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Beyond the Gates

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The dogs are out in the yard when Jared comes home from work, and that’s his first clue right there.  His stomach does that little flutter of anticipation.  He pets the mutts but leaves them out.  The invitation is always Jensen’s to issue and Jared’s to accept.  Just the way they’ve always done it.  Jared comes in through the kitchen, and there in the hallway, on the table where he drops his keys, are Jensen’s leather leash and the choke-chain collar.

It’s on like Donkey Kong.

Jared smiles and looks around.  Sees the top of Jensen’s head on the arm of the love-seat where he’s sleeping, or pretending to sleep.  And yeah, Jared can work with this.  He toes off his shoes, snaps the leash to the collar and makes a loop of the cool chain.  One chance to do this clean and simple. Otherwise he’s going to have to overpower Jensen by force or lose “the integrity of the scene,” which will result in Jensen losing the mood and them going out to dinner instead of whatever intensely kinky sex Jared can come up with. Jensen should have been an actor, Jared thinks sometimes.

His sock-feet are quiet on the tile and then the carpet as he creeps closer.  Jensen sighs in his “sleep” and rolls a little on the short couch, head tipping a small bit more to the side.  Jared’s move is quick and well-practiced at this point in their relationship.  Sliding the choke-chain over Jensen’s head at the same time as he rolls him the rest of the way off of the couch, face-down on the carpet.  He follows him down.  Covers Jensen with his weight, knee in his back.

“Oof, Jared, fuck.”  Jensen sounds stunned and winded and Jared uses the second that gives him to get one of Jensen’s arms up behind his back.

“What’s the safe-word?”  Jared asks, glad he can’t see Jensen rolling his eyes at the question this time.  Jensen doesn’t answer and Jared twists the leash around his hand again, pulls the collar tighter.  “Jensen,” his tone low and warning.  Fucking stubborn shit.  It’s gonna be one hell of a scene if it’s starting out this rough.

“Jeff Morgan,” Jensen says with a snarl and Jared almost laughs because he knows Jensen’s saying that name because it should make Jared jealous, make him angry.  As if they both didn’t know that Jeff would never be able to do this for Jensen, to give him what he needs.

Jared takes the loose end of the leash and gets Jensen’s wrist tied.  Holds it down with his knee while he struggles for the other one as Jensen tries to keep him from pinning it.  There’s plenty of slack between the collar and his wrists, and Jared takes it up as he forces Jensen to his feet.

“Think it’s gonna be that easy?”  Jensen hisses as he struggles.  Already he’s got the knots at his wrists starting to loosen and Jared needs to get this into the playroom quick.  Jensen won’t choke himself on the collar.  It’s one of the few things Jensen can do that will cause Jared to be the one to safeword.  But if he gets his arms free, Jensen will do his best to get that leash out of Jared’s hands and break free.

“What I think is, easy or not I’m gonna fuck you,” Jared says, “And then I’ll hurt you some, and then I’ll fuck you again.”

---------

Jensen was bleeding when Jared met him.  A pretty man in a tight t-shirt on the barstool next to Jared’s.  His lower lip was split on the left side, that eye swollen and reddened, sure to go purple by morning.  He kept dabbing at his lip with a napkin but not holding it long enough to make it quit oozing.  He drank whiskey on the rocks with the pink straw the bartender had given him.

Even bruised up he was stunningly attractive.  Green eyes and long lashes, strong jaw and full lips.  Jared would have introduced himself, started a conversation, but more than anything the man looked pissed off, like trouble Jared didn’t need, and so he kept his mouth shut.

And then this guy comes walking up, taller and broader than Jared, and that doesn’t happen often. Cut over the bridge of the nose and both eyes dark under them like it’s broken.  He looks shaky and strung out, hands fisted at his sides.  “God-damn it, Jensen. You think you can just walk out?”  he asks, loud enough that the bar goes quiet and a drag queen gets the vapors.  “Think you can do this to me, you fucking freak?”

And the pretty-boy with the split lip, he doesn’t look scared, just tired and annoyed.  Turns on the barstool and stands up.  Jared stands too, not sure what he intends to do, maybe try to calm the two guys down and break it up.

“Not in the mood means not in the mood, fuck-tard.”  Pretty-boy’s tone is sharp, biting, and Jared would have been surprised if the big guy hadn’t taken a swing at him for that, given their apparent history.  Jared steps forward like he’s going to be the knight in shining armor, but frankly he’s too used to his size avoiding fights and he’s not prepared for just how damn fast everything happens.

