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Fuck, fuck, FUCK! He really did it! There was no getting out of this now. If being a reluctant Death Eater wasn’t going to get him in Azkaban, then using an Unforgivable on the freaking Boy Who Lived during a battle certainly would.
Unless… Maybe there was a way Potter wouldn’t find out.
Yes, Draco could Obliviate Potter before getting as far away from him as possible.
“Shit, Potter, I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Draco said although the boy before him wouldn’t understand him. Potter just stood before him with a vacant look in his face.
“Didn’t you ever wonder why I didn’t tell them it was you at the Manor? Yes, I did see it was you, of course I did. Well, would you believe me if I said it was because I never wanted you to get hurt? I know what he would have done with you, what he will do if he gets you now. I don’t want that. I mean, I hated Voldemort. I wanted him gone, I wanted him dead and I wanted him destroyed far beyond repair so he could never hurt anyone else ever again. I still want that and I know you’ll have to do it.”
Draco didn’t know why he was opening up to Potter. Thank Merlin he would never remember any of this. Draco never knew why the Gryffindor always got under his skin like this. He was always there, challenging Draco. He had truly missed that this last year.
Living in the Manor with a Dark Lord and his followers was an experience he never would be able to suppress. The tension and fear was always present, as were the constant idle threats if they didn’t please their Master. Voldemort was not afraid to show his disdain when something went wrong. Or maim or kill his followers for that matter, if they failed him or the cause.
During what would have been his seventh year at Hogwarts, Draco learnt to be invisible and follow orders without question. The things he had seen and done would probably haunt him forever, even though he knew it was the only chance of survival for him and his parents.
“I hated you Potter, I truly did.” Draco sighed. “You might think I was a spoilt and intolerable git, but remember that we were only children. I was used to people being afraid of my father and therefore I got whatever I wanted. But you, the famous Boy Who Lived again and again, you made it clear that you thought you were better than me. You were insufferable, you always got what you wanted, you broke the rules and got awards for it, you were always better at everything, you always managed to beat me and you didn’t hesitate to mock me for it,” Draco spat, irritated. He didn’t know why. but telling Potter all that he was feeling was actually a relief, but now he wanted to know how the other boy would react if he wasn’t under the Imperius.
“Yes, Potter, I hated you, I loathed you and I wanted to destroy you and your friends. Then I was forced to grow up and take responsibility for me and my family. I lived like a prisoner under a madman in my own house. That sort of things gives you perspective, Potter. Don’t get me wrong, you were without doubt my childhood nemesis, but that was all it was – a schoolboy rivalry fuelled by my own jealousy. When I forced myself to re-evaluate you, I could see that you were a powerful wizard and a loyal friend, even though it was hard for me to admit it even to myself. It was you, after all, who refused to be my friend. You should have been the one to come crawling back begging for my friendship. I don’t think I ever gave up on that thought.”
Draco stopped now, afraid to say more. Everything he’d suppressed and refused to mention even to himself. But after the incident in the Room of Requirement, he had decided to do something about these feelings. Coming close to death made him want the answer to a question he hadn’t dared asking before and he now knew that he didn’t want to die before being kissed by another bloke, preferably the boy in his dreams – Potter.
That was why Draco had taken Potter to a secluded alcove to Imperio him. Of course he couldn’t ask for a kiss. If Draco had gone up to Potter, said he couldn’t stop dreaming about kissing him and asking if he could do it for real, Potter would have laughed at him and possibly cursed him as well. No, this way Potter literally couldn’t refuse him, and he wouldn’t remember anything after either.
“Kiss me, Potter!”
***
Harry was dragged across a hallway and hit with a curse before he could react. What was Malfoy’s problem? Harry had literally just saved him from a burning room that would have undoubtedly killed him, and this was Malfoy’s way of thanking him?
Harry hadn’t given in much thought when he had flown after Malfoy earlier. Not more than that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he purposely left someone behind he was able to help or save. Too many people had already died during this war and a spark of compassion had filled Harry, seeing Malfoy scared out of his mind in mortal peril. But now Malfoy stood before him and was using an Unforgivable on him.
Didn’t Malfoy know he could throw off the Imperius Curse? He had been able to do that since his fourth year. Harry had a curse on his lips to stun Malfoy, but did absolutely nothing on a sudden whim. This was a great way to find out what Malfoy was up to. Harry just had to stay here and take in everything Malfoy would say and do. He obviously thought that he controlled Harry at the moment.
Harry had a hard time acting like he wasn’t affected by the things Malfoy said. He was open and vulnerable, but mostly confused and scared in a situation that was out of his league. Harry had never really thought about it earlier, but maybe Malfoy hadn’t had such an easy life. Nor had he had a great childhood, even though he was blessed with everything Harry wasn’t.
