Chapter 1: Life Is Just A Mystery, Sometimes It's Good To Take What You Get Given.
‘’Make sure that you voice what you want him to do, if not he wont do it.’’
I stared at Cassidy with confusion at first, tying to get my head around what he had been telling me what to do for the past hour and half. His word were swimming around, mixing together and it made me feel exhausted already and it was only 11am, shaking my head slightly I looked down at the table where the camera laid and I smiled, it was my baby.
I snapped my head up and looked towards Cassidy as he held up two different outfits on hangers, both were black and leather apart from the one of the left hanger held small strips of gold across the pockets and collar of the worn looking jacket.
‘’Just two of the outfits which you are going to be photographing him in today, the rest is still on their way with him, he has a shoot mixed with my designs and some of my older designs which I want to bring back out again’’ Cassidy spoke out to me before he turned and rushed over to a rack and placed the hangers on it before turning back to stare at me, hands on his hips as he gave me a stern glare. ‘’Please be patient with him too’’ He sighed and I nodded a little, watching as he walked across the large studio and in to his office, the door shutting with a soft click, leaving me in silence as I sat back down and stared at the camera laid on the table top, slowly I reached out and started to take the parts apart and picked the brush up to start cleaning it lightly and carefully.
*A month earlier*
‘’What do you mean, you can’t deal with me any more?’’ I yelled back at my room mate,
‘’This Tommy, I cant deal with your temper changes all the time, one moment your happy and then the next your bitching about something to us and you cant even hold a job’’ They yelled back and I clenched my fists slightly, ‘’We want you to move out’’ Isaac breathed out and I shook my head slightly as I looked between him and his girlfriend,
‘’I cant believe you’’ I yelled out again before I stomped of to my room, grabbing a bag, I started to push everything I owned in to it, which turned out not to be a lot.
Before I knew it I was walking through the dark streets, bag over my shoulder and holder in my hand. Walking around for a while I let myself finally come to terms with having no where else to go and dropped myself down in to a doorway at the back of a large building.
‘’This is fucking stupid’’ I muttered to myself as I pulled another hoody out my holder and tugged it on over my head. ‘’I guess I can trust on you not to give up on me’’ I muttered out to my camera as I pulled it out my bag and wrapped the strap around my wrist as I turned it on. Flipping through the photos, I smiled softly to myself as I took in some of the memories before I turned it off and placed it back inside and covered it up again. Settling back in to the door way, I moved my bags between my ankles and knees as I pulled my hood up and tried to shut the draft out from my body as my eyes slipped shut and I tried to get some sleep.
‘’Hey kid, wake up’’ A voice rang out and I jumped slightly, my hands flying to my bag which held my camera and pulled it closer to me as a soft laugh escaped the person’s throat and I brought a hand up to my eyes so I could see them in the sun’s glare. ‘’don’t worry im not going to take your bag, which im surprised that you only grabbed the one’’ The guy laughed again, a hand on his hip, head slightly cocked to the side as he looked at me,
‘’Well yeah, the other only holds clothes’’ I shrugged out as I started to undo it and slipped my hand inside before I felt the coolness of the camera under my fingertips.
‘’Ooooo you’re a Run away?’’ He asked and I looked back at him and shook my head,
‘’No, got kicked out by my roommate and his girlfriend last night, had no where to go’’ I muttered out as I flopped back against the doorframe again and scowled to myself as I thought of the places I could go.
‘’Well, I need you to move’’ The guy said and I looked back towards him,
‘’Why?’’ I asked and he rolled his eyes before holding out a set of keys which glinted of the sunlight,
‘’Because I want to get in to my studio’’ He told me simply and I looked up at the doorway before back to him,
‘’Oh…sorry’’ I muttered out before I grabbed my bags quickly and stood up, swaying slightly from being sat in the same way for so long, bones creaking slightly as I stretched out,
‘’How long have you been here for?’’ He asked as I pulled my bag over my shoulder and held my holder closer to me as I shrugged,
‘’All night really, it was already dark when I left the apartment, didn’t really think when I left and just walked’’ I shrugged out as I glanced around the place now that I could see it in the daylight. I could see that it was a parking lot, for the buildings probably.
‘’Well come inside and have a hot drink at least and im sure I got something to eat around the place’’ He told me and I looked back over towards him,
‘’what’s the catch?’’ I asked and he laughed as he moved closer to the door and started to unlock it before pushing it open.
‘’No catch, just helping out a pretty boy’’ He smirked out before propping the door open with a small stand and started to head up the stairs, leaving me to stare after him.
‘’What’s the chance of anything bad happening TJ’’ I mumbled to myself before I started to slowly walk up the steps, pushing the door at the top open, I stepped inside before looking up, a small gasp on my lips as I took notice of the large studio space.
Dropping my bag down on to the floor, I held my other closer to me as I walked a little further in and started to have a look around the place,
‘’So tell me,’’ A voice rang out causing me to jump again and spin around to face the guy,
‘’I didn’t touch anything’’ I quickly told him as he chuckled.
‘’I know you didn’t, but tell me this, why are you carrying around that bag when you left your other by the door?’’ He asked and I breathed out a little as I looked down at it.
‘’I don’t want to lose it’’ I told him as I raised my hand up to the strap and pulled it up a little further,
‘’And why not, it’s just a bag with your things in’’ He said and I sighed a little before moving to kneel, my bag in front of me as I started to undo it, pushing one of my hoodies away I looked over my camera before I glanced up at the guy.
‘’It’s the only way for me to make some money if it comes to that, despite that I would be lost if I had to sell it’’ I told him as I picked it up and held it up to him to see, a smile forming over his lips quickly.
‘’Cassidy, Cassidy Haley, skingraft designer and whatever else you want’’ He told me as he stepped forward and held his hand out to me.
‘’Uhh…Tommy, Tommy-Joe Ratliff and um, I guess you could say at this time, homeless wanna be photographer.’’ I told him as he chuckled softly.
‘’Do you have any photos which you have taken on you or on your camera?’’ He asked and I looked down at it and then my bag before I nodded,
‘’Yeah a few, why?’’ I asked as he grinned and folded his arms over chest,
‘’Well, if you are good enough, I have a space here in my studio, my last photographer decided to up and leave me on short notice and I have a big shoot soon and then again in a month’s time and it’s hard to find a good photographer in that time space’’ He told me and I nodded slightly before I knelt again and placed my camera back in to my bag and dug through until I found a small box, pulling it out, I handed it over to him.
‘’Tommy get your ass in here now’’ I heard Cassidy yell out from his office and I looked up from my camera and desk before I got up and walked over quickly,
‘’Yeah, if this is about me staying here still, don’t worry I think I have an apartment, just got to wait till the end of the week to find out if I have it or not’’ I told him quickly and he laughed softly,
‘’No, this isn’t about that, I don’t mind you staying here, you clean up after yourself. But I just wanted to tell you, good luck with this shoot; many photographers have tried and found it hard to work with him, so do you remember everything I told you just now?’’ He asked and I breathed out slightly before nodding.
‘’Be patient with him’’ I told him as he nodded, ‘’Voice what I want him to do or he won’t do it’’ I said again,
‘’Yes, what else’’ He asked,
‘’Call him by his first name because he don’t like being all formal’’ I listed off again before I leaned against the door frame and paused for a second.
‘’All correct, now there’s just one more thing you need to remember and that’s the main one’’ He told me and I chewed on my lip slightly before he sighed and shook his head, ‘’Fuck Tommy, don’t tell him to take his glasses off, if he wants to take them off then that’s his choice’’ I nodded slightly as he spoke,
‘’Can I ask who I’m actually photographing today, I still don’t know.’’ I asked and a wide smile broke out over his face.
‘’He’s a very dear friend of mine and the top model of this century, Adam Lambert’’ Cassidy told me and I felt myself tense up slightly, ‘’so don’t mess this up boy’’ Cass grinned out as I nodded and left his office, walking back to my desk I sat back down and breathed out slightly.
It was always harder to shoot someone when Cassidy knew them really well, I felt like that I would mess up too much and he would end up firing me from the job which I still couldn’t believe I had gotten from him only the month before, a lot had changed in the short amount of time I had been here.
Chapter 2: Unexpected mistakes, one shot and the whiskey goes down.
‘’Tommy, we are out of whiskey again, will you go get some quickly?’’ Cassidy asked and I looked up from where I was putting my camera together again,
‘’But I thought your friend was due any moment?’’ I asked and he waved slightly with a smile,
‘’He is, but we need whiskey…so?’’ He asked before I sighed and nodded a little.
‘’Sure’’ I told him as I stood and reached for my wallet, pushing it in to my pocket, I grabbed my hoody, pulling it on I pushed my chair in under the desk before I turned and headed towards the door.
‘’Tommy, aren’t you forgetting something?’’ Cassidy asked and I rolled my eyes slightly before turning back,
‘’don’t think so.’’ I told him and he laughed slightly before walking over,
‘’Well you will need the money to buy it’’ He told me as he handed some cash over and I looked down at it before back up.
‘’I thought you wanted me to get it with my own money’’ I told him as he shook his head and pressed a chaste kiss over my lips.
‘’Oh pretty, when will you learn, now off you go before he gets here’’ He told me as I nodded, turning, I headed down the stairs and out in to the sunshine before I started to walk across the parking lot, my hands moving to pull my headphones up over my ears as I felt myself walk in to someone.
‘’Sorry’’ I quickly muttered out before I moved out the way and jogged across the street to the nearest liquor store.
Picking up two bottles of Jack, I walked over to the counter and place them down as the owner turned and looked me over slightly.
‘’Got any id?’’ He asked and I sighed slightly before I checked my back pockets and then pulled my wallet out and searched through it.
‘’Fuck…I do but it’s at my work, come on do I really look younger than 21, plus you’ve served me in here before and seen my id’’ I told the guy before he shrugged.
‘’Sorry son, no id no service’’ he told me and I groaned a little before shrugging.
‘’Alright, I guess…’’ I muttered out before I walked out the store slightly, pulling my phone out, I called Cassidy before I hanged up again knowing that he would tell me something different, shaking my head slightly I pushed it back in before walking down the street in search of another store.
Finally walking back up the steps of the studio, I muttered to myself before I walked in,
‘’Tommy, where have you been?’’ I heard Cass call out and I sighed before shrugging and headed towards his office.
‘’the fucking dick in the store wouldn’t serve me because I forgot my fucking id, he’s served me before and seen it, you would think that the fuck would remember me ‘’ I spoke out to him as I crossed across and in side where I put the bottles down and walked back out again, ‘’so I had to go half way in to downtown just to find a place, fucking fantastic, should’ve just come back and grabbed my id for fuck sake’’ I muttered out to myself before I looked up to see Cassidy sat with a few other people and I paused, a blush creeping on to my cheeks. ‘’Fuck, Im sorry Cass, I didn’t know you had people here already.’’ I quickly spoke out as he stood and walked towards me with a slight laugh.
‘’It’s fine Tommy, really’’ He told me and I glanced past him slightly to see that there was three other men and a female before I turned back to Cass again.
‘’Please shoot me’’ I muttered out as I ran my hand through my hair and let myself fall in to Cassidy’s arms slightly as a soft laugh escaped from one of the men sat on the couch.
‘’Did you get the whiskey?’’ Cass asked and I nodded strongly as he smiled. ‘’Good, why not go open it and pour everyone a drink and yourself a double if you feel like you need it’’ he told with a slight wink.
Turning, I walked back in to his office as I poured my hoody off again and hung it up on the door, finding his glasses, I stacked them on top of each other before picking them up, the most resting against my arm as I grabbed the two bottles in my other hand and walked back out and towards the group.
‘’How the hell are you managing to carry everything like that? I would’ve dropped something by now’’ One of the men asked and I looked up before down slightly as I placed the bottles on the table.
‘’I used to work in a bar when I was slightly younger’’ I told him as he grinned and nodded slightly. ‘’You seem a man of many talents Tommy, so how old are you?’’ The same guy asked as I set the glasses down and un-stacked them before I picked a bottle up and started to undo it.
‘’Im 24, 25 this year’’ I told him as he nodded a little.
‘’Tommy, have you got everything ready?’’ Cassidy asked and I looked up as I finished pouring the drinks,
‘’Nearly, just got to put a few more things back together again and them it should be all set’’ I told him as I poured myself a glass, standing up I nodded slightly towards everyone before I headed across the studio to where my desk was and placed my drink down as I reached over and grabbed a few more bits for the camera. Slotting them in to place, I quickly turned it on as I walked over to the computer and made sure that the SD card was synced up with it before I put the camera down and moved back to my desk and started to look through the small stack of paper work.
‘’Fuck’’ I muttered out to myself as I felt a few bits of the paper slice across my finger, a small droplet of blood moving down on to the desk, biting my lip slightly I raised my hand up and moved my lips over the cut before I headed over towards the sink and ran it under the cold water and reached up for the first aid box.
‘’Everything okay’’ I heard someone ask and I looked up to see the same guy from the couch and I smiled before nodding.
‘’Yeah, im good, paper just don’t like my hands’’ I laughed out slightly before he took the box from me and pulled a plaster out of the wrap, drying my hand off I let him wrap it around as he smiled.
‘’Don’t damage yourself too much, you have some good work, Cassidy has shown us and we like it a lot’’ He told me and I nodded slightly.
‘’Oh, my manners, im sure Cassidy has already told you but im Tommy, and again, im sorry for the way I first came in, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here yet.’’ I told him as I held my hand out.
‘’Sutan’’ He replied before shaking my head and I smiled warmly. ‘’And don’t worry about it darling, it made us laugh’’ He told me as I grinned again.
‘’Sutan, you better not be flirting with Cassidy’s staff again’’ Another voice came out and I turned slightly to see the taller man from the couch walking towards the office with a slight smile.
‘’Oh don’t worry Adam, Im not…That’s your job remember’’ Sutan spoke out and the other man laughed before waving him off as he walked in through the door, his fingertips brushing the edge.
All of a sudden it dawned on me who Sutan had spoken too and I cursed mentally at myself as I turned the tap off and breathed out.
‘’Just great’’ I muttered, ‘’the one time I get told not to mess up, I go mess up’’ I muttered to myself as I headed back to my desk quickly and went back to searching for my planner.
‘’Here, drink this and just chill out lovely’’ Sutan told me as he picked my drink up and pressed it in to my hand. Breathing out slightly I nodded and poured it down my throat before scrunching my face up at the burn as he chuckled.
‘’Fuck, I forgot how strong Jack can be on its own’’ I laughed out as I ran my hand across the back of my mouth and then pushed the paper to the side. ‘’screw it, I can find it later and fill it out’’ I muttered to myself as I headed back over to the computer and picked my camera up.
‘’Tommy, phone call’’ Cassidy called out and I looked up from where I was setting the camera on the stand with a frown.
‘’Who is it?’’ I called back as Cass walked out with the office phone in his hand.
‘’Some guy called Isaac, says he needs to talk to you’’ Cassidy told me and I shrugged before he walked over and handed the phone to me. Leaning it between my ear and shoulder as I went back I sighed a little.
‘’What do you want Isaac, Im busy’’ I spoke in to it as he sighed on the other end. ‘’and how did you get this number anyway?’’ I asked,
‘’you had a letter sent here and it had this number on, so photographing at last huh?’’ ‘He asked and I sighed a little as I dropped my hand away and held the phone. ‘’But I just wanted to know that you owe some rent still’’ He muttered out and I laughed slightly,
‘’How do you work that out, I haven’t lived there for about a month now Isaac, so how the fuck do I owe you?’’ I asked as I stepped away from my camera and walked towards the stairs, heading down them, I stopped about half way before sitting down.
‘’It’s from the rent you didn’t pay, Sophie…’’ He started but I cut him off with a laugh.
‘’Of course…that would be why, well im not paying you or her, if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t of been kicked out, I swear she has you wrapped around her little finger, what happened to you Isaac, we used to be so close?’’ I asked.
‘’Don’t you dare talk about her like that’’ He augured back and I groaned slightly.
‘’I don’t give a fuck, she pushed us apart and that was the finale thing, everything between us is no more, you can bring the letter and anything else of mine around to here, the address should also be on it and then I don’t want to see or hear from you again’’ I spat in to the phone before I hanged up and placed it beside me as I hit the wall and breathed out deeply.
‘’Come on, lets get you another drink’’ I turned and looked up at Cassidy to see him stood at the top of the stairs and I nodded a little as I picked the phone up and walked up,
‘’Im sorry, I didn’t think he would call and for rent of all things too’’ I muttered out as Cass threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in to his side slightly.
‘’Forget about him Tommy, old news, old friends, you have a better set now’’ He grinned out as I handed him the phone again and followed him in to the office.
‘’More like just you, hell I hardly leave this place unless its to go to the store or to go see an apartment which is starting to look less likely if Isaac demands this money of me’’ I groaned out as I threw myself down in to his chair and watched as he picked a bottle up from the side and held it out to me. ‘’And why did you send a letter there?’’ I asked and Cassidy laughed slightly,
‘’I actually think that’s your first pay check, I think I forgot that they kicked you out and you had writing it down with all your details,’’ He shrugged and I nodded slightly as I pulled the lid off and took a mouthful of Jack. ‘’Are you sure you’re up to doing this shoot today?’’ He asked, ‘’because I can easy take over or I don’t think Adam will mind pushing it back a day or two’’ He told me and I shook my head.
‘’No, this has been planned for over a month, im not letting you or your friend down’’ I told him as I stood up and we walked back out in to the studio, handing him the bottle back, I walked back over to the camera again and finished getting it set up before checking the lights were in the first place.
‘’That’s fine, you just take the photos my pretty and I will get Adam to do everything I want him to do’’ Cassidy told me as I smiled slightly and carried on with what I was doing.
‘’Alright, a few more and then I think we will be finished’’ Cassidy called out and I breathed out a little as I put the camera back on its stand again and walked over to the laptop and moved through the photos we had already taken before I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped.
‘’Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump’’ the voice spoke out as I turned to look up at Adam, a smile on his lips.
‘’Nah, don’t worry about it, I don’t know how you manage to stay so cool under these lights, im behind most of them and I feel like im melting half the time’’ I chuckled out and I watched as his lips twitched up in to a smile, his eyes hidden behind the glasses still as I turned back to the photo’s.
‘’That’s where Sutan comes in handy’’ I heard Adam speak out and I nodded in agreement before I felt his hand leave my shoulder, ‘’I guess I should go change in to the next outfit’’ He told me and I laughed slightly.
‘’I guess so, but im sure Cassidy could let you off if you wanted too’’ I spoke out before I turned to look at him,
‘’I know, but I don’t mind, I have nothing else planned for today, so be back soon’’ Adam spoke and I smiled before he paused before stepping backwards and turned around and headed towards the changing area where Cassidy was waiting with the next outfit.
‘’These looks great Tommy, and you really haven’t been doing this for long?’’ Sutan asked as he came up next to me and I grinned slightly before shaking my head.
