“Aw, shit. Really? Really?”
There’s nobody around to hear Darcy, or to give her a lecture on about acceptable language in the workplace, because they’re in the middle of nowhere, and her only hope of escape is now dead.
Well, not dead. Just unconscious, and it figures that Loki is the first of the Avengers to drop down in front of her. They’d been facing off against the latest Bad Guy of the Week when Loki, either delirious or trying really hard to keep in the team’s good graces, swooped in and popped them both away to safety. She’s betting more on the delirious part, because as soon as they show up wherever he’s taken them, he collapses. She still isn’t quite sure where the differences between human and Asgardian physiology lie (and no, she’s not going to ask Jane) but figures that since he seems human enough that the basics still apply.
He’s not breathing and she can’t feel a pulse, so she gets down next to him to start CPR. (And yes, she actually knows CPR. Thank you GPA-padding college elective.)
Loki comes around rather quickly, likely due to the whole god thing. They sit in silence for a while, basically staring at each other. She hopes he’s figuring out a way back to New York, because she still has no idea where he took them.
It’s more question than statement, and she doesn’t blame the guy. He’s only just now earning the trust of the team.
“I shall be in your debt until the chance arises for me to return the favor.”
She stands, offering him a hand to help him up.
“Why don’t you get us back and we can call it even.”
4. Captain America
So, Captain America, leader of the Avengers, super-soldier and all around awesome guy is almost taken out by a peanut. Not a bomb, or Doom, or any other number of external forces, but a freakin’ peanut.
They’re at a Mets game (not the Yankees, because they both hate the Yankees), Steve’s treat for all her help in getting him up to speed on the last few decades. She tried telling him that it was necessary, that she enjoyed helping him out, but saying no to Steve when he’s so insistent and charming is like saying no to buying that pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Plus, who else can say that they’ve been on a date with Captain America?
Okay, so it’s really not technically a date, because they’re just friends. But she can pretend it’s a date, because Steve insists on paying for everything, stands up whenever she gets up to go to the bathroom, and he even catches a foul ball for her.
And then the not!date is almost ruined, because she’s telling him a joke and he laughs (because he laughs at all her jokes) and he must inhale a peanut down the wrong tube because he starts choking. And cue her freaking out, because holy shit Captain America is choking and it’s totally going to be her fault if he dies and dear lord the paperwork Coulson will make her fill out if that happens.
Somehow she manages to get her arms around him (there’s a lot of him to get around) and with three strong thrusts the offending peanut comes flying out.
“Thanks, Darce. I owe you one.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Darcy Lewis saved Captain America.
3. Iron Man
“You want me to do what, exactly?”
“Just...get over here, please? Normally Pepper helps in this situation, but she’s not here and your hands seem small enough to make do.”
Darcy sighs, loudly, before she approaches the side of the table that Tony’s currently laying on. She eyes him, then the big hole in his chest, then back to him again.
“I thought with the new reactor you didn’t have any more of these issues?” Note to self- ignore future random texts from Tony about needing help with a special project. He says nothing as she slowly and as carefully as possible lowers her hand into said hole in his chest. And, okay, gross. “Is that pus?”
Tony sighs this time, as though he’s had to explain this before. “No, it’s not pus. And not to pressure you, but time is of the essence here.” As if the reminder is needed she glances up just in time to see the heart rate on the monitor spike.
“I better not see a video of this on YouTube.” Her voice only wavers a little as her fingers seek out the wire in question. She pulls it out just far enough to hand it off to Tony then backs away to let him do the rest. And to find the nearest towel or cloth or discarded shirt to wipe her hand on.
When she glances back up he’s sitting on the table now, arc reactor once again glowing brightly. “Excellent work, Miss Lewis. I’ll expect your bill in the mail. And by that I mean you’ll get first choice of movie for the next movie night.”
And, as gross as it was, she’s totally counting this as saving his life.
So it turns out that Hawkeye, master assassin and expert bowsman, is allergic to bee stings.
And how, exactly, does Darcy know this?
