Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.
Kagome huffed and puffed, beyond irritated, and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear as she dodged another swing by the youkai on her tail. She was hot, sore, and sweaty, and finding it almost impossible to defend herself in close quarters.
Why, you ask?
Because of Inuyasha's brilliant idea to present her with fire rat robes just like his.
When he'd had such a fit about her slayer's armor, given to her by Sango on her completion of her hand-to-hand training, and then presented her with a set of fire rat clothes just like his, instead, she'd known it was going to be a bad idea.
She just hadn't known exactly why it would be a bad idea until she'd put them on.
Then she'd wanted to slap herself – after sitting Inuyasha into a three-mile deep crater for the aggravation she just knew those robes were going to be.
How the hell he can fight in these things is beyond me, she fumed, ready to stand still and let the attacking youkai rip the fire rat to shreds so she'd have an excuse to put on something else. They're so droopy and the sleeves are always in the way – plus, I'm always worried that these friggen' hakama are going to fall off! That's just what I need – to get pantsed in battle! Who'd have ever thought I'd miss something as simple as BUTTONS?
And then, as her mind voice paused in its rant, it occurred to her that even if she managed to get them shredded, they would heal themselves anyway...
In that moment, as she fumbled with her bow trying to get a shot off at another youkai, she decided that her new mission in life would be to find a way to totally destroy fire-rat - beyond hope of repair.
Inuyasha could keep his – she wanted her slayer garb back, and too bad if he didn't like it!
One week later, she grinned to herself as she floated through the time warp headed back to the past from a three-day stay in her time.
She hadn't managed to find anything even in her time that could destroy that darn fire rat, and she'd tried just about everything, including an acid bath – but thank god for her mother, because after telling her the whole story, and letting her mother finger the fabric thoughtfully, she'd had her wear the haori inside out for a few hours. Kagome hadn't understood the point of that... at first – until her skin broke out in a rash.
Normally, when she was in contact with the fire-rat that Inuyasha wore, she had long sleeves on and so the fur didn't come into actual contact with her skin for any real amount of time. That was why she'd never had any problems with it irritating her skin before. And though her legs were usually bare when he carried her, they were wrapped around his thighs, which meant that her skin was only touching his hakama, which were just regular crimson-dyed cloth. Only his haori was actual fire-rat.
However, with the haori in direct contact with her flesh for a longer time, she'd proved to be allergic to the short fire rat fur covering it. Now, the inside of the haori was another matter. She wasn't allergic to that, and of course, that's what her skin would really be in contact with as she wore the thing, since the fur itself was on the outside .
But Inuyasha didn't know that she wasn't allergic to the inside of the haori as well as the outside... and what he didn't know wouldn't hurt her at all.
Her mother was a godsend.
Now all she would have to do when he threw a fit about her not wearing it would be to show him the remains of the rash, and tell him that her mother had forbidden her to wear it, since she was allergic to it and could become ill with too much exposure.
And that gave her the perfect excuse to go back to wearing the slayer armor, since any armor was better than none, and he couldn't argue with that.
She crawled out of the well and flung herself over the lip of it, straightening and doing a happy little jig as the slayer leathers molded to her body perfectly. I feel so much better without all that unnecessary fabric getting in my way! Thank you, mama!
Before she could turn in the direction of the village, though, Inuyasha's voice gritted up her back, and she stiffened, rounding on him as he began his rant.
“Wench! What the fuck are you doing?!” he screamed loud enough for the entire valley to hear, his eyes almost falling out of his head as he stared at every bit of her leather-clad curves. “Where the hell is your fire-rat??!!”
She took great joy in ruining his day. “Sorry, Inuyasha,” she said off-handedly, obviously not really at all sorry, “but mama forbid me to wear them. When I got home, she found a rash on me from it. I'm allergic to it, so I can't wear the fire-rat anymore or I could get really sick.”
Inuyasha just sputtered as Kagome moved towards the village, unable to get anything coherent out for several moments while he tried to get his suddenly out-of-control libido back in hand, and as soon as he did, he reached out and grabbed her arm as she went to walk past him.
“Oh, no you don't, wench,” he growled deeply, glaring at her. He pointed at her backpack with a demanding finger. “I know you've got other clothes in there, so you'd better find some you can wear over that... that...” he swallowed hard, “that! until I'm able to figure out something else for you to wear!”