‘’Nope, normally I just took photos of what ever I fancied or thought would look great’’ I told him as he patted my shoulder, ‘’And Adam is great to work with, I’ve heard that models normally are hell, demanding things left, right and center’’ I laughed out, causing him to laugh too.
‘’Nope, not our Adam’’ he winked at me and I shook my head slightly as I picked he camera up and unplugged the wire and headed back towards my desk to change over cameras.
‘’Tommy’’ I turned slightly towards the others before I turned to look towards the doorway and saw Isaac standing there, sighing slightly I put the cameras down and ran the back of my hand across the top of my forehead slightly before I walked over to him.
‘’Thanks’’ I muttered out as he pulled a bag off his shoulders and handed it over to me, moving it up on to my shoulder as he handed a few envelope’s over, I walked back to my desk as I looked through them and then dropped them down with some of my other stuff.
‘’Look can we talk Tommy?’’ Isaac asked as he stepped closer and I dropped my bag down before turning to look at him,
‘’Im working Isaac, so no you cant talk okay, now you need to leave’’ I told him as I turned back around again,
‘’I need the money Tommy, really, I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important’’ He whispered out to me and I laughed slightly before I pushed him towards the door again.
‘’Im not giving you the money okay, I haven’t lived in that apartment for a month now, I owe you nothing’’ I sneered out at him as he sighed and looked down,
‘’Sophie’s pregnant’’ He whispered and I looked at him before laughing.
‘’That’s just great isn’t it, the icing on the top of the fucking cake’’ I muttered out to him before I turned and saw everyone looking, breathing out a little I walked over to where Cassidy and Sutan was talking. ‘’Cass, can I take five minutes to sort this out?’’ I asked him quietly and he looked at me before nodding softly.
‘’Five minutes and then im coming to get you’’ He told me and I smiled before heading back and pointed towards the door. Heading down the steps slightly, I kept walking and away from the door slightly.
‘’Im still not paying you Isaac, this is your shit not mine, im not the one who fucked her and got her pregnant.’’ I yelled at him before he rubbed his arm slightly.
‘’I know Tommy, but I need the money please’’ He begged and I ran my hand through my hair before turning to face him.
‘’This is your shit Isaac, the last time I gave you money to bail you out of something, it fucking back fired and got me fired from my last job and kicked out my apartment, or are you forgetting the reason why I ended up living with you in the first place?’’ I yelled again as he backed away.
‘’Tommy…’’ He started and I shook my head,
‘’No, im fed up Isaac, I just want to have a job which I can do well to support myself enough to get myself an apartment so I can stop fucking sleeping on the couch in my bosses studio’’ I shouted at him again before I made my way back to the studio door, pulling it shut behind me with a slam, I walked back up and clenched my hands together slightly as I walked across the studio and over to where I left my camera before picking it up and moved back to put it in place. ‘’Fucking bastard’’ I muttered to myself as I pushed my sleeves up and walked back and poured myself another glass of Jack and quickly drank it down.
‘’You okay to carry on?’’ Cassidy asked out in a soft voice and I nodded before I turned and looked towards him.
‘’Yeah, sorry for everything today’’ I told him as he nodded, watching as Sutan and Adam walked back out, I noticed Sutan’s eyes run over my arms before he smiled and turned to carry on speaking to Adam.
‘’You know, if you need time off, you can have it to sort things out’’ Cassidy’s voice spoke out quietly next to me.
‘’Im fine really, I promise.’’ I told him as I looked at him, ‘’He’s got his girlfriend pregnant and wanted money off me to help him out’’ I breathed out, ‘’Last time I helped him out, he needed money because he owed some people for something, what I don’t know but I ended up being fired from my bar job and lost my apartment because I couldn’t afford the rent.’’ Cassidy nodded and rested his hand on my shoulder gently.
‘’Things always work out Tommy, just give have faith’’ He told me and I laughed before shaking my head a little.
‘’You’re forgetting im an atheist Cass’’ I called out to him as he walked away, a laugh leaving his lips as I turned to my camera and started to link it up to the computer again.
‘’Ready when you are Tommy’’ Sutan called out and I nodded a little as I turned back and stood with my camera as Cassidy told Adam what to do first, looking through the lenses to focus it slightly, I paused before clicking a few dummy shots until it was clear enough. Seeing that Adam didn’t have the glasses on, a small smile curled the corner of my lips before I glanced up and found myself lost in the blue eyes which stared back at me.
‘’Is everything okay?’’ Adam asked and I breathed out slightly and nodded as I looked back down again,
‘’Everything’s fine Adam’’ Cassidy spoke out as I started to shoot a few photos before moving as Adam done what Cassidy told him to do.
An hour and half later, we were finally finished and the light outside was starting to fade slightly as I packed the camera away and closed the laptop after saving the entire photo’s from today’s shoot.
‘’So Tommy tell us, your tattoo’s…’’ Sutan called out from where everyone was sat on the couch again and I looked down at my arms and laughed slightly.
‘’Don’t really take much to explain, Im in love with horror films’’ I told him as I walked over and leaned my back against one of the pillars. ‘’Michael, Freddy, Dracula, The girl from the Exorcist’’ I grinned as I pointed to each one and then to the top of my arm. ‘’And then on this one I have the Duke’’ I told him as he nodded with a smile.
‘’And I have to say…you’re from the Valley somewhere?’’ Adam asked and I smiled a little.
‘’Burbank’’ I told him as he nodded and reached forward, fingers curling around the glass set on the table before he pulled it to his lips before putting it back again as he realized it was empty. After a few more rounds of drinks had been poured out, I stood and stretched slightly before heading over to my bag and opened it, finding my favorite hoody, I grinned and tugged it on as I walked back to the group and sat down again just as Adam picked his glass up again.
‘’It’s empty honey’’ Sutan spoke out and Adam turned to look at him before shaking the glass a little as he turned back and laughed.
‘’Oh right’’ He grinned before sitting back again, ‘’I need to slow down on the drinking I guess’’ I watched as Sutan laughed and patted his hand a little.
‘’Not really, just need to look at your glass before picking it up,’’ I joked out a little and I watched as everyone turned to look at me and the small smile fell from my face. ‘’What did I do?’’ I asked as Adam laughed,
‘’Nothing, we just thought you already knew, that’s why no one said anything’’ He spoke out and I frowned slightly.
‘’Know what?’’ I asked as Adam sat up and reached out, his hand running along the table until it reached the bottle and he picked his glass up in his other.
‘’That im blind’’ He told me and I stared at him before a blush formed over my face a little. ‘’Normally the glasses are a give away for most people’’ He carried on speaking and I swallowed a little.
‘’I didn’t really take much notice, I mean you have been walking about the studio all day fine and my mind has been on other things’’ I admitted, a smile gracing his lips as he nodded a little.
‘’I know this place like the back of my hand. So it is easy to move around and not trip over something or walk in to a wall or table’’ Adam spoke and I reached out and picked my drink up which I quickly downed.
‘’Aww darling, no need to blush’’ Sutan spoke out and I looked towards him with a glare which had him chuckling and me pulling my hood over my head before I put my glass back and curled up on the floor.
‘’Leave me alone, Im not blushing’’ I muttered out as I tried to hide in my hood and I heard laughter.
‘’Im sure if you had an apartment you would be telling us goodnight and heading home too wouldn’t you Tommy’’ Cassidy spoke out and I groaned slightly.
‘’Can someone shoot me right about now?’’ I asked which caused another round of laughter as I sat up and peered out.
Chapter 3: Eyes of sulfur, they burn tonight. It’s a long way down from getting up so high.
The studio was dark still as I stretched out and slowly pushed myself up on to my feet, crossing across the studio, I pulled my shirt up over my head before crouching down in front of my desk and pulled my bag out from underneath it.
Grabbing a fresh set of clothing, I walked back across the studio again and towards the small bathroom out the back, dropping my clothes on to the counter top I turned the taps on and ran my hands under them before I splashed water up over my face.
Drying off again, I started to change before I grabbed my dirty clothing and headed back out to my small desk space again and pushed them back in to my bag before my phone started to ring. Grabbing it quickly I opened it up and jammed it between my shoulder and ear as I quickly walked towards the door and unlocked it.
‘’Im sorry to call you so early baby, but your father was asking out for you last night, but it was a little late to get hold of you’’ My mom’s voice spoke through and I smiled softly as I walked down the steps and then sat down near the bottom.
‘’You should’ve just called me mom, you know that if dad wants me just call me and I will come no matter what the time is or what im doing’’ I told her before yawning slightly.
‘’I know darling but you should come up today, the doctors aren’t too sure how long it will be now’’ She told me quietly and I breathed out slightly as I nodded.
‘’I will see if Cassidy will let me have the day off, we all stayed at the studio last night as we had a few drinks after we finished the shoot up with his friend. I think we have a couple of small shoots but nothing too big which doesn’t take us both’’ I told her and I heard movement on the other end of the line before a soft voice.
‘’Baby if you cant get the time off, don’t worry about it just come after work before you go home’’ She told me and I swallowed a little as I closed my eyes and nodded,
‘’I will mom, even if I don’t head home tonight I wanna be there with you guys’’ I told her as I ran y hand through my hair before resting it against my forehead as I closed my eyes.
‘’Okay, we will see you later hopefully’’ She told me and I smiled a little.
‘’Sure thing’’ I told her. ‘’And mom…’’
‘’Yes Tommy,’’ She asked and I chewed my lip slightly as I shifted and looked down at the steps.
‘’Tell dad that I love him okay in case I cant get there…I want him to know that I love him’’ I told her softly before she lightly chuckled.
‘’I will do darling’’ She told me and I smiled.
‘’Bye, I love you too mom by the way’’ I told her and she let a soft laugh out before saying goodbye and the phone line went dead. Shaking my head clear, I headed back upstairs and crept across to where my sneakers were and pulled them on and picked my hoody up from where it was on the back of my desk chair before grabbing the outdoor keys.
‘’Off anywhere nice’’ A voice asked and I jumped before turning to look through the semi darkness to where the others were asleep on the couches and chairs.
‘’Not really…just a walk’’ I told Adam softly as I saw him nod slightly,
‘’at sunrise…you must have things on your mind’’ He spoke back and I frowned slightly before he chuckled. ‘’your wondering how I know aren’t you’’ He asked and I blushed slightly.
‘’My silence that telling huh’’ I spoke out as I moved my keys to my pocket and pulled my jumper on.
‘’A little, and there’s just a difference in the atmosphere I guess’’ He told softly, ‘’Mind if I joined you?’’ He asked and I looked back towards him slightly.
‘’Sure, I don’t see why you cant’’ I told him with a smile, watching as he pushed the small blanket away and sit up slightly more, his hands moving through the darkness to where he had left his shoes before sliding his feet in and stood up, his footsteps light and fluid as he moved around the coffee table and headed across the room towards where I was stood.
Stepping towards the door again, I felt Adam’s hand on my shoulder slightly and I paused before turning to face him again,
‘’Sorry…just a habit when it comes to the stairs’’ He told me and I smiled softly before I turned back and started to lightly step down slow enough for Adam to keep his hand on my shoulder,
‘’Don’t worry abut it, you can grab me any time you need to’’ I told him which earned a small laugh as we reached the bottom and I paused slightly, Adam stepping in to the back of me, his breath warm on the back of my neck before he stepped away.
‘’Sorry’’ He quickly spoke out as I pulled the keys out again and started to undo the main doo and pulled It open before unlocking the gate and pushed it forward. Stepping down the last few steps I turned and looked towards Adam slightly to see him still stood there, his hands in his pockets. The morning light looked good on him, the way his hair was slightly messy from being asleep, stuck up in little places looked good, almost like he had spent time styling it, eyes bright in the sunshine once I realized that he didn’t have his glasses on. ‘’Is everything alright?’’ Adam asked and I jumped slightly as I tore my eyes away from his face and blushed deeply.
‘’Yeah everything’s fine…sorry’’ I told him before I reached out and touched his lower arm gently, ‘’There’s still a few steps left’’ I told him quickly as he nodded and moved his foot forward and felt for the step before he finished walking down them and I let him go again before push the door closed and locked it again knowing that Cass had another set.
‘’Hey Tommy, do you mind if I held on to you in different places…I mean you don’t have too, I just normally do with Sutan when im not sure with the area’’ Adam’s voice spoke out softly and I glanced over to see him actually blushing a little.
‘’No of course, when ever you feel like you need to just grab me, like I said already, I don’t mind’’ I told him as he smiled towards me. starting to walk away from the building slightly, I kept glancing over towards him before I paused as we came to a crossing, Adam stopping beside me as if he could see the edge of the curb before he tilted his head slightly, the very ends of his hair just tipping over his eyes which was bright in the early morning sun. Reaching over I lightly moved my fingers to the bottom of his sleeve before I tugged it lightly and started to cross his footsteps following as his hand twisted around and fingers curled around my wrist gently.
After a short while of walking, I found the both of us sat on a bench in a park just listening to the birds chirping in the trees as the sun rose a little higher again, the distant sound of cars in the background as people started to head to work.
‘’You don’t sleep much do you’’ Adam asked softly and I turned my head slightly to look at him, his bright blue eyes staring towards me before I blushed again.
‘’Not really…how’d you know’’ I asked confused slightly as a light smile tugged at his lips,
‘’I heard you moving around during the night…bathroom first…then you checked papers, maybe mail…then you went through the photos from the shoot on the laptop near the office, bathroom again then you took something from your bag which sounded like a bottle or something and laid back down again’’ Adam told me and I laughed slightly,
‘’Wow you are good…are you sure your not blind?’’ I asked him and a small smile flickered across his face before he turned away and looked out over the park and I wondered what he could actually see, whether or not it was total darkness or harsh shapes.
‘’Ask me…I can feel that you’re staring’’ Adam spoke out as he turned back to look towards me as I swallowed and looked down slightly, slightly embarrassed now.
‘’It’s not my place to ask, not my business to know’’ I told him quietly as I stood up and walked a few steps forward and stretched before I turned back. ‘’We should get back before the others get worried’’ I told him as he nodded slightly and stood himself, his hands brushing the back of his jeans off before he stepped forward and we started to walk back through the park and then back out on to the street before the movement of him putting his glasses on caught my attention aswell as his hand slipping in to mine.
‘’We aren’t alone’’ He told me quietly and I nodded slightly before I let my fingers curl around his,
‘’How do you know?’’ I asked him just as quiet as we walked,
‘’Footsteps behind us, pausing every so often when they get too close and the sound of the camera settings being changed over’’ He whispered out, ‘’Being blind has it’s perks’’ He whispered with a grin as he turned his head towards me and I laughed softly, ‘’You should probably pull your hood up to hide yourself from them too’’ I heard him say and I glanced over at him to see a smirk on his lips before he let my hand go. Reaching up I pulled my hood up before taking his hand again as we came to a crossing.
‘’Your sixth sense is a little spooky’’ I whispered in to his ear before I moved away again to see a smile on his lips, as he stepped forward and tugged me with him, his hand leaving mine and sliding around my shoulders as I leaned in to him and hanged my own arm around his waist slightly.
‘’Sutan hates it when I go out without him’’ Adam chuckled and I stared up at him horrified slightly before he laughed brightly, ‘’Your silence and that small intake of air is very telling, don’t worry he wont hurt you, just maybe keep bugging you’’ He chuckled and I shook my head slightly before I glanced off behind me to see the person still following us before I rolled my eyes.
‘’Oh great sounds like fun…but im afraid I hopefully wont be around, I need to ask Cass for the day off so I can go do some stuff’’ I told him as he nodded slightly.
‘’Family, I heard you talking on the phone about the day off, I promise I wasn’t listening in, just passing by from the bathroom’’ He told me and I smiled softly before we turned back on to the lot and I felt Adam let me go as we got to the door and he waited for me to unlock it.
Heading inside just behind him, I listened as his footsteps moved up and I pulled the gate closed and locked it before I jogged up and stopped at the very top as I saw Sutan stood there with his arms folded over his chest as he stared at me and I stepped back slightly, feeling an arm grab my arm I swallowed a little and looked over at Adam and then back at the stairs before he pushed me forward a little and let my arm go, his face showing no emotion as he crossed across the room and in to Cassidy’s office, the door shutting behind him.
‘’Why did he react like that?’’ I asked Sutan as I turned back to see his eyes facing the office before he looked at me and shook his head.
‘’Not my story to tell’’ he told me and I nodded a little before I sighed. ‘’Whats wrong’’ He asked and I walked over towards my desk before sitting down.
‘’I needed to ask Cass for the day off’’ I shrugged out before I turned and started to tidy my desk up, my hands pausing on my open mail and to what Adam said before I pushed them in to my bag and under the desk again as the office door open.
‘’Tommy get lost, you got the day off’’ Cassidy’s voice called out and I turned to look towards him,
‘’Why’’ I called back and he looked towards Sutan and then back to me,
‘’Just do what he says Tommy’’ Sutan spoke out and I frowned slightly before shrugging.
‘’Fine…whatever’’ I muttered out as I pushed myself away from the desk and grabbed my wallet and phone off the desk and made my way towards the door.
‘’And Tommy…go careful around stairs’’ Sutan told me as I paused and looked back to see him walk towards the office.
‘’Your father wanted to know if you were going to come in to see him’’ Jumping slightly I turned to see my mom stood in the doorway and I laughed slightly before running my hand though my hair and walked towards her.
‘’Sorry mom’’ I told her before hugging her tightly and then slipped in past her to see my dad sat up in his bed, ‘’Hey’’ I spoke out softly as I pushed the chair closer and sat down.
‘’Im glad that you’ve decided to stop pacing the hallways and come and actually see me’’ He spoke out and I laughed before nodding,
‘’Sorry, just had some stuff on my mind’’ I told him honestly as he nodded.
‘’You know you can talk to me Tommy, I may be your dad and old but im still here to listen to my kids’’ He told me and I laughed softly as I nodded,
‘’I know’’ I sighed before leaning back in the chair and slouched slightly as I just watched my dad for a few moments as he smiled at me and then moved to adjust his pillow behind him.
‘’Tommy stop slouching and sit up’’ My mom’s voice appeared before I pushed myself up and sat back fully,
‘’Sorry ma’’ I told her as she came over and kissed the top of my head. ‘’Im going to get something to eat and leave you boys to talk’’ she told us as I nodded and watched as she walked over and kissed my dad’s cheek, smiling softly, I sat forward and undone my jacket and pulled it off.
‘’Now talk Tommy and don’t even think about lying’’ Dad told me, kicking my shoes off, I brought my feet up on to the chair slightly as I curled in to it and chewed on my lower lip. ‘’Ahh…there is something you haven’t been telling us…you always chewed your lip as a kid when you admitted things to us or got nervous’’ Dad spoke and I grinned slightly as I nodded and looked towards him.
