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One of the most important things to keep in mind when it comes to Sollux, Karkat thinks, is that he is deceptively impossible to deal with. It’s not even rebelliousness, as such; he’s obliging to a fault despite his complaints, and browbeating him into doing things is easy as shouting. The problem, when push comes to shove, is his behavior the entire time he does them. He’s either too energetic or completely drained, annoyingly pushy or a total recluse, and none of his moods or behavioral patterns are what Karkat would call ‘good.’

Lost in these productive thoughts, Karkat is increasingly certain that he is on the verge of force-feeding Sollux his own glasses in a fit of rage. Already he can't fathom the mindset that led to the psionic sprawling on his couch with a mouthful of snarky comments and a bowlful of grubcorn, rummaging through it for the best pieces and getting his hands all over the rest of them and generally making Karkat's film experience godawful in every way. It was probably something to do with friendship. Karkat makes a mental note to excise all such thoughts from his pan the instant Sollux leaves his hive.

His socks are especially irritating, not only because they're mismatched but because the feet in them are planted firmly on one of Karkat's thighs no matter how hard he presses himself into the arm of the couch and tries to ignore them.

"This," Sollux announces for the umpteenth time, wiggling his toes in a singularly infuriating fashion, "is boring. The most boring thing I have ever had to watch in my life. And the most boring thing I ever will, because I'm dying." He pauses, tossing several kernels between his sharp teeth and ignoring the one that bounces onto the floor. "Of boredom," he adds thickly, chewing. "I don't get why you're not watching this with TZ, she would be so into this."

"She already saw it on her own. Tasted...smelled it. Whatever," Karkat retorts, cranking up the volume and eyeing the tiny yellowish spot of grubsauce on the rug. "She said it was really good. Have some goddamn patience, we haven't even reached the part where Legislacerators Perpetua and Eurydice confront their unresolved blackrom by eviscerating the defendant-"

"Oh my god, KK, spoilers. If I gave a shit I'd be annoyed!" Sollux declares, throwing up his hands.

"It was in the fucking title! I don't know why I bother," Karkat snaps, tossing down the remote. "Trying to shovel some culture into that empty space in your mutant thinkpan where your sponge should be, hoping you might learn some class and not be a waste of space who paws over all the grubcorn and takes up the entire couch. I'm a saint," he announces irritably, "for putting up with your shit."

"Mmm, you're a good teacher," Sollux responds with a crooked grin, satisfied at his annoyance, stretching luxuriously and grinding his heels into Karkat's leg for good measure. "By process of elimination."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I look at everything you like," he yawns, "and choose the opposite."

"Shut up," Karkat orders, grabbing the remote to raise the volume again. "And sit up, lazy-ass." He shoves Sollux's feet away for good measure, scowling forbiddingly.

"Shit, KK," Sollux mutters as he reluctantly sits up, "all these comebacks are almost as much torture as your taste in movies."

"Maybe I should punch you in your nooklicking mouth until it’s greater torture and I can just enjoy this! Now we have to rewind. Already." He leans over to give Sollux a backhanded pap to the face, scowling. "Consider that a warning."

"The fuck was that?" Sollux asks, eyes narrowing to glowing slits. "Did you just bitchslap me?"

"Maybe by your standards," Karkat retorts, turning back to the television and hitting rewind. "With your weak scrawny arms." He scowls at the flickering screen, unaware of the malicious grin spreading slowly across Sollux's face as the psionic's hands begin to glow.

"I guess yours are stronger," Sollux agrees, surrounding the smaller troll's arms with violet light. "Let's see."

"Let go, you cheating asshole-" Karkat's tirade is cut short by his own hand connecting with his face in a light slap. "Fucktarded duplicitous nookwhiff-" The other hand follows, slightly harder.

"KK," Sollux says in tones of deep concern, glowing eyes wide as he sits back with a mocking raise of his eyebrows. "Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."

