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Tony was leaning on the kitchen counter, waiting for the suddenly insanely slow coffee pot to finish doing it's job, when Steve walked in carrying... Tony tilted his head to the side and closed one eye. It looked as though Steve had a baby in his arms. Which just goes to show, Tony thought to himself, that my brain really can't function without coffee. He turned back to the coffee machine and closed his both his eyes. It was silent for a few moments and then Tony heard Steve clearing his throat.
“Not sane yet, Cap,” Tony said, voice scratchy with sleepy. “I'm having actual hallucinations this morning.”
Steve chuckled softly, and then said, “You're not hallucinating, Tony.”
“Yes, yes I am,” Tony insisted back, still keeping his eyes closed and facing the coffee pot. If he didn't see it again, it wouldn't be true.
“Tony.” Oh that little note of disappointment in Steve's voice was going to be the death of Tony one day.
Peering over his shoulder, eyes squinted against the vile morning sun, Tony looked again at Steve. And the baby that was squirming in his arms.
“Fuck,” Tony muttered softly.
Steve's lips pursed together in a frown, but then the baby flopped back against his chest with a giggle and Steve's face was transformed by an obnoxiously attractive smile. Tony felt his own face trying to follow suit and promptly turned back to the now-beeping coffee. Filling a cup for himself and Steve occupied a couple of minutes, but eventually he had to turn and deal with The Situation.
“JARVIS?” Tony directed his voice up toward the ceiling.
“I called Ms. Potts thirty minutes ago, sir. She will arrive within the hour.” Good, reliable, non-baby-having JARVIS.
“Here.” Tony held out the cup of coffee to Steve.
Steve looked down at the cup and then back at the baby and then back up at Tony with a surprisingly devious smile. He juggled the baby over onto just one arm, took the coffee, set it down and then (most distressingly) held the baby out toward Tony.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“N.O. No. Not going to happen. Not now, not ev...” Tony was silenced by little baby fingers catching on his open mouth as Steve placed the child in his arms.
“Cwap,” he mumbled.