You must act quickly, Doctor, Donna. If the Others take over Westeros, Stannis Baratheon will never have ruled, Jon Snow never has come back to life, and the Boltons shall rule the North as pawns of the Others. The world will end.
“Well, how can we stop them?” The Doctor asked. “Find Azor Ahai? But who is it? Dany, Jon, Stannis, Victarion, Davos, Hodor, Hot Pie, someone else?”
Forget the false prophecy of the red priests. This is what the Ood legends say: a team of redheads shall find the key to saving Westeros. But beware of the false ones.
“So what, we collect gingers? I love gingers. How many are there in Westeros?”
Not all of them. Look for POV characters and other important ladies.
“Right, off we go! Come, Donna, let’s sort this out!”
“Where do we begin, Doctor?” Donna asked when they landed.
“Well” the Doctor pressed some buttons and looked at the screen “we are in the Riverlands. The closest target is Catelyn Tully, let’s start locating her. She must be in Riverrun, with her dying father.” Stepping out, he added “Maybe we could ask those outlaws if we are near…”
“If it’s too far we can correct the coordinates and land in the right-“
“Doctor! There are hanged people on the trees!”
“Well, it’s the Riverlands, it’s a war, what else should we expect? Everyone hangs people, Northerners, the Mountain, the Bloody Mummers, Tywin…”
“Doctor, they are all FREYS!”
The Doctor stopped the merry babbling and looked at the bandits closing in.
“Oh. Wrong time.”
Lady Stoneheart walked up to them and made a gesture to her men.
“She means ‘Hang them’ ” Thoros explained.
“But we are not Freys, look at us, do we look like Freys?”
“Oi! We are on your side! Mostly.”
Stoneheart gave them a death glare.
“Hang… them” she forced out the words.
“Nononono, listen, this is a misunderstanding, I’m the Doctor, I came to he-” but they already grabbed them both.
(Rule 11 of ASoIaF: if you travel in the Riverlands, you WILL be caught at one point by the Brotherhood.)
“Please, listen, spare Donna, she’s innocent, just hang me if you have this urge to hang someone, right?”
“Oi! Shut it, spaceman! If we hang, we hang together!”
“Maybe not” a voice added and a gunblast vaporized Lady Stoneheart.
“Well, if I am correct, and I usually am, THAT was not Westerosi technology” the Doctor remarked. “And I’m terribly sorry to inform you, Captain, but you just killed the person we came for.”
The Brotherhood watched the man emerge in awe and fear.
“O mighty sorcerer” Thoros said “what was the magic you used?”
“Oh, it’s just an ordinary laser gun.” Jack turned to the Doctor. “Sorry, Doctor. We could pick her up from the past, couldn’t we?”
“Possibly, yes. Could you just untie us?”
“Sure” Jack noticed Gendry and walked up to him with that shining smile. “Hello, I’m Captain Jack Harkness. How about you?”
“Ser Gendry Wa-“
“Captain, this is not the best time!”
“I was just…”
“Stop it and hurry.”
Stannis Baratheon raised his sword and was about to strike when he heard a voice. He could have sworn it sounded a bit tree-like.
He looked up, irritated, and stared at the heart tree. It stared back.
“I don’t like these Northern tricks” he said. “Don’t say me you are a talking tree. That’s nonsense.”
“Then why are you talking to him?” the man kneeling before the block pointed out.
“Shut up, Turncloak.”
I need you to listen, the tree said.
“I said shut up. Besides, you killed him.”
No, he didn’t.
“Is this some kind of jape? I am not amused.”
Stannis Baratheon, listen. He didn’t kill me. This is important: they are coming.
Not just the Others. Something else. Something much, much worse. Two realities that should have never met are in touch. Things are coming through. Bad things.
“Well, I don’t understand half what you say, tree boy, but if there is another enemy, we will fight them and defeat them or die in the attempt.”
You are no match for their power. Not even dragons are, and they are far, so far even my eyes cannot see them, hidden by the Shadow. But there is someone who can help, and he is already here. Look for the blue box.