"I'm going to tear your guts out through your meal tunnel and feed them up your nook with a jackhammer," Karkat vows, nearly frothing with rage as his face takes a harder blow. "I'll crack your mutant skull open and squeeze your anguish bladder in my trembling fists until you wet yourself in paroxysms of shame." He hits himself again and growls audibly, eyes blazing. "We're rewinding too far."

"This is more interesting anyway," Sollux remarks, examining his own fingershields as he moves his glowing hand idly back and forth. "Ok," he finally murmurs. "Done flipping your shit?"

"Yeah," Karkat growls after a long moment, face burning not only with the impacts but with a brilliant, angry flush.

"Eheheh, I don't believe you."

"I'm fine, you taintchafing grubfucker!" he snarls, forcing himself to relax, resisting the urge to launch into a fresh tirade.

"Okay," Sollux says placidly, sitting back as the glow fades. "I'll throw you through the wall if you screw with me."

"Just the idea of doing anything remotely physical with you makes my gorge rise and fall like a goddamn stringed gravity-wheel spinning physics trinket." Karkat scoops up the remote and presses fast-forward with an unsteady thumb, his entire body quivering as he settles back against the cushions to wait.

Unfortunately, the movie only makes things harder for Karkat, rife with black tension between two rivalrous, blue-blooded female legislacerators assigned to the same case. During each scene that they trade glares, holding their weapons just shy of attack position but constrained by the need to prosecute the defendant together, he finds his gaze creeping stealthily toward Sollux on the other end of the couch.

"Checking me out, KK?" he finally asks with a sideways glance.

"I can't look directly at you without puking in my mouth."

"Waiting for just the right moment, though." Karkat glances at him with eyebrows raised, surprised to hear the tension acknowledged. "The right moment to act like you're stretching and..." He leans over and drapes a casual arm over Karkat's shoulders. "Mmm."

"W-what the fuck!" he sputters, flailing at Sollux until he withdraws with a snicker. "I signed up to watch a movie with your ungrateful ass, not void the contents of my digestive sac on the floor. Shit, now we have to rewind again." Exasperated, he jabs the button just as Eurydice takes a swipe at Perpetua, knocking her into the jury box.

"Is that the good part?" Sollux sighs, reclining again. "Too late, I'm dying and you're not getting any of my stuff. I am cutting you out of my will, KK, because you want to replace your shitty computer with mine after boring me to death. I'm on to you."

Karkat remains perfectly still for a moment, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a slow hiss through his teeth. "You know," he states in a last-ditch effort at defusing the situation as he stabs the pause button, "I don't get why you're being such a moist globe about this. Terezi was over here the other day, sitting right where you are, smelling a movie, making conversation. It was nice. So maybe I didn't invite you over to trigger an avalanche of passive-aggressive bullshit. Maybe I just wanted to watch something with my bro like we're normal fucking people who can get along for three hours, okay?" He notices that the paused frame is awkward, catching both protagonists in embarrassing grimaces of lust, but before he can change it Sollux distracts him with a yawn.

"When have we ever done anything for three hours without fighting?" the psionic asks lazily, the shimmer of his eyes visible over his glasses as he stretches and sets the bowl down on the rug. "And when were we ever normal fucking people, KK? My mood swings like a defective carnival ride that cuts off legs at the knees. You flip your shit into orbit any time anyone says anything. In case you didn't get the memo, we're sort of fucked up."

"I said 'like,' dipshit. 'Like' we're normal fucking people."

"And obviously you and TZ get along," he points out carelessly, waving a dismissive hand, "you're matesprits. I'm not interested in your red quadrant, so don't tell me to act like her. Freak."

"Asking you to behave like a civilized troll because she knows how doesn't mean I want to-" He stops short, running frustrated hands through his own hair and clutching at his scalp.

