I push the door open, in too much of a rush to even bother knocking. Angel is standing just on the other side of the couch and shies away from the light. He quickly jumps into the shadows and covers his sensitive eyes with the back of his hand.
“Oops…sorry.” I mutter sheepishly and quickly close the door behind me. “But you know, the sun, it’s a problem during the day… which you know is now.” I say in a rush.
Buffy? I thought she was at school. Why is she here now…has something happened..
I take a deep breath and stare at him.Waiting. He blinks slowly at me, squinting as his eyes slowly clear. He smiles at me, a small smile that makes my heart beat faster and my breath catch in my throat.
He takes a small step towards me and I suddenly notice his rumpled hair and lack of shirt. I bite my lip to keep a gasp from escaping my lips as I stare at him “Did I wake you?” I ask softly “I’m sorry… but something came up at school and I…” I stumble to a halt, embarrassed how he always seemed to turn me into a blubbering idiot.
“Well, I was. But it doesn’t matter, I can sleep later,” he frowns at me then, and he looks concerned. “Buffy… is something the matter?” I hope she’s ok, she looks pale…
“No… I’m ok!” I say brightly, trying to reassure him. “It’s just…”
I smile at his sudden concern “You know that aspect of the demon thing I told you about yesterday…” I began.
“Yeah… what about it?” he mutters. I can’t see a tail anywhere…
I try not to laugh as I tell him. “I can hear thoughts.” I say with a little wiggle of my hips “And I just have to say, way better then a tail!” I laugh at his expression.
“So you can hear my thoughts,” he asks.
I pause before I answer, trying to gauge his reaction. Finally I just decide to go with it and consequences be damned. “Yeah,” I tell him softly, “you ok with that?”
“Buffy…” Oh this is not good! Not good at all! “Are you sure? This might seem like a gift to you now, but it could very easily turn into a curse.” And we all know how those turn out…
I frown, put out by his negativity. I was hoping this would be a good thing. “I’m sure,” I tell him after a moment. “When I walked into the library earlier I heard Giles say, look at her shoes! If a fashion magazine told her to she’d wear cat’s strapped to her feet. I had a sudden though and pout as I look down at my shoes. “They don’t really look like cat’s do they?” I ask, a bit worried.
He blinks and smiles softly. “Giles said that?” he chuckles; I would have liked to see that! “Your shoes look fine!” he assures me. Not that I really notice them anyway…
“Angel!” I snap, “A girls shoes are an important part of everyday life! Like breathing. Even more important actually, you’re shoes can make or break your social status,” I tell him seriously.
He actually rolls his eyes at that. “Buffy…” he sighs, “I give up! ok… I don’t pay attention to the shoes, you look beautiful no matter what shoes you have on.” even if they do look like cats…
“Angel!” I shout horrified as he laughs softly. I pout. “That wasn’t funny!”
He grins and takes a few steps towards me. “Yeah” he mutters, “It was!”
I’m suddenly aware that he is close enough to touch. The temperature in the room seems to rise and I feel my breath quicken involuntary. I blush furiously and glance away. This is so hard.
Oh God…look at her I glance up startled as I hear Angel’s soft thoughts like a revered prayer. How can something so beautiful, so full of light, something so good and pure want to be with someone like me… I don’t deserve her. He is looking at me softly, his eyes showing the depth of his feelings for me. I can see the longing, and the sorrow. And it breaks my heart
“I love you,” I tell him softly, my voice catching on a sob.
He reaches out slowly and brushes a lone tear from my cheek “I love you too” he whispers softly I always will.
I take his hand from my cheek and just hold it. Angel stares at me for a second, his eyes full of sadness as he tries to take his arm away. “Buffy… please, it’s too hard.” I hate that I can’t touch her, it’s not fair! I love her so much…
I stifle a sob. “Angel…don’t”
He shakes his head silently and slowly pulls his hand away. He backs away towards the back of the house. “Don’t Buffy, please..” he tells me softly his voice a croak, “It’s too hard… I just… I can’t do this anymore.” I just can’t. He turns around and disappears down the hall, leaving me standing in the middle of the living room.
Maybe it was the shoes….