Harry almost lost his breath when he heard Malfoy’s demand. He had never even thought about kissing him, or any other bloke for that matter. It was true that he’d only kissed two girls previously, but he wasn’t sure he’d done that very well. The spark he’d seen with other couples just wasn’t happening to him. What if he had missed something? Could you be almost 18 years old and not know about your sexual preference? Now more than ever did he feel like Voldemort had robbed him of not only his childhood, but his teenage years as well.
Harry was shocked to realise that he actually was contemplating going through with this charade. He remembered feeling Malfoy press against him just an hour ago. He had been scared and had clung to Harry for his life so he probably hadn’t been thinking anything remotely close to romance or eroticism, but the more Harry thought about it, the less did he have anything against kissing Malfoy. What could it hurt to kiss him? Malfoy would never tell anyone about it, because he would have to say he used an Unforgivable on Harry and he’d go straight to Azkaban.
“Kiss me now, Potter!”
Malfoy’s demand pulled Harry out of his thoughts. This was it. Either he’d play his part and kiss Malfoy or he’d tell him that he could throw off the curse and probably be hit by another when Malfoy realised that Harry had heard and could remember everything he had confessed.
Without thinking any more. Harry leant forward and pressed his lips against Malfoy’s.
***
For a while, Draco was afraid that he’d messed up the Imperius somehow - Potter seemed hesitant despite his demand. But then he felt Potter’s lips on his and sighed with relief.
Potter moved his lips slowly and tentatively over Draco’s, but it wasn’t enough.
“No, Potter, more. Kiss me like you’ve been dying to do it for months,” Draco pleaded and in an instant, he felt Potter grasp his hair and deepen the kiss. Potter forced his mouth open and claimed him and Draco couldn’t believe that he had ever questioned where his attraction lay.
Potter started kissing his way down Draco’s neck. Draco was blinded by the pure bliss of the other boys touch. “Fuck, Potter, you have no idea how long I’ve been dreaming about this.” Potter only responded by biting his neck. “I want you so fucking much. I don’t know how to stop thinking about you.” Draco lowered his hands down to Potter’s arse and squeezed until Potter whimpered against his skin.
Potter found Draco’s mouth again and started nibbling and sucking on his lips. Draco took a hold on Potter’s arms and flung him around to pin him against the wall. “You don’t know what you are doing to me. I don’t want to like you, I don’t want to feel this fire whenever I think about you. Do you know how close I am from begging you to push me down and take me now, to own me?” Draco started thrusting against Potter and he felt how Potter shuddered under his touch.
Draco needed to get a grip before losing all of his Malfoy pride. “You have to stop, Potter!” Draco panted. “You have to stop because I won’t be able to make myself stop if we keep going.”
Potter stopped kissing him and Draco took a step back to look at him. Nothing in his dreams could live up to the feeling of Potter kissing him or touching him. There was no prettier sight than Potter flushed and hot after a fierce snogging session. Draco didn’t know how he was going to walk away from this now that he had a taste of what life with Potter could be.
“You have a battle to win.” Draco sighed and cupped his hand on Potter’s cheek. “Stay safe, and win, for Merlin’s sake. I can’t stand to lose you, even though I know we can’t have a future together.”
Draco kissed Potter’s lips lightly. “Go.”
When Potter was out of sight, Draco whispered a soft “Finite Incantatem” and “Obliviate.”
***
Harry didn’t do much the first week after the Hogwarts battle. He was in demand everywhere of course, but newly instated Headmistress McGonagall let him stay at Hogwarts, refusing anyone coming close to him. The dungeons had been spared from destruction for the most part, so he was offered a dorm to live in down there until he was ready to pick up his life.
Harry spent several days sleeping with the aid of Dreamless Sleep potion and he was thankful for that. The things going through his head were enough to deal with during the hours of the day.
He was sure relief would come later, along with joy, but all he felt now was tiredness. He was equally sad for all who had fought and died beside him and angry that he was the one who had been forced to lead the war.
Harry guessed it was thanks to Malfoy that he had other things on his mind than everything that had just happened. Sure, Harry had wondered what had happened to Malfoy during the last year and he had felt bad for him after seeing how it was like at the Manor. But why had Malfoy wanted to kiss him? Was it a joke or was he sincere? Harry had known Malfoy would Obliviate him, so right after he’d stepped out of sight he had put up a shield to deflect his spell. Harry had wanted to remember those moments with Malfoy during the battle. He had felt good next to Harry and he had seemed genuine when he’d thought Harry couldn’t hear him. Harry had to do something besides obsessing about it.
There were too many unanswered questions about the Malfoys at this point. Why did it seem like Draco had been a reluctant Death Eater? Why had his parents forced him into it if he indeed didn’t want to submit to Voldemort? Would he have accepted Dumbledore’s help given enough time at the Astronomy tower? Why hadn’t he given Harry up to Bellatrix in the Manor? Why had his mother helped Harry in the forest? And why had he cast the Imperius on Harry because of a kiss? When Harry thought about it now, the Malfoys didn’t seem like the evil Dark wizard’s he’d always thought they were. Harry had to pay them a visit, for more than one reason.