And with that, the tree fell silent.
“I don’t know if that was Bran Stark or what you Northerners call the Old Gods, but sure as hell it likes cryptic comments. Detail on the enemy, a name or how they look? Oh, NO. Drama? Yes. Turncloak, it would seem I need you alive.”
“Your Grace, if I may-“
“You may, Lady Asha.”
“He said something about a blue box. Mayhaps you could look for it in your fires.”
“I shall. But first we go and teach the Bastard his place. I have waited long enough - the trap is complete and scouts say he’s coming. Whatever this new enemy is, we have a better chance against it inside Winterfell.”
“Lady Catelyn, you have three visitors. I told them you must needs soon depart for the wedding but they insisted even more when they heard that. Would you see them?”
“Well, I guess I have no choice.”
The strangers waited downstairs, and there was something about them that told Catelyn to trust them, and she was not very trusting lately.
Well, Grey Wind letting the thin young man pet him was a good sign.
“Oh, hello, Lady Stark, I’m the Doctor, this is Donna, and-“
“Captain Jack Harkness, my lady” the dashing gentleman kissed her hand and she felt herself blush.
“You are very gallant, good ser…”
“Jack, not now” the Doctor interrupted. “Lady Stark, we need your help. Do you know about the Others?”
“Yes, but aren’t they just a legend?”
“Oh, no, they are very real, and they are growing stronger and stronger. Not yet, they will need a few more months, but soon they will get through. The Wall will fall, and then nothing can stop them. We need to prevent that.”
“And how can I help, Ser Doctor?”
“Just Doctor, please. An old prophecy says the key to defeating Others is the brave red-haired women of Westeros. We do not know how exactly it would work, but I know you are all brilliant, so if we can get you together in the TARDIS, we will find the way.”
“But… I soon have to depart for the Twins.”
“Oh, we can bring you back here, five minutes later. Nobody would notice you were gone.”
“Catelyn, you should really not go to that wedding” Donna said. “neither should Robb, or anyone, for that matter.”
“Donna, please, it’s a fixed point in time.”
“I don’t understand half what you say, Doctor” Catelyn said “but something tells me to follow you.”
“Oh, that’s my Lady Stark, the woman who fought an armed assassin with her bare hands. I admire you, I really do. Now let’s go. I must warn you, this will look a bit… strange.”
“What is this box, Doctor?”
“It’s the TARDIS. Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.”
“Well… magic. Sort of. Go, take a look.”
Catelyn entered and she could not believe her eyes.
“This is the most marvelous thing I have seen” she said finally. “What kind of magic can do that? Are you from Essos?”
“Oh, a little bit more far than that. I’m from Gallifrey. Another planet.”
“Well, you see, this place you live on, Westeros, it’s on a planet. You can sail round it. There are other places like this, a lot of other places. All those stars on the sky have planets that circle around them, millions, isn’t that fascinating?”
“It’s… it’s a bit terrifying. It makes me feel so tiny. And your… planet, Doctor, is it far from here?”
“It was… very far. They are all very far. But not for the TARDIS. She can go anywhere in time and space. Lady Catelyn, when this is done, I will take you for trip. Would you like it?”
“Oh… yes. I think yes. But where are your companions, Lady Donna and the good captain?”
“Oh, no, I always TELL them not to wander off!”
But as the went outside, they found them fairly easily. Donna was chatting with some maids who insisted to give her a proper, warm winter dress, and Captain Jack was flirting with Dacey Mormont.
“Sorry to interrupt, but we have to go. Donna, you look very good in that. Jack, you better be wary, she might turn into a bear and eat you - kidding, just kidding, right? So, everybody into the TARDIS, NOW!”