"Right now I'm in a good mood," Sollux continues, ignoring him as his rage builds. "This is how I act when I feel kind of okay, which is a thing that basically never happens and I'm not letting you fuck it up for me, so you can just suck it." He shrugs, palms up in a noncommittal gesture, and when Karkat takes in a convulsive breath to shout he continues without hesitation. "I'm having a good time. I don't get why you're flipping out over it unless you're just in a pissy mood. Oh, wait!" he gasps sardonically, eyes widening in a way that sends Karkat right from irritation to fury. "Mystery solved."

"And you didn't do anything to cause that, right?" Karkat snaps. "Just blame me instead of admitting that you've been an asshole tonight, because as long as you're feeling good you don't give two bifurcated shits about anyone else anyway! You know-"

"KK-" Sollux begins with a condescending eyeroll, but Karkat waves a furious hand and continues unabated.

"It's like there's some competition to see who can make me tear my eyes out fastest and it's the only thing you're good at," he says, leaning toward Sollux by degrees. "The only fucking thing in this universe you can do consistently, pissing me off. It's an idiot contest for dipshit wiggler retards and the prize is all my patience glands wrung out and arranged on a tray around my still-throbbing rage sphincter, bedecked with white orchids and smothered in a fine cream sauce and topped with a heaping garnish of fuck you, Captor."

"Sounds delicious," Sollux interrupts, displaying his sharp teeth in a smile as Karkat bridges the remaining distance to snarl in his face. Blunt fingers curl over his shoulders. "So-"

"What I'm saying," Karkat persists in a growl, grinding the joints together beneath his hands, "you unbelievably ignorant douchetard, is they haven't even invented words for how obnoxious you are when you're like this." He stares into the mirrored shades, his rage building to an irrational peak as Sollux stares back at him, smirking at his loss of control. The light of the paused television casts the psionic's sharp features in soft shadows, the curves of his long teeth in gleaming white.

"Done babbling now?" he asks blithely.

"Don't bite down."

"Wha-" Sollux manages before Karkat's face collides with his, nubby teeth clashing against his fangs. A graceless tongue shoves between his parted lips, diving in as though making a desperate bid to lick his uvula as he opens up further in surprise. Karkat breathes harshly into his mouth as he shoves the psionic back against the arm of the couch and holds him down, hands tightening on his shoulders to a degree verging on painful, withdrawing only when he scrapes the top of his tongue along a tooth and pulls back with a hiss.

"That was," he breathes, glaring down at Sollux, "completely your fault. In every way imaginable. I was just going to punch you in the mouth."

"It felt like you did," Sollux mumbles, wiping pale red saliva from his teeth. "Gross. I might have drowned if you didn't breathe directly into my lungs the whole time."

"Yeah, because your mouth is just so kissable," Karkat snaps. "I should have practiced by making out with a box of knives."

"Except if you shoved your face into it like that you'd probably die." He raises an eyebrow as Karkat pulls at the hem of his shirt, but obligingly lifts his arms. "You're seriously - ow!" Shoving Karkat's hands away, he adjusts his own glasses to pull his shirt off over them, sitting up higher against the arm of the couch. "What's the hurry, asshole, it's fine to shove your tongue in my face but talking about it is just beyond the fucking pale?"

"God," Karkat snarls, eyeing his skinny frame, "would you just shut up and be naked. That's literally all I want from you right now, can you just deal with one simple request without being hyper-fucking-critical and bitching at me."

"Who's bitching?" Sollux asks as he reaches up to fondle both nubby horns, earning a startled gasp. "Wait, is this why you invited me over to watch something boring? After my lithe, nubile body all along?" he asks, arching his back and grinning uncharitably.

"Nubile. You're a twig," Karkat snipes, prodding his ribs hard enough to leave bruises. "And transparent. 'Maybe if I pith him off enough he'll thettle for my ugly, dethperate, thelf-medicating ath jutht to relieve the tension!'" he lisps, watching with vicious satisfaction as Sollux's grin fades.