‘’First thing is…I haven’t got an apartment…I lied to you and mom about what happened with Isaac, he and his girlfriend kicked me out just over a month ago, said they couldn’t deal with my ever changing temper change’’ I told him as he nodded and stayed quiet, ‘’I packed everything and left that same night, didn’t really think about where I was going and ended up falling asleep in some doorway which ended up belonging to Cassidy’’
‘’So you didn’t meet him at a club’’ Dad asked and I shook my head slightly.
‘’No, he saw some of my photos and offered me a job and the couch in his office for a while until I could find a apartment, which at the moment looks like I can get if my offer goes through by Friday and this other person don’t out offer me’’ I told him.
‘’You know you could’ve come home Tommy…you still can, Im sure your mother would understand’’ He told me softly,
‘’I don’t want to be a hassle for you guys and anyway like I said, this apartment is mine unless the other person ups their offer on it, and Cassidy is fine with me staying at the studio still at the moment’’ I told him as he nodded with a smile as I rested my arm over the top of my knees and my head in the other as I watched him, the dark colors under his eyes told me that the past few days had been rough on him, his skin a slight paler color and eyes not holding their shine to them.
‘’Im fine Tommy’’ He spoke out and I laughed slightly as I moved and stood up, crawling on to his bed, I crossed my legs and rested my arms on my knees and chin in my hands as I sighed slightly.
‘’I made a total ass out of myself yesterday’’ I groaned out slightly as my dad laughed, hand moving up to his chest and I frowned slightly before he reached over and flicked his fingers across my forehead and gave me a look to tell me to stop worrying.
‘’What did you do this time?’’ He asked and I shook my head slightly with a grin.
‘’Cassidy had a massive shoot yesterday, this model called Adam who in turn, turns out to be Cassidy’s really good friend too’’ I told him as he nodded.
‘’And how did you make an ass of yourself’’
‘’Well first of all I came back from getting whisky for Cass and basically vented my thoughts out as you know I curse a lot when annoyed and I didn’t realize he had company until after I saw them, then later on Isaac tried to get more money out of me for rent which I don’t owe because he needs it as he got Sophie pregnant.’’ I sighed as I rubbed my forehead and looked down slightly, ‘’ Cassidy’s friend…the model…Adam, everything’s fine, im working doing my job, he’s walking around ,wearing dark glasses all day, we do the shoot before finishing up and basically we all sat around talking and having a few drinks and there was a few times where he picked his glass up and either shook it or Sutan…Adam’s friend and make up artist told him it was empty, so in the end I turned around and said why not just look to see that its empty’’ I told my dad and he laughed slightly,
‘’You didn’t realize he was blind’’ He spoke and I stared at him.
‘’See even you knew he was with me just mentioning the glasses…’’ I whined out as he laughed and I buried my face in to my hands as I groaned. ‘’Even his eyes are this real bright blue color, not clouded like most people who are blind is…well who I’ve seen and seen on TV’’ I told him as he nodded.
‘’It was a mistake Tommy…things like that happen’’ Dad told me as I sighed, ‘’but there’s something else isn’t there’’ He told me as he tilted his head slightly and looked at me.
‘’You know me too well’’ I told him as he smiled,
‘’Well you are my son’’ He smirked out before I stuck my tongue out at him.
‘’But yeah, I woke up early, just before mom phoned me this morning and then decided to go for a walk which Adam joined me on as he was awake…but it was when we got back that it confused me…. I mean that when I got to the top of the stairs, Sutan was there and I took a step back and Adam grabbed my arm before moving me away from the stairs and then stormed off in to Cassidy’s office’’ I told him as he nodded slightly.
‘’Was he born blind or was there some accident?’’ Dad asked and I shrugged slightly,
‘’No idea, he did tell me to ask him because he knew I was staring at him when we were out on the walk but I didn’t, I told him that it was none of my business’’ I spoke out before there was a knock on the door and we both turned to look towards it.
‘’Oh Tommy dear, it’s nice to see you again’’ The nurse spoke out as she came in and I smiled at her and slipped off the bed as she walked over and started to check everything.
‘’Same goes for you nurse Jackie’’ I told her with a smile as she laughed and wrote down on the clipboard.
‘’I hear you are photographing professionally now’’ She told me and I looked over at my dad who was looking away with a smile before I nodded,
‘’Yeah I am, a lucky break actually, made friends with the owner and the subject came up’’ I told her as she smiled.
‘’Well good to see you again, Mr. Ratliff I hope you stay resting…and for the last time Tommy…stay of the bed honey’’ She laughed out as I nodded, watching her leave I shook my head slightly before I climbed back up and sat down beside my dad as he turned the tv on and I rested my head on his shoulder.
‘’So what are you going to do about Adam?’’ Dad asked and I sighed slightly before shrugging,
‘’I don’t know…I mean I don’t actually know anything about him really apart from what Cassidy told me’’ I spoke out as he nodded and wrapped his arm around me, curling in to his side, I smiled slightly remembering all the times as a kid I used to curl up next to my dad like this.
‘’Do you like him?’’ He asked and I laughed slightly before blushing,
‘’He’s cute if that’s what you mean dad’’ I told him as his chest moved slowly with laughter, his hand coming up again as I frowned.
‘’Oh my…this takes me back a long time ago’’ I turned to see my mom stood in the doorway and I laughed slightly before resting my head back and glanced back towards the TV again.
‘’Well you know our son Dia, he will never grow up…Tommy’s our own peter pan’’ Dad spoke out and I grinned slightly.
‘’No you’re wrong, he’s more of one of the lost boys, wild and free’’ Mom told him and I shook my head slightly before we all settled down in silence and started to watch the film which was playing on the tv.
‘’Tommy baby…’’ I shifted slightly before bringing a hand up and rubbed at my eyes as I yawned and opened my eyes to see my mom stood beside us, a smile on her face as I turned and looked towards my dad to see him asleep, ‘’Go home baby and get some more rest’’ she whispered before I nodded and carefully climbed off the bed, stretching slightly, I heard some of my bones click before I slid my feet in to my shoes and grabbed my jacket.
‘’Phone me if you need anything or anything changes’’ I told her as she smiled and nodded.
‘’I will baby, see you soon’’ She told me before kissing my cheek. Heading out the hospital, I yawned slightly before hailing a cab down and headed back to the studio.
‘’I thought I told you to take the day off’’ Cassidy’s voice called out as I stepped up the stairs and in to the studio, my hands rubbing at my eyes as I pulled them away to see him and Adam sat on the couch before Sutan walked over to them and sat down.
‘’I did and I’ve finished doing what I was doing’’ I told him as I yawned again and walked over to my desk where I pulled one of my bags closer and pulled out another jumper and changed them.
‘’So what are you doing here?’’ Cass asked and I looked up slightly,
‘’I can always go if you want me too…just thought I could try to get some more sleep’’ I told him as I stood again and he sighed before shaking his head.
‘’No…no, im sorry we were only talking…why not go sleep in my office’’ Cassidy spoke out before I shook my head slightly.
‘’It’s cool, im just going to head up to the roof’’ I told him tiredly before I grabbed my leather jacket and headed across the room to the exit door and headed out before I jogged up the metal staircase before walking across to the lounge set Cassidy had there. Pushing my arms through my jacket, I pulled my hood up over my head as I laid down on the lounge chair and rested my head against the arm as I pulled my phone out and turned it on silent, placing it on the ground, I moved over on to my side and let my eyes close as I yawned and got comfortable.
‘’Tommy…dude wake up’’ Stirring slightly, I turned over and rubbed at my eyes before I opened them to see that the sky was dark and I could just make Cassidy out.
‘’What time is it?’’ I asked groggily as I sat up and stretched slightly and reached down to pick my phone up before sliding it in to my pocket.
‘’Just a little past 10’’ He told me as I nodded and rubbed the back of my neck, ‘’Phone call anyway’’ He said quietly as he held the phone towards me and I took it from him.
‘’Thanks’’ I told him before jamming the phone between my shoulder and ear, ‘’Yeah’’ I spoke in to it before I stood and stretched a little again.
‘’what do you want Isaac’’ I breathed out before glancing up to see Cassidy walking down the steps again.
‘’This inst about me…no one could get hold of you’’ He started to say as I yawned.
‘’Yeah, I’ve been asleep all day, whats going on?’’ I asked before I heard him sigh on the other end.
‘’Something’s happened Tommy…im not sure what but your mom phoned me when she couldn’t get hold of you…it’s your dad’’ He breathed out and I felt my stomach twist slightly as I swallowed. ‘’Im sorry Tommy, you dad passed away’’ Isaac told me and I felt my heart shatter slightly before I hung up and ran towards the stairs and down.
Pulling the door open heavily, I ran across the room, slipping slightly on the floor before I dropped the phone down on the desk and started to search for my keys again as I felt my eyes tear up slightly.
‘’Fuck’’ I yelled out as I slammed my hands down and breathed out slightly, pushing the paper off my desk I dropped down to my knees and started to pull everything out my bag before I felt hands on my shoulders pulling me up.
‘’Tommy, whats going on’’ Cassidy asked and I shook my head slightly before pushing him away and turned back again as I rubbed at my eyes to clear them from the tears again and went back searching for my keys, ‘’Tommy’’ Cassidy tried again,
‘’Where’s my keys?’’ I breathed out, my voice shaky slightly before I stood and looked around before shaking my head again, ‘’Forget it’’ I muttered out as I started to head towards the door again. ‘’Tommy if you don’t tell me what is going on, I will have to let you go’’ Cassidy told me and I turned to stare at him, tears filling my eyes again before I glanced back to see Sutan and Adam sat on the couch still, heads turned towards us as I ran my arm across my eyes.
‘’My dad’s dead okay, that was Isaac on the phone telling me’’ I yelled out at him, his face fallen before he stepped forward and I stepped back. ‘’Don’t…I don’t need fake sympathy from anyone’’ I whispered out as I felt a tear slide over my cheek before I wiped it away.
‘’Forget your keys darling, im not letting you drive or go anywhere on you own when you are like this’’ Sutan’s voice called out before he and Adam stood, jackets in hand before they walked over and headed towards the door,
‘’He’s right Tommy, you need people around you’’ Cassidy spoke out before he gently laid his hand on my shoulder and guided me towards the door and down in to Sutan’s car where I curled up against the door and pulled my phone out, my thumbing across to find Lisa’s number and pressed call, the tone ringing a few times before she answered cheerily.
‘’Lis…where are you?’’ I asked chokingly as I wiped my eyes again,
‘’at a friends…Tommy are you okay you sound like your crying’’ She replied and I squeezed my eyes shut knowing that she hadn’t been told yet.
‘’I…I…you need to…umm’’ I stuttered out slightly, the words not being able to leave my tongue as I felt a few more tears escape.
‘’Tommy…you’re scaring me’’ She whispered,
‘’its dad…’’ I whispered out and the line went dead on the other end, ‘’Lis just go’’ I whispered to her before the line went dead and I pushed my phone in to my pocket and ran my hand over my face slightly as the car fell silent as Sutan drove.
Everything seemed to black out from the moment I ended the call with Lisa until the moment I climbed out the car and headed inside, Cassidy following close behind me before Sutan and Adam followed behind again, running up the hallway, I skidded around the corner to see my mom in the hallway before she turned and looked at me, her own eyes tear filled as I walked over and she covered her hands over her mouth before pulling me in to a tight hug. Holding on to her tightly, I felt the cries break free, her hand moving softly through my hair as the other rubbed at my back.
‘’Im sorry’’ I whispered out to her, ‘’Im so sorry’’ I breathed out again as I pulled away and rubbed at my eyes hard.
‘’Tommy…mom’’ Lisa’s voice called out and I turned to see her passing the others before our mom pulled her in to a hug too and I slowly walked towards the room my hands pressing against the glass which was covered with the blinds, shaking my head slightly I turned and leaned against the wall before I slipped down until I was on the ground, I couldn’t believe he was gone after seeing him so happy and well this morning.
‘’I shouldn’t of left’’ I muttered out before footsteps approached and sat down on the seats across from me, ‘’I should’ve stayed here…I should’ve fucking stayed…I knew something was wrong, he kept touching his chest’’ I breathed out before I raised my eyes to look at my mom who was still holding Lisa, ‘’I should’ve stayed here today mom…why did I leave’’ I whispered and she shook her head slightly,
‘’Baby don’t blame yourself, the heart attack was out of no where’’ she told me and I shook my head slightly as I pushed myself to my feet and started to pace the hallway slightly like I did that morning.
‘’Your phone call this morning, his hand touching his chest…I knew there was something wrong, he fucking told me he was fine…fuck why does he have to lie all the time’’ I muttered out as I scrubbed angrily at my face again until strong arms came around me and turned me in to their chest where I let myself break down in tears and collapse against them.
‘’Don’t blame yourself like your mom said’’ Sutan’s voice was soft in my ear as I felt my body shake with cries, my hands gripping him tightly before another hand rubbed over my back in a soothing way. ‘’But we are all here for you, we can promise you that’’ He whispered again before pressing a light kiss to the top of my head as I let a small sob out again.
Fingertips were softly running through my hair and I could feel that I was laid on something hard, probably the floor, but my head was on someone’s lap as they brushed their fingers through my hair.
‘’He was close to his father, every since a small child and he got lost in the woods during a camping trip, his dad found him and they’ve had this bond ever since, I think Tommy was about 5 or 6 when it happened.’’ My mom’s voice whispered out from somewhere close but not fully,
‘’That’s why he wanted the day off, to come see him’’ Cassidy’s voice spoke out next as the fingers kept moving through my hair,
‘’You are good friends and Adam, I’ve never seen him sleep like that before let alone let anyone play with his hair’’ Mom’s voice called out softly again.
‘’It’s nothing, my mom used to do it to me to help me calm down or to sleep’’ Adam’s voice was coming from above me and I knew that I was resting on his lap and that it was his fingers running through my hair.
‘’Mrs. Ratliff’’ A voice sounded out quietly and I shifted slightly, Adam’s fingers pausing in my hair as I turned on to my back before over on to my side and curled up a little more, one of my hands resting on top of Adam’s thigh before his hand returned to my hair lightly again.
‘’Isaac dear’’ Mom spoke out and I felt myself stiffen slightly before Adam’s hand trailed away and touched against my neck to my shoulder before he ran his hand down the top of my arm.
‘’I know your awake’’ He whispered quietly and I nodded a little against him as his fingers stroked over my jacket covered skin. ‘’You tensed at his name’’ He whispered again and I sighed quietly before I moved away slightly and slowly sat up, my hands wiping my eyes slightly as I turned to sit against the same wall as Adam, a yawn on my lips as I rested my head on his shoulder and looked down the hall to see my mom talking to Isaac.
‘’Im going to the bathroom’’ I whispered out to Adam before I stood up and started to lightly walk away,
‘’Tommy…’’ I paused slightly as I heard Adam’s voice and I turned to see him lift his hand and point, ‘’the bathroom’s that way’’ He spoke out and I couldn’t help but let a small smile out.
‘’I know’’ I told him as he nodded slightly and then started to move, walking back over I grabbed his arm softly before helping him to his feet as he smiled.
‘’I know that you are going to see him, you sister is there already’’ Adam told me softly before he moved his hand up to my shoulder and I felt his thumb touch against the side of my neck for a second or two before it was gone again and he was walking down the hall towards Sutan and Cassidy, whispering something as Cass nodded and he got up letting Adam grab his arm just above his elbow before they started to walk towards the doors, my mom’s eyes trailing over them with confusion before she turned back to Isaac.
Sitting on the rooftop, I stared out over the city slightly as I curled my legs closer to me, the chair up against the side of the building as I rested my arms on the wall, the rising sun bright as I watched it start to climb a little more in to the sky before there was footsteps behind me and someone else joined me on the chair.
‘’It’s beautiful really isn’t it…just the way the whole city is silent and still in the few moments when the sun first starts to appear’’ I breathed out slightly and wiped the tears away as I turned to look at him as he smiled, ‘’Sunrise use to be the favorite time of day for me, still is sometimes. Just sitting somewhere peaceful and watching it, letting all your feelings and thoughts just drift away for a while.’’ He spoke softly and I smiled lightly before I turned back to watch it, the both of us sat in silence before I felt him move and his arm came around my waist slightly as my body turned in to his and I let a few more silent tears out as he rubbed my back.
‘’How did you know I was up here?’’ I asked him softly after a short while,
‘’It was quiet downstairs and I could feel a light draught coming from the exit door so I took the guess you would be here’’ Adam told me as I nodded slightly, ‘’When did you get back?’’ He asked softly and I let a deep breath out as I shifted and rested my head against his shoulder again.
‘’About an hour or two ago, I can’t remember’’ I admitted as he nodded and ran his hand down my arm again before letting it settle on the top of my arm.
‘’Close your eyes and feel the warmth’’ Adam told me and I turned to look at him before he smiled lightly, ‘’Do it, that’s how I watch the sunrise now, the warmth of it on my skin and by the sound of the city waking up’’ He told me as I turned back to look towards the ever brightening sky before I slowly let my eyes slip shut, the warmth of the morning sun strong against my skin as my ears picked up on the light sounds all around us.
Chapter 4: Art is a freedom of expression, not a jailer of depression.
‘’Tommy’’ Turning slightly I looked across towards Cassidy’s office as he walked out, Adam behind him, ‘’Are you sure you want to be working?’’ He asked and I rolled my eyes slightly,
‘’Even if I didn’t want to Cass, I have no where else to go remember’’ I told him as I walked over to my desk and grabbed my laptop before I moved towards the main desk and sat down,
‘’Honey, it doesn’t mean you have to work, go spend it with your family or something’’ Cassidy spoke out as I heard their footsteps move closer and pause behind me.
‘’Because im different to them okay, they mourn their loss, I keep myself busy.’’ I spoke out as I started to connect my laptop up to the main computer and turned it on.
‘’Tommy…’’ Adam’s voice spoke out softly and I shook my head a little,
’’No, this is how I deal with it...I done it when I was 6 and the dog died, I done it when I was 15 and my grandmother died, it was the same at 16 with my grandfather and now im doing the same at 23 with my father...please just let me deal with the loss in my own way.’’ I begged them before I felt a soft hand against the back of my neck and I sighed a little.
‘’I don’t want you making yourself ill’’ Cassidy spoke out and I dropped my head down slightly before the hand moved away.
‘’Just let me work Cassidy…please’’ I whispered out,
‘’If it gets too much, just take a walk honey’’ I heard Cassidy tell me before I nodded slightly.
Turning slightly I watched as Cassidy walked away before Adam tilted his head slightly as if he was listening before he turned back, hand moving out to reach for the desk before I reached out and guided him closer.
‘’Thanks’’ He told me softly as I shrugged slightly and turned back to the computers again and started to upload the photos on to the main computer. ‘’Would you mind if I stayed while you worked’’ Adam asked and I turned to look at him slightly,
‘’wouldn’t you get bored?’’ I asked him softly as he moved slightly and felt out the chair before sitting down,
‘’you forgetting what I said the other night?’’ He asked and I frowned slightly as a soft smile spread over his lips, ‘’your silence speaks lots, I may not be able physically see Tommy, but I can still see with my ears’’ Adam told me as I turned back to the computer again and rested my hands against the keyboard.