The big guy swoops in, arm flying, fist aimed at that pretty bruised face, but Jensen ducks the swing, catches the big guy’s arm at wrist and elbow and his knee comes up, hitting the guy in the gut with a whoomp.  The big dude crumples to the floor, holding his solar-plexus and gasping for breath.

“Jensen?” Calls a voice from by the door and Jared looks over along with most of the room.  Some long-haired dude in a cowboy hat is standing there half in and half out.  “You comin’ or what?”  And Jensen looks down at the man on the floor one last time.

“Stay away from me, Vince.  I mean it.”

Vince groans and Jensen turns and walks out without a single glance back.

-----------

Jensen struggles all the way to the playroom, fighting Jared for every inch closer they get to the room.  Jared retaliates by shoving his hand down the front of Jensen’s pants and grabbing him by his nuts, squeezing and pulling him forward by them.  Jensen starts a hissed chant of “Shit shit shit,” but his dick is hardening against Jared’s wrist and he’s distracted from his resistance enough to get him in the room and the door closed behind them.

Jared throws him onto the bed and hurries to the cabinet he stores all their toys in.  Restraints.  Before anything else, he needs restraints.

Jensen is still fighting to loosen the leather leash around his wrists when Jared gets back with the cuffs.  Wrists first and then elbows. Hospital-grade gear rigged up into fetishist’s configurations. Jensen tries to twist away as Jared grabs his ankle, kicks but misses as Jared flips him face-down and gets him hog-tied. He loosens the collar then, pulls it off over Jensen’s head. When he’s done they’re both panting and out of breath.  Jared’s grinning.

“The things I’ve got planned for you,” he says and Jensen shivers.  First, that hard fucking he promised.  He gets safety-shears and lube while Jensen wriggles on the bed, trying to find an angle where he can sit up, defend himself or escape.

He pulls Jensen’s jeans up out of the cuffs. Slices through denim and the cotton of his underwear at the same time.  Jensen clamps his thighs together and flushes at the friction as Jared drags the rough denim from between them.

Jared hums his appreciation and slides his hands over the bared skin, and then runs the back of the scissors over it too, to see Jensen twitch against the bare metal.  He’s gotten quieter, doing whatever it is he does in his head, but that’s the point of this whole thing, and Jared’s glad to give it to him.

When he’s got Jensen naked, Jared goes for the lube.  Gets himself slicked up good.  Jensen resists, clenches tight against the intrusion of Jared’s finger.  “That’s how you want it, eh?” Jared asks, but he’s mostly talking to himself.  He unsnaps the ankle-cuffs from the other bindings but leaves them on in case he needs them later.  And to tell the truth, he loves the look of Jensen’s strong ankles wrapped in stark black leather.  

He has a tiny moment of indecision.  Face up? Face down?  Face down is safer. Less chance of Jensen kicking him or something, but he likes to watch Jensen’s face as he’s fucked.  In the end he rolls Jensen onto his side and lifts Jensen’s top leg up over his shoulder, his hip raised from the bed’s surface.  It takes some balance, but he’s got that sweet hole right where he wants it, and he can see Jensen’s face, the line of his throat.

Jared nudges Jensen’s hole and feels him clench tighter.  He pulls Jensen’s top leg a little higher.  Gets a good grip on his upper thigh with the other hand.  Lines it up and pushes, pushes, spearing Jensen open on his cock, wedges himself into that incredible tightness.  Watches as Jensen’s head tips back, lips part and a harsh groan of pain and pleasure is wrung from his throat. Jared pushes in until he bottoms out, and Jensen can only hold that clench so long before he trembles and Jared can feel the slightest lessening in the pressure.

He pulls out and pounds back in hard.  Rocking Jensen with each thrust, fucking into him without holding back.

The collar and leash are still on the bed and Jared grabs the folded leather in his free hand.  Close, so close.  He slaps the leather down against Jensen’s hard cock, startling a yelp out of him as Jensen jerks back from the pain.  He clenches down at the shock of it and Jared’s coming, coming, so fucking good, so fucking tight.

-------------

Jared doesn’t see the green-eyed pretty-boy again for weeks, and he stops thinking of him, stops wondering if he went back to the punch-happy asshole or if he ended up with the guy in the cowboy hat.