"Yeah, bulgelicker, I think in a lisp," he hisses. "Maybe this is a stupid time to insult me, since I'm playing along with shit you started in the first place. Maybe my mindset's none of your beeswax and you can just shut up," He tweaks Karkat's horns, scowling. "Maybe nobody gives a shit! How about that."

"Maybe you're getting defensive because I'm always right." He slides forward on the thin legs beneath his own, tilting his head to press his horns harder into Sollux's hands as he lowers his own hands to wrap around the psionic's waist. "For once in your life," he murmurs, caressing Sollux's belly with small, circular motions of his thumbs in a subtle attempt at rendering him agreeable, "just for once in your hideous trainwreck of a life, don't fuck everything up with all your passive-aggressive bitching."

"Whatever," Sollux murmurs, pacified. "Doesn't look like it's turning you off."

"You-" Karkat begins hotly, but long fingers glide through his hair and Sollux pulls him down to press a careful kiss to his mouth. The fangs remain in the way, unavoidable and clicking softly against Karkat's teeth; Karkat nearly pulls away to snipe at him for it, but as a slick tongue glides against his own and slim fingers toy with his horns he closes his eyes instead, leaning into the touch. The feeling is awkward and his own motions hesitant, but when Sollux pulls back he nearly chases after him, eyes momentarily hazy as one of Sollux's thumbs caresses the inner curve of his horn.

"I didn't know you were into twigs," Sollux remarks, raising his eyebrows as he strokes the horn. "Dendrophile."

"Look who's tal...wait, what does that even mean?" Sollux opens his mouth to respond, but Karkat quickly slaps his hand over it. "Hold on," he announces. "Don't care."

"Fuck you," Sollux growls indistinctly before biting his hand and shoving him away. "I'm done playing with you."

"Oh, fine, great! Call a time-out for your hypocrisy," Karkat retorts, breathing heavily as he retreats to the opposite end of the couch and clutches at his scraped hand. "It's a huge fucking joke when you piss me off, but if I hit back it's not fun anymore!"

"At least I don't start shit and tell you to play nice and then smack you in the mouth when you do," Sollux spits, sitting up. "Maybe I should try that next so you can learn manners, asshole."

"I'll learn from you! Process of elimination," he retorts, scowling. Briefly he feels torn between the need to continue what he started and the need to spite the psionic by feigning disinterest and watching the movie, but the decision is made for him when Sollux tackles him with a low growl, tweaking the red bases of his horns. He takes in a sharp breath, his entire body tensing as the psionic straddles his legs.

"See," Sollux says harshly, interrupting his thoughts and working the inflamed membranes with slow, frustrating strokes. "This is polite." Dark lips draw back to display the faint smears of blood on his teeth and Karkat shivers in response, biting back a whine, unwilling to betray the way his blood pusher pounds against his ribs, his bulge already straining against his jeans and his nook pulsing eagerly behind it. "Playing with these fucking nubs, not even mentioning how they’re blunt and stunted."

"They're not 'nubth,' nookwipe." He takes in a shivering breath as Sollux licks one of the horns. "I think what you meant was 'Oh KK, thhhethe are thuch delithhhiouth hornthhhthth. Th-thh. Thhhholy shit!'" he gasps as Sollux blows on the wet horn and a shock of arousal shoots down his spine.

"Go on," Sollux murmurs, "and maybe I'll never do that again. Go on, lisp at me. You obviously never get tired of it, you uncreative two-trick hoofbeast shit."

"No. No," Karkat says thoughtfully, "I'm good."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He leans over to suck the horn as his fingers knead the other in long, slow motions, pressing into the softening red membrane. Karkat bears up under his slight weight and the smooth coolness of his skin, all nervous shivery breaths as Sollux moves one hand down to lift the hem of his shirt.

"No," Karkat says reflexively, pushing the intrusive hand away.

"Whatever," Sollux mumbles around the horn, tongue and breath flickering across it in a way that makes the smaller troll shudder against him, "but I'm not getting naked if you're not, if that’s where you meant this to be going. Which is the impression I got." He paused. “This would be really weird if it wasn’t.”