‘’Sorry’’ I told him softly before I saw him shake his head out the corner of my eyes,
‘’don’t be, it wasn’t your fault I became blind’’ Adam spoke out quietly and I glanced over at him to see him move his head and face towards the other side of the room. ‘’Don’t’’ Adam whispered out and I swallowed slightly as I looked at him.
‘’Don’t what?’’ I asked him as he turned back towards me,
‘’don’t act like your all sorry for me because I lost my sight.’’ He spoke out and I shook my head slightly, ‘’like I said I can hear everything Tommy, I heard the way you breathed in’’
‘’I…I didn’t mean to offend you Adam, honestly’’ I spoke out to him as he shrugged slightly.
‘’Tommy, don’t worry about it really.’’ He spoke out before he started to move to get up.
‘’Please…stay’’ I whispered to him, ‘’I didn’t mean to upset you or anything, it’s none of my business about what happened and you never have to tell me if you don’t want to’’ I told him as he paused and slowly sat back down again.
Sitting in silence for a while as I started to edit some of the photo’s and move them in to the correct files, I couldn’t help but glance over towards Adam once in a while, his eyes closed as he rested his head back against the wall.
‘’So how did you meet Cassidy?’’ I asked him softly, his head tilting towards me as he kept his eyes closed and smiled softly.
‘’We went to the same high school but ran in different friendship groups, while he was in the photography club I ran with the theatre kids’’ He told me and I smiled softly as I started to look through some frames on the laptop before I transferred them over to the main computer, ‘’He had this friend…Cheeks, who was in the media club aswell as the photography club with Cass. Well one day all three groups was working together and me and Cassidy started talking and found that we had some of the same interests and as soon as he found out that I was gay, he introduced me to Cheeks and we kinder hit it off straight away’’ He grinned out and I chuckled softly before I paused and looked up slightly.
‘’Cheeks…as in Husbands…Bradley Bell, Cheeks?’’ I asked and Adam laughed softly before he nodded.
‘’Yeah that Cheek, I take it you have watched then?’’ He laughed out and I shook my head slightly,
‘’Quite often actually when I haven’t been able to sleep or haven’t had anything else to do’’ I told him as he nodded.
‘’What about modeling, that can be a tough sport to get in too’’ I asked with a soft laugh as I started to save everything on both computer.
‘’Well I was heavily in to the theater after we left school, done a tour with my production company before coming home to do a few shows and Cassidy was at one of them with a few of his friends in the photography business, I was excited to see him again after the few years apart and he introduced me to his friends after one of the shows and I guess things just went on from there really, they liked what they saw and I offered a couple of shoots before they offered me a full contract with Cassidy’s company’’ He shrugged out and I smiled as I turned to look towards him.
‘’That’s pretty awesome’’ I told him as he laughed and nodded,
‘’you sound like you have finished doing whatever it was you was doing’’ He spoke out and I looked towards the computers before I grinned and the phone rang. ‘’Go get it’’ He told me with a smile as I stood and let my fingers touch against his hand slightly before I headed over to the office phone and picked it up.
‘’Hello?’’ I spoke in to it and balanced it between my ear and shoulder as I pushed my sleeves up, ‘’Yes this is he’’ listening to the guy on the other end, I could help but start grinning slightly, ‘’Thank you, no that’s great so I can pick them up in three days time’’ I asked before they spoke again and I laughed softly, ‘’Thank you and have a good day yourself’’ I told them before hanging up.
‘’Someone sounds happy’’ Adam spoke out and I turned to look towards him to see that he had walked over towards where I was and I laughed,
‘’I am, that was the landlord, I’ve gotten the apartment, keys will be ready in three days’’ I grinned out to him, a soft smile on his face as he nodded.
‘’Congratulations Tommy’’ Adam spoke out as I bit my lip slightly, ‘’I’ll help you move in if you like’’ He spoke out and I chuckled softly,
‘’To be honest Adam, I don’t actually have all that much stuff, im kinder glad that the living room and kitchen is furnished, I can keep sleeping on a couch until I get the next pay check and I start sorting everything else out’’ I told him, his head shaking before he stepped closer, his hand reaching out before I stepped forward and reached up to touch his.
‘’Then let me help out, im sure Cassidy wouldn’t mind paying you a little more and I could always add so you get it sorted quicker and a real place to call home’’ Adam told me before I shook my head,
‘’No, I cant let you do that Adam, I want to do it myself to prove to everyone who always told me that I would end up in some shitty call center for the rest of my life’’ I told him, a soft smile creping over his lips before he nodded.
‘’Hey, what are you doing up here?’’ Cassidy’s voice called out and I turned slightly and looked up the steps as he started to walk down them and joined me on the bottom step as I looked out over the street below us on the fire escape.
‘’Just getting some air and trying to work out the best route to and from work and the apartment’’ I told him as he smiled.
‘’Oh yeah, Adam told me the other day that you were getting the keys today’’ He said and I nodded with a smile,
‘’Yeah, have to pick them up in an hour but it feels kinder strange you know, working the job I’ve always wanted and now having my own place where I don’t have to worry about walking through it quietly incase there’s someone sleeping on the couch or anything’’ I laughed out as Cassidy smiled, ‘’But at the same time, it feels great, im getting out there and living the life I want and not someone else’s’’ I told him as a arm came around me and I leaned in to his side.
‘’I have to agree with you there baby, two months ago, I wouldn’t of even thought I would have such a wonderful guy to work with, but damn you have been the best I’ve had and im going to miss not having you sleeping in the studio still when I come in some mornings’’ He chuckled and I shook my head a little before pushing away playfully.
‘’Creep, but come on, you can come with me so I can get the keys’’ I told him before he nodded and we both climbed to our feet and headed back in to the studio again.
‘’Just park up here Cass’’ I told him, the keys to the apartment cool in my hand as I ran my fingers over them again before he pulled over, a smile on his lips. Getting out the car, I waited for him to lock it up before we started to walk up the small path before I turned and walked up a couple of steps, Cassidy following behind as I led him across a small walk way and paused in front of a small garden.
‘’Is this it?’’ Cass asked and I glanced over at him before nodding slightly, ‘’It’s beautiful, up out the way, you wouldn’t even know it was here’’ He grinned and I laughed softly before I led him towards the building and found the right key, unlocking the door, I pushed it open before stepping out the way for Cassidy to head inside before I followed and closed door behind.
‘’So I guess this is home now’’ I laughed out as I chucked my keys down on the kitchen island and pulled my jacket off. Laying it across one of the stools, I walked towards the windows and opened them up before turning around to see Cassidy wondering off towards the stairs. ‘’Cass where do you think your going’’ I called out as I jogged after him.
‘’Just looking around, we need to get you a bed and off a couch honey, it’s not going to do you any good’’ He told me and I shook my head slightly.
‘’Cass, im fine with the couch at the moment until I get enough money to decorate and everything else’’ I told him as I leaned against the doorframe of the bedroom as he turned to look back at me, hands on his hips as he sighed.
‘’Fine but if you need any help at all, you tell me and I will give you whatever you need’’ he told me before I laughed and nodded,
‘’you have a deal’’ I told him before we both headed back downstairs again.
‘’Im going to head back to the studio and grab the bags you have there, so you stay here and do whatever you need to do’’ He told me and I nodded softly with a smile.
‘’Thank you for everything today Cassidy, It means a lot’’ I told him as he shrugged and headed for the front door,
‘’It’s nothing Tommy, you deserve happiness and a safer place to sleep at night’’ He told me and I laughed softly before he left. Breathing out deeply, I turned and looked around before slowly headed through the hallway and towards the lounge, the room bright from the large patio windows, smiling to myself I headed over and pulled the glass door’s open, the fresh air coming in softly before I stepped out, sitting down on the small step, I looked out over the small yard before smiling a little at the view.
It was beautiful and part of me wanted to bring Adam here so he could just feel the warmth and listen to the birds, breathing out softly, I let my eyes close as I leaned back a little the sounds of distant cars coming to my ears before the song’s of birds flying about reached them, I had to give it to Adam when he told me to just close my eyes and listen, there was so much more out there than I knew about, I was always too busy watching where I was going instead of taking the time to listen to things and relish in the true beauty of the world around us and I took that to granted.
‘’Tommy, we are back’’ Hearing Cassidy’s voice, I tilted my head back slightly and opened my eyes to see Cassidy walking through before I noticed Adam, turning slightly I stood up and walked back inside with a smile,
‘’Hey…what brings you here Adam?’’ I asked as he laughed slightly before Cassidy rolled his eyes slightly, ‘’Hello to you too again Cass’’ I grinned out before I headed over and took my things from him before placing them down.
‘’I was at the studios when Cassidy got back, thought I would tag along and get a feel of your new place, I kinder know the layout of the old one pretty well’’ He grinned out as we laughed and I pulled my wallet out and checked it quickly.
‘’I say, I order take out and we break in my new place’’ I grinned out, ‘’and plus the view is amazing from the patio, when I first came out to check this place out, the sun was just setting and man it was amazing.’’ I laughed out before I bit my lip, ‘’Shit…Im sorry I didn’t think then...’’ I trailed off as Adam started laughing and he shook his head.
‘’Tommy if I was offended, I would’ve said something, relax a little’’ He told me as Cassidy laughed softly.
‘’I would love to Tommy, but I have some paper work which I need to sort out with the company’’ He told me and I nodded slightly.
‘’Im more than willing to stay, im sure I can get Cass or Sutan to pick me up at some point’’ Adam spoke and I smiled softly.
‘’Sweet, well…feel free to feel you way about, there’s nothing really worth damaging so go crazy’’ I laughed out as I headed back towards the kitchen to where I knew there was some menus.
‘’Right im off now Tommy, I’ll see you soon’’ Cassidy called out as I stood up and nodded, heading over to him, I returned his hug before smiling.
‘’Ill be in, in the morning’’ I told him as he looked at me, ‘’don’t worry please, I told you, I keep myself busy, that’s how I deal with things’’ I told him as he rolled his eyes and nodded slightly.
‘’Fine, only if you say so’’ He told me before kissing my cheek, nodding, I grinned slightly before walking over to the door with him and pulled it open. ‘’But it’s good to see you are sorting things out’’ Cassidy told me with a smile and I laughed softly.
‘’Me too Cass, me too’ I called back to him as he started to walk away, shaking my head a little, I pushed the door closed again before heading through to the lounge again, picking the menus up on the way.
Seeing Adam stood on the patio, I paused slightly before he turned with a smile, ‘’so what sounds good to eat?’’ He asked before carefully stepping forward and in to the lounge more as I laughed,
‘’A lot of things actually. But im going to let you pick, just point and what ever your finger lands on, we are getting’’ I told him as he grinned slightly.
‘’Good luck with that then’’ Adam told me as he pulled his hands out his pockets and I put the menus on the table and guided Adam to sit down,
‘’Right in front of you, you pick and I don’t know…I’ll…sit here’’ I laughed out as he did before sitting down on the floor on the other side of the table.
‘’You’re kinder adorable when you don’t know what to do’’ Adam muttered out and I grinned slightly as I shook my had and lent on the table as Adam reached out and felt for the menus before he trailed his finger over it and then pressed it down. ‘’That one’’ He spoke out before grinning slightly.
‘’Knock, knock’’ Turning from where I was scrubbing the carpet, I breathed out slightly before laughing as I saw Sutan and Adam walking in,
‘’Hey, sorry about the mess…I was kinder in the middle of cleaning up and I spilt some sauce from last night and it went all over the carpet and now its being little shit towards me’’ I laughed out as I turned slightly and dropped the brush back in to the bucket and stood up.
‘’Oh don’t worry about it darling, but…we have a present for you…’’ Sutan laughed out and I shook my head slightly,
‘’didn’t I say no one was to get me anything.’’ I told them before Adam laughed,
‘’let’s just say it’s to make up for me leaving the sauce on the side’’ he grinned out before Sutan looked between us both.
‘’You were here yesterday too?’’ He asked and I watched as Adam nodded.
‘’Yeah, I was helping Tommy out a little, his old room mate brought some of Tommy’s bigger things over’’ He told him before I nodded and picked the bucket up and took it over to the sink and threw the water away.
‘’How often have you been over here since he moved in’’ Sutan asked Adam and I laughed softly before turning back,
‘’Leave him alone, he’s just been keeping me company while I’ve been decorating and all that shit, who knew he’s such a great painter’’ I laughed out before heading in to the lounge with them both following me before I settled down on to the couch and breathed out.
‘’That’s true, and it’s felt good to actually get out of the house and somewhere new, you know what its like for me Sutan, with the paparazzi always trying to get photos’’ Adam shrugged out, ‘’and its peaceful out here too,’’ Adam continued before Sutan rolled his eyes slightly.
‘’So…you mentioned a gift’’ I grinned out to Sutan before he laughed and pulled out an envelope and held it out towards me as I raised an eyebrow slightly.
‘’So re you going to take it then’’ Sutan asked as I looked up at him and then back to the envelope again as I breathed out slightly,
‘’If that’s what I think it is I don’t want it’’ I told him as he rolled his eyes again,
‘’Tommy…just take it, you don’t have to spend it, you can put it in to your bank account, give it away do whatever okay.’’ He told me before I sighed and reached forward and took it from him.
‘’Thank you Sutan’’ I spoke out as he smiled, looking down at the envelope in my hands, I chewed on the inside of my lip before I turned and placed it on the table beside the chair.
‘’So how are you feeling baby?’’ Sutan asked and I breathed out a little before bringing my feet up on to the chair as I looked out the windows before back again.
‘’Im doing okay, talked to mom today and dad’s funeral is in a weeks time’’ I told them with a sigh,
‘’you have Sutan and Cassidy and me here to help you out any time’’ Adam spoke out and I nodded slightly with a smile.
‘’Adam’s right Tommy, you have us here…an extended family you can say.’’ Sutan smiled out, my eyes dancing between the two of them as I nodded. ‘’And of course you have your mom and sister there to look out for you too sweetheart, you say jump and we’ll say how high’’ He grinned out and I laughed softly.
‘’And I thank you for everything you guys are doing, since meeting Cassidy and then acting like a dick when I first met you guys…my life has just been getting better and better’’ I told them, a smile on both their faces before Sutan jumped up and grinned.
‘’I have to go plan things for this event im doing so I will catch up with you boys soon’’ Sutan spoke out before quickly running out the room, staring after him; I frowned slightly before Adam laughed.
‘’Don’t worry, you will get used to Sutan’s random out busts like that’’ He told me as I nodded with a smile.
‘’So take out again?’’ I asked as I pushed myself up and Adam chuckled softly before nodding,
‘’Sounds good, but let me pay for it tonight’’ Adam told me as I grabbed the menus and handed them to Adam like normal.
‘’I don’t know, I mean Sutan did give me a little gift tonight’’ I spoke out as he laughed and I walked over to the doors and pushed them open,
‘’Fine, fine you can pay tonight if you really want to’’ I laughed out to him as I grabbed my phone and sat down next to Adam as he moved his hand over the menu and pointed. ‘’We’ve already tried that’’ I told him as he grinned and re-pointed again. ‘’And that…Let me go find a different menu’’ I laughed out before leaning over to where the pile was and grabbed one we hadn’t really looked through before swapping them over. ‘’Okay try again’’ I told him as he smiled and pointed out.
‘’I think this kinder shows that we eat take out a lot’’ Adam told me and I nodded slightly with a smile.
‘’That’s kinder true, but I think if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t eat as much because I would be making myself busy all the time’’ I laughed out as Adam smiled and tilted his head slightly towards me.
‘’Well im glad I can help out’’ He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back at him, ‘’you are smiling right? I mean you’ve gone quiet so I can’t really tell’’ He laughed out, his voice filled with nerves before I laughed.
‘’Yeah I was smiling, sorry I guess I just keep forgetting that you can’t…’’ I trailed off slightly before screwing my nose up slightly as I tried to word myself,
‘’See?’’ Adam finished and I blushed slightly as I nodded,
‘’Yeah’’ I told him quietly before he laughed and I frowned.
‘’I like it…you treat me like a normal person instead of a blind one, and as me not as the model me’’ He told me and I blushed again as I breathed out, hearing the doorbell go, I turned slightly and looked towards it before back at Adam as he moved and stood up with a smile. ‘’Please don’t over think things Tommy’’ Adam told me before he headed towards the door.
Getting up, I picked the menus up and took them back out in to the kitchen before I glanced towards the door to see the delivery guy staring at Adam.
‘’Dude, he’s blind not a freak, you don’t need to be a jerk about things’’ I called out to the guy who jumped slightly and looked towards me before he reached out and grabbed Adam’s hand and placed the bag in it.
‘’Sorry, I…I was kinder awe struck…Im sorry…I’ve always kinder liked you as a model and as a person’’ The guy spoke out before he swallowed, ‘’the food’s on the house’’ He said before quickly walking away and I laughed softly before blushing.
‘’Im sorry, he was just stood there staring at you and…yeah im going to shut up now’’ I laughed out as I turned and found some plates.
‘’Thank you Tommy’’ Adam told me as I bit my lip slightly.
‘’It’s a nice night, and I have a heater thingy on the patio, lets eat out there and then we can watch the sunset’’ I spoke out as I grabbed some forks and Adam laughed.
‘’It sounds good.’’
‘’I love the sky when it’s more orange then red’’ Adam spoke out softly and I turned slightly to look towards him with a smile, his eyes closed as he laid back in the deck chairs I had on the patio.
‘’How’d you know’’ I asked before I laughed slightly, ’’Sorry stupid question, the warmth of course’’
‘’It’s not stupid’’ He told me and I turned slightly and picked the plates up before taking them back inside and left them in the kitchen before I grabbed two beers and headed back out and handed one to Adam before sitting back down.
‘’This must sound stupid and you probably get it all the time, but how can you tell the colors apart?’’ I asked him softly, the air around us growing quite before he let a soft laugh out.
‘’Most like the orange’s, they are warm like a cup of tea which you remember before it goes cold, the reds are a little warmer, a bit like the midday sun but just a little less’’ He told me and I smiled lightly as I nodded. ‘’I guess the pinks and purples are just warm, it’s a little hard to explain sometimes, but when you stop seeing them you just kinder get used to it and learn how to tell things apart.’’
‘’It sounds kinder amazing, I know it sounds wrong but sometimes I wish more people was blind because, don’t take this wrong, but to me when someone cant see, they get to know the real person and their personality instead of basing things of looks.’’ I explained to Adam before he laughed and I looked over at him.
‘’No, I know what you mean, looking back on before the accident when I could see I take it for granted and I admit that I was pretty shallow would often judge on looks but now Im glad I cant see because it makes me look at the world and life differently and like you said, I get to know a person for who they really are.’’ Adam told me as I swallowed some of my beer down,
‘’I also like that you haven’t let fame go to your head’’ I laughed out with him as he shook his slightly.