Sighing, irritation flaring in wide blue eyes, Kagome reluctantly pulled her pack from her shoulder and dropped it so she could dig through and find something to keep Inuyasha from blowing a gasket.
“Fine,” she said, narrowing eyes promising him a painful death at some point, “but turn around, you pervert! I don't care if I've already got something on, you don't need to watch me!”
Muttering unholy things beneath his breath, Inuyasha sulkily complied, spinning in place as he tapped his fingers on his forearm impatiently. “Just hurry it up, wench! We're burnin' daylight here!”
She scowled at his back. “That's your fault, Inuyasha!” she snapped back. “You never argue about Sango wearing her slayer's outfit when we're heading out on another shard hunt!”
Inuyasha wasn't about to grace that one with an answer and give himself away so blatantly, so he just huffed and waited for her to finish. When she claimed she was ready, he turned back around to look at her, and despite the fact that what she was wearing didn't cover the important things nearly as well as that fire-rat had, it was definitely better than it had been, so he didn't say anything else.
With no further ado, he motioned for Kagome to go ahead, and glaring holes in him, she did, storming off towards the village as though pissed beyond measure...
But the small grin on her face gave the lie to that. Despite the extra layer of clothes, she was much happier – after all, the slayer's garb had been designed to be worn under other clothes, as Sango wore hers quite frequently.
I win, I win! s he cheered giddily to herself, Ha, take that, you baka!
Fortunately for Kagome, the next battle they got into was with an oni so large that they saw it coming from several miles out – which allowed Kagome to get herself out of her future clothes that were put on over her slayer's armor. The entire time she was divesting herself of her clothing, she spent glaring between Sango, and Inuyasha.
Sango she glared at because all she had to do to be battle-ready was loosen a tie and drop her yukata that she wore over the armor along with the small wrap-skirt. Easy, and takes all of a second or two.
Inuyasha she glared at because undressing herself wasn't nearly so easy, and was much more time consuming. And of course, that was all his fault. And in the meantime, he fumed and bitched and whined that it was taking her so long to change. He was lucky that he even got to fight the oni, because Kagome was seriously considering knocking him out herself by bludgeoning him unconscious – with the ground.
Finally, she managed to get herself out of her clothes, and ignoring Miroku's admiring gaze, she stuffed the outfit into her bag and tossed it behind a tree along with the short, red-headed little troublemaker that kept making comments to drive Inuyasha even more insane than he already was.
The oni, true to its size, made the battle unnecessarily long by refusing to just lay down and die, and before too long, the members of the inutachi were sweaty and grouchy and really wanting to kill something... preferably the oni... or each other, they weren't picky.
It was during a lull that Sango happened to detect a certain speedy whirlwind heading their way – just before Kagome yelled out, “Shards!” and Inuyasha, in a horrible temper at the appearance of his rival, suddenly became terribly lethal and ripped the oni's head off – all while visualizing it as Kouga's head.
It took a few moments, but when Kagome's appearance, added to Kouga's impending arrival, added up in the hanyou's head, he almost lost his, as well.
“Wench!” he screamed, suddenly foaming at the mouth, “put your clothes on NOW!”
However, before he could even finish getting out the 'now', Kouga whirled into the middle of the mess, and Sango muttered, “Too late,” resignedly, because the moment the ookami caught sight of the girl dressed as she was, all hell broke loose.
Kouga instantly became a drooling idiot - not that he wasn't always a drooling idiot, at least, according to Inuyasha - and the hanyou turned so red with temper his fire rat got jealous.
A long wolf-whistle – no pun intended – practically deafened everyone within a five mile radius, and before Kagome could even take a step back, Kouga was literally plastered to her. Suddenly, she was re-thinking her stance on fire rats vs. slayer armor – and the fire rat was winning.
“Hi, Kouga,” she giggled nervously as she tried to pry him off of her, his hands going places she reeeaally wasn't okay with. “Fancy meeting you here! So... why are you here, anyway?” she asked, still trying to get away from him, and having exactly no luck at all, since the moment she pried one hand away from a spot on her chest, it would find a home on her backside, and so on and so on. She was beginning to wonder if ookami were distantly related to octopi, because Kouga certainly seemed to have more hands than he'd ever had before. A lot more.