The second time Jared meets Jensen he doesn’t recognize him right away.  Jared figures it’s not his fault; he’s sort of preoccupied with his sick dog.  Jared had woken in the middle of the night to Sadie whimpering and throwing up everywhere, blood on his floor.  The regular vet wasn’t open at that hour, but the answering service gave him the number of a good emergency clinic.

Between being sleep-deprived and half out of his mind with worry over his baby girl (who had eaten a folded metal beer bottle cap, stupid dog), Jared doesn’t even realize he knows Dr. Ackles until the post-op consultation, and by then he’s so tired and wrung out that he isn’t thinking past his relief. Doesn’t care that his dog’s vet is also a pretty-boy named Jensen who has bad taste in boyfriends.

Dr. Ackles isn’t there when he comes back the next day to pick up Sadie, and an idea begins to form that has more to do with attraction than gratitude. Jared comes back alone at 10PM with a thank-you note and a Starbuck’s gift-card and a plan to ask Jensen out to breakfast.

As first dates go, it’s a disaster.  Jensen is exhausted after a night of work.  He smells of disinfectant and wet dog. Jared is up way earlier than usual and he can’t expect to be at all charming.  The restaurant is packed with the breakfast crowd, the coffee is weak and Jared’s omelet is under-cooked.  Jared tries to make small-talk, but Jensen is all two-word answers.  He sits stiff-backed in his seat and picks at his food and barely looks at Jared at all and Jared isn’t sure why he even said yes to the date if he’s so obviously not into it.

They say their goodbyes and are walking back to their separate cars and Jensen’s steps suddenly stop.  “Wait,” he says, not loud, but quick, and so Jared does.  “I’m not used to this,” he says, “To dating.  Nice guys.  But I like you.  Can we try again?”

And Jared, well.  He’s not a glutton for punishment, but something tells him this one just might be worth the risk.  He’s grinning and nodding before Jensen can change his mind.

“Dinner?”  Jensen offers.  “Wednesday. I’ve got the day off.”

“It’s a date,” Jared says and steps towards Jensen.  It’s too soon for a kiss, not after the failure of their first date. A hand-shake would be too formal, and a fist-bump would probably be douchey under the circumstances, but just walking away without a gesture is weird too.  Before he can over-think it (more than he has), Jared yanks Jensen into his arms and hugs him tight around the shoulders.  Quick and then steps away again.

“Go home,” Jared says, “Get some sleep.”

And Jensen laughs, “You too, man.”

-----------

Jared pulls out and lowers Jensen’s leg to the bed.  He takes just a moment to appreciate the view: Jensen’s long body as he curls his legs up, protective of his recently-slapped dick and the muscle-soreness of his ass.  He twists and tries to crawl towards the head of the bed but he’s shaky and weak.  He hasn’t come yet, but Jensen doesn’t come easily when he’s like this; it’s something else Jared has to work for.

“Look at you,” Jared sighs as he grabs Jensen’s ankle and pulls him back.  “God, you’re beautiful.”  He flips him onto his back and pulls a little further.  Jensen starts to struggle as Jared clips one ankle restraint to the bracket on the foot of the bed.  The second one is harder to latch as he twists and fights.  Jensen won’t obey to avoid pain, it’s not the way he plays, but it can startle him into giving Jared a second. Jared brings a hard slap down on the inside of his thigh that makes Jensen yelp and jump and in the aftermath Jared gets the second ankle fastened.

Jensen fights the restraints, ankles locked to the bed and his arms still behind him, and Jared lets him pull and twist for a bit, lets him burn some energy on that.  His eyes are unfocused, his lips parted.  Lost in that place that only Jared can give to him and bring him back from again.  God he wishes he could lick those lips, push his dick into that mouth.  It turns him on that he can’t, that he doesn’t dare.

He goes to the closet and gets one of the padded wedges.  Pulls Jensen up off of the bed by his hair enough to shove it under his shoulders and then a couple pillows so his weight isn’t crushing his bound arms.  He wants Jensen to see what Jared’s going to do to him.

He runs his hands over the smooth planes of Jensen’s body.  Over his tense shoulders and heaving chest.  He tweaks his nipples, just to see him jump.  He brushes his fingertips over Jensen’s hip bones, over the concave curve and the jut of his pelvic bone.  He smiles at the sight of Jensen’s cock, hard and leaking and striped with a bright welt where Jared struck it.

“God, this is pretty,” he says as Jensen’s cock twitches eagerly.  “But I’m afraid we need to take it down a notch before we can start.”