‘’Can I ask you something…you can tell me to fuck off if you want too’’ I asked Adam as he turned his head slightly to look towards me.
‘’Sure’’ He spoke out, but I could hear the slight pause in his voice which kinder put me off slightly,
‘’umm, I know I said that it was none of my business but…the accident, uh, how did it happen…you can tell me to fuck off like I said’’ I spoke out to him softly as he nodded a little and I swallowed.
‘’No…its okay, I guess that it’s only fair that you know’’ Adam told me and I bit my lip slightly as I looked towards him,
‘’Adam, really you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want too’’ I told him quickly before he laughed and shook his head with a smile.
‘’Umm…about three years ago I came over to Cassidy’s studio; this is about eight or nine months in to my contract with his company. He had just hired this kid to do basically what you do, I was coming up the stairs when he turned quickly and we fell in to each other, he went backwards and well I done the same but down the stairs along with the few chemicals which he had been carrying…they managed to wash them all out quickly and things turned out fine, but Cassidy fired him due to lack of care, turned out he was in a hurry because he wanted to get home to watch a game.’’ Adam sighed softly before lifting his drink to his lips nd wallowed some down, ‘’I was fine for a while but then I started to get these headaches which would last at least a minute but they would hurt but I never took any notice because they always went away quickly but I think it was three weeks after the accident that they started to get a little longer and hurt more and I kept hiding it before I woke up one morning and just couldn’t see.’’ He shrugged out, his head down slightly before he turned it towards me, his eyes still bright. ‘’So that’s what happened really, I was angry at first but then I came to accept that this was the life I was going to have to lead, and im just thankful that Cassidy has the will power to keep my spirits up high and to get me to stay in the modeling. Sure it wasn’t easy being a model and blind, a lot of people made fun of me but they soon came around once they noticed that I was getting the attention they wanted’’ Adam laughed out as I nodded softly.
‘’You are brave Adam, I don’t think I would be able to do what you have done’’ I admitted to him as he nodded and smiled,
‘’But you are brave in your own ways Tommy, don’t forget that’’ He told me as I let a soft laugh out and nodded.
‘’I don’t really believe that but if you say I am, then that’s fine with me’’ I told him softly.
Sitting in silence again, I let my eyes close as I lifted my beer to my lips and finished it off before placing it on the small table between mine and Adam’s chair, breathing out softly as I opened them again I looked around before over at Adam to see that he had his eyes closed aswell.
‘’It’s getting late, you can crash here if you wanted to instead of calling someone to come get you’’ I spoke out as he smiled and nodded softly.
‘’That would be great…but where are you going to sleep?’’ He asked and I laughed lightly.
‘’I can sleep on the floor while you have the couch’’ I told him as I stood and started to pick everything up and carried it inside, Adam’s footsteps following as I smiled softly, glad that Adam had learned the layout of the apartment quickly to feel at ease.
‘’Tommy…’’ Adam started saying as I heard his footsteps come in to the kitchen behind me.
’’Really Adam, its fine, you are my guest, if I had a bed I would offer you that instead of the couch’’ I laughed out before I turned back to face him.
‘’There’s plenty of room for two’’ He offered and I laughed before I shook my head slightly,
‘’Im fine with the floor Adam, stop worrying’’ I told him as I headed back past him and in to the living room where I walked over to the doors of the patio and pushed them close before I locked them.
‘’Okay, okay but really Tommy, any time of the night, if you feel uncomfortable or anything just wake me up and I will move over.’’ He told me as he sat down and started to take his hoe off.
‘’Okay, I promise’’ I told him with a smile which he returned as I headed over to the lights and turned them off before I walked back over and pulled out all the bedding from behind the couch and the pillows. Placing one of each on the couch, I laid out the others on the floor and started to get undressed before I glanced over through the darkness to see Adam sliding under the covers.
‘’Goodnight Tommy’’ Adam spoke out softly as I moved an arm up behind my head,
‘’Night Adam’’ I replied before he shifted and turned over on the couch and the room fell in to a soft silence.
Chapter 5: I can’t turn this around, I keep running in to walls which I can’t break down
‘’Tommy’’ Adam’s voice was soft as I stepped in to the studio and felt a hand brush along my arm before I turned to smile towards him,
‘’Hey, what are you doing here?’’ I asked softly as Adam laughed a little and shrugged.
‘’Had a day off from having to do anything so I thought I would come see Cassidy and you, haven’t been around in a few days’‘ He told me as I laughed but nodded.
‘’ I know, so how’s things going?’’ I asked as I headed over to my desk and dropped my bag down on to it before pushing my other under it and reached across for my planner to see what I had booked in.
‘’So so, been busy, seems everyone wants to book me now after your photo’s went out’’ Adam smirked out slightly, ‘’Sutan sends his love, he would’ve been here too but he had to rush off to do something’’ Adam told me and I nodded slightly. ‘’Everything alright Tommy’’ Adam asked after a few seconds of silence had filled the air between us,
‘’Huh, oh yeah, sorry was just checking today’s bookings’’ I told him as he nodded but frowned a little.
‘’Are you okay?’’ Adam asked as he moved around a little and sat down in the chair beside my desk as I sat in the desk chair.
‘Im fine, why wouldn’t I be’’ I asked before he sighed.
‘’Because it’s your father’s funeral in a few days’’ Adam said softly and I turned to look up at him.
‘’Adam, im fine okay, im just working and making sure I have everything done for Cassidy on time’’ I told him as he nodded slightly.
‘’Okay’’ He told me before reaching across his fingers touching my hand before he moved and stood up. Frowning slightly, I watched as he walked away and over to the couch where he laid back on it and moved some headphones over his ears before he pulled the glasses off and closed his eyes.
‘’Morning Tommy’’ Turning, I smiled towards Cass as he walked out of his office.
‘’Morning Cass, how was your night out?’’ I asked with a smirk as he laughed, eyes glancing off towards Adam before he looked back at me again and sat down in the chair.
‘’Pretty wild, bumped in to an old friend, so that was a nice catch up, actually he’s due to come in soon to see me’’ Cassidy smiled at me as I nodded. ‘’Oh, your 12 o’clock called to cancel so you have a bit of free time between the two shoots today’’ He told me, reaching up; I grabbed a red pen and flipped through to the appointments for today and put a line through it.
‘’Cool, did they re-book it at any other time?’’ I asked as Cass turned away from Adam again.
‘’Yeah, four days time’’ He told me, nodding I quickly wrote the new appointment in before closing my planner again.
‘’Thanks for letting me know’’ I told him as he nodded again.
‘’No worries darling, but there was something else I wanted to ask you’’ Cassidy told me and I looked up at him slightly as I sat back,
‘’what is it?’’ I asked as he smiled softly at me and glanced across the room,
‘’Well the funerals in a few day’s’’ He started as he looked back, shaking my head slightly I turned and moved closer to the desk again, ‘’I know you don’t want the time off but baby go, we will come with you for support and I will take you home personally whenever you want to leave but say goodbye Tommy, you will hate yourself if you didn’t’’ He told me softly, his hand moving to lay on top of mine as I looked back at him.
‘’Fine’’’ I muttered out to him before I stood up and started to walk across the room to where the file cabinets where and pulled one open roughly before sorting the papers out in my hand and put them in to the right files.
As the day went on, I couldn’t help but notice the way Adam hung around the studio, making small talk with the odd person who came in or the odd touches when we happened to pass each other before Sutan turned up and they wondered off in to the far end of the studio to talk with each other, a slight smile on Adam’s lips before I turned back and picked my camera up.
‘’Alright, I think a few more takes and then we are finished up’’ I told the couple as I walked over again and they smiled towards me. ‘’If you re do the prom pose, but this time turn your heads so you are looking towards each other a little more…yeah that’s it, great and now just hold it’’ I spoke out as I lifted the camera and took a few clicks, feeling a hand brush across my back, I jumped slightly and turned to see Adam walk past and in to Cassidy’s office before I turned back again. ‘’Alright and I think that’s doe, give me five minutes to transfer the images over and then you can pick out the ones you want’’ I told them with a smile as I walked back over to the computer and grabbed the leads, plugging the wires in to the camera, I started to swap them on to the computer.
‘’Tommy, phone call’’ Cassidy called out and I glanced up before walking over and took the phone form him and jammed it between my ear and shoulder as I went back to work again.
‘’Hello’’ I spoke out as I clicked save and waved the couple over,
‘’Tommy, I just wanted to see if you had a spare five minutes’’ Mom spoke and I smiled a little,
‘’Hey mom, hey hold on one sec’’ I told her, moving my hand over the mouth piece as they walked over, I smiled again, ‘’Just have a look through them and I will be right back’’ I told them before walking away, ‘’Okay shoot’’ I told her as she chuckled softly.
‘’If you are working, I can always call back’’
‘’No mom its fine, I can talk’’ I told her
‘’I just wanted to ask if you were coming on Thursday, I now it would mean a lot for you sister –‘’
‘’I am mom’’ I cut her off,
‘’What’’ Hearing the surprise in her voice, I couldn’t help but laugh slightly,
‘’I said I will come mom’’ I told her softly, glancing up as I noticed Cassidy and Adam walk out his office, I dropped my eyes down again as I lightly chewed on my thumb nail.
‘’Oh baby, that means a lot and im sure your dad would be smiling down at you, I know he would miss you’’ She spoke out and I swallowed a little before nodding to myself.
‘’I know mom, I miss him too’’ I told her quietly before I glanced towards the couple to see them wrapped up in each other, ‘’Look mom, I have to get back to work, I will see you on Thursday okay, tell Lisa and the little one that I love them okay’’ I told her before she agreed and I hung up.
Tucking the phone in to my back pocket, I walked back over to the couple and smiled widely, ‘’Sorry about that, have you chosen?’’ I asked as they nodded and pointed which ones they wanted and I made note of them. ‘’Great, I will get them made up and they should be with you within the next 14 days’’ I told them as I made another note of their names and address, taking the money, I walked over to the cash box and put it inside and crossed out their payment before I turned to see Cassidy staring at me.
‘’Take a break, you haven’t taken one since you came in this morning’’ He told me and I shrugged slightly,
‘’Im fine, I have another appointment due in and I have to get everything sorted’’ I told him before he sighed and walked over to me.
‘’I have a confession’’ He told me and I raised an eyebrow slightly, ‘’I canceled the rest of your appointments for today and Thursday’’ He told me as I laughed,
‘’your just joking with me aren’t you’’ I said as he shook his and I breathed out deeply.
‘’Go home and relax Tommy, take a few days off, I will be at yours Thursday to pick you up’’ He told me before Adam walked over and rested his hand on my shoulder softly,
‘’Do what he say’s Tommy, get some sleep or a massage, your tense and have been for a while’’ He said softly before I shook both of their touches off and walked towards my desk where I grabbed my stuff, turning towards the door, I pulled it open and started to walk down them before footsteps came near the top.
‘’Tommy, just look after yourself please, I don’t want to see any harm coming to you’’ Cassidy called out as I glanced up behind me before turning again and started to walk out along the car park.
‘’Uncle Tommy’’ Hearing a little girl’s voice call out as we climbed out of Sutan’s car, turned and smiled a little before picking her up and hugged her tightly, ‘’Mommy is sad too, so is Grandma, but don’t cry Uncle Tommy, Granddad is okay now the angels are looking after him with god’’ She told me and I swallowed deeply, the tears already starting to fill my eyes as I nodded and started to walk towards where I could see Lisa and mom stood talking to someone, Sutan and Adam following behind me as Cassidy locked the car up.
‘’Oh Tommy’’ Lisa spoke out as she spotted me, ‘’Mike is here, he’s been looking for you, said that you were on your way so he should be out in a second’’ She told me as I nodded and handed her little one over.
‘’Mom’’ I spoke out softly as she walked over and I hugged her softly.
‘’Im glad you came today baby, your dad would’ve been proud of you’’ She whispered to me as I nodded.
‘’T-J’’ Turning, I saw Mike walking down the steps and I moved away from my mom before I walked over and let him pull me in to a tight hug as one of his hands went to the back of my neck and his other around my waist tightly as I buried my face in to his neck. ‘’you’re such an asshole Tommy, don’t blame yourself for anything’’ Mike told me as I felt a few tears fall and soak in to the collar of his shirt before he pulled away and ran his thumbs under my eyes to wipe a few more tears away before they fell. ‘’come on, let’s go say goodbye privately to pop’s’’ Mike told me as I nodded slightly, letting him take my hand, I paused slightly before I let go and turned.
‘’Um...’’ I started as I pulled my shirt sleeves and jacket down over my hands slightly, ‘’we…um, we are going to go in’’ I stumbled over my words slightly as my mom walked over and pressed a hand to my cheek softly.
‘’It’s okay baby, you do what you need to do together okay,’’ She told me as I nodded.
‘’We will see you inside Tommy’’ Sutan told me as I turned towards him, eyes glancing over at Adam who looked stunning before I turned back a little and looked towards Cassidy as he smiled and nodded. Kissing mom’s cheek, I turned back and walked over to Mike again who held his hand out, taking it again I let him lead me inside and past everyone else before he quietly opened another door and we slipped inside, my eyes falling towards the front of the room where the casket was.
‘’I can’t do this Mike’’ I whispered out as he squeezed my hand softly,
‘’Yes you can Tommy, im right here with you okay, its just us okay, no one else, the world can wait for you Tommy’’ He told me and I glanced over at him as he offered a small smile and I breathed out deeply before I nodded.
Standing beside the casket, I reached out and held on to the side slightly as Mike’s thumb brushed over the side of my hand, letting me know that he was still there for me. Breathing out deeply, I let go again before I took a few steps away and sat down on the chairs and buried my face in to my hands as a few more tears fell.
‘’I can’t say goodbye ‘’ I breathe out and rubbed hard at my eyes as Mike sat down beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder.
‘’Its okay Tommy, really, you don’t have to say it in words’’ He said softly
‘’I shouldn’t of left him that day, I knew something was wrong but I let mom tell me to leave and go home’’ I whispered out to him as I pulled my hands away and rubbed at my eyes again.
‘’No one knew Tommy’’ Mike tried telling me as I shook my head.
‘’Dad knew’’ I told him as I stood up and turned, heading out the room quickly, I walked out the church and in to the car park again where everyone was before I started to walk away slightly, hands rubbing at my eyes until I reached a bank and I dropped down on to it, the sun high in the sky and warm on my back as I tried to calm my breathing.
Shaking slightly, I glanced back towards the church to see mom moving to say something to the others as Sutan turned but nodded to her and let her pull him towards the church again as my eyes dropped to the ground.
Everything felt strange, it wasn’t like anything I had read or watched in a show or film, the world just felt like it had been split down the middle and decided to tear me in half at the same time, I just wanted time to go back so I could spend one last moment with dad. Picking at the grass for a while, I breathed out and shook my head clear before I stood and brushed my jeans off before I started to walk back towards the church knowing what people had been saying was right. And I knew Cassidy was right when he said that I would hate myself if I had never said goodbye.
Stepping inside, I slowly pulled the door open and slipped inside, a few people turning to look before offering a small smile as I looked up towards the front again, a priest was stood talking before mom got up to stand next to him, a piece of paper in her hands before she looked towards me and smiled, running my hands over my eyes again, I breathed out deeply before I walked down to where to where she was stood and returned her tight hug.
‘’Thank you for coming back baby’’ She whispered in to my ear as I nodded and pulled away, her hand resting on my cheek before I turned and sat down beside Sutan and Adam who softly touched his fingers against my hand and turned slightly to look at him before letting my own wrap over his which was greeted with a soft squeeze as he smiled and I turned back to watch mom as she talked.
Turning up the steps, I pulled my hood up a little further as I adjusted the strap on my bag again, I knew I was a little late but something inside of me couldn’t care less as I headed in to the studio and walked towards my desk as I pulled my ear buds out and my IPod out my pocket as laughter ran out.
‘’Im glad you finally made it to work Tommy’’ Cassidy called out as I dumped my bag down and pushed it under the desk, changing songs over, I pushed my IPod back in to my pocket again before pushing my hood back and wrapped my headphones around my neck before I grabbed the laptop and a few bits of paper.
‘’Yeah, sorry’’ I muttered out as I turned and headed across the studio to where the set up was and placed everything down on the main desk as I turned the computer on and glanced up to see Cassidy with Sutan and Adam as well as someone else who had their backs turned to me.
‘’Well sorry isn’t going to place it Tommy, this is the fourth time which you have been late its getting more each time’’ Cass spoke out as I shrugged slightly.
‘’Dock my wages or something then’’ I muttered out as I sat down and opened the laptop up, pulling up one of the order forms, I looked over it before standing again and walked towards the dark room where I knew the photos were kept before I found the right envelope and slipped them inside, heading back over, I wrote the address own on it and pushed it to the side as I started to do a few more again.
Letting myself get lost in my work, I jumped slightly as I felt a headphone get pulled out and I turned to see Adam beside me, his hand resting on the back of my chair, his other holding my headphone which I took back from him.
‘’Are you okay?’’ He asked and I shrugged slightly,
‘’Im fine’’ I told him as I turned back to my work and he sighed a little,
‘’How come you were late again today?’’ He asked and I glanced over before back to my screen,
‘’Missed the bus’’ I lied to him,
‘’wasn’t that the last reason why you were late?’’ He asked as I turned slightly to look at him,
‘’what do you want me to say Adam? It’s none of your god damn business okay’’ I spat out to him as I stood and started to pick up the envelopes and started to walk away,
‘’Where do you think you’re going?’’ Cassidy spoke out and I sighed a little,
‘’Taking these to the office to send off’’ I told him and turned back to the door again.
‘’Tommy’’ Gritting my teeth together slightly, I turned to look towards him,
‘’what’’ I snapped out
‘’Make sure you have dropped the attitude by the time you returned’’ He told me and I laughed slightly before turning and headed out again.
Sending all the photos off, I started to walk back before I paused outside a bar and bit my lip a little, shaking my head, I turned and headed inside and walked over to the bar where I sat down on one of the stools.
‘’What can I get you son?’’ The bartender asked and I sighed slightly,
‘’Jack on the rocks and make it a double thanks’’ I told him as he nodded, pulling my wallet out, I opened it out and glanced at my money before putting the right amount on the bar surface and pushed my wallet back in to my pocket again as the tender came back and handed me the drink. ‘’Thanks’’ I mumbled out as he nodded and walked away again, leaving me sat alone at the end of the bar in peace.
Walking back in to the studio an hour and half later, I knew I was in trouble as Cassidy looked up from the guy he was going to be in trouble with the way he looked at me at again.
‘’Where asked and I shrugged slightly,
‘’I told you, I went to the post office, there was a massive line so it took forever to send all the correct packaging’’ I told him as he nodded slightly and I crossed back over to my desk again, crouching down, I pulled my bag out and opened it up before I found the small bottle I had placed in there and took it out before taking a few quick mouthfuls, the jack burning my throat slightly before I replaced the lid and chucked it in again and pushed my bag back out the way.