Harry had asked McGonagall to set up a meeting with the Malfoys and he grasped the Floo powder nervously before shouting out his destination.
***
He was welcomed and seated in the parlour by the house-elf before Mrs Malfoy entered and sat down.
“What can I do for you, Mr Potter?”
“I want to know why you helped me in during the battle,” Harry questioned before losing his nerve.
“That is something I can’t discuss with you, Mr Potter, just be glad I did.”
Something in her tone convinced Harry to let the matter drop, at least for the moment. He had a feeling Draco might be able to shed further light on the subject.
“Either way, I’m here to settle my life debt to you, Mrs Malfoy, so if there is anything you want of me, just contact me,” Harry said out of courtesy.
“Actually, Mr Potter, there is something you can do for me. The Aurors have already been here and placed us under house-arrest until the formal hearings later this summer. I know there is little hope for my husband and me, but I want you to save my son. He’s got the Dark Mark and there’s no doubt in my mind that the authorities will persecute him like the rest of us, no matter what his actions in the war were. If you talk to the Ministry and the Wizengamot and somehow make a deal with them that keeps Draco out of Azkaban, your debt will be paid in full.”
Harry didn’t know what to say. He knew that the thought of Dra- Malfoy in Azkaban made him shudder, but was there a way of helping him?
“I don’t know if that would help, Mrs Malfoy.”
“Mr Potter, you are the saviour of the Wizarding world. If you were to speak on Draco’s behalf, I’m sure they would listen. I’m not saying he didn’t do anything wrong, but since he was a minor and didn’t act like a Death Eater, maybe there is a way for him to be released on probation. I’m sure he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise a second chance, given one.”
“I’ll try, Mrs Malfoy. Is there a way I can speak with Draco?” Harry saw she looked curious at his inquiry.
“I’ll let him know he has a visitor, please stay here, Mr Potter.”
When Harry watched her leave, his nerves kicked in once again. What would he say to Malfoy now that he had the chance?
***
“Potter, to what do I owe this unpleasant surprise? Shouldn’t you be out hunting down more snakes?” Draco drawled. In truth, he had no idea what Potter wanted with him and it wasn’t easy being this close to the other boy after what had happened between them during the battle.
“I…” Potter started.
“Oh come on, Potter. Out with it and then leave, please.”
“I wanted to return this to you.” Potter rustled with something in his pocket before presenting Draco with his old wand.
They just stared at each other for a minute. Potter had a questioning look on his face and his lips were slightly parted in a way that made Draco want to kiss him again. The silence was broken by Potter at last.
“Just take it, Draco.”
“You don’t get to call me that,” Draco spat, but snatched the wand from Potter. “And what on earth have you done with it?” Draco said, gripping the wand. “It’s all sticky, like you used it to spread honey on your toast.”
“Why are you acting like this, Draco?” Potter sighed.
When Draco just sneered, Potter squared his shoulders and said, “I know what you did during the battle, there is no way to deny it. I guess big and powerful Draco Malfoy forgot that I have been able to throw off the Imperius Curse for years now.”
Draco gasped.
“That’s right, Draco. I know you used an Unforgivable on me and I could have you arrested.”
“Why didn’t you tell me then, Potter?” Draco started to panic.
“I wanted to know what you were up to. I wanted to know why you did it. You can understand my surprise when I realised you were risking it all just to kiss me. I never knew you had a thing for me,” Potter leered.
“I didn’t want to kiss you, Potter. Don’t be absurd. I just wanted to mess with that precious little golden head of yours.”
Harry was seething. No matter what he did, Draco still acted like an evil git. He stalked towards Draco and backed him up against the wall with a fierce look in his eyes. Harry almost reacted like he’d always done, screaming insults at the other boy, but that wouldn’t give him answers. So Harry took a deep breath and bit his tongue.
“I didn’t express myself clearly, Draco,” Harry said, touching Draco’s cheek lightly. “I mean, I did wonder why you did it, but I could have stopped the charade when it was clear you didn’t do it to hurt me. I liked the Draco I saw, he was sincere and vulnerable, he had depth and I wanted to get to know him better. How is it possible that we have known each other for seven years and still don’t know anything about the other?”
“So you listened to me when I thought you couldn’t, which still don’t explain why you kissed me,” Draco said, almost breathless because of Harry’s proximity.
“I knew I was going to my death and decided it wouldn’t hurt to see how it was to kiss you. I never wondered how it would be like to be with another bloke, so I just went with it when you asked me to kiss you. I never knew it could be like that,” Harry breathed, continuing to stroke Draco’s cheek.