"I don’t know what the fuck you’re even saying," Karkat spits, grimacing. "Go on, hurry up."

"That's what I want to hear. Selfish asshole," Sollux murmurs in a mockingly affectionate voice as he sits back, pulling the shirt up and away in a haze of violet light.

"Bony lisping nookmunch." Karkat lets his arms relax, surprised and annoyed as psionic force twines around the limbs to pull them behind his back. "What the fuck, stop dicking around-"

"Sounds like a good idea." Grinning, Sollux shoves him down and curls up against him. Pushed into the back of the couch, his sensitized horns pressed against the sofa arm, Karkat squirms uncomfortably. "I mean dicking around is a good idea. Not...not dicking around," he explains, eyebrows lowering soberly.

"God, you're stupid. How can such a socially retarded nerd be so dense."

"I'm not the one who can't get out of clothes."

"This is your fault," Karkat grouses, struggling halfheartedly. "You're still wearing pants too-"

"I'm helping you," Sollux murmurs, grinning. Karkat lets out an undignified yelp as colorful light swirls around him, undoing his jeans and yanking them down his legs to free his bulge.

"There. Nice," Sollux observes, breathless and flushed despite his condescending smirk. "So what do you want?"

"I already told you, dumbfuck, take it off."

"Fine." Sollux withdraws to wriggle out of his pants with the help of psionics, pressing close again before Karkat can look down at him.

"Are you seriously so ugly you can't let me see you? What kind of mutant horror do you have down there?"

"I'm normal," he snaps defensively. "But fine, whatever, you wanting to stare at my junk obviously isn't awkward at all." He pulls away as he shoves Karkat harder into the cushions, making space. They stare down at each other in a silent moment of comparison, after which Sollux snorts dismissively and Karkat directs a satisfied glare at him.

"I sort of expected two," he admits after a moment.

"I'm in such a good mood, I'll ignore how weird it is that you sound disappointed. Or expected anything," he says. "Like you lie around all day in your recuperacoon thinking 'So how many bulges do all my friends have, I bet Sollux has two because he's such a freak so I'll think about his junk and touch myself furiously for perigees.' Shit, by your logic Vriska has eight, why don't you obsess about her junk for a while-"

"Oh god, don't even."

"Fine, so what do you want?" He slides a thin hand through the dark hair, cupping the back of Karkat's head to pull it against his shoulder. "I think,” he says speculatively, “you want me inside you."

"Fuck no," Karkat retorts, shifting defensively to press his legs closer together.

"It doesn't have to be this," he murmurs, pushing his slick bulge between Karkat's thighs, leisurely thrusting as his face flushes a deeper, richer yellow. "I could fuck you with psionics and not even touch you. I could," he offers with a contemplative, restless air as he examines the pink hue of Karkat's flush, "make you suck me off and do you from behind at the same time."

"You wouldn't even feel half of that," Karkat protests, wide-eyed and trying to ignore the rigid flesh sliding so close to his nook.

"But the other half would feel twice as good, watching you. Way better than that fucking movie. Seriously, fuck that movie, it was dumb." His grin widens as he resists the urge to bite Karkat’s earlobe. "Spreading you out in front of me, stuffing you at both ends while I hold you up, hands behind your back..."

"Fuck," Karkat breathes, because despite the lisp - or because of the lisp, but he tries not to consider the possibility of developing a lisp fetish - it occurs to him that he has never been so hard. He moves hesitantly against Sollux's shallow thrusts and the psionic smiles with a brief, victorious air, toying with his nubby horns.

"You can't touch yourself like that, so I'll play with your horns a little when you make the right noises, when you're moaning just right around me." He grinds his fingers into the soft membranes and Karkat whines in sudden, self-conscious hunger, rutting eagerly against him as pleasure washes down his spine. "But just my hands on your horns won't get you there, so maybe I'll reward you-" he sends a brief wave of vibrating pressure along the bulge pressed against his belly- "for good behavior."

