So. Baby Thor. Yes good.
Well, not really baby because he’s five years old when Steve and Tony adopt him. He spots them getting a breath of fresh air near the adoption centre playground and he runs right up to them because Thor has not, does not, and will not ever have a sense of stranger danger (much to the dismay of whoever’s taking care of him, like the playground supervisor who sees him run over and is too tired to give him the lecture one more time, obviously they’re okay people if they’ve met the background checks to even be here-Hey, is that Tony Stark?). (Sidenote: I know that adoption procedures in real life are much lengthier and complicated and rarely smooth. So this easiness comes from rule of fiction and Tony Stark being Tony Stark (even in real life celebrities have a much easier time adopting than your average Joe).
So he runs up and is just like “HI! I’M THOR AND I’M FIVE, WHO ARE YOU?” Steve is surprised by his boldness, and Tony’s surprised by the fact he’s five, because Thor’s quite large for his age and could pass for an eight-year-old. And Thor just keeps talking IN HIS OUTDOOR VOICE about various kid things so Tony and Steve just sit down and listen.
Thor’s, well, you know those kittens at the shelter that are labelled “hard to adopt”? He’s like that. Big loud voice with an odd, dramatic little lilt to it, talking really excitedly about things that make sense only to him. Tony knows he shouldn’t, but he asks hesitantly about Thor’s old family and Thor just steamrolls right over it like “THEY’RE NOT AROUND ANYMORE, BUT THAT’S OKAY. I’LL HAVE A NEW FAMILY SOON,” and carries on. By the end of the conversation, Steve and Tony are totally enthralled by the weird little kid and they don’t even know why. He’s just really fun to be around, and the thought of leaving him behind on the playground is really kind of heartbreaking for some reason.
Cue Tony whipping out his Tony Stark card and making things go a lot quicker. But Steve’s like “We just met this kid, and he’s a bit older, we really need to talk to him first. Maybe he doesn’t want us to be his family.” And Tony’s all over that, because he would have loved for someone to have asked his opinion when he was that age.
So they go find the kid and Steve carefully explains the situation, but he fumbles quite bit because well, how do you have that conversation anyways? At the end, Thor just tilts his head and asks “You’d be my new family?” And Steve says “Well, only if you want us to-” But he doesn’t get to finish that sentence because Thor shrieks with delight, jumps up to hug him and nearly squeezes the life out of Steve. Tony manages to pry Thor off Steve only to have the same thing happen to him.
So a little time goes by, a lot of paperwork is signed, and Steve and Tony are finally driving their two newly adopted sons home. Steve’s twisted around in the front seat talking to Thor, who quickly loses interest in the conversation and gains interest in the small, fidgety infant in the carrier beside him. “That’s the baby brother we told you about, what do you think?” Steve asks as he tries to hide his laughter, because Thor’s staring at Clint like he’s never seen a baby before in his entire life.
“My baby brother?” Steve nods, and Thor lights up like a giant Christmas tree. “BROTHER!” And Steve has to basically divebomb into the backseat to prevent Clint from being hugged to death. Tony pulls over so he can soothe a very startled baby and Steve can kindly but firmly explain that Clint is a little breakable and can’t roughhouse like that till he’s older. Thor understands and apologizes to his new brother by letting Clint chew on his fingers for the rest of the ride home.
Pepper drops by later that day to see the new addition to the family, and is a bit confused to see Steve on the couch giving Clint a bottle and Tony on the floor drawing crayon pictures with Thor. “I thought you were only-” But she just shakes her head and asks how they like family life so far. Thor perks up, screams “PEPPER!” and tackles the poor woman because Tony talked about her during the week or so when they kept visiting Thor before the papers were signed.
So that about sums up how Thor joins the family. There’s a few other things about child! and eventually teenage!Thor.
1. Thor is never the kind of brother who wants his little brother to go away. He’s just the opposite. Because they are BROTHERS and BROTHERS SHOULD DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER. Clint usually doesn’t mind, because he and Thor do get along very well (although they are brothers and they pick on each other and tease and so on), but sometimes he’s like “I am just going to get chips from the kitchen, sit down.” Thor also tries to be the advice-giving big brother, but he usually just ends up telling really long stories.
2. Thor is kind of…a hippie? Not an exact stereotype, because he’s a total carnivore and doesn’t drop acid or join drum circles anything like that. But he refuses haircuts for most of his life, is very into peace and love, and has a number of interesting viewpoints that can range from enlightening to interesting to well okay then. He also goes to liberal arts college when he’s old enough to major in underwater basket weaving, or something. An odd duck he begins, and an odd duck he stays.
3. Thor is the kind of kid who does a backflip off the back of the couch, hits his head, and just gets up and keeps running. Same for if he gets scolded or gets upset, he’s sad momentarily and then back to being best friends with everything in seconds.
4. Thor is a jack of all trades and a master of none. He’ll try anything once but rarely sticks with it. He unsettles his teachers a bit, but he’s a surprisingly good student. I have a tangent where he’s in high school and gets the lead in the school play and slowly drives the by-the-book drama teacher into early retirement, not sure where to go with that.
5. Thor doesn’t remember a whole lot about his early life, even less so as he gets older. The adoption agency doesn’t know much either, as he was dropped off very suddenly. He does seem to have the hint of an accent when he’s quite young, but he has an American birth certificate with the names scratched out except for his given name. When Thor’s about 10, Loki shows up out of nowhere and well, that’s another story for another time…