The box, the blue box. It was always there in the last few days, always in the fire, surrounded by so many foes. Melisandre saw unspeakable things, men of metal marching and bringing death, abominations no man was meant to see, shadows that devoured everything (that one was fascinating in a really sick way), living stone creatures, grotesque masked things dressed in lace and velvet, a laughing man who looked into her eyes and she heard drums in her head till she had to scream in pain, warriors of ice who looked a lot like Others, and in the end, emerging from the darkness, she saw them, and they filled her with horror. They were unholy, servants of the Great Other, and she knew, she knew the name that was escaping from her. The name of the man who could help.
“Doctor” she screamed. “Doctor, help us!”
"Doctor, where are we going?" Catelyn cried while trying to hold onto something. Anything.
"We caught a distress signal! The TARDIS responds automatically!" he explained hastily while pulling some mysterious objects.
"Does he always talk like this?" she asked Donna.
"Pretty much all the time. You get used to it."
The shaking stopped.
"Aaaand, there we are!" The Doctor hurried to the door, flung it open, and almost fell out. Jack grabbed him by the coat and pulled him back. "Okay. We landed on top of the Wall. I bring it down to the courtyard in a moment."
Not much later they stepped out on the court of Castle Black.
"I thought it was cold at Riverrun. I take it back" Donna said.
"Is it just me, or do those armed guys look a bit hostile to you?"
"State your name, intent and allegiance!" A man with a flaming heart on his surcoat demanded.
The Doctor showed him a piece of paper.
"Well, I'm Ser Doctor of TARDIS, this is Lady Donna of House Noble and Captain Jack of House Harkness. And, erm... Lady Romana." He whispered to Catelyn "I'll explain later!"
"Erm... Doctor, it won't work. Ser Axell knows me."
Ser Axell looked at her as if he has seen a ghost.
"But... but you are-"
"Nononononono, Ser Axell, please shut up! Lead us to Lady Melisandre. If I'm correct, we are expected."
Melisandre looked really relieved when she saw them.
"Doctor! You heard my call. Thank R'hllor."
"How did you know about me?"
"I saw you in my fires. You and your blue box, surrounded by enemies. Oh, there were thousands of them. Thing I have never seen before. Beings that serve the darkness."
"Well, no, actually, some of them are quite decent. Once in a while."
"Your companions scare me. The man who cannot die, the woman who should be dead."
"What?" Donna and Catelyn asked.
"Please, Melisandre, this is complicated, we are time travellers, so please don't say things like that."
"What did you mean, the woman who should be dead?" Donna asked. "Which one of us?"
"I... it's just what the fires showed me. Sometimes I interpret them wrong."
"Oh, right. We cannot know because spoilers?"
"What is a spoiler?" Melisandre looked confused.
"Listen, this is not the right time. Tell me, Melisandre, what was it you saw, what made you cry out for me? I came to help against the Others. Are they attacking soon?"
"I did not see them, Doctor. They stay hidden from me. No, it was something else. Something that came here after you."
"Let me get it right" the Doctor said. "When are we exactly? Lord Snow?"
"Dead and put in an ice cell."
"Oh, right, sorry. No reliable news about Stannis then?"
"The Bastard of Bolton sent a letter saying he was dead, but I do not believe it. My king would never let us down, never."
"You've got faith, that's good, that's important. Once, it was faith that brought me back."
"I do not have anything else, Doctor. Only my god."
"Well, now you have helpers." Captain Jack grinned.
"Yes, you can be sure the Doctor will sort these Others out. He always does." Donna smiled at her and took her hand.
"I hope you're right, Lady Donna. And..." she looked at her for a bit longer "there is something on your back."
"Why do people keep saying that? Cat, do you see anything?"
The Doctor was deep in thought.
"Now tell me, Melisandre, what frightened you so much that you cried out for me? You are a brave woman. Something tells me I would disagree with some of your methods, but you are brave. What did you see?"
Davos couldn't believe his eyes when he finally saw the walls of Winterfell, but Rickon and Shaggydog running forward convinced him it was not just in his mind.
"At last" he sighed. "I thought we wouldn't make it, Osha."
The way here was quiet, awfully quiet. They came across a few dozen dead people, but they behaved like the dead should. No wights - and they had to fight off wights on their way from Skagos. But that stopped weeks ago, and ever since then, no sign. The Wall still stood, although they heard about the murder of the Lord Commander.