"God, you unbelievable weirdo, how do you actually make that sound good-"

"It sounds good for me." He repositions himself to slide his own bulge along Karkat's, feeling gusts of hot breath down his arm as the smaller troll shudders. "Hold on," he murmurs, the undertone of his breath a low, faint trill as he reaches down to hold both bulges, pressing them together as he strokes. "This is kind of weird," he remarks, then takes a sharp breath as his eyes close. "Shit, you're loving it though."

"I could kill you right now," Karkat pants, bucking hungrily into the touch. "I could just choke you with my bare hands and watch you squirm under me, god that's good, I could break all your fingers and listen to you screaming and begging and I didn't tell you to do any of this, you liar, you stupid nookmunching douchenozzle-"

"I could shut you up and fuck you senseless," Sollux answers breathlessly, grinning. "You'd look pretty good if I just closed your stupid mouth, made you useful for something other than constant fucking whining and - yeah, that's nice - I'm doing what I want," he pants, moving awkwardly in the close quarters. "This is for me, this is mine."

"You bastard," Karkat swears, baring his teeth, "come on, let me touch you."

"Yeah, I should reward your trustworthy and forgiving nature after you threaten to choke me to death." Despite his words, Sollux hesitates, looking pensively through his shades and biting his lip as Karkat arches and rubs against him in frustration.

"Come on," he urges awkwardly, sensing weakness, "you have four horns up there and I bet they're pretty fucking lonely. I want to play with them. Let me get my mouth on them." He pushes against Sollux again as the hand caressing him slows distractedly. "I bet they're soft right now, pulsing just thinking about it-"

"Okay, okay, fine," Sollux hisses, reluctantly releasing his psychic hold. "But if you cross me, I-"

"Thanks, idiot," Karkat snaps, wrapping his arms tightly around Sollux's skinny frame and rolling him off the couch.

"Unf," Sollux manages as Karkat crushes him to the floor. He struggles upward with a hiss, but as hot palms press into the membranes of his horns he lolls back and shudders instead, lips parting in an uncertain moan.

"I knew it," Karkat announces victoriously, lifting Sollux roughly by the arms and bracing him against the bottom of the couch, "pretty lonely up there." Sollux takes in a breath to make a retort just as Karkat throws himself bodily into his lap, straddling his legs.

"God," he coughs weakly as the smaller troll drives a careless knee into his thorax and settles down to grind against him again, all groping hands and ragged, shaking breath. "You're like a musclebeast in heat, with an antique fetish, in an antique shop. And I am - ohhh, okay, that's nice - playing the role of the antique."

"Ask me how many fucks I give about that simile," Karkat suggests, grabbing the larger horns and yanking his head down. "Actually don't, I think you already know."

"Looks like one so far," he observes as Karkat licks one of his small horns, hands roughly squeezing the larger ones.

"That's right," he mumbles against the horn, "you can count all the way to one! Here, have a treat." He pulls back, seizing one of Sollux's hands and guiding it down to his bulge again. "Make yourself useful," he snaps before attaching to the horn like a furious lamprey.

"Oh god, oh, that's...oh, you're spitting in my hair, gross."

"I don't see you throwing me off," Karkat retorts before switching to the other small horn, moving eagerly against Sollux's hand as the psionic guides him closer, presses the bulges together. Sollux’s body goes gradually limp under the stimulation, slumping back against the couch and working both shafts with his hand as his eyelids flutter and Karkat’s hips jerk spasmodically. "Shit, you really like that," Karkat observes.

"Mmm," he sighs. "The hell are you doing?"

"Two guesses," Karkat says, pulling him away from the couch and shoving him to the carpet. "I'm not playing along with your stupid fetish for the number two," he continues, "you just need two because you'll waste the first on snarky unfunny bullshit." He climbs atop the skinny body, grabbing Sollux's wrists when the psionic halfheartedly tries to claw at him.