‘’I want you to meet someone’’ Turning, I looked towards Cassidy before he smiled, ‘’This is a dear friend of mine, Brad or as most people call him Cheeks’’ Cass told me as the other guy turned and I nodded a little,
‘’Nice to meet you Brad’’ I spoke out before I crossed back over to the main desk again and found Sutan sat next to my desk, his fingers tapping a little a he looked at me.
‘’I think me and you need to have a little chat’’ Sutan spoke out and I sighed,
‘’not now, im busy and just want to finish everything off so I can go home’’ I told him,
‘’Fine but I will be around tonight’’ He told me before standing and started to walk away before he paused and walked back to me, ‘’and don’t ever talk to Adam like that again honey, he is only concerned about you’’ Sutan hissed out before heading back towards Cassidy and Brad again.
By the time I had gotten home with Mike’s help, we were both laughing as I tripped over the bottom step of the small walk way which led up to the house,
‘’Shit Tommy, there’s a step’’ Mike laughed out as he helped me up again, his arm moving around my waist before I pushed him away slightly,
‘’Im okay, I can walk, its just dark and I didn’t see it’’ I told him as he frowned and we walked up, reaching the door, I paused slightly and dug my keys out my bag and stepped closer to the door where I pushed it in to the lock.
‘’Are you sure you are going to be okay on your own?’’ Mike asked and I nodded,
‘’Im sure Mike, look thanks for picking me up, I really didn’t want to have to get public transport or even walk, now I just want to climb in to a nice hot shower before crashing for the night.’’ I told him and he nodded.
‘’Okay, just call me if you need anything babe, you know me and Dave will help you out with anything’’ He told me and I nodded,
‘’I know’’ I told him as he took a step back,
‘’Alright, see you around’’ Mike told me before he started to walk away, unlocking the door, I pushed it open and walked in to the dark before pushing the door closed and locked it again.
‘’Thank fuck’’ I muttered out to myself as I walked in and dropped my bag down on the kitchen counter, walking over to the fridge, I pulled it open and let my eyes roam over the emptiness before I grabbed one of the beers from the bottom and opened it as I used my foot to shut the door again. ‘’Shower, beer, bed Tommy-Joe you’ve had a long day’’ I muttered to myself as I walked further down and turned off and jogged up the stairs, flicking the lights on in my room, I walked over to my bed and sat down on it before I took a mouth full of my beer and placed it down on the unit beside my bed. Leaning over my knees slightly I started taking my boots off before I sat up again and took a few deep breaths and shook my head, standing I lifted my top and hoody off, my eyes glancing across to my mirror at my skinny frame, turning away, I grabbed my beer again with one hand while I used the other to undo my belt and pants as I walked out and in to the bathroom as my phone started to ring.
‘’Hello’’ I spoke it to it as I hooked it between my shoulder and ear and started to push my pants down a little,
‘’Hey Tommy-Joe, are you home, I would like to have that chat now’’ Sutan’s voice came through and I sighed slightly,
‘’No im not, im at moms house at the moment, going to grab a shower and have some dinner before heading home’’ I lied to him as I turned my shower on and took another swig from my bottle before balancing it on the side of the sink as Sutan sighed a little
‘’Okay, I will be around a little later then’’ He told me and I rolled my eyes slightly.
‘’Yeah sure, just don’t be long because I want to crash when I get home’’ I told him.
‘’Okay honey, see you soon’’ He told me before hanging up, letting a loud breath out, I turned my phone off and threw it on to the counter of the bathroom before slipping out the rest of my clothes and climbed in under the hot water.
Showering quickly, I turned the water off and grabbed a towel as I dried myself off and pulled some clean boxers and sleep pants on, tying them off tightly around my hips, I ran the towel over my hair slightly as I picked my phone and beer up again and headed downstairs, finishing the bottle off, I stepped in to the kitchen and flicked the light on as I dangled the towel over my shoulder and dropped the beer bottle in to the bin before grabbing another one and set it on the side with the towel before I walked over to my clean washing and grabbed one of my hoody’s and pulled my arms through it but left it undone as I slipped my phone in to a pocket and picked my beer and towel up one the way out.
Walking in, I headed over to the TV and flicked it on before I turned and stopped dead as I noticed Sutan sat in the arm chair,
‘’How the fuck did you get in?’’ I asked as I swallowed a little, his eyes moving over my form in the TV’s light before I pulled my hoody closer and quickly done it up.
‘’Cassidy let us in with his spare key’s’’ He told me and I turned my head slightly as the light was turned on and I flinched slightly in the brightness before I saw the other two.
‘’Fuck this shit, get out my apartment, I don’t even know why you are here’’ I told them as I shook my head slightly and turned the TV off again and started to walk towards the door before Adam’s hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back slightly.
‘’We are worried about you Tommy’’ Cassidy spoke out and I laughed slightly,
‘’what’s there to be worried about, im totally fine see’’ I said as I pulled out of Adam’s hold and glanced around at the three of them before Sutan sighed.
‘’Honey, you’re not, you have been lying to us about where you have been, you have been avoiding any kind of contact and we can see that’s because you haven’t been eating.’’ He spoke and I shook my head slightly.
‘’You’re over working yourself too Tommy’’ Adam said softly as I walked back over and sat on the coffee table,
‘’Why won’t you guys just leave me alone?’’ I asked as I looked between the three of them, ‘’Im fine, I eat, im late for work a few times, big deal, im not a kid who needs looking after’’ I spat out.
‘’When was the last time you ate?’’ Sutan asked and I laughed.
‘’I told you, I had dinner at my mom’s tonight’’ I said as they sighed.
‘’Tommy stop lying to us please sweetie’’ Cassidy said softly as he walked over,
‘’He’s right, we were sat outside Tommy when your friend Mike brought you home, we saw how you pushed him away when he tried helping you up’’ Sutan said and I breathed in deeply slightly knowing that I had been caught out. ‘’You haven’t been yourself every since the funeral’’
‘’You don’t know anything and I would like it if you guys left now’’ I said as I stood up, picking my beer up, I quickly walked past them and out to the kitchen again where I placed the bottle on the counter and turned as my vision grayed slightly,
‘’Tommy’’ Adam called out softly as their footsteps came towards the kitchen and me.
‘’Look, I said I was fine’’ I spoke out as I turned, taking a deep breath, I went to step forward again before I felt my legs buckle slightly as everything went dark.
‘’Baby’’ Mom’s voice broke through as I tried lifting my hand to feel that it was heavy, ‘’You stupid, stupid, stupid boy’’ She cried out slightly before she was hugging me and I blinked a few times at the rooms brightness before I slowly opened my eyes fully as she pulled away.
‘’Im fine mom’’ I told her as I moved a little and felt a slight tug on my hand,
‘’Stop lying Tommy, if it wasn’t for your friends, anything could’ve happened to you’’ She scolded me and moved to sit beside me on the bed.
‘’What happened’’ I asked as I looked down at the wire and tube on my hand, my stomach tighten slightly as I realized it was an IV drip.
‘’You collapsed baby, the doctor said that it was because you wasn’t eating and drink enough or the right things and working yourself too hard, you are lucky that you wasn’t in the shower when it happened’’ Mom told me and I looked back up at her to see the tears in her eyes and a slight amount of fear.
‘’Im sorry mom’’ I whispered to her as she smiled slightly and nodded.
‘’Please look after yourself Tommy, let your friends look after you too, I can’t lose you as well’’ She whispered to me and I nodded slightly.
‘’I will, I promise mom’’ I told her as she smiled.
‘’Good, im going t head home and let Lisa know that you are okay, Adam is out in the hallway’’ She told me and I frowned slightly.
‘’Adam’s here?’’ I asked and she laughed softly.
‘’Of course baby, he hasn’t left since you were brought in last night, been stuck next to the bed holding your hand’’ She told me and I nodded slightly before returning her hug.
‘’Oh right’’ I muttered out before I laid back again, ‘’im going to try and get some sleep’’ I told her as I felt tiredness run through my body and mom smiled before kissing the top of my head.
‘’You do that Mr. if not I will make sure you move back home until you are all healthy again, your father would be disappointed to see you hurting yourself like this’’ She told me and I swallowed slightly before nodding.
Watching as she left, I let a deep breath out and laid back on the pillows again before letting my eyes slip close as I listened to all the sounds around me, the bleep of the machines, people waking outside, the sounds coming in from outside the open window until there was a light knock on the door and I opened my eyes and looked towards it to find Adam standing there, hands rubbing over each others as he smiled slightly,
‘’Do you mind if I came in?’’ He asked and I smiled slightly,
‘’No it’s fine, come in’’ I told him quietly before I started to slowly sit up and Adam stepped inside, his fingertips reaching out until he brushed the end of the bed and followed it around until he felt the seat and sat down. Lying back again, I breathed out softly as I laid my hands over my stomach before away again as I really felt how thin I had become over the short amount of time.
‘’How are you feeling now’’ Adam asked and turned slightly to look over at him,
‘’Tired’’ I told him honestly as he nodded slightly and I bit my lip, ‘’Look Adam…im sorry for lying to you guys’’ I told him softly as he smiled and turned a little to look towards me, his eyes bright but makeup free
‘’You gave us all a scare when you went down, Sutan said that it was lucky you were turned away from the counter or you could’ve hit your head hard on the corner’’ He told me and I swallowed a little and looked away, ‘’hey it’s okay’’ He spoke out as I felt his fingers slide across the bed and I moved my hand towards his slightly until he felt it and took it tightly, ‘’We all care for you Tommy and it hurt when you pushed us away, you didn’t have to deal with your grief on your own’’ He told me as I nodded a little and let my head rest back fully against the pillows. ‘’Get some more sleep handsome we have another shoot soon’’ Adam grinned out as I let a soft laugh out and smiled towards him as he started to get up.
‘’You can stay if you want you know’’ I told Adam softly as his hand left mine, his head tilting slightly as I bit my lip.
’’Are you sure, I don’t want to intrude’’ He told me and I grinned softly.
‘’Its fine, im sure you would just sit out in the hallway anyway’’ I chuckled as Adam laughed softly and nodded, ‘’I would rather have you comfortable in a private room then have some paparazzi or something snap Mr. Model out in a hospital hallway’’ I said softly as he sat down.
‘’You think good, now get some sleep Tommy’ Adam said softly, moving a little in the bed, I lowered myself down more in the bed and turned on to my side a little to face towards Adam as he took my hand again.
‘’Thank you’’ I told him softly, his head turning to look towards me.
‘’What for’’ He asked as he stroked his thumb over the back of my hand.
‘’For caring’’ I told him, a soft smile forming over his lips as he nodded and slouched down in the chair a little.
‘’Get some sleep Tommy’’ Adam whispered out as he rested his head back against the chair and closed his own eyes.
Chapter 6: My heart is beating faster, I know what im after, im tired from runnin’ from my heart.
I couldn’t help it, the days after being let out the hospital and gone back to work again, Adam seemed to be hanging around the studio more again before we had another shoot to do, waiting by the camera as Adam changed again, I reached in to my pocket and pulled out a packet of gum before it was pulled out my hand and I turned to look at Sutan,
‘’Here, eat this, Adam’s going to be a little longer as we are having trouble with finding a few parts of the design’’ He chuckled before I glanced down at the sandwich which he was holding towards me, sighing I nodded softly and took it from him,
‘’Thanks’’ I told him as he smiled softly and patted his fingers softly against my cheek before I turned and walked over towards the desk and sat down again, looking around the room, I noticed how Sutan and Cassidy was talking to each other as Adam leant against the doorframe, his shirt open and hanging by his sides before I swallowed a little, my eyes trailing over his form before he turned and covered eyes turned towards me, blushing deeply, I turned back around quickly at being caught but at the same time not, it was hard to remember sometimes that Adam was blind but I knew that he liked it when I did and treated him normal.
Eating slowly, I reached over and knocked my laptop slightly for the screensaver to leave the screen before I quickly ran my eyes over the appointments today to see that I only had one left after Adam and I sighed deeply to myself, I didn’t want to go home just yet and be alone again, the extra day I had to be kept in the hospital, Adam had stayed and I loved having that feeling of someone else there even when we did sit in silence for most of the time, comfortable with it around us.
‘’Come with me, I need to talk to you’’ Cassidy said softly from behind and I jumped quickly to look at him with wide eyes.
‘’Im eating’’ I yelped out slightly, the other two turning slightly before he chuckled.
‘’I know, but that isn’t what I want to talk to you about, I know that you’re eating more now’’ Cass told me before he tilted his head towards his office and I stood slowly and started to follow him, the sandwich left half eaten on the desk and forgotten.
‘’What did you want to talk about?’’ I asked him as we stepped in to his office and he walked around to his desk to sit down.
‘’Close the door Tommy’’ Swallowing slightly at the tone of his voice, turned and slowly closed the office door before I turned back and he nodded towards one of the chairs and I sat down, hands gripping at my thighs slightly, thoughts running through my mind at what was going on. Sitting in silence as he stared at me, I breathed out a little before a soft smile fell over his lips and he leaned forward on his desk and rested his chin in his hands. ‘’Adam…’’ He spoke out and I frowned slightly before glancing behind me and then back again.
‘’Adam… what about him’’ I asked, confused at what was happening.
‘’What do you think about him?’’ Cassidy asked with a smile,
‘’He’s …a nice person…why?’’ I asked as he chuckled softly,
‘’Are you sure he’s just nice…and not anything else?’’ Cass asked and I frowned before I pulled a foot up on to a chair and lent my chest against my knee,
‘’I don’t understand what you are trying to say’’ I told him as he laughed softly and sat up a little.
‘’Since you have met Adam, he has been around here a lot more, you have warmed up to him quickly and I have never seen Adam open up so much to someone before since before the accident and before he started to model.’’ Cassidy told me as he sat back in his desk chair,
‘’so…’’ I spoke out with a shrug,
‘’So, since you collapsed, Adam has been near you a lot, head always turned towards you as if he could actually see you working, always asking if your okay and now since you have come back I’ve noticed a change in you too’’ He said and I frowned deeply,
‘’I haven’t changed at all’’ I tried saying as he laughed,
‘’Oh Tommy, I’ve noticed how you look at him when you think no one is watching, the way your eyes light up slightly when you do see him and the way you blush if he is turned towards you like he saw you staring or something’’ Cassidy told me as I felt my cheeks warm up slightly, ‘’See even with me just talking about it, you are blushing’’ He grinned and I raised my eyes to meet his slightly before dropping then back down again. ‘’So tell me the truth’’
‘’what truth?’’ I asked suddenly as I looked up again,
‘’Do you like Adam?’’ He asked and I shrugged slightly,
‘’I told you, he’s a nice guy’’ I said as his lips quirked up slightly,
‘’that isn’t what I mean Tommy, do you like Adam in more romantic way than friendship?’’ Cassidy asked again and I stared at him before swallowing slightly as I tried to think about it, but every turn in my mind kept bringing me back to Adam and the way he smiles or laughs, the warm feeling it spreads through my body at a slight touch or the way he says my name.
‘’He’s your friend’’ I managed to say before he raised an eyebrow,
‘’Just a simple yes or no Tommy’’ Cassidy said softly before I slowly turned to look back towards him again before I dropped my eyes back down and started to pick at an invisible thread on my thigh.
‘’Yeah’’ I whispered, ‘’I like him I know shouldn’t Cassidy, im sorry for being unprofessional and if you want to fire me because of it you are free to do so and I won’t mind…Adam’s your friend and I shouldn’t have feelings towards him because of that-‘’
‘’Tommy, honey’’ Cassidy spoke out, his words cutting me off before I turned to look at him again and took a deep breath, ‘’I don’t care’’
‘’You don’t?’’ I asked surprised as he laughed and shook his head,
‘’No I don’t, I think you would both make a cute couple if you both talked with each other about it’’ He told me and I frowned again before a soft knock echoed on the door and Sutan pushed it open with a small smile.
‘’We need the photographer Cass’’ He grinned out before Cassidy laughed but nodded,
‘’Of course, go, go take him and have your wicked ways but Sutan come back as soon as its settled’’ Cassidy spoke and I frowned before I stood and headed out the office and walked towards the desk where I picked the sandwich up and took a small bit before brushing my hands on y jeans and turned back to the camera again, my confession running through my mind as I started to tell Adam which ways I wanted him to stand.
‘’Boy’s I will be back soon, just have to go get something’’ Cassidy spoke out as I turned towards my desk and Adam walked over towards where he knew the couches were and sat down, looking down at the camera in my hand, I couldn’t help but smile slightly at it knowing that to develop the images I had to use the dark room.
‘’Alright Cass’’ I spoke back as I his footsteps echoed out the room and I turned towards the dark room which was on the other side of the couches where Adam and Sutan was sat talking softly to each other.
‘’Ooooo, Adam I will be back soon, you two will be okay on your own right?’’ Sutan asked as I started to push the door opened and I turned to look towards him,
‘’Where are you going?’’ I asked quickly which caused them both to turn towards me as he laughed softly,
‘’I need to pick something up and I forgot about it until now’’ He told us,
‘’We will be fine Sutan, I mean I can chill out here while Tommy is doing the photo’s’’ Adam spoke out softly before I chewed my lip,
‘’Actually I was going to use the dark room but your welcome to come in so you aren’t sat alone’’ I said quickly before Sutan raised his eyebrow towards me.
‘’Right, you boys are sorted, byee’’ Sutan quickly grinned out before he left, the door closing quickly behind him as I swallowed and peered though my hair at Adam who grinned at himself before shaking his head.
‘’Well I will be in the dark room but will be sorting things about for five minutes if you want to come in before I start’’ I told Adam before I quickly headed through, the door sliding shut behind me as I turned the lights on low and placed the camera down on the table before I moved it closer to the work bench as the door opened again, turning back to get some of the chemicals, I walked over to the trays and started to pour them in and placed them down again as a loud jump caused me to jump and spin around to see Adam on the floor, my camera in his hands and the small table knocked over. ‘’shit are you okay Adam?’’ I asked as I moved over quickly and took the camera from his hands and pushed it on to the side, moving the table again, I grabbed his hands and helped him to his feet before I looked up to see how close we were to each other before I swallowed and took a step back, my legs catching the table as I wobbled slightly and was pulled closer by Adam’s grip.
‘’Im fine, but careful now, I heard you pour the chemical’s when I came in’’ He said quietly, his eyes casted down slightly as I bit my lip.
‘’Sorry, I didn’t think when I moved the bench table’’ I quickly told him as a slow smile formed over Adam’s lips.
‘’Its fine Tommy’’ He told me as I swallowed slightly.
Looking up at his face, the low light highlighted the sharpness of his cheek bones and made his eyes look brighter before I quickly blinked and looked away again as Adam softly let my arms go and I stepped away, turning back to where the switches were, I reached up and turned the lights out fully before flicking the red lights on before I walked over to where my camera was and picked it up.