“What do you want, Potter? Why are you here?”
“I…” Harry started, suddenly insecure. “I need to know why you did it. I need to know you’re not just playing with me. I need to know if there’s really something here between us.”
“This isn’t a fairy tale, Potter! Grow up!” Draco snarled.
“You are doing that again. Please just be honest,” Harry pleaded. “I know your arrogance is there to protect you from showing your real emotions.”
“Please don’t play with me, Potter,” Draco whispered, refusing to meet Harry’s eyes.
“I don’t want to play any games here, Draco. I want to get to know the person underneath your shields, but I can’t do that if you refuse to let me.”
“It would take years to even outweigh all the rubbish we’ve done to each other these past years, not to mention what it would take to build some form of trust between us. We would fight constantly. You would still hate my family and friends and I would still hate yours. They would never accept us being together. The press would hound us and never leave us alone. Can you imagine if the hero who conquered the Dark Lord would openly date a Death Eater? How do you know you like boys? How do I know I like boys? How do we know we can like each other? How can we come out as gay and dating to the rest of the world? What kind of future can we have? Do you even know that I could be sent away to Azkaban in a few weeks and never come back? Do I have to continue the list of reasons why this is a bad idea?” Draco finished exasperated.
Harry could only stare at Draco during his rant. He hadn’t put much thought into the future to be honest, he’d just gone with the feelings as usual, but when he heard everything Draco thought was against them, it all became clear. Harry had spent his entire life fighting and he had faced one of the most powerful wizards and survived again and again, so whatever stood between him and Draco could be overcome.
More important, nowhere in that rant did Draco say he wasn’t interested in Harry.
Before Draco could come up with something else to say, Harry kissed him.
Draco had almost forgotten how it felt to be kissed by Potter – or Harry, since he insisted on using first names. Harry kissed him like he wanted to possess him, to claim him and to mark him. Draco could only shiver and kiss back.
“I’m going to talk to the Ministry to keep you out of Azkaban,” Harry said between kisses.
“Why?”
“To be honest, your mother asked me to do it to settle my life debt to her,” Harry explained.
“You don’t have to do that.” Draco cringed. He couldn’t stand anyone pitying him. “I owe you a life debt as well and I can ask you not to do it for her. That should equal them out, eh?”
“I’m still going to do it, Draco,” Harry whispered against his ear.
“I don’t need your charity, Harry.”
Harry only smiled. “I’m doing this for me, Draco. It’s hard to date someone in Azkaban, so it’s kind of in my interest to keep you out. I also don’t believe you belong there nonetheless.”
“Why are you set on trying to make this thing between us work?” Draco sighed.
“Draco, a circle has no beginning.” Harry smiled at Draco’s confusion. “We do have a past, but that doesn’t mean that it’s all bad. We’ve always had strong feelings for each other; let’s just see if they can be because of love instead of hate. What do we have to lose by trying?”
“Just trying? And then leave and never speak of it if it doesn’t work out? Do you think I’m just an easy shag to sort out your sexual preferences? Do you figure I would do anything to thank you if you managed to keep me out of Azkaban? Well, you can forget it, Potter!” Draco didn’t know where all of this resentment came from, but he didn’t like it. It also made Harry wince and screw up his face.
“Oh for God’s sake, Draco! You are so infuriating!” Harry grabbed Draco’s shoulders.
“I told you we’d just end up fighting,” Draco said solemnly.
“Hey, Draco,” Harry said, tilting Draco’s chin up so he would meet Harry’s eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know that we would fight, but that’s not a reason not to try. Can’t you feel the chemistry? Can’t you feel how I tremble when I get close to you or how just looking at you makes my heart skip a beat? I think we have a genuine shot at something wonderful here, but we need to keep communicating to avoid assumptions like the one you just made.”
“What do you mean, Harry?”
“I’m the Chosen One. I’m the Golden Boy, I’m the Boy Who Lived and conquered the Dark Lord. I can probably get a handful of blokes to shag barely trying. If I just wanted a shag, I would not stand here trying to ask you out, believe me, Draco.” Harry grinned.
“You’re hardly making it better, Harry,” Draco warned.
“All right, I just wanted to let you know that I can be a perfect gentleman. This isn’t some ploy to get you in bed. I want to make a serious attempt. I will court you and date you and proceed in every respectable way before, with your approval of course, we will take the relationship further, more intimate.” Harry smiled at the flushing boy before him.
”You want to court me?”
”If you want me to.”
”I’m not certain of your sincerity. I think you need to convince me.” Draco kept his voice firm, but a teasing smile quirked the corners of his mouth.
“What have I got myself into?” Harry laughed.
Draco ran his fingers through Harry’s hair and kissed him on his cheek.
“Hopefully something worth fighting for, Harry.”