It’s a few minutes after sunset, yet I make no effort to move. I’m sitting in the back of the Plymouth, a blanket around my feet, staring out the window at the gates to one of Sunnydale’s many cemetery’s.
Wesley was kind enough to drive me, while Cordelia sat in the passenger seat. She told me she only came to get out of the office for the day, but I could see the smudged mascara under her eyes and smell the dried tears on her cheeks. She was fooling no one.
I look out the window for perhaps the tenth time in as many minutes and sigh softly. Wes turns around and looks at me sympathetically. “We don’t have to go in if you don’t want to,” he tells me softly. I know he too is struggling to hold back the tears.
I shake my head softly. “No,” I whisper, “I need to do this.”
Wesley nods his head slowly in agreement and opens the door to get out. Cordelia gives me a soft smile and wipes a budding tear from her eye.
“We’ll be waiting for you, just come down when you’re ready,” she adds quietly, before opening her door and carefully stepping out in her black skirt and stiletto heals. Both doors close with soft clicks. I sit there silently and watch as Cordy takes Wesley’s hand for support and they both walk through the gates to the cemetery.
I can hardly believe that she is gone. She was only 20 years old, it’s too soon. She had her whole life ahead of her, granted I know a Slayers life is shorter then the rest but she still should have lived for a few more good years. I can feel the tears coming in torrents now, soaking my cheeks with their salt water and I can do nothing to stop them. It shouldn’t have ended like this.
I was meant to be there with her, I was meant to be there when she died! It was meant to be forever, always, what happened to our promises? What happened to our hope?
I gave up my humanity for her, I gave up my… no, our one true chance of happiness so that I could keep her safe, to keep her alive! My sacrifice only gave her two more years.
Some protector I am, some champion! I’m a joke, I can’t even keep the woman I love from dying. I’m useless.
I take a deep unneeded breath and brush the tears from my cheeks. I slowly get out of the car and close the door behind me. I start to walk towards the graveyard, my steps getting heavier and heavier as I finally start to feel my 250 odd years for the first time.
As I walk past a strand of trees a small group of people comes into view. I walk over, my footsteps soft and silent. They are standing around an open grave, their faces streaked with tears.
It is dark and cold in the graveyard, the only light, coming from the silver moon in the sky. I come slowly into view. A young blonde girl, who is clutching Willow’s arm tightly, glances towards me and nudges Willow softly, jerking her head in my direction. Willow looks up, and gives a small hesitant smile as she catches sight of me. I walk into the circle and stand still; Willow takes a step towards me and slowly wraps her arms around me, pulling me close she gives me a comforting hug. I lower my head and put my arms gently around her. “It’s ok Willow, its ok…”
When she steps back there are fresh tears running down her cheeks. She gives a shaky smile, sniffs and backs away. Taking the hand of the young girl again. I look around at the others. Dawn is leaning heavily on Giles arm, her face is streaked with tears and she is shaking softly as Giles wraps an arm around her. His face is pale and grim, his eyes shimmer but no tears fall. I know he is trying to be strong, for Dawn, Willow, Xander, and for me.
I take a deep unneeded breath, my eyes flicker towards Cordy and Wesley, they are on the other side of the grave. A single tear runs down Wesley’s cheek and Cordy buries her face in her hands and starts to cry.
Xander is standing a few feet away. His arms are around a small little thing; her hair is a light brown, her face vaguely familiar. Xander mouth is set in a grim line, the girl is looking shocked.
I look down at my clasped hands and realize they are shaking; I’m shaking. I stumble and fall to my knees. My face shifts as I tilt my head up to the sky. I scream, roaring my pain and anguish to the heavens. “Buffy!”
The humans around me gasp in shock and I see the blonde girl stumble back in fear. But the others feel my pain and stand still. I bow my head and close my eyes, sobbing quietly.
Willow makes a soft, pained sound in the back of her throat and rushes towards me. She kneels down beside me and wraps her arms around my shoulders as I cry my sorrow. “Angel…Angel…stop, please stop,” she whispers, her own tears making her voice a croak.
I shake my head, unable to stop the tears. “I can’t, I can’t….” I mutter, “I can’t do this without her…” I cry.
The first raindrops hit the back of my head, just a drizzle but soon it is falling fast. Soaking my clothes and skin. None of us move. My pants, and Willow’s skirt are quickly soaked as the grass quickly turns into a puddle of mud. But nothing matters to me now, nothing.
On this dreadful night we bury the Slayer, and the heaven’s themselves are crying their pain. The powers have lost their champion, and I have lost my hope, my love, my sweet little Buffy.