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Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)
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It was one of those things. You know, the sort that happen whenever they feel like it and you can't really explain them, but when they've happened, you're not really surprised. You do? Great. Well, it was one of *those* things.
We were all sitting in the squad room, as we do, talking about a new case. Well, Boyd was talking in his loud, staccato way he does when he's excited or making sure we know precisely what we're doing, his arms flailing like manic windmill sails. Either that or he was practicing his fencing without a sword.
Mel, Spence and I were sat alternately staring at Boyd and each other. We did more of the former than the latter because we were trying hard not to laugh. You'd think Mel would be the giggler, wouldn't you? The one that would start all the trouble. Well, you're wrong. Nope, not Spence either. I'm the guilty one, though I always blame someone else, as that's the proper way of doing things. I'm getting side-tracked.
So, Boyd was being Boyd, we were sat trying to pay attention and behave like adults (and failing fairly miserably), and Grace was trying to be the mediator. Everything as it usually was, in other words. Then Mel started trying to say something and Boyd kept cutting her off. Spence jumped to Mel's defence and got an earful as well, and of course I had to add my two cents worth. It ended with us all trying to speak at once and rather predictably, Boyd won.
Grace commented, in that quiet-but-loud-enough-you-can-still-hear-me way, that bullies always win because they shout the loudest and have a bigger stick than everyone else. There was a loud, deafening silence as Boyd glared at Grace and Grace realised what she'd said. We three sat there quietly, like mice, waiting for the inevitable explosion from Boyd. We didn't have to wait long.
Now don't get me wrong, I love Grace dearly, and Boyd's not so bad in small doses, but sometimes, the pair of them act like children poking each other in the playground, waiting for the other to react. Boyd gets frustrated because Grace is so calm, so the louder he shouts, the quieter she talks because she knows it annoys him. Grace always lets Boyd win eventually, so when he suddenly gives in, she gets suspicious. I'm sure they rehearse these things after work because their arguments usually run like clockwork.
Today, however, we three were getting rather fed up of their sniping, and for some reason, Spence and Mel both looked to me to sort the problem. We've been likened to an actual family unit on more than one occasion; Mum, Dad, and three children, with Mel being the youngest and me the oldest. I don't know where people get their ideas from sometimes.
I remember staring back at my 'siblings' and making the 'what?' expression. Their silent replies clearly stated to me that I was the one who had to step in and get my head chopped off. Thanks, guys. So, taking a deep breath, I took the plunge.
"Oh, for God's sake, Boyd, just kiss her and be done with it!"
Now there is a reason why my solution to the situation was that sentence. Mel and I had spent a fair few hours discussing Boyd and Grace's relationship. The flirting between the two of them was as obvious as the sexual tension, and we'd decided that if they weren't shagging, they should have been. Whenever Spence came across us having these conversations, he'd just shake his head and tell us we were crazy, but he's a man and they're not the most observant species on the planet.
Eventually Mel and I agreed that they weren't seeing each other, and that's why they argued so much. Once, after such an incident, I asked Grace what she and Boyd had been disagreeing about this time. She just shrugged and said she couldn't remember. That told me everything I needed to know.
So after my rather heated exclamation encouraging the 'parents' to engage in some harmless snogging, Boyd glared at me, Grace looked shocked, and Spence and Mel alternated between disbelief and amusement at what I'd just blurted out.
"I am not going to kiss Grace," Boyd said very slowly. Bad move, Boyd.
Grace rounded on him. "Why not?"
Boyd blinked in surprise. "Do you want me to kiss you?"
"No," Grace said hurriedly. "I just wondered why you didn't want to. Am I repulsive or something?"
I have never heard Grace stutter before, so when she took two minutes to get that sentence out, I knew I'd hit the nail on the head. Spence was still looking at me like I was mental, and Mel was gazing at me like she was proud to be my little sister. As for me myself, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. But luckily for me, Boyd was now trying to dig himself out of the hole he'd made.
"No, of course not!" he exclaimed. "I think you're very attractive."
Grace blushed. "Really?"
Suddenly Boyd smiled and Mel almost fell off her chair. "Really."
"You know, Boyd, if…you want to kiss me, I wouldn't object," Grace said shyly. Spence was now making gagging motions while I was working out how much my therapy bills were going to cost me.
Boyd raised an eyebrow. "With an audience?"
Grace tossed her head a little and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing very loudly. We three knew we should have left, but it was like watching a car accident. You want to move or stop it from happening, but for some reason you just can't.
"Why not? They suggested it," Grace replied. I could see Spence and Mel mouthing *'they?'* to each other and prudently didn't look directly at them. "Better give them a good show, though."
Boyd actually puffed his chest out a little as he took his glasses off and smoothed his hair down. I was sure I was drawing blood but I couldn't unclamp my teeth from the inside of my mouth.
With deliberate slow movements, Boyd walked over to Grace and stood in front of her, stooping a little so he could caress her cheek with the backs of his fingers. Suddenly we three didn't feel so much like laughing. When Grace stared back into Boyd's eyes, she gasped a little and we could only imagine what she was seeing there. This was a side of Boyd's none of us even guessed existed, and I knew my therapy bills had just gone through the roof.
With more tenderness and care than I thought Boyd was ever capable off, he slid one hand round the back of Grace's neck, the other running through her hair. Grace sighed and allowed him to pull her towards him. She parted her lips in anticipation of meeting his, and Spence went back to making gagging motions. Mel was trying to hide behind her hands, but I kept pulling them away from her face. If one of us was going to suffer, the rest could too. We could be united in our therapy sessions afterwards; they might be cheaper if they're joint.
The kiss Boyd and Grace eventually shared was nothing short of electric, and it is my nature as a scientist that enables me to, unfortunately, remember every detail of the incident so clearly. The kiss seemed to go on and on and on and on….
"They still need to breathe, right?" Spence asked.
"I hope so," Mel muttered.
"Want to take bets on how long it'll be before they have to come up for air?" I asked, watching the 'parents' shaming their 'kids'.
Mel gave me the 'please, be serious' look. "Frankie, they've been at it for five minutes already. I wouldn't have said Boyd would even go through with it, let alone last that long."
"If this carries on much longer, I'm going to lose my appetite," Spence groaned.
"We could set the sprinklers off," I suggested. "Or try prising them apart. I've got a crowbar somewhere."
Spence grinned. "I'm not putting a crowbar anywhere near those two. They might decide to use it against us."
"Then you should be careful what you ask for next time."
Boyd's voice interrupted our musings and we glanced round to see that they had, indeed, finally, separated, both looking very flushed. Grace was blushing from embarrassment while Boyd looked like the cat that got the cream.
"Yep, lesson learnt," I replied, jumping to my feet. "Time to work."
"Frankie," Grace called as I made to leave the squad room.
"Don't thank me, Grace," I said, smiling. "Like I always say, to solve any problem you just need a forensic scientist. Or is it a fairy?"
"Not much difference," Mel muttered.
I pulled a face at her and retreated to the safety of my lab, where I then enjoyed an uninterrupted day's work, and that's the real reason I remember that incident.
It was funny, but ages later, Grace told me that whenever anyone asked how she and Boyd got together, she would smile mysteriously and reply, "It was just one of those things."
She and Boyd would then send me something very nice as a thank you.
FIN