"Fuck you."

"Come on," he coaxes, nudging one knee between Sollux's legs, toward the nook nestled behind his bulge. "Come on, asshole, I want this."

"You don't even know what you're doing," he says disgustedly, but as Karkat kneads his horn and releases his wrists his eyes half-close, hazy and distracted. "You have - nn - no fucking clue," he continues, his words broken up by the awkward, biting kisses Karkat presses to his mouth. "You're so - mm - inept at this, you should have made me - mmn - sign a personal injury waiver or something, you tried to feed me your tongue and - mmm - you handle my horns like you're trying to snap them off my skull, mm, f-fuck..." He trails off, writhing restlessly.

"Then tell me!" Karkat says in sudden frustration, sitting back to seize Sollux's knees, wrenching his thin legs apart. "Sitting around bitching and not doing a goddamn thing, as always. Tell me what you want, you stupid unpleasable self-pitying nookbiter."

"Maybe you could try not tearing my legs off my thorax!" Sollux whines, rubbing at his wrists and glaring.

"Great, we'll start there!" Karkat retorts, sliding his hands up the slim thighs and caressing the inner joints of Sollux’s hips, massaging with his thumbs and openly staring at him. Sollux’s bulge stands stiff, pale white-yellow droplets beading at the slit. Trying not to think too much about it, Karkat slides one hand up the shaft to press more moisture from the tip, passing his thumb over the it and using the slick, viscous fluid to lubricate his strokes. His own bulge wants attention, heavy and thick between his legs, and touching Sollux instead only worsens it, but he can see Sollux's legs relaxing. "Is that better?” Karkat asks, his voice still sarcastic but suddenly unsteady. “Do all our scrawny limbs feel properly calibrated and limber now, can we stop whining?"

"I think we literally can't," Sollux pants, unwilling to admit his frustration but squirming on the carpet in a way that makes Karkat forget, for a moment, to be nervous. "I mean 'we' as in ‘both of us,’ not 'we' as in 'you using plural pronouns for no reason like a stupid dipshit.'"

"Stop acting ignorant when I'm condescending to you!" Karkat snaps, letting go of his bulge to punch him in the thigh. He sees the small spot of grubsauce on the rug nearby and falters, remembering Sollux’s arrival at his hive, Sollux taking the grubcorn bowl. The movie is still paused, the screen’s light flickering across Sollux’s pale gray skin. It feels as though all these things are from another time and Karkat stops for a moment, lightheaded.

"What are you even - fuck me already, you nookbiting bulgetease," Sollux snarls in what sounds like genuine rage, no longer appeased without a hand on his bulge. "Quit fucking talking about it and just do it.”

“Fine,” Karkat growls as he focuses again, “just-” he arranges Sollux on the carpet, carefully aligns his bulge with Sollux’s nook, nudges experimentally- “give me a minute, shit.”

“I’d be laughing at you if you weren’t frustrating the hell out of me,” Sollux hisses.

“I’d be fucking you if you weren’t such a bitch about it.”

“I’d believe you were doing this on purpose if I didn’t know you were really this inept.”

“Go on,” Karkat snapped, “say another sentence, just fucking try me.”

“What, so you can cut me off by sticking it in? You’re-” Sollux grits his teeth for a moment as Karkat jostles him, clumsily grasping his hips- “not putting anything in my mouth, so I figure you - ngh, fine, it’s in - saw that in blackrom porn and I’m just saying that’s bullshit. I can talk while you fuck me.” Karkat stares down at him in silent awe, frozen in place. “What?” he asks, his expression suddenly nervous. “Shit, did I make a weird face-”

Oh,” Karkat breathes, pushing in further and feeling Sollux clench around his bulge, withdrawing and shuddering as the warm, ridged walls grip and stroke him. “Oh my god.” He looks down to see Sollux smirking crookedly up at him and suddenly the moment is ludicrous, all the impossibly tight, slick warmth enveloping his bulge and Sollux looking insufferably smug about his position, for all the world like he planned it all along and has gained total control of the proceedings. Karkat boggles a little and thrusts back in, half-involuntary as he builds his motions to a greedy pace, fingers digging into Sollux’s narrow hips. “Fuck,” he gasps uncreatively, unable to think of anything else.

