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The Lies We Tell

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November 29th 2941

Thorin Oakenshield

Erebor

 

Bilbo-

My

Master Baggins- Master Burglar- Sir-

Bilbo-

I awoke yesterday. Fili still sleeps, but Kíli has been awake for two days. Óin is confident Fíli will wake soon. The rest of the Company was hardly injured. I was similarly assured that you were well. But as the day went on and none of the Company would tell me where you were staying, and when none would agree to ask you to visit my tent, I grew concerned. They told me you had taken part in the battle -- how could you? No, I know perfectly well how. Why is perhaps the better question. I have seen more than enough evidence of your courage since you joined the Company to know your capacity far outstrips your size. That is, you have never lacked in bravery. Nevertheless, there was no reason for you to join the fighting. You should not have been anywhere near it.

I was told you were not found until the morning after, and that you had been knocked unconscious during the fighting.

Dwalin initially refused to answer my questions. Balin avoided them. Eventually I was told you had left to journey back to your Shire. Could you not have waited until I woke? This is not right, trying to give you the apology you deserve in a letter. I know that I wronged you greatly, but I had hoped I would have a chance to make amends.     Did I mean so little to you? We never spoke of it. I know that. But did our bond not

You should not have travelled so soon after taking a head injury. Even with diminished numbers there will be orcs and goblins in roving packs along your road. The danger is substantial even without the added risks of winter travel. You are not a fighter and we are not there to keep you safe. I would have sent a company of guards with you. Perhaps Bofur, or some others of the Company whose presence you enjoy could have gone to see you safely home.

Did the Company not make it clear that you were welcome to stay? You were. You are. You will always be welcome to stay in Erebor as long as you wish. Should you ever desire to return, you are always welcome.

We would not have Erebor without you.

I would not have my life.

You are the sole reason that I was able

Furthermore. You took none of your share with you. That is not right Bilbo. You have earned your share many times over. If you will not stay and allow me and my people to honor you, then it would have only been right to see you sent home with wealth enough to ensure you would be protected and established for life. Hobbits do not have any love for the treasures and beautiful things found hidden in stone, I know this. Yet, I would wish to see you with enough treasure to ensure that what you do value is always available. I expect that will mean a full pantry and a new coat. I understand that there is nothing you want in Erebor. I only wish I could have spoken to you again before your departure.

My last words to you held no truth. Not even as an exaggeration of my sentiments. You have been nothing but loyal and true to us, beyond what I could hope for   Beyond what we deserved. I have been lost for most of my life, Bilbo, and while it is maudlin and foolish, I had begun to think I had found a home with     So I thank you for helping me to recover my grandfather’s kingdom.  It will never be home to me while 

I will expect no response from you.

I deserve none.

I have no right to think you will forgive me for my actions when last we spoke. I have no expectation of being forgiven, but I would be remiss if I did not tell you how deeply it cuts me to recall the way you looked at me then. I am not worthy of forgiveness for the harm I intended you and I can only thank Mahal and the wizard for preventing me doing what I began. The memory of seeing you there, I believe, will never leave me.

Had I killed you I not been stopped, I am certain that, if I had still escaped from the madness, that knowledge would have driven me to            I would have abdicated the throne in shame. It has never been spoken of between us, and I have been fortunate in a life bereft of most joy to have known companionship. I will not know it again.

Since I cannot think you will ever wish to return to Erebor, I must wish you every happiness. The Shire is your home, I would not ask you to leave it, no matter my own desires. Our cold mountain could never bring you happiness. Yet without your help, none of us would be here today. You are a truer friend than we dwarves deserve. Than I deserve

You have our eternal thanks and support in anything you should need, I swear that in the name of my forefathers.

 

with all love,   sincerely, fondly,

with my grateful regards,


 

Thorin Oakenshield


Please Bilbo, come back so I can finally

Please come back

So I can say          

Please come back  to us,

to me.

 

 

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