At least, Winterfell was in his king's hands. After hearing rumours of his death, then rumours of his victory, this was the first proof: the banners on the walls.
The men looked at him like he was a ghost, even though Lord Manderly's game was revealed before the king took Winterfell. And some were not happy to see him alive, he knew.
Finally, he saw Rickon safe, and he could kneel before his king.
"Rise, my lord" Stannis said. "I will not have you kneeling after all you have done. Come, you all need a proper dinner, and we have much and more to discuss."
Davos never expected the subject of discussion would be whether they have seen a blue box, and a strange fleet coming from the night sky.
"I see it in the fires every time, ever since the heart tree spoke to me" Stannis said. "They look like ships, but no one has seen such ships in our harbours. And they fly. They come from the sky, and they bring death. I know that."
"That's likely bad news" the Doctor said. Whatever ships the priestess saw, they did not belong here. "Melisandre, come with us. A prophecy says the redheads of Westeros have some knowledge, something that will activate in the time of need. First of all, we shall pick up more of you."
"My daughter Sansa" Catelyn said. "You could free her from King's Landing!"
"Well, actually, she is not in King's Landing anymore" Captain Jack said. "Doctor, we could use my vortex manipulator to bring her here. That way you can go for Ygritte, Lysa, and let's see - anyone else?"
"All right. Yes. Go fetch her, Captain, and no flir-"
Captain Jack already vanished.
"How did he-" Melisandre looked at his empty chair. "Doctor, is this some kind of magic?"
"Well, no, not exactly. Time travel is tricky. You will soon see. We are going back - right here, only a few months earlier. Before you arrived."
"Between us, I find it just as weird as you" Catelyn whispered to her.
Alayne stepped out of Lord Robert's room, exhausted. The boy was getting worse every day, and she could not voice her suspicions.
"Hello" a handsome man in a long coat appeared in front of her. "I'm Captain Jack Harkness."
"I'm Alayne Stone, natural daughter of the Lord Protector. Excuse me, ser, but how did you get here? it looked like you just... appeared out of thin air."
"Oh, you will soon see. I'd have a word with this Lord Protector. And on the way there, a word with you... Sansa Stark."
Lord Baelish looked up from his book.
"Oh, sweetling. We have a guest?"
"Father, this is Captain Jack Harkness."
"Lord Baelish. What a pleasure."
The Lord Protector smiled but it did not reach his eyes.
"Why don't you share a cup of vine with us, good captain?"
"Maybe because you very likely poisoned it, you son of a bitch. And also because of this." He took out his gun.
"Captain, please don't! He saved my life!"
"He betrayed your father and he wanted to have you for himself. He lies every time he opens his mouth."
"Guards!" Lord Baelish cried. A bunch of his men burst into the room. "Kill that man!"
"This will be fun" Captain Jack said as three arrows pierced him.
Ygritte started to get on the Doctor's nerves after only ten minutes in the TARDIS. "What does this do?" "Ships from the sky, tell that to your grandma!" "Southern boy!" "Then space boy, what do I care!" and of course, the inevitable "You know nothing, Doctor!"
It was Donna who finally shouted at her. "Ygritte, I don't mean to be rude, but could you just. SHUT! UP! NOW!"
"Thank you, Donna" the Doctor said. "And now comes the tricky part. We have to get Lady Lysa. I really start to doubt the Ood's sanity. They obviously never tried to get so many redheads in one room."
"Lysa would be in the Vale" Catelyn said. "Are you sure you want to get her? She's a bit weird lately."
"Oh, you mean 'crazy', don't you? Nevermind. We will materialize the TARDIS around her. Hold on, everyone!"
Catelyn sometimes wondered if the consoles were meant to sparkle and nearly explode every time they moved with the TARDIS. She was getting used to the concept of it, but she began to suspect that the effects had more to do with "looking good" than with necessary. She smiled. Oh, Doctor. I think I'm starting to like you.