Because their afternoon of doing nothing but strolling around Central Park and eating food that’s entirely too unhealthy for them is, quite rudely, interrupted by a goddamn bee. One second Clint is in the middle of sharing some wonderfully juicy info about Tony (that she’s so using as future blackmail material) and the next Clint is on the ground, his face swelling up.
Though this is totally an acceptable moment to have an awful My Girl-esque flashback, Darcy is totally chill because her seventh grade boyfriend was allergic to peanuts and she knows exactly what to do.
Clint can’t speak, but his eyes widen just a tad in relief and he makes a gesture towards his back pocket. She makes quick work of grabbing the life-saving medicine and tries not to enjoy pulling his pants down too much (because, seriously, when else is she going to get to pull down Clint’s pants?) and jabs him in the thigh. Seconds later Clint’s face is no longer red, he’s breathing much better, and she’s just saved her fourth Avenger.
“We’re not telling Tony about this.”
“Scouts Honor.” She even holds out a hand to help him up, completely ignoring the skeptical look he’s shooting her, which shouldn’t be so skeptical considering she’s just saved his ass. “Okay. So I was only in the Girl Scouts for three weeks. Now hush up, or I will be telling Tony.”
This was starting to get ridiculous. First Loki, then Steve, then Tony, then Clint, and now Thor? Not that, you know, she was against the whole saving lives thing. She was quite in favor of it, really. But weren’t these guys all superheroes, and by definition alone fully capable of saving themselves and not needing the glorified secretary to do the hard work for them?
Apparently not, because while she’s contemplating such things, she’s in the process of slapping the pads of the AED into the correct placement.
Turns out that even Asgardian Gods aren’t immune to the effects of an ill-timed blow to the chest during what was meant as a friendly game of basketball (but anything involving the Avengers was never exactly what one would call friendly) and the force of the hit at just the right time in his cardiac cycle is enough to drop him. Everyone else seemed far too focused on the fact that even that could drop Thor, so, once again, it was up to Darcy to save the day.
She really should ask for some sort of medal. Or at least a raise.
But the AED does its job, and after two shocks Thor is sitting up like nothing happened.
“Another round, my friends!”
+1. Black Widow
Darcy has never really been one to believe in karma or paying it forward or any of that sort of stuff. But, if one should ever be owed favors or need some extra karma stored up, saving the lives of five superheroes can really come in handy.
Like when you’re out for what is supposed to be a relaxing day at the beach with your closest friends. Who just happen to be said superheroes.
Things were going great, really. The weather was perfect, she had a killer bikini on, and the scenery (read: eye candy) was amazing. It’s the first time in months that they’ve all been able to just relax and be themselves. So, of course, that’s when things are bound to go wrong. She just hadn’t anticipated on anything happening to her. Because, seriously? What could go wrong at a beach?
Undertow. That’s what could go wrong.
She likes to think that she’s a fairly decent swimmer, despite being from a landlocked state where the most swimming she had ever done was in highschool because it was a graduation requirement. So when she finally braves the water she’s not exactly expecting the current to be so strong. Or to get pulled under.
The final thought that passes through her mind as things go dark is - Really? Could she have not gone out in, like, a much cooler way?
But then she hears voices and when her vision clears she’s staring up to see Natasha leaning down to cover her mouth, and while this is seriously on her list of fantasies she’s never thought will happen, she knows something is up. That something is confirmed when she starts hacking and coughing and feels herself being rolled onto her side on the beach.
And, dammit, she starts feeling a little weepy when Clint helps her sit up and Steve wraps a blanket around her while Tony flags down the medics headed their way and Thor and Loki serve as crowd control.
Later, when they’re all back at Stark Tower, Darcy speaks up during a quiet part of the movie. “I guess this means I owe you guys now.”
“Nah.” This from Steve, who hasn’t left her side since the medics cleared her.
“We’ll call it even.” This from Clint, who’s sitting on her other side. Everybody else just nods their agreement, and Darcy can’t help but smile.