However, it seemed as though the wolf prince had also forgotten how to talk since the last time they'd seen him, as all he seemed able to get out were little whistles and pants and grunts and groans. As much as Kagome hadn't wanted to wear the fire rat, she'd certainly never wanted to wear the wolf, either. Kouga was much itchier than the fire rat fur, as it turned out, and she was definitely allergic to him, she decided.
Just as she was about to scream at someone to get him off of her, his two buddies finally skidded into camp, and the moment they caught sight of what was going on, and the completely stunned immobility of the rest of the group, they stepped back and decided that the safest place to be at the moment, was away from their leader, who, if they weren't mistaken, was about to be made into canned cream of wolf soup by an out-of-his mind, insanely jealous and unstable hanyou. Not that he wasn't always jealous and unstable, it was just worse right now. Much worse.
They were quite correct. At first, Inuyasha had been just as stunned at Kouga's sudden reversion into something that more resembled clothing than a living being, with as close as he was trying to get to her. But as the shock wore off, Inuyasha decided that it was time for Kouga to become just that – a fur coat, and damned what Kagome thought about it. He'd look better as a coat, anyway – and probably smell better, too. The hanyou had visions of throwing said coat into Kagome's washing ma-sheen in her house in the future – he'd been amazed at how clean things came when you washed them in it. Of course, Kagome wouldn't be wearing that fur coat – perhaps someone could resurrect Jakotsu and give it to him?
But before he could actually get a start on making that fur coat, Kouga finally found his vocal chords and at least a partial IQ. The first thing out of his mouth pretty much signed his death warrant, though.
“Damn, my woman, what the hell are you wearin? It's awful tempting, but I can think of something even better that would look absolutely divine on you!”
Kagome, naïve little woman from the future, just had to ask. “Ummm, what would that be?” just as she peeled a hand off her bottom again. Everyone there, including Shippo, who'd wandered on out to join them once the oni was taken care of, stopped whatever they were currently doing and/or thinking and stared at her disbelievingly.
“Why, me, of course!” he replied, sliding his other hand up to grope a breast just as she pulled that hand off her rear. He winked lecherously over at Miroku, whose jaw was currently taking up space on the ground as he watched the wolf prince doing things to Kagome he'd only ever dreamed of doing to Sango. The thing that was the most shocking, however, was that he was still alive. Though, judging from the expression on Inuyasha's face, he wouldn't be for much longer.
“Too bad so sad, Kouga,” said hanyou snarled as he grabbed the wolf by the back of his neck and his tail and yanked him away from a very grateful Kagome, “but Kagome's allergic to wolves.” He glared over at a contrite miko for a moment as he pulled the wolf's armor plate over his head and pounded on it, deafening the ookami with the metallic ringing in his ears as he shaped it into a metal mask around the wolf's ugly – in his opinion - face. “Seems her body's got more sense than she does – wolves stink, since they don't know what bathing is, and they have more ticks than fur!”
Poor Kouga didn't stand a chance against a completely insane Inuyasha, and before long, he looked sorta like a pretzel, wearing his tail on his head and his topknot on his ass. Breathing hard and redder than anyone had ever seen him, Inuyasha pointed at Kagome's bag, and said, “Go.put.on.the.fire.rat. I don't care if it makes you itchy, you are not walking around in that, that, that! ever again!”
At that point, Kagome went over her options very carefully once more. Wear fire rat, or wear Kouga. It didn't take much thought, and with a dejected sigh, she started to head off behind some trees while Inuyasha absently bounced Kouga around the clearing like a basketball. And then she stopped, looking back at Kouga, who was definitely ready for the can and cream of wolf label, and scrunched up her face.
“You already took care of the wolf problem, Inuyasha, do I really-”
She never got to finish what she was going to say, and Inuyasha never got to start what he was going to say (which was probably a good thing) because Sesshoumaru, who just seemed to have a sense of timing destined to cause her trouble, walked out from under the trees and eyed first the oni, then Inuyasha, who was still bouncing a very unconscious Kouga like a basketball, and then...
He looked at Kagome.
Now, at first, Inuyasha really didn't care. Sesshoumaru hates humans. This is a simple fact, so he wouldn't bother to look at Kagome with any sort of appreciation, or gods forbid, lust. That meant that Inuyasha didn't have to worry about his brother making a pass at Kagome.
Because even Sesshoumaru, human-hater or not, could appreciate a fine female physique, especially when it was on full display, and even better, would absolutely inflame his brother and his insane, out-of-control jealousy. Sesshoumaru always loved torching his brother's temper, and took any chance he could find to do it.
This was as perfect a chance as it ever got, in Sesshoumaru's opinion, since he got to ogle an impressive female body while he was sending his brother towards the deep end. Maybe one of these days, his brother would indeed fall off the deep end, and sort of forget to return?
“Most impressive, miko,” Sesshoumaru purred as he stalked towards her, openly eyeing her shocked form. “That outfit certainly couldn't mold to you any tighter, could it? I had no idea that the body you'd been – sort of – hiding in those much looser, though much briefer, clothes you usually wear was so perfect.” He came to a halt right in front of the now turned to stone miko, who was staring at him in horror. Glancing over at his equally frozen brother, he said, “I had no idea that you, little brother, had such a fine taste in females. Though I am sure you don't deserve her. Something this fine deserves only the best – and I am the best, am I not? Perhaps I should take her off of your hands,” he taunted.
The clearing was so quiet that you could hear the wind echoing through Kouga's ears, for about five seconds after Sesshoumaru had stopped talking, an evil, mocking expression on his face as he looked at his brother, and then...
Sesshoumaru walked off, heading back into the trees he'd come out of, actually chuckling in amusement as bits of fire rat rained down around him. For certain, this was a day he would remember forever.
That had been soooo worth it, he thought with satisfaction as he disappeared under the trees, as had the nice little feel he'd managed to cop from a frozen Kagome. Her ass was definitely as plump and sweet as it looked. He flexed his hand and smirked. He'd have to arrange to do that again, sometime. So, sure, he was a human-hater – but how many humans in his day had a rear that juicy?
Little bits of Inuyasha were still raining down on the clearing, and Kagome was permanently frozen, unable to forget the feel of a very masculine, very large hand squeezing her ass. “He, he, he groped me!” she squeaked almost hysterically, eyes bugging out of her head in shock. “Sesshoumaru groped me!”
She immediately wished she'd squeaked that a whole lot quieter, because apparently Inuyasha's mouth was still intact. His scream of, “What??!!” was heard on the other side of the well, and a concerned Mrs. Higurashi shook her head and opined that the poor boy needed to calm down or his blood pressure would definitely suffer.
Kagome's shoulders slumped as her body finally unfroze and she dragged herself dejectedly behind a tree to change back into the fire rat, exhorted by a very disheveled Inuyasha every step of the way.
Her mournful voice floated out from behind it as she redressed in the previously – and now not so much so – detested fire rat. “Maybe I can get my mom to sew buttons on it?”
The rest of the crew couldn't help their snickers as they shook themselves out and picked themselves up from the insanity of that whole encounter...
And as they all wandered on back to Kaede's, they entertained themselves by listening to Inuyasha mutter to himself about leather, and trying to figure out what had happened to Kouga. Because when Inuyasha exploded, he disappeared, and they hadn't seen him since. Neither had his two sidekicks.
Inuyasha just grinned evilly when he heard the speculation, and ran his claws through the new fur hidden in his haori – the fur he'd gotten from a certain filthy wolf pelt. So, sure, it needed a good cleaning...
Washing ma-sheen, here I come! Inuyasha thought gleefully, pleased – mostly - with the way things had ended. The oni they'd originally gone after was dead, Kouga was no longer a problem, and Kagome would never argue with him again about wearing the fire rat he'd given her.
The only thing that was still itching under his skin was the fact that his brother was still wearing his. Perhaps he needed to add to his fur collection? His brother's pelt was a great deal softer and cleaner than Kouga's... it would make a nice fur wrap for Kagome.
Except that then a part of his brother would still be touching his Kagome, and that was not acceptable. He sighed. Maybe he'd make a better blanket. That way, the only way he'd be touching his Kagome, was when Inuyasha was also touching his Kagome. The gloating points on that decided him.
His brother would make a very nice wedding night enhancer, he decided. He was sure that Kagome would enjoy the soft fur against her skin quite well, and there was, of course, no need for her to ever know where he'd gotten such soft fur. Just as there was no need for her to ever know where the fur that lay in the bathroom, right in front of her modern toy-let, came from.
And with that thought, Inuyasha's satisfaction reached one hundred percent. Yes... this had certainly been a most wonderful day.