‘’What photos are you developing?’’ Adam asked softly and I glanced over to see that he hadn’t moved an inch before I turned back again and put the camera in to the bag before my arms as I started to take the film out.
‘’Yours, I didn’t want to leave them’’ I told him honestly as I started to do everything which I needed to do. ‘’I think these are going to look great in black and white,’’ I told him with a slight smile as I moved the paper through the different chemicals before I slipped it in to the water to wash off before I pinned it up on the line and glanced over at him to see a slight smile on his lips.
‘’I wish I could see your photographs, Cassidy and Sutan say that they are beautiful and I believe that, you personality is beautiful and I believe that that shows through in your photos’’ Adam said softly and I felt my cheeks warm up quickly.
‘’Thanks’’ I told him softly as I started to go through with the rest of the film, the silence between us was comforting before I heard Adam’s small intake of breath before a soft hand curled around my wrist as I finished pinning the last photo up on to the line and turned to look at Adam quickly. ‘’Im finished if you were wanting to leave’’ I told him, a small smile falling over his face as he shook his head.
‘’No, just wanted to talk’’ He shrugged and I frowned slightly before turning to face him more, seeing his hand move up and touch against my jaw slightly, I swallowed and stared up at Adam’s face as he smiled.
‘’What’’ I asked as he chuckled softly,
‘’Nothing, I just want to see what you look like’’ Adam told me as he let his fingers start to move up over my cheek slightly which quickly warmed.
‘’Oh’’ I breathed out a little, my own eyes closing as his thumb moved and lightly pressed against the pulse in my wrist as I tried to calm myself more.
‘’You have a small scar? How did you get it’’ Adam asked as his thumb lightly brushed over the small bit of skin just under my lip and I smiled slightly.
‘’No war story sorry, had my lip pieced when I was younger’’ I told him as he smiled and bit his own lip and dropped his hands away. ‘’You okay?’’ I asked as he nodded and went to step back as I grabbed his hands to stop him, my heart crashing against my chest.
‘’Tommy’’ Adam spoke, the unsteadiness clear in his voice as I swallowed.
‘’The chemical shelf is there’’ I whispered, the emotions clear in his face as he nodded,
‘’you said you were finished?’’ He asked and I nodded,
‘’Yeah, you want out?’’ I asked as he nodded and swallowed slightly.
‘’Yeah, sorry I…I …’’ He started before trailing off and I moved my thumb over his arm softly,
‘’It’s okay, look come on’’ I told him as I slipped my hands down his arms and grabbed his hands softly before walking him towards the door, ‘’Just breath okay, the door’s just in front of you’’ I told him as I let his hand go and brought his hand up to touch it before stepping away and back towards my photos as he nodded.
‘’Uh, Tommy I think we have a problem’’ Hearing Adam’s voice, I frowned and turned to look towards him again,
‘’What do you mean?’’ I asked him as he turned as if he was looking at me,
‘’The door won’t open’’ He said quietly before I swallowed and walked over again,
‘’Are you sure? I mean you can always open the door from in here’’ I said as I pressed my hand to the door beside his as he pressed down again, sure enough it wouldn’t move and I swallowed slightly as panic started to rise, ‘’I don’t understand this, it should open’’ I muttered out as I pushed against the door again before I felt Adam’s warm hand press down on my shoulder which seemed to calm me slightly and made me forget that we were trapped in the room.
‘’Hey, are you okay?’’ He asked and I swallowed slightly,
‘’No not really, im not good with being trapped in small places, I mean I can go in them and everything but if I know im trapped like now, I start to panic and it sometimes brings on attacks and my pills are in my bag which is under my desk in the studio’’ I told him quickly before Adam turned around fully and moved his other hand up against my neck as I took a deep breath and let it out shakily,
‘’That’s it, take deep breaths’’ He whispered to me as I closed my eyes, my hand flat against the door before I pulled it away and moved it to his wrist as I took another deep breath and let it out again. ‘’Everything will be okay Tommy, I promise you that, just tell me what you need me to do and I will do it’’ He told me in a soft voice as I nodded a little, the panic still deep in my mind as I opened my eyes fully.
‘’Can we sit down?’’ I asked as Adam smiled before nodding,
‘’Of course’’ He told me before stepping away, following him over to the wall, I watched as he ran his hand down it as he sat before I sat down next to him, ‘’No, sit in front of me…facing’’ Adam said and I turned to look at him slightly before I moved and crossed my legs. Watching as he moved and placed his hands on my wrists, his thumbs over my pulse which was still quick. Staring back at him, I could feel my heart beat a little faster again before he blinked, blue eyes still bright in the darkness before I dropped my head as he smiled.
‘’Do you have your phone?’’ Adam asked lightly and I snapped my eyes opened before looking at him.
‘’No I don’t, I left it on my desk’’ I told him as he nodded, ‘’Please say you have yours’’ I whispered.
‘’No its in my ba- Tommy…hey Tommy listen to me, it will be okay’’ Adam started to say as the panic started to push up quicker, my heart crashing loud in my ears before I felt a hand slide around my neck slightly, ‘’Breath Tommy’’ Adam whispered to me, his voice sounded like he was talking through a tunnel, both close and far away before his thumb soothed over the skin behind my ear. ‘’That’s it’’ He whispered as I forced deep breaths through my lungs before out again,
‘’What if they don’t get back son? I can’t stay in here’’ I choked out slightly before Adam pulled me a little closer to him, hand moving under my chin to tilt it up as my eyes met his blind ones.
‘’They will Tommy, I promise you that okay. I promise you I will look after you until they turn up, I care about you’’ He told me as I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath.
‘’Talk to me’’ I whispered out to him as I forced another deep breath out as I tried to push the panic back.
‘’About what’’ He asked and I shook my head slightly,
‘’What did Cassidy want to talk to you about today?’’ He asked and my eyes snapped open to stare at him, ‘’it must of been something important, your heart rate just changed’’ He grinned out, ‘’Can I know?’’ He asked softly,
‘’You’’ I told him quietly as I swallowed slightly,
‘’Me? Why’’ he asked surprised slightly as I nodded.
‘’It was nothing’’ I lied to him before his lips curled up slightly in to a smile.
‘’Aww come on Tommy, you have to tell me now… im interested’’ He grinned
‘’It was nothing’’ I lied before he raised an eyebrow slightly, ‘’Fine, he asked if I liked you’’ I told him before breaking away from his touch and moved backwards, my shoulder hitting in to the counter as I let a small hiss out.
‘’Tommy…what happened?’’ Adam asked as I ran my hands through my hair and closed my eyes,
‘’Nothing, I just hit the counter im fine’’ I told him as I hung my head.
‘’So what did you tell him?’’ Adam asked after a short amount of silence where I found my breaths starting to even out.
‘’That you were nice’’ I breathed out as I turned to look at him,
‘’Oh, that’s good I guess’’ He spoke out before he moved and brought his knees up slightly before wrapping his arms around them,
‘’Adam?’’ I spoke out softly as he tilted his head slightly and smiled, ‘’Your hiding something’’ I told him before he shrugged,
‘’It doesn’t matter’’ He told me and I frowned slightly and moved closer to him again,
‘’Tell me’’ I said softly before he jumped at the sound of my voice being closer, his head turning as if he looked at me in the eyes,
‘’I don’t know…I was kinder hoping’’ He shrugged out as he turned away again and rested his head back against the wall, eyes closed.
‘’That I like you’’ I asked, Adam’s throat moving slightly as he swallowed, ‘’because I never said that I didn’t, I just said that I had told him that I thought you were nice, it was Cassidy who kept talking that made me admit that I did’’ I said quickly which caused him to turn towards me quickly. ‘’so if you don’t like me the same way, I will back away and ask Cassidy to change my shifts so im not here when you are’’ I said a little softer,
‘’No, oh god no Tommy’’ Adam whispered to me before I felt his hand on my jaw again and I raised my eyes back up to look at him, ‘’I like you too, from the moment I first heard you walk back in to the studio, grumbling to yourself and cursing at the store clerk, from hearing you at your lowest when you heard about your father, Tommy in the short amount of time I’ve been around you, I’ve seen so many different sides of you’’ Adam whispered, his thumb stroking over my cheek as I swallowed slightly.
‘’Im hard to deal with sometimes’’ I whispered to him, ‘’I don’t always understand things’’
‘’I don’t want perfect or easy Tommy, if I wanted that I would’ve given up the moment I became blind’’ He whispered to me as a lock sounded and the door suddenly opened.
‘’Oh sorry’’ Sutan grinned out as I turned to look towards him, ‘’But looks like things are going well’’ He laughed as Adam sighed,
‘’You locked us in?’’ He asked before he dropped his hand away and started to stand up,
‘’Yeah sorry about that, it was Cassidy’s idea to get you two talking’’ He grinned out as I slowly got to my feet.
‘’Well you are an ass both of you’’ Adam told them as Cassidy appeared with a frown as he looked between the two of us.
‘’You look pale Tommy, are you feeling well?’’ Cass asked and I swallowed a little,
‘’Of course he is, you just happened to lock someone in a room who gets panic attacks when trapped with no way out idiot’’ Adam growled out before he stepped out the room and I followed, walking over to my bag, I pulled it out from under my desk and started to look through it before finding the tablets and pulled one out the pot and swallowed it down dry.
‘’Shit Tommy, we didn’t know im sorry honey’’ Sutan said as I took the bottle of water from Adam as he walked over, sitting on the floor fully, my back against my desk I nodded slightly as I sipped at the water slowly.
‘’Im okay, Adam helped me through it, talked with me so it didn’t turn in to a full blown one’’ I told them as I rested my head back, no longer in the dark room, I felt the weight on my chest leave as I breathed more freely, the cool air settling on my skin like needles before I moved and pulled myself up on to my feet. ‘’Just…just never do that again’’.
‘’No, of course no darling, im so sorry’’ Cassidy told me as I nodded and turned to look towards them again.
‘’Can we go back to work now? Im fine and would really love to be able to get everything sorted before my next shoot which im running out of time with’’ I laughed out softly before they nodded.
‘’Of course, ‘’ Cass told me before he walked over and pulled me in to a tight hug which I returned.
Chapter 7: You captured my attention, Did I mention I think you're beautiful, darling?
‘’You busy?’’ Turning, I smiled slightly as I noticed Adam walk in to my lounge before he worked his way over to the couch and sat down beside me as I turned back to my laptop screen and paused the film I was watching.
‘’For you, im not’’ I told him as he chuckled, ‘’and anyway this is my home and when did you get here’’ I reminded him as he nodded to me.
‘’I know, but I heard sounds of people talking so I wasn’t sure and I just arrived, called a car service as Sutan is busy and in a way I didn’t want him knowing.’’ Adam told me and I rose an eyebrow slightly.
‘’Just watching a film and since when didn’t you want him knowing we were hanging out?’’ I asked as a shrug left his shoulders and a lope sided grin appeared on his lips.
‘’I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to hang out with just me and you and no one else’’ Adam told me as I laughed softly and leaned forward to move my laptop on to the coffee table before I looked back at him.
‘’Alright then Mr. Model would you like a drink?’’ I asked as I stood and I watched as he tilted his head slightly, a smile forming over his lips as he nodded.
‘’Sure thing handsome, I’ll have whatever you got’’ Blushing slightly as he spoke, I rubbed the back of my neck before I headed out in to the kitchen and to the fridge, pulling it open, I glanced over the shelves and through all the food which my mom had brought for me, spotting the apple juice I smiled and pulled the carton out and started to undo it.
‘’Do you have any juice?’’ Adam’s voice came out from behind me and I jumped quickly, the carton falling to the floor as I turned,
‘’Fuck Adam, quit sneaking up on people like that’’ I laughed before I quickly grabbed the juice before it could spill too much. ‘’don’t move unless you want to slip in the juice you made me spill’’ I warned him as he chuckled.
‘’Sorry baby’’ Adam laughed out and I turned to look towards him, a blush on my cheeks as he reached out and pressed a hand against the wall before he leaned against it.
‘’I only got apple, I finished the pineapple of last night’’ I told Adam as I grabbed a glass and tried to ignore my heart as it crashed against my chest.
‘’Apple’s fine’’ He told me as I nodded and filled it, walking back over, I reached out and placed it on the island before pulling the fridge open and pushed the juice back in. ‘’Island, to your left, about 15 centimeters’’ I told him as I turned back and grabbed a cloth.
Cleaned up and back in the lunge together, I placed my coffee down before stretching and sat down on the couch again as Adam did, ‘’What film were you watching?’’ He asked softly and I glanced over at him with a small smile as I pulled my laptop back on to my lap and leaned back.
‘’McLintock’’ I told him as he nodded,
‘’John Wayne, good choice’’ Adam grinned as he moved his arm up on to the back of the couch and I bit my lip slightly,
‘’so you don’t mine me watching the rest?’’ I asked before he laughed and brought his hand up to the back of my head slowly, his fingers moving over the skin on the back of my neck before he trailed them down to my shoulder.
‘’No I don’t mind, finish it off but then I want to take you out on a date’’ He told me and I looked up at him with a blush,
‘’A…a date?’’ I stuttered out slightly as he grinned.
‘’Yeah, you know those things which people go on when they say they both like each other’’ Adam grinned out, ‘’unless you don’t and I got the wrong idea’’ He said quickly,
‘’No…uh…no, I do…I do like you Adam, a lot’’ I told him as I turned slightly to look at him,
‘’don’t panic Tommy, okay’’ He smiled before his arm curled around me and he pulled me closer, laughing softly, I leaned in to his chest and held my laptop on my lap more before I turned slightly, my shoulders against his chest as he wrapped his arm around mine and I pressed play on the film.
Moving a hand up, I softly laid it over Adam’s wrist as I laughed a little and I felt Adam’s move with his own silent laughter as his fingers spread out over my torso, blushing slightly I leaned further back in to him and brought my legs up slightly and Adam sighed softly.
‘’You okay?’’ I asked as I glanced up at him, worried that he was bored or something.
‘’Im fine, don’t you worry your pretty little head off’’ Adam grinned out to me, his own head turning slightly towards me, eyes bright in the sunlight which was pouring in through the windows and patio doors.
‘’You shouldn’t say that really’’ I told him softly as I turned back and rested my head on his shoulder.
‘’Wha that your pretty?’’ He asked and I nodded slightly. ‘’but why, im sure you are and with what Sutan and Cassidy say when you aren’t around’’ Adam said and I shrugged slightly.
‘’Still, that’s their view, not yours’’ I told him as he sighed and tightened his arm around my chest and pressed a kiss to the side of my head.
‘’I don’t care Tommy, your personality is beautiful and that makes you beautiful’’ Adam told me and I felt my cheeks warm up again as we both turned back to the film.
‘’So you wanted to bring me to a park’’ I asked as Adam chuckled softly, his hand warm in mine as he shrugged,
‘’I used to come to this park all the time, its nice and peaceful and the main thing is that we can be alone’’ Adam told me as I glanced over with a soft smile, ‘’did you bring your camera?’’ He asked and I nodded and was silent for a while,
‘’Tommy…’ He asked and I looked up before blushing quickly,
‘’Sorry…but yeah I did bring it’’ I told him as he laughed again.
‘’Good, there’s a lot of beautiful things here which you could photograph’’ He told me as I smiled and softly squeezed his hand as we carried on walking, looking around slightly, I turned and tugged Adam along with me before I stopped, his body hitting in to mine slightly as we both laughed.
‘’This place is nice’’ I told him as he smiled,
‘’I’ll trust your word’’ He told me with a grin before he slipped the bag of his shoulder and held it towards me.
‘’Well as your photographer, I should hope that you trust my word’’ I teased as I took the bag and pulled the blanket out before spreading it over the grass. Putting the bag at the side I moved towards Adam as he took a step forward and we walked in to each other, laughing slightly I grabbed his arms quickly to stop him from falling before he yanked forward on my own and we fell backwards on to the blanket laughing together before I slipped off of him and rolled on to my back before turning my head to grin at him as he turned towards me, ‘’sorry’’ I laughed out, ‘’I didn’t hurt you did I?’’ I asked as he shook his head,
‘’Nope im good,’’ Adam grinned and I smiled softly before sitting up again and pulled the bag closer again and started to take out some of the pots and moved them between us. ‘’did you remember the juice?’’ Adam asked and I laughed before pulling the bottle out and pressed it in to his hands softly,
‘’Nope I didn’t forget, geese Adam, do you think I would forget your damn juice’’ I teased as he smirked,
‘’Well I don’t know now do I baby’’ He winked at me and I laughed as I shook my head.
Picking my camera up, I turned it on and glanced over at Adam to see him putting the juice down again before leaning back on his hands, blue eyes closed and head tilted back towards the sky as the sun shone over him, smiling to myself, I raised the camera to my eyes and snapped a few photos before he turned to look towards me with a smile as I took a couple more.
‘’Found something to photograph?’’ He asked softly before leaning forward and reached out until he felt one of the small pots and pulled the lid off before picking up one of the pieces of fruit we had chopped up together before leaving.
‘’You could say that, this place is beautiful’’ I told him in a gentle voice as he smiled and nodded, piece of strawberry half way his mouth as I took a few more photos of him and grinned as I pulled the camera away from my face.
‘’I told you so didn’t I’’ He laughed before picking another piece of fruit up and held it towards me, smiling I leaned forward slightly and took it from his fingers softly before I sat back again, looking up at him to see a smile on his face, I blushed slightly before I moved around and pulled the camera back to my face again as I took some photos of around the park before placing it down on the blanket between us again.
‘’I think I might listen to you more often Addy, you have a good sense of things’’ I chuckled softly as I picked another since of fruit up and placed it in to my mouth.
‘’Addy? That’s new and you should, shouldn’t you, I do have good sense’’ He grinned as he reached over and wiped the corner of my mouth as I felt a drop of juice run down.
‘’Yeah, think it as my nickname for you and dude I swear you are not blind sometimes’’ I grinned, his thumb still softly at the edge of my lips as he grinned.
‘’Well I heard you take some more out the pot and then eat it and I know how juicy it is so I took the chance, even if there wasn’t I could’ve lied and said I wanted to touch you so I knew where your lips were when I come to lean closer and kiss you’’ Adam said and I felt my cheek warm up as he grinned, ‘’you know, you blush quite often when you are around me’’ He laughed before I playfully slapped his hand away,
‘’Well you keep making me blush, and you don’t have to wait for some juice from me eating fruit to kiss me if you really wanted to kiss me’’ I told him as he smiled and nodded.
‘’I’ll remember that then’’ He smirked and I laughed before moving things around and turned slightly, leaning back, I rested my head on Adam’s lap as his hand came up and ran through my hair and I smiled softly.
Relaxing back in to Adam’s touch and the sun, I raised a hand up and rested it over my stomach slightly, feeling something at my lips, I opened my eyes quickly before I looked down to see Adam holding a piece of apple to them and I laughed softly before parting my lips and took a bite before he placed the rest of it in his own mouth as he smiled.
