Section One: Sexual Congress and Its Implications.
Does having sex with you entail becoming married, whether legally, magically, physiologically, or some other de facto permanent relationship? Y/N If Yes, please describe our new life together.
Do you have any nemeses (personal or traditional) whose enmity will be roused by having sex with you? Y/N If Yes, please describe threat level(s).
Please outline any prophecies, songs, or epic poems which could reasonably be considered to refer to our proposed sexual encounter.
Does sex with you imply agreement to a permanent change of domicile, e.g., to a castle, spaceship, or undersea cave? Y/N If Yes, describe this new home.
Does having sex with me constitute part of a ritual to assume control or command over a group of people or a region? Y/N If Yes, please outline any millinery or other requirements of my role as your consort.
Does having sex with you initiate a mental link or similar emotional bond between us? Y/N If Yes, please provide details below, making note of aforementioned prophecies, songs, epic poems, or similar which may affect the operation of the mental link. If No, please skip to the next question.
- Please describe the information (sensory, vocal, emotional, or other) conveyed by the link, including whether there is a threshold of triviality below which your every thought will no longer be conveyed to me.
- Is this mental link reciprocal? If not, please describe the nature of its inequality and any mechanism by which it is controlled and by whom.
- Is the mental link only active in certain situations, e.g., activating to allow sharing of pleasure or to inform either party of potentially hazardous situations? Y/N If Yes, please describe circumstances.
- Please describe the approximate distance over which the mental link usually operates, e.g., within touching distance, across a room, within a city, across the known universe (effectively unlimited).
- Please outline any substance known to interfere with transmission of information over the mental link, e.g., lead, mystical forcefields, singularity horizon.
If I have sex with you, is there a chance that I will never be able to have sex with anyone else, ever? Y/N If Yes, please outline the emotional, physical, or other barriers to sex with other people.
Do you have guardian(s), companion(s), or a secret ruling council who will be required to witness or obtain other proof of sexual intercourse? Y/N If Yes, please outline requirements (on back of form if further space is required).
Do you experience periods of intense sexual desire on a regular or irregular basis, e.g., a “heat” cycle? Y/N If Yes, please outline onset, frequency, duration, and any associated behavioural or physical changes.
Please outline your expectations for orgasm (number, duration, approximate volume of ejaculate).
Please indicate how much (if any) ejaculate is required to be consumed, worn, absorbed, or otherwise utilised as part of the proposed sexual encounter, and any effects thereof.
Please outline the expected duration of sexual encounter and provide details on any non-standard environmental requirements, e.g., under a full moon, between standing stones, on an altar in the presence of Satan.
Please list any allergies or contraindicated environmental conditions that may have a negative impact on the proposed sexual intercourse, e.g., silver, lemons, presence of third parties.
Notwithstanding any habits we may adopt as our relationship proceeds, do you have any expectations or requirements of your sexual role as either the penetrative or penetrated partner during our proposed sexual encounter? Y/N If Yes, please describe expectations and/or requirements.
Is there a chance that anatomical or chemical changes to either of us could necessitate protracted coitus? Y/N If Yes please outline duration, bodily modifications, and other emotional or magical implications.
Do you have reason to believe, based on personal experience or oral tradition, that any part of your body has the ability to cure physical, mental, or emotional trauma? Y/N If Yes, please describe body part and healing abilities with actual examples, if possible.
Will the consummation of our sexual relationship cause you to be changed into another form? Y/N If Yes, please describe changes (include sketches on back of form if required).
Will the consummation of our sexual relationship cause me to be changed into another form? Y/N If Yes, please describe changes (include sketches on back of form if required).
Is there a chance that sex with you will require exceptional stamina and/or cause unusual or excessive physical exhaustion? Y/N If Yes, please outline rehydration and other recovery plans.
Is there a chance that after having sex, you will need to consume any part of me to maintain homeostasis, e.g., blood, semen, or the intangible essence of my soul? Y/N If yes, please provide a precise description of your requirements including timing. Additionally, outline any physiological changes which my body will undergo to facilitate this requirement.
Will you be required (by physiology or tradition) to leave a permanent scar during sex? Y/N If Yes, please describe scar(s).
Is there a chance that sex with you will cause my lifespan to become extended (barring death by avenging human or other misadventure)? Y/N If Yes, please outline plans for maintaining a healthy relationship in the coming centuries.
Is there a chance that I will be impregnated during sex with you, regardless of contraceptive measures, biology, or logic? Y/N If Yes, please describe pregnancy and resultant offspring.
Are there any other rituals or practices you require during sex? Y/N If Yes, please be specific. More paper is available upon request.
Section Two: Bonus Appendages.
Do you have one or more supernatural or non-human penises? Y/N If Yes, please outline special features and abilities (include sketches on back of form if required).
Do you have one or more bonus appendages (tentacles, wings, or other)? Y/N If Yes, outline number and biological function (include sketches on back of form if required).
Is there an expectation on your part of blanket permission being granted for penetration by one or more bonus appendages*? Y/N If Yes, please adjust expectations.
*Note: negotiations regarding penetration by standard appendages is outside the purview of this document.
Is there a requirement for such penetration for emotionally or physiologically satisfying sexual intercourse? Y/N If Yes, describe requirements.
Please describe concisely any physical or mental side effects of intimate contact with bonus appendages, or the secretions thereof.
Please outline any relevant non-sexual abilities of bonus appendages, e.g., flight, starting fires, or the ability to purify food and drink with a single touch of your shining horn.
Are there any specific actions on my part that would cause you (or your bonus appendages) to react reflexively in ways that could cause personal or legal injury? For example, stroking your kitty ears, rough handling of your dorsal macrodactyla, or encroachment into space occupied by your non-corporeal wings. Y/N If Yes, please outline contraindicated behaviour.
Section Three: Other Considerations.
Are you required by physiology or tradition to spend time in an alternate bodily formation? Y/N If Yes, please outline any implications that this transformation may have for a potential ongoing sexual relationship, e.g., relocation to a coastal area, provision of scritches, or purchase of protective clothing.
Please specify any additional timing requirements for special circumstances described above, e.g., after the third time we have sex, only after I learn your true name, or when you receive permission from the relevant shadowy government organisation.
Though not required, you are encouraged to expand on any of your answers above with bloodline, fairytale, or popular fiction references.
And finally, please provide any other personal information that may contribute to a successful and mutually enjoyable sexual encounter (include sketches on back of form if required).