Chapter Text
“I honestly didn’t think it was possible to get a headache from just seeing someone’s face but thanks to you, Stark, I know it’s fucking possible now” Fury rubs his forehead, clearly annoyed with the smirking billionaire who decides to sit right next to him.
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“Tell me again why I have to sit here, and listen to all of you bitch?”
“We’re not bitching.”
“Tell me again why I have to sit here, and listen to all of you bitch, as well as, denying the fact that you’re all bitching?” Fury says while giving them all a flat stare.
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“I can’t wait for your parents to come home so I can be relieved of my babysitting duties. Oh wait, I’m not a fucking babysitter, so quit acting like children” Fury sarcastically says, glaring at each of them except for Steve who’s like a babysitter’s dream come true.
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“Whose idea was it to leave a purple hat, with pink feathers on top, on my desk?” When no one says anything, Fury snorts and continues “That’s a damn shame because I was going to thank whoever did it. It goes well with the purple pants someone left on my desk a week ago and the purple leopard coat three days ago. Can I expect a pimp stick to go with my newly acquired wardrobe in my near future? Because I got to admit, I love the idea of being able to use it to put all of you in line!”
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“Stark, if you don’t shut up and listen to me, I will sit on Rogers’ lap and continue on with the meeting from there. Do you want me to do that because I will” Fury asks and is happy when Tony doesn’t utter a single word for the remainder of the meeting. He reminds himself to send Steve a fruit basket later for disturbing him.
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“Just because it’s Halloween, doesn’t mean you can break the dress code or debauch my one good eye” Fury tries his best to stay calm.
“I’m Sailor Mars!” Tony shouts while Clint cries out “And I’m Sailor Venus!” They both pose which makes Fury’s eye twitch.
“More like Sailor Dumbass and Sailor Idiot. Please go put on some damn clothes before I decide to dress up as Queen Beryl and kick your asses.”
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The battles over and they’ve won. Looking around, Fury notices something. “Hey, Cap, do you need some condoms and lube over there? Because I feel like you’re going to need them with the way everyone is leering at you” Fury says dryly, making everyone look away from their blushing half-naked leader (thanks to the enemy). Well, everyone expect for Tony who’s whispering ‘say yes’ to Steve.
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Sighing, Fury irritably says “it’s hard for me to continue on with this meeting when I have a bunch of school girls giggling here. Last time I checked, I don’t run a school here.”
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“I want all of you to know Steve Rogers is my favorite because he actually behaves and believes in rules. With that being said, stop picking on him because I will get medieval on your asses” Fury threatens and adds “or send Agent Coulson after you.”
“You should probably send me in first, sir, before going in yourself.”
“You may have a good point there.”
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“Children, please behave before I go batshit crazy here.”