‘’Whataya thinking about Addy’’ I asked him softly as he shrugged and turned his head to look down at me with a smile as his hand came up and tangled with the one on my stomach still, our fingers sliding together perfectly.
‘’You’’ He told me as he brought our hands up and lightly kissed my knuckles,
‘’me…and what about me?’’ I asked with a grin as he chuckled softly,
‘'Im thinking about how perfect this all feels right now, being here with you’’ Adam told me as he smiled, ‘’and im thinking about how I want to go out on more dates with you and spend near enough every waking hour with you, but most of all im thinking about asking you to be my boyfriend’’ Adam admitted with a soft blush.
Watching as he raised his head slightly as if he was looking away, I squeezed his hand gently and smiled.
‘’I would love to be’’ I told him as he smiled at me,
‘’Does that mean I get to kiss you know?’’ He asked and I laughed brightly before pushing myself up slightly, my free hand moving to his jaw before pulling him down slightly.
‘’Well I was hoping that you would kiss me at some point’’ I whispered as he grinned and slowly closed the gap between us.
Letting my eyes slide shut as our lips moved against each other’s slowly, I curled my fingers around his jaw a little more as our lips parted softly and I moved slightly as his other arm came up and curled around my waist before we pulled away softly and smiled at each other.
‘’Wow’’ We both breathed out the same time before laughing, feeling Adam’s legs part, I moved in between them as he wrapped his arms around me tightly and I leaned back against his body.
Hearing the click of my camera, I opened my eyes quickly and looked up to see Adam with it in his hands and pointed down towards me as I laughed softly.
‘’What are you doing?’’ I asked as he grinned and shrugged,
‘’Taking photos of my boyfriend’’ He told me.
‘’Do you know how strange that sounds’’ I asked as he nodded,
‘’I know, but there’s no harm in trying’’ He laughed as I nodded, moving down slightly more so I could rest my head on his thigh, I yawned slightly and wrapped an arm around his thigh a little as I bent my legs up and pushed my hair out my eyes with my other before I playfully poked him in the stomach. ‘’hey what was that for?’’ He asked as I shrugged,
‘’Felt like it’’ I grinned as another click went off and I laughed softly before another click sounded, reaching up for the camera, I gently took it from his hands before pointing it up and took a couple more of him,
‘’You adorable, you know that don’t you baby’’ He told me as I grinned,
‘’I don’t know, no one has ever called me that before’’ I teased back as I lowered the camera again and turned the dial and started to look through the photos, ‘’hey these are actually pretty good Adam’’ I told him as his hands moved up to my shoulders and softly rubbed them before moving down over my chest,
‘’Good as in bad really but don’t want to hurt me or good as in very good’’ He asked and I laughed softly as I flicked through a couple of the ones he took again.
‘’Good as in, become a photographer if modeling fails for you’’ I told him before I felt his lips press against my forehead softly as he laughed.
‘’you’re just saying that’’ He whispered.
‘’Im not, Adam these are really good, I wouldn’t lie to you’’ I told him.
‘’We should get back soon’’ I told Adam quietly before he nodded and sighed softly, fingers running through my hair once more,
‘’You are right baby, plus we don’t want Sutan and Cassidy sending out a search party if they can’t get hold of us’’ He laughed as I sat up, clearing everything away in a comfortable silence, I stood up before I grabbed Adam’s hands and pulled him to his feet before I went to move away and found his arms locking around my waist and pulling me back again as I laughed and turned in his arms to look at him.
‘’Hi’’ I whispered to him as he smiled,
‘’Hello, I believe I’ve lost my way, I wonder, can you help me?’’ Adam whispered with a smile as I laughed softly.
‘’Well sir, it depends on what it is you need my help with’’ I told him softly,
‘’Well its like this you see, I was on this wonderful, wonderful date with my gorgeous photographer boyfriend and I seemed to of lost my way and well…I was hoping to kiss him but he just vanished’’ Adam chuckled as I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck more. ‘’so I was wondering if you could help me find him, he goes by the name Tommy but I prefer Tommy-Joe because it’s cute like him.’’
‘’Mhmm…it sounds like you are in luck, he just happens to be right here’’ I teased as he chuckled and leaned down slightly, leaning up, I met his lips softly again as he tightened his arm around me and leaned back slightly, my feet leaving the ground before he spun around and put me back down again as we pulled away with laughter and I ran my hand up in to his hair slightly. ‘’dork’’ I grinned as he chuckled.
‘’But you still like me so im safe’’ Adam laughed as I nodded,
‘’that’s true, come on I need to pick the blanket up’’ I told him as he grinned and we slowly let each other go.
Pulling away from him fully, I picked the bag up and grabbed Adam’s hand again before pushing the strap in and watched as he pulled it up over his shoulder as I picked the blanket up and folded it a few times and opened the bag slightly and pushed it in before I grabbed my camera and slipped the strap over my neck.
‘’Is that everything picked up?’’ Adam asked,
‘’Yeah, we are safe to leave now’’ I told him as I slipped my hand back in to his,
‘’Want me to call the car service?’’ Adam asked and I looked around the still pretty empty park as I thought about it,
‘’Nah, let’s walk, it will be nice’’ I told him as he nodded with a smile and squeezed my hand again,
‘’Then that is what we will do baby’’ He grinned before swinging our hands softly, laughing, I shook my head to myself before settling in to a soft silence as we walked, stopping ever so often as I paused to take photos of the things around us or Adam as he walked, highlighted by the sun as the afternoon got closer to evening.
Getting closer to home, I jogged to catch up with Adam again before I slipped my hand back in to him and he turned slightly to smile towards me, ‘’I had fun today’’ I told him honestly as he nodded,
‘’Me to, I kinder admit, it was a random thought when I told you because of how long its been since I last went on a date but I just wanted to spend some quality time with you’’ Adam told me shyly as a soft blush covered his cheeks and I raised an eyebrow slightly.
‘’When was the last time you went out on a date or even dated anyone?’’ I asked and watched as the blush darkened and he swallowed slightly.
‘’Since before the accident, I hadn’t really wanted to get close to anyone’’ Adam shrugged and I smiled sadly before I wrapped my arms around his and rested my head on his shoulder,
‘’Well im glad you took the chance with me’’ I told him as we turned on to the street where the apartment was,
‘’Me too, I really like you Tommy and I would love to see this relationship work out’’ He told me as I grinned and slipped my arms away and down to his hand again as we reached the steps which moved up around the gardens and along the porch to the front door.
Walking up with him, I glanced over Adam’s phone started to ring in his pocket.
‘’You going to get that’’ I asked as he grinned and shrugged slightly,
‘’It can wait’’ Adam told me as I pulled my keys out with a smile and led him to the front door and started to unlock it as he pressed himself against my back and wrapped his arms around me again. ‘I wish this night would never be over’’ He mumbled in to my neck as I laughed and moved my hands over his arms softly.
‘’Then stay if you want too, you know you are always welcomed too’’ I told him as he chuckled.
‘’I know but that was before you became my boyfriend and when you didn’t have a bed’’ He whispered before pressing a soft kiss to the skin behind my ear.
‘’And what does that have to do with anything?’’ I asked with a smirk as I pushed the door open and tilted my head up slightly so I could see him.
‘’I don’t know, you could try to take advantage of the blind guy during the night’’ he grinned before a loud bang echoed through the sky and we both jumped. Laughing, I dragged Adam inside the apartment as rain started to fall before Adam’s phone started to ring again.
‘’Like I would do that to you Adam’’ I teased and winked at him slightly before busting out in to laughter as he frowned.
‘’What are you laughing at?’’ He asked as he pushed the door shut as another bang went through the air outside.
‘’I winked at you and then remembered you can’t see it so I started laughing’’ I shrugged out as I kicked my shoes off and headed through to the kitchen. ‘’oh and get your phone Adam, it’s bugging me’’ I laughed out as I started to make some drinks.
‘’Sutan says hello’’ Adam spoke out as he walked in to the kitchen, his phone against his ear as I smiled,
‘’Tell the nosy git I said hello back’’ I told him as he chuckled softly,
‘’No im will stay at Tommy’s, yeah we just got back to his when the storm turned up…no we just went for a walk’’ Turning to glance at Adam, I grinned slightly as he leaned against the counter with his eyes closed, walking over I let my hand slide over his back softly until I reached the back of his neck and lightly brushed my fingers over the nape of it before pulling away again as the kettle boiled. ‘’no nothing’s going on between us Sutan, we are just friends hanging out okay’’ Adam said and I grinned slightly as I picked the cups up and walked back over and held one close while I pushed the other towards Adam, watching as he moved his hand across the unit before his fingers touched against it, I smiled as he pulled it closer again.
Looking up at the lights as they flickered, I chuckled to myself again before I turned back to look at Adam again to see him looking in my direction, eyes looking bright as I blushed and looked down slightly before back again as he smiled towards me. ‘’Yeah I will call you in the morning Sutan, I wont forget about the meeting’’ Adam said before finally hanging up with a small groan.
‘’Is everything okay?’’ I asked as he smiled and nodded towards me.
‘’Everything is perfect, Sutan was just trying to get a hold of me because of the storm which just came out of nowhere and wanted to know where I was and if I was okay’’ Adam chuckled, ‘’im still surprised that it came, its been such a nice day’’ Adam laughed as the lights flickered again and he tilted his head slightly,
‘’Come on, lets get moving and in to bed before the lights go out and we are left without power’’ I grinned as I stood again, walking through, I stopped in the lounge and grabbed my laptop again as Adam’s footsteps echoed on the stairs and then across the hallway before there was a crash, turning, I quickly ran up and in to my bedroom to see Adam sat on the floor, the cup on the unit as he rubbed his leg.
‘’What happened?’’ I asked as I walked closer and chucked my laptop on the bed before putting my cup next to his,
‘’Fell over something…what is that anyway?’’ Adam asked and I turned slightly before blushing and pushed the box out the way,
‘’Just a box with old things in, I forgot I had it out, im sorry I should’ve told you’’ I told him quickly as he chuckled and shook his head.
‘’its fine baby, what sort of old stuff?’’ He grinned as I helped him up and on to the bed,
‘’Just old photos things like that, mostly stuff when I first started to take photos of things and other junk’’ I told him as he chuckled softly and pulled me closer to him.
‘’So what’s the plan then?’’ He asked as I wrapped my arms around his neck and grinned.
‘’I was thinking, movies until my laptop dies and then watch them on the TV until the power gives out before sleeping’’ I told him as he smiled and nodded.
‘’Sounds like a perfect plan baby’’ Adam told me as I leaned down and lightly brushed my lips over his before I pulled away again.
‘’Anything’s perfect with you’’ I whispered.
Chapter 8: Look at me, Look at me in a magazine, each photo tells a story, a soul to sell
Stepping inside the large room, I looked around before I paused as I noticed the staging area and everyone else quiet around them as they worked. ‘’Come on Adam, walk for me’’ someone called out and I bit my lip slightly as I watched him start walking down the walkway, his arms hanging by his sides and his lips in a tight line, body tensed slightly.
‘’Everything okay darling’’ Hearing Sutan’ soft whisper, I turned and looked at him with sigh before I shrugged,
‘’Come on Adam, give me more, smile, take the glasses of mate’’ Snapping my head around, I glared at the photographer as Adam stopped walking, hands balling up in to fists as Sutan sighed next to me,
‘’Sutan’’ Adam called out,
‘’Right here honey’’ Sutan spoke back before he walked forward,
‘’This isn’t working, fuck’’ Adam groaned out as he turned and stepped backwards a little before pausing as if he had lot which direction he was going.
‘’What’s wrong?’’ The photographer asked as he frowned and I sighed slightly before dropping my bag down on to the seats and unpacked my own camera before I started to walk towards him
‘’You are dude, so why don’t you just pack your things up and get your ass out of here’’ I told him as he looked up in surprise.
‘’Tommy I thought you couldn’t make it?’’ Adam’s surprised voice rang out and I chuckled softly and I glanced towards him to see him pulling the glasses off and looking towards the sound of our voices.
‘’The other shoot ended early because of the women didn’t feel well and the work was finished early so I came right here’’ I called back as he smiled.
‘’At last, a photography I can work with’’ Adam laughed brightly as he started to walk back again slowly and I grinned.
‘’There was others before me Adam’’ I called out with a grin.
‘’Alright, but I want to stay and watch’’ The other photography spoke out before he started to move and I rolled my eyes slightly before I quickly set up and climbed up on to the cat walk and headed towards Adam,
‘’Okay, this is all wrong, Sutan did not do your make up,’’ I spoke out as Adam’s lips curled in to a smile and he shrugged,
‘’He was running late, had to get the company’s artist too’’ He told me as I rolled my eyes and turned to look towards Sutan who laughed.
‘’On it darling’’ He spoke out as he grabbed a case and quickly climbed up and pulled Adam back towards a chair.
Moving back to the computer which had the photos of Adam on so far, I quickly skipped through them and groaned before I highlighted and quickly pressed delete.
‘’Hey, that was all my work’’ The photography spoke out and I looked over at him with a shrug.
‘’Dude no offence but they were shit, this is Adam fucking Lambert, he deserves to have the camera begging for him not him begging for the camera and honestly, I don’t want you to take the ones you had taken and selling them on’’ I told him before I heard a laugh ring out before a slap and I grinned slightly as I turned back and adjusted the lighting.
‘’Who are you anyway?’’ The guy asked as I turned back to my camera and clicked it on.
‘’He’s my photographer’’ Adam spoke out and we both turned to look at him, his eyes now a green color, rimmed with black and I swallowed slightly.
‘’Made my boy all pretty and decided on the green contacts to finish that bad boy image off’’ Sutan smirked out as I nodded a little.
‘’Alright, let’s get this party on the road shall we’’ I laughed as I turned and hit the space bar on my laptop, the music filling the space quickly as Adam smirked and returned to the far end with Sutan’s help before I started to click away as he walked, his hips swinging, hands more relaxed at his sides and lips pulled in a teasing smirk as he moved, ‘’alright, about 10 more steps till the end of the cat walk Addy’’ I called out to him as I turned back to my camera as he nodded and slowed his walk, hips moving more in a sensual way to the music as his eyebrow lifted slightly with his smile which left a deep warmth running through my body as I swallowed and carried on clicking as he stopped.
‘’Hold on…Addy…what the hell in god’s name is that name?’’ Sutan called out and I pulled the camera away from my eyes slightly and glanced up at Adam to see him smirking before I shrugged,
‘’Just a nick name I gave him the other day’’ I spoke out as I climbed up the steps and grabbed Adam’s arm softly before pulling him back towards the larger staged area where there was a couch and I gently pushed him down on to it, ‘’lay out on your back, have one arm over the couch’s arm, a leg bent back against it and the other on the floor and rest your other arm across your chest’’ I told him as he nodded and moved, waiting for him to get in to place, I grinned slightly and took a few shots before I grabbed a set of ladders and pulled the closer.
‘’What are you doing?’’ Sutan asked and I looked over to see the other photographer stood near him and the edge of the platform.
‘’A few aerial shots, they always look great and with this look you created Sutan, it will be seller’’ I told him as he nodded and I climbed up, leaning my stomach against the top of the ladders, I leaned over slightly and moved the camera back to my eyes as Adam moved his head and turned to look straight up, a small smile starting to tilt the corner of his lips up before I swallowed and clicked away a few times.
‘’Okay sweethearts…please explain to me and my poor heart what this is all about and whether it is the truth or not’’ A loud voice spoke out and we all jumped before I stumbled slightly on the ladders and Adam quickly sat up, turning to look towards the doors as Cassidy walked closer, his hand waving a magazine around, I frowned before I climbed down and sat on the couch beside Adam and flipped through some of the photos.
‘’What’s, what about?’’ I asked as I glanced up again as he shoved the magazine in to Sutan’s hands who looked down before gasping.
‘’Why you little devils, this is what you were doing before the storm hit wasn’t it’’ Sutan gasped out and I swallowed slightly before glancing over at Adam to see him frowning towards their voices, head tilted slightly.
‘’You’ve lost us guys’’ he spoke out before he sat back, arms stretched out along the top of the couch and I had to fight myself not to lean back and curl in to his side like the past few days.
‘’These photos…who are you?’’ Hearing Cassidy speak I looked up to see him staring at the other photographer.
‘’He tried to photograph Adam’’ I told him before he made a tutting sound.
‘’Go go, go, you aren’t needed, only Tommy photograph’s Adam now.’’ Cassidy spoke out as he shooed the other guy away and waited until the door had closed behind him firmly.
‘’Listen to this’’ Sutan spoke out and I turned my camera off before looking back up at them again. ‘’So who is he? Latest gossip in the rags have suggested that world known model Adam Lambert has a new man, who he is no one I quite sure about that yet but it isn’t the first time they have been spotted together, first was a early morning stroll together as the sun was starting to appear on the horizon and now is photos of the two sharing what looked to be more than just fruit and juice together when the two was snapped locking lips two days ago at a local park, lost in laughter and smiles the pair spent the early afternoon together, feeding each other and touching before packing up and taking a slow walk away where the mystery man often stopped to take photos of Lambert along the way, a loving smile on his face…’’
‘’Ohh those photo’s’’ I murmured out as Adam chuckled slightly beside me before I felt his arm move on the couch slightly, fingers brushing against my neck as I shivered slightly.
‘’I thought no one was there?’’ Adam spoke out and I shrugged slightly as I picked my camera up again and stood.
‘’I didn’t see anyone there’’ I shrugged as I headed back to the computer and turned the music off.
‘’Uhh darlings, hello we are still here and would like to know what’s going on’’
‘’I asked Tommy out on a date, that’s all’’ Adam spoke out as I saved all my photos on to back up and closed my laptop down and started to pack everything away as I bit my lip and glanced up through my bangs at the three of them.
‘’Wow….so you lied when I phoned you that day….’’Hearing Sutan gasp suddenly, I turned and stared towards him as his eyes flicked between us. ‘’You…’’He trailed off with another gasp before he walked over to me and grabbed my chin and stared in to my eyes.
‘’Please stop manhandling Tommy Sutan’’ Cass spoke out with a laugh as I grinned slightly at him,
‘’It was just a date Sutan’’ I told him as he rose an eyebrow slightly, ‘’Nothing happened. After Adam came off the phone with you, we took my laptop and watched movies in my room before the battery died and we finished watching films on the TV before we both fell asleep’’ I told him quickly as he nodded slowly.
‘’Something had to of happened’’ He spoke out as Adam laughed softly and we turned to look at him as he shrugged.
‘’Nothing happened apart from cuddling a lot’’ Adam shrugged out as I nodded and Sutan turned to look back at me before he moved his hand away.
‘’Okay, I believe you both’’ He spoke out before walking over to Cassidy again and I let a soft breath out.
‘’I want to cook for you tonight’’ Adam whispered in to my ