for reading, I'm sorry for this chapter being so short, I'll try to make the next one both come sooner and be longer.
As always reviews are much appreciated and you are all fabulous! x
Chapter 6: The beginning
I am shit. I realize this, I am sorry, I have been suffering from a severe case of writers block. Here have another chapter finally. I hope you can find it within you to forgive me!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“This is Commander Steven McGarrett of Five-0; I’m calling about Abigail McGarrett...”
Steve concentrated as much of his energy as he could into holding his hand steady, if he didn’t he was pretty sure he’d drop the phone.
“Commander, what can I do for you?”
“I’ve made my decision.” Steve surprised himself with the conviction behind his word, surprised himself even more when he realised quite how much he meant them.
“You’re going to adopt her?” That startled a laugh out of Steve.
“Commander, I’m pretty sure it was clear to anyone with half a brain cell that you were going to adopt her.”
“That’s what Danny said.” And Steve really squash down the thoughts behind why he couldn’t stop smiling just thinking about Danny, now was not the time.
“Danny? Your partner correct?”
“He supports you in adopting Abigail?”
“One hundred percent.” At least of this Steve was absolutely sure
“Then I’m sure the two of you will make excellent parents.” By the time it even occurred to Steve to correct her she’d moved on and he had no choice but to let it go.
“The paperwork’s is all drawn up already, like I said Commander, your decision was clear, so all you need do now is come and sign all the legal documents and she is officially
your daughter.” Steve’s brain momentarily stopped at that.
“Are you sure about this Steve?”
“Terrified.” There was a huff of laughter from the other end of the line
“Then you’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow Steve?”
“Today!” The word had blurted out of Steve’s mouth without him even really having thought about it.
“This afternoon then, I’ll be in my office.”
And that was it; Steve was now, for all intents and purposes, a father. He sat down in the chair behind him before he fainted, if he got a concussion on the day he was supposed to
be adopting a child then Danny would never let him hear the end of it. Speaking of whom-
“You’re looking a little pale there, you ok?”
“I’m fine” a brief pause “I’m not fine I have no idea what I’m doing, why did I agree to this?! I’m going to screw up this kids life, what if something happens, what if I suck at this, what if she hates me? Oh shit I don’t have any baby stuff and I said this afternoon what was I even thinking I should just call Dr Saunders back up and - mphf” Danny’s hand over
his mouth and his face all up near Steve’s face apparently served as an excellent way to shut him up in the middle of a panic attack.
“Shush. First off who does the ranting in the partnership, me that’s who, and I do not appreciate you trying to take over that roll. Secondly stop panicking so much, I realise that
this is scary but I have already told you that you will be amazing at this and I will be here with you to help if you ever need it and finally.... I think I have a solution to your
somewhat hastily made this afternoon decision when you had no baby stuff, did I cover everything?”
Steve could only nod because Danny sill had his palm pressed firmly over his mouth. “mpfhph”
“Sorry what was- ugh Oh my God Steven? Did you just lick me you Neanderthal animal, what is wrong with you?!” Steve smiled smugly at Danny who promptly dried his hand on Steve’s face.
Looking suitably proud of himself for having got the last laugh Danny continued “what were you saying?”
“I was trying to ask what your plan was to resolve the baby stuff issue.”
“Oh, well Rachel and I are finally on good terms again and I believe she still has Charlie’s baby things which, given he’s three, he will have grown out of by now.”
“That’s actually a pretty good idea.”
“I know, also if we go round there then you get to see Grace which I know you want to right now and I happen to know she wants to see her Uncle Steve too.”
“And you’re sure Rachel will be ok with this?”
“As sure as I can be given that she practically commanded we go round there and pick up the baby stuff that is currently ‘clogging up the bloody loft’. Oddly enough she didn’t
seem surprised that her Ex-husband was adopting another kid.”
Steve just stared at him, apparently he was expecting some kind of explanation, who knew?
“So I maybe called her after Chin and Kono, who by the way I won’t be able to hold off from seeing you much longer, I’m pretty sure Kono was ready to break some kind of law when I spoke to her. Also I’m sorry for that adopting comment I mean, I didn't mean that it would be mine at all it just sort of came out and”
“Danny.” The man’s head shot up from the apparently fascinating place on the floor that it had been staring at. “I wasn't bothered about the adopted thing, let’s face it, I’m going to need enough help from you in raising Abi that you may as well be another father to her, you may not be her Dad but you’ll be her Danno. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
“You betcha.” And Steve for the life of him couldn't figure out why Danny was grinning so hard.
“So we’re going to Rachel’s?”
“We’re going to Rachel’s.” Danny nodded
“I guess I’d better get dressed then.” The words only really registered in his own head as he said them and he took a moment to glance down at what he was wearing, an old Navy T-shirt and yesterday’s boxers, and he was suddenly very aware of the fact that he and Danny had shared a bed last night. He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, thumb catching on the bandage he’d put around his knuckles this morning and it hit him again, all of a sudden, the pain and the anger and Mary being gone and he really needed a moment to himself. “I’ll. Shower.” was all he managed before he stumbled out the room.
He’d never been that grateful for anything as the fact that Danny didn't try to stop him, to steady him, to calm him down.
He’d also never been more certain he was in love with the man.
Hope you enjoyed it, I'd love to hear from you. Thank you for reading! x