And all of the sudden, Lysa appeared on the floor of the TARDIS, looking around in absolute shock. Then she saw her and screamed.
"You! He... he pushed me because he only loved you!"
"I... how am I alive?" She was hysteric. "I was falling, he pushed me out of the Moon Door, and... WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!"
"Shhhh" Donna embraced her. "You're safe. We came to help. I'm Donna. I promise you, nobody's going to hurt you here."
"I... I... he lied to me all those years!" She began to sob on Donna's shoulder.
"Why did I think again this was a good idea?" the Doctor asked.
It took a good ten minutes for Lysa to calm down.
"I will kill Petyr" Catelyn said.
"Cat, wait, how are you-" Lysa began but Donna put her hand on her mouth gently. "Don't. It's complicated. Just like you." She whispered. "Don't tell her."
"As for Petyr, where is Jack? He should be back by now" the Doctor said.
"Jack is your friend? What if Petyr killed him?" Lysa asked. "That man is capable of anything."
"Oh, Jack will definitely surprise him."
It was a cold morning in Braavos, and snow covered the roof for the first time. The nameless girl hasn't seen snow since... she couldn't even remember. It was another life.
"Who are you?" the kindly man asked.
Lately, he didn't tell her she was lying. He smiled as usual.
"You will go to Westeros and deliver the gift to a man. You do not know him."
"What's he called?"
"It will not be easy, girl. He is no mere human, and for that I will give you specific information on how he can be killed. And you will have a new face. Someone he knows. Someone he would trust with his life without thinking."
"Pretty or ugly girl this time?"
"You will be a woman. Your first taste of adulthood. Come."
Petyr Baelish and his men looked a bit confused. Well, when the man came back to life the first time they assumed he was just not killed properly (although an arrow through the heart would usually count as "properly") but when he did it the second time, even the Lord Protector was a bit scared.
"So, where was I?" Jack said. "Ah. Killing you." He picked up his gun. "Any last words, Lord Baelish?"
"You are... inconceivable!"
"Oh come on, I thought you were Genre Savvy enough not to say that..."
"Kill him!" Petyr cried, backing away to a wall in terror. "Kill this CREATURE!"
"We tried, m'lord..."
"Well, do it AGAIN! Behead him, burn his body, scatter the ashes, ANYTHING!"
"Yep, been there, done that. Multiple times." His eyes were a little icier now. "Do you think it was fun?"
The last thing Lord Baelish saw was the flash of the gun.
He had been dead, he remembered that. He remembered the Doctor crying helplessly. Bitter triumph. Pain. Then peace. Knowing that eventually he would be brought back by his-
Except he was not on Earth and he lay in the debris atop of something that looked like a pyramid.
He sat up and looked into a pair of golden eyes. Of a huge, white reptilian thing that didn't look like any familiar alien. It did, however, remind him of something that never existed.
"Why, hello there" he said. "You are lost, aren't you? I can sense that, my friend. You were imprisoned for so long. Oh, I know what it feels like. Hey, would you just STOP BEHAVING LIKE A LOVE-HUNGRY PUPPY? Get off me, you big scaly fool! You are a dragon, for Rassilon's sake!"
Now that was something he never thought he would utter.
"And that sad look won't work on me, okay? Where am I?"
He could perfectly understand his thoughts, but what he made out made his head ache.
"Oh, no. You have GOT to be kidding! No way. I can't possibly be in MEEREEN! I was just reborn, do you want me to die of boredom?"
It was clear that whatever brought him back, it wasn't his cult. They couldn't have sent him in a fictional universe. Not even humans can be that stupid. Something here WANTED him.
"Oh, tell me. Is the Doctor here too? Why, of course he is. How about we find him? Oh, yes, you want your mama. If anyone, he can help you in that. Trust me, I have known him for nine hundred years."
He had no idea where they were going, but the dragon seemed to understand "Doctor" and set on towards West. Well, it was as good as anything. He had to sort out things first. Wreaking havoc could come afterwards.