"...Elmo? Really?" Tim asks, when he finds Jason and Lian watching television the next morning. Lian's curled up against Jason's chest, one hand gripping his shirt.
"He's turned into a sassy son of a bitch," Jason says, glancing at Tim. "It's impressive."
Jason gives him an annoyed look. "Shut up and watch, Replacement," he says, like a dare.
And. Tim has nowhere he needs to be just yet, really. He's still feeling a little tired, sore from his trip (robots, always with the robots) and, well. Why not?
Fifteen minutes later he still can't believe the people behind Sesame Street are getting away with this. "Seriously?" he asks. "Seriously?"
Jason's smirking, and Tim will give him that one because really. He remembers when Elmo was sweet and shy and wholesome, if a little too much at times. Now he's a spoiled little brat who sasses everyone and talks down to adults and is always a little too much. "Damian needs to see this," Tim says. "They're meant for each other."
For such a small baby, Lian's lung capacity is incredible. Tim can hear her outside his apartment, and that's just. Wow. Slipping in through the window, he stops half-way in, hands raised because Jason's understandably on edge and Tim is rather fond of that particular lamp.
"Hey," Tim says, wondering how the hell this is his life now.
Jason stares at him for a long moment before he sighs, Lian's face pressed against his shoulder, still crying. "Fucking hell, Replacement."
Tim raises an eyebrow at him. "I really like that lamp," he says, because it's true. "Alfred picked it out."
Jason blinks, looks to where he's still holding it like a weapon. "...Nice," he says, edging back to the end table it sits on. "Classy."
Tim rolls his eyes as he slides through the window, locking it behind him. He hasn't used it in a while, and. Clearly he's been spending too much time around Dick if the fact that it sounded like something fun to do is a valid reason. "She still won't sleep?"
The look Jason gives him speaks volumes.
Most of the time Lian's a dream, a little sweetheart. And then there are nights like this one, where for whatever reason she just won't go to sleep.
"Hand her here," Tim says, pulling the cowl off.
"How about not," Jason says, giving him a once over, eyes narrowing. "Is that blood?"
Tim looks down at himself, and, oh, right. Patrol was maybe a little more eventful than expected. "It's not mine," he says, like that makes it better. "...I'll just take a shower, then."
Jason rolls his eyes and turns away, gently rocking Lian and humming to her.
When Tim comes back into the living room, towel around his neck, it's to see Jason shopping online. Lian's still awake, but faltering, having tired herself out from crying so much. Jason's rolling Tim's computer chair side to side gently.
"What - "
"Do you know how many diapers a baby goes through in a year?" Jason asks, voice strangely flat. "A whole fucking lot, Replacement, that's how many."
"Well," Tim says, peering around Jason to see what he's looking at. A parenting site, which is shades of good and bad because Tim remembers those, back with Steph. "Oh my God, Jason, no!"
Jason twitches, mindful of Lian, and looks sharply at Tim. "What - "
Tim pushes Jason away from the computer and closes the browser. "Look," he says, when Jason growls. "Those websites are horrible, okay? I mean, one or two might have good advice, but the people who go there." Tim shudders. "It's not safe." An exaggeration, maybe, but.
Jason rolls back over, barely missing Tim's feet. "Whatever." He opens the browser and opens a bookmark. "Check these out."
"Are those - "
"Santa diapers!" Jason says with a malicious sort of delight he seems to specialize in. "And let's not forget these," he says, clicking on another link that pulls up -
"Jean diapers?" Oh, God, really?
"Babies go through diapers like you wouldn't believe," Jason says, smirking a little. "The least I can do is make sure Harper's stocked when it comes to them, right? It's good for team morale and all that shit."
Tim shakes his head. "It says these were a limited run."
"Yeah, it was a pain, but I managed to find a place that had some stock left over they're more than happy to get rid of."
"Fantastic use of funds."
Jason laughs. "Between the Hawaiian diapers and these, Lian's going to be the best looking baby around, Replacement."
And, okay. Tim looks at Lian who's finally fallen asleep, drooling on Jason's chest. "I'm sure Roy's going to love you for this, Jason."
The sad thing is, he probably will.