Went to S.H.I.E.L.D. meeting. Was sexiest person there. Agreed to follow Agent Coulson to the ends of the earth and back. Very important mission - protecting ancient sledge hammer.
New Mexico way too flat; Coulson got me a crane for a nest. Scientist’s sexy assistant attempted to lure me down with PopTarts, but I’m on Atkins so no carbs.
Am definitely sexiest member of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Way too cramped in this nest to do lunges, kinda afraid I’m losing muscle tone.
These scientists are so flabby.
Still the sexiest.
Surfer dude broke into super secret base to cry in the rain over the sledge hammer; still haven’t gotten to shoot anybody.
In other news, I think I am developing a sprained glute. V. serious, will impair lunges and lead to flat-ass syndrome. Seem to have hit a plateau with bulking up; maybe more protein shakes?
In New York now, and I think Captain America may be sexier than me. Phil keeps making googly eyes at him.
Also, am quite sure the guy stole my workout routine. NO ONE else on base does as many lunges and squats as I do. At least I don’t look like Mad Men extra.
All these stakeouts are hell on my workout routine.
Tony obviously starting to get the hots for Captain A. Phil will kill him if he tries anything.
Not sure I’m still the sexiest.
Phil dead, beginning mourning workout protocol.
Stark off to lab with Banner. Tiny geeky little men doing experiments, rather cute really.
Am quite sure that Natasha fancies me. So unfair. She is athletic and bendy, so can see advantages there, but the history of killing previous romantic attachments most off putting. Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times.