Jensen shakes his head.  Refusal or just a random self-repeating gesture, Jared isn’t sure.  From the cabinet, Jared pulls his surprise.  Comparatively mild in the pain it’ll cause, milder than the leash, certainly. Given where Jared plans to use it, mild is plenty.  The best part, Jared thinks, is how utterly banal it is, how often Jensen is going to see the same object at home, at work, at the coffee shop.

Out of Jensen’s sight, he rolls the newspaper into a loose column.  Tests it on his own arm and finds it perfect.

“Don’t,” Jensen whispers as he sees it.  Squirms and bucks against the restraints.  He’s going to fall off the end of the bed if he keeps it up, and Jared can’t have that.  He gets the collar again, slips the chain over Jensen’s head, pulls it almost snug and clips the leash to the headboard.  It makes him nervous, frankly, to use it, but the shears are right there and it turns Jensen on like little else.

“Fuck,” Jensen moans.  Twists what little bit he still can.  Eyes on the newspaper and a flush on his cheeks.  Jared can see the throb of his pulse under the gleam of sweat on his throat.

“Think this’ll work?”  Jared asks.  He brings the paper down on Jensen’s cock Jensen squeaks and jerks.  “It’s okay, baby,” Jared reassures him.  “Scream if you need to.”  By the third stroke, Jensen isn’t trying to hold his cries back.  By five there are tears on his cheeks.  At seven, he’s so crooked on the bed that the collar is cutting off his air and Jared stops to pull him straight on the pillows and cushion again.

He stops then to evaluate the situation.  Jensen’s cock is bright pink and not as hard as it was.  As Jensen gasps broken not-sobs, it’s softening further and Jared thinks if he’s quick, if he doesn’t handle it too much, that this is probably going to work.




---------


Their second date is a huge improvement on the first.  Jensen and Jared are both fully awake for it, which is a plus; the food at Jensen’s favorite little Italian place is simple and excellent.  Jared puts forth the energy to try to get Jensen to smile, to open up, and he’s rewarded with the sight of Jensen starting to loosen up, to become more animate with his gestures, the twinkle in his eyes and even one bright laugh.  And God, Jensen is more than just beautiful.  He’s smart and funny, with a dry sense of humor and quick wit. 

It’s easier after that, and Jared finds a certain satisfaction in not being like Jensen’s previous dates. Not that Jensen talks about the guys who came before, like at all, but still.  Jared can guess.  He takes things slow and is careful about his temper, even when it’s not directed at Jensen. He doesn’t even yell at the TV, even when the Mavs make the stupidest play in the history of sports.  He lets Jensen be the one to make the first move into more, lets Jensen pin him to the wall and grind into him and say “Jesus, Jay, wanna fuck you so bad.”

Jared doesn’t know if Jensen’s topped before, but he seems to know what he’s doing, prep turning into a tease that has Jared begging for his cock.  And after, Jared whispers “I think I’m in love with you,” when he thinks Jensen’s asleep.

For months it’s good.  Jensen bottoms sometimes, and whatever crap his exes put him through, he doesn’t seem to be traumatized or anything.

The problems start so subtle that Jared misses them at first.  Jensen being more distant, almost bored when he’s bottoming.  Short-tempered on their dates.  Snapping at Jared one second and apologizing the next.  Making plans and then canceling at the last minute.  When he does show up, he’s twice as affectionate, just cuddling or sitting close to Jared before making sweet, gentle love to him.  And then the next day he’s hyper-critical, all “What were you thinking?”  or “You’re seriously going to wear that?”

Until finally, Jared’s had enough.  Not enough of Jensen, just of this weirdness, this attitude from nowhere.  “Are you trying to make me angry?”  He asks at last, “Are you trying to get me to hit you?”  His voice climbing high and loud with his distress.

And Jensen jerks like Jared had hit him.  Blinks like a man coming out of a confusing dream.  “I…No.  I don’t want that for you.”  He looks down at his hands and then finally sighs.  “I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

Jared shouldn’t be surprised, but he is. “No,” he says.  “I like you.  I’m pretty sure you like me. I’m just not what you’re used to dating, you told me that yourself.”

Jensen shakes his head, his eyes sad when they meet Jared’s.  “The problem is, I’m turning you into those guys, Jared.  I like you.  I don’t want to change you, but I will if I stay with you.  I thought I could live without it, what those guys gave me, I thought I could put it behind me.”