“Look,” Sollux pants, his face oddly serious with what looks like concentration, “still talking-”

“Holy shit,” Karkat says, breathless with shock and the sudden realization that after the ordeal of getting into this position he’s not going to last five minutes. The ridges of Sollux’s body press into him in a way he thinks is probably too good to be legal; for all that he never expected this to happen, he fervently wants it to happen again just as soon and as often as possible. Even the sound of Sollux is too much for him, the soft harshness of his breath, the sight of him spread out on the rug, the obscene, wet noise his nook makes - Karkat stops and stares up at the ceiling for a second, unable to look at the place where their bodies join. “I can’t listen to you right now, okay? Shut up.”

To his annoyance, Sollux lets out an unsteady laugh. “Oh god,” he moans, playing it up, “KK, oh, god, oh KK-”

“You bastard,” Karkat swears, trembling, “stop it.”

“Oh my god,” Sollux whines, “you’re so big, KK, I-” He trails off into nasal, manic, half-hysterical laughter, his mouth twisted down in the strangest expression Karkat has ever seen on his face. “I can’t take it," he continues sardonically, "you’ll split me in two.” Karkat shudders and growls, still furiously moving, determined to get every last bit of satisfaction he can take. “KK, oooh,” he moans before arching in shock and falling silent, shuddering as Karkat changes the angle.

“What now,” Karkat snaps, speeding up, his hair hanging damp in his face as his bulge presses harder against Sollux’s internal shame globes. Sollux’s thin fingers twitch and claw at the carpet; he squirms, wordlessly gasping and suddenly wrapping his legs around Karkat’s waist.

“Good, don’t stop,” he pants, his voice a good deal lower and more ragged, “don’t you fucking stop,” and without further ado Karkat pulls out with haste. He liberally spatters red across Sollux’s abdomen and chest, panting, feeling all at once as though his muscles have been excised and replaced with gelatin.

“Oh,” Karkat says shakily, “well, um.” He sets Sollux down and sits trembling on the carpet for a long moment. “I need rug cleaner. My lusus will be so pissed.” Sollux’s smile is gone, replaced by a mouthful of bared teeth and bristling fury.

“You ass,” he snarls, “I never - I didn’t - fuck, I can’t believe you!” Karkat looks at him as he grabs his own bulge and jerks it impatiently, throwing his other forearm over his eyes and letting out a harsh, frustrated sigh.

“I kind of feel like I won,” Karkat says, watching him and storing up the memory. Sollux tenses after a minute, releases his dull yellow genetic material across the red already covering his thorax. Dull orange coronas spread from where the colors mingle. If Karkat’s bulge weren’t softening, slumping tired against his thigh, he would be much more fascinated by the sight of it. “You can use my ablution trap,” he offers.

“Fuck you,” Sollux sighs. “You’re a shitty lay, just so you know.”

“You bitch so much that fucking you is like running a complaints desk.”

“I wouldn’t complain if you didn’t suck.”

“I wouldn’t suck if I got more practice,” Karkat retorts. Sollux looks askance at him, his eyes casting colorful light over his cheekbones.

"Maybe you can. On one condition."

"Listen, it's hard to last on your first try," Karkat says defensively, "everyone says so and that happens to a lot of guys-"

“I’m not,” Sollux interrupts in the decisive manner of one who has been avoiding saying something for far too long, “watching the rest of that shitty movie.” Karkat stares at him, attempts to figure out whether it’s a joke or not, and finds himself woefully unsuccessful.

"Yeah,” he says slowly. “All right."