“You’re not making sense,” Jared objects, and he wants nothing so much as to grab Jensen by his shoulders and shake him, but of course he can’t. “You need some asshole to smack you around or you can’t be happy?”

“No!” Jensen protests, but then color creeps up his cheeks.  “Not like you’re thinking.  I need other things.  Sex-things.  And you’re…” He runs out of words then, lost and shamed and struggling.


Jared has to sit down.  “That’s what this is all about?  Something I’m not doing in bed?  You’d rather break up with me than confess your naughty secrets?”  He’s pissed, and confused, and hurt.  But most of all, he doesn’t want Jensen to leave him.

“I don’t think you’ll stay with me after you know,” Jensen whispers then.

“Do you like me?”  Jared asks, and Jensen nods.  “Then give me a damn chance.  You tell me what you need and I’ll tell you if I can do it.”

Jensen licks his lips.  “I need to be fucked,” he whispers.  “Held down and fucked.  Tied or overpowered.  So I can fight back against something and still get fucked.”

Jared listens, trying to show nothing but supportive interest on his face.

“I need to be hurt,” Jensen continues.  “The intensity.  I need it to take me outside of myself.”

“Like rape-fantasy?”  Jared asks, trying to wrap his mind around it.

Jensen shakes his head.  “Not really.  I don’t need to pretend I don’t want it.  I know I want it, how I want it.  The struggle is a part of that.  The rough sex.”

Jared plays the idea around in his head.  Jensen slick with sweat and fighting against him.  Wanting it, wanting him, but making him work for it.  Jared’s always thought of himself as a good boy, and good boys don’t want to overpower their boyfriends. Don’t want to leave fingerprint bruises at wrist and hip.  Don’t want to strike them or pinch them or mark them up with bites.  The idea is alien to him, and yet he feels himself start to stir, and he has to adjust himself in his jeans.

He looks up at Jensen, sees Jensen watching Jared’s crotch.  Knowing that the idea got to Jared. That he’s hard at the thought of doing this.  Jensen’s expression of resignation starts to soften with the first glimmers of hope.

“Let me think about it,” Jared says, but what he means is, “Let me do some research so I don’t feel like an idiot.”

“Yeah,” Jensen replies.  “Take as much time as you need.”

---------

Jared holds the device in his hands, feeling the weight of it, the cool heavy rings.  Jensen is panting still, body stretched out so he can breathe when he’d probably rather be curled up around his abused penis.  He’s beautifully vulnerable like this and Jared is proud to be the one Jensen gives this to, trusts with this.

Jared’s stomach is aflutter with anticipation, and his own dick is hard again, curling up to bounce against his belly. He’s tried the toy out on himself, just to make sure it works like he thinks it will.  It’s even easier to get onto Jensen than he thought it would be, sliding the rings of descending size down over his cock.  The largest goes all the way down and Jared shoves Jensen’s balls in through it before he can begin to respond.

Jensen whimpers at the rough treatment and tries to lift his head to see what the hell Jared just did.  Jared unsnaps the leash and helps Jensen sit up.  The choke-chain glitters beautifully against his collar bone.

“Jesus,” he groans when he sees what Jared’s done, the Gates of Hell wrapping his dick in four hard rings of metal, each one the slightest bit smaller than the one before.  Even semi-flaccid, the rings are touching him.  When he’s aroused they’ll be tight, cutting into his erection, binding, constricting.  The last few inches of Jensen’s dick are bare, and Jared has plans for that place.

Jared moves around and crouches between Jensen’s knees.  Smiles up at Jensen’s flushed face.  “This is about to get interesting,” he murmurs.  He breathes out, blowing over Jensen’s cock. Delighted to see it twitch.  “You’re gonna love this,” he promises.  He moves Jensen’s dick, touching only the rings and not skin.  Exposes the tender underside.  He flicks his tongue between the two lowest rings, tasting skin and sex.

Jensen whimpers and starts to squirm.  Jared watches in fascination as his arousal returns, as the rings get tighter and tighter around Jensen’s cock as Jared licks and teases.  As the skin darkens, as the veins rise above the top ring.  He slips his mouth over the tip.  Works the exposed end with his tongue and lips while his fingers find the space between the rings again and he pinches and tugs on the swollen skin.

Jared pulls back to look at the results of his work.  God, Jensen is so obscene like this, so beautiful.  Penis distorted and bulging around the rings.  He flicks the sensitive spot just under the slit and Jensen yelps and jerks away.  Jared goes back to gentle touches. Brushes his lips over the same spot.  Pain and pleasure and all of it ending in Jensen harder, hotter against the rings.

“I wanna see you get hard again,” he whispers, and steps away, to the attached bathroom where he can still see Jensen on the bed as he wets a towel with cool water.  He comes back and lays it over Jensen’s crotch. Smiles as Jensen jerks and swears.  It must feel like ice, with his cock so hard and red.  He cools the towel twice before Jensen is soft again, before the blood can flow through the cock rings.  And then he starts again, finger wet with lube as he circles Jensen’s ass, pushing in against his resistance, riding hard against his prostate.

It’s like watching a magic trick, the way Jensen’s cock rises again, the way it fills the gates.  Jared sucks one of Jensen’s balls into his mouth and then the other, rolling them with his tongue and grazing them with his teeth.  He uses only his lips on the skin in the gaps between the rings, sucks it in and then nips each gap in turn.

Jensen is shaking now.  High little gasps wheezing through his throat.  Thighs trembling as he strains against his bonds.


And Jared would love to cool him down again, would love to make this last all night, but his own erection is starting to ache with the need to be inside of Jensen’s body, to pound into him.

“Gonna make you come,” Jared whispers and he bites at the inside of Jensen’s thigh.  “I’m gonna fuck you so hard you come in that thing.  Wanna hear you fucking scream.”

“Yeah,” Jensen gasps, “God yeah.  Fuck. Fuck.”

Jared unsnaps Jensen’s ankle restraints from the bed and flips him over face-down.  He tries to arch his hips up, to keep his turgid erection off of the bed, off of the rough friction of the sheets, but Jared forces his thighs apart and pushes him down.  He slips the ring of the choke-chain around his middle finger and turns Jensen’s head, pulls the chain snug.

He lines his cock up against Jensen’s hole and pushes into the slick heat.  Looser this time, most of the resistance fucked out of him.  He imagines Jensen’s dick sliding over the sheets and pushes in hard enough to rock them both forward, grinding him down into the bed.

Jensen is crying out through his teeth as Jared slams into him.  Slick with sweat and caught between the collar and the strength of Jared’s hips.  And it amazes Jared, it always amazes him, how much Jensen can take and still be turned on, how much he can take and still come.  He shifts his balance and slips his free hand down under Jensen’s belly.  Grabs Jensen’s flaming hot dick and squeezes, tugs.  He leans back, pulling Jensen up with him and jerks him off as he fucks impossibly deep into his ass.  Looking for that perfect angle, the right motion.

And then Jensen stops trying to muffle his cries, he’s screaming, sobbing, begging.  He can’t ejaculate, bound like he is, but his entire body tenses as he hits his orgasm, trapped in the constriction of the Gates and his own engorged flesh.  Jared stops holding back. Pushes in twice more and lets go.  Lets his own climax wash over him, over them, as he bites the back of Jensen’s neck under the line of the chain.

He lowers them to the bed when it’s over, on their sides, his dick still in Jensen’s ass.  Makes sure the choke chain loosens and that Jensen can breathe but Jesus, that’s about all he has the brains for.  Lies there panting and knowing he needs to get up in just a second, that his duties are not finished.

“Love you,” he whispers against Jensen’s nape.

------

“How can you get what you need if you don’t want to talk about it?”  They’re in Jensen’s living room.  Jensen chose to sit on the lounge chair for this.  Distant and untouchable.

Jared’s done his research, what little help the lifestyle sites can give him. He hasn’t found anything exactly like what he thinks Jensen’s asking for, but all the sites seem to agree that when you’re not sure, ask.  The problem is, Jensen doesn’t want to answer. Doesn’t want to talk about or think too much about what gets him off.

Jensen shrugs and fidgets with a loose thread on the cuff of his sleeve.  “I just.  Told them what I told you and they took care of it. I got what I needed, more or less.”

And that leaves a sick feeling in Jared’s stomach.  “You just told some guy from what, a sex club or something, to fuck you and hurt you and it turned out fine?”

Jensen sighs. The muscle in his jaw clenches. “More times than it didn’t, yeah.  Enough times to make it worthwhile.”  

“I’m not judging you,” Jared breathes out. Screw this distance between them.  He goes to his knees in front of Jensen’s chair and takes his hand. “Just—Jesus.  How easily that could have gone wrong.  I could have lost you before I even had a chance to meet you.”

Jensen rolls his eyes at Jared’s drama, but the quirk of his lips betrays how it makes him feel.

“So,” Jared tries again, “The struggle.  I’m guessing you could probably kick my ass if you were trying.  How is that going to work?”

Jensen relaxes a little more.  “It’s more wrestling than a real fight.  I mean, you can hit me, just don’t mark up my face.  You gotta keep me down though.  If I feel like I could get loose and I don’t, I just—it’s not sexy.”

Jared nods.  He’s half hard in his pants from thinking about this.  “So then I tie you up, I guess, and then what?”

Jensen swallows hard.  “Fuck me, hurt me, use me.”

“Spanking?”  Jared asks and there’s a tease in his voice.  “Toys? You gotta tell me what you’re looking for.”

“Whatever,” Jensen says and Jared just can’t believe that. Can’t believe there’s no limits here.

“Okay,” he says and gets up.  Goes to Jensen’s desk and gets the laptop.  Pulls up one of the sex toy sites he found in his research.  “Okay, we’ll go through and you tell me what looks good and what doesn’t.”

The first page is restraints and Jensen skims the images.  He discounts half of them, either “Too weak” or “I’ll hurt myself fighting that.”

The second page is paddles and floggers and Jensen nods to the whole thing.  “Yeah.  Any of that.”

Next is gags of all sorts and Jensen’s lip curls with distaste.  “If it’s really your thing, then yeah. But seriously, a chipped tooth is a huge turn-off, and I’m gonna bite or fight anything you can get in my mouth.” Jared decides it won’t be anytime soon that he tries that.

Page four is all for girls and they skip that one.

On the nipple clamps page he points to a few he likes best. Dismisses a few others as flimsy.  “Bag of clothespins works too,” he mumbles, embarrassed and Jared rubs his thigh in reassurance.

Page six is butt plugs.  Jensen gives them more consideration.  “I like a stretch,” he admits, “But not like an extreme stretch.  Keep it smaller than your hand.  I mean, unless it is your hand.”

Page seven is cock rings and chastity devices.  Jared watches Jensen’s eyes as they dart over the screen.  “I’m not looking for a long game,” he admits, “Not even like an all-day thing, just a couple hours at most. But yeah, this.  Any of this.”

Page eight is marked XTREME and Jared expects to skip that one.  Sounds and piercing needles.  Electricity play.  But Jensen nods and skims them all.  “Yeah, any of this, too, probably.  I mean, not out of the gate, but you could work up to it.”

Jared nods and puts the computer away.  He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t intimidated.  He’d also be lying if he said he wasn’t as turned on as he’s ever been in his life.

--------

Jared takes the second to get his breath back.  He pulls out slowly, feels Jensen flinch as he slips free.  He gets the choke chain off first, and then works the buckles on his arm restraints.  He’s used to Jensen not talking at this point, as Jared slowly draws him back to the world.  He kisses the strap-marks and moves Jensen’s arms into a comfortable position.  Rubs his elbows and shoulders and wrists.

He rolls Jensen onto his back and slides his hands down his legs to the ankle cuffs and unbuckles those too.  Now all that’s left is the Gates of Hell.  Jared gets the damp towel off of the floor and lays it gently over Jensen’s still-engorged cock.  “Shhh,” he says when Jensen reaches to push it away.  Catches his hands and distracts him with kisses to the fingertips while his erection fades at the cold.  He flips the towel to the cooler side and waits again.  “Sorry, babe, almost done,” he soothes, and when Jensen is soft enough he squeezes his balls back through the base ring and pulls it away.

He takes the toy to the bathroom for cleaning before he stores it away again, and comes back with a warm towel this time.  He starts with Jensen’s face, wiping away the salty tears, the sweat from his throat and chest and belly.  He washes the lube and come from Jensen’s ass.  Kisses the lines left on his cock and the tooth-marks and hand-print on his inner thigh.

“So beautiful,” he whispers, “God, you’re so beautiful when you’re done.”

Jensen sighs, loose and contented. Happily sore and satisfied.  Jared never feels as close to him as in these moments, when his walls are all ripped away and Jensen is so open, so very his.

He’s not the same person he was before they met, but Jensen isn’t either.  They fit.  They work.  In ways Jared never would have thought possible.

“Love you,” Jensen whispers through a throat screamed hoarse.  Jared leans down and brushes their lips together. Kisses him slow and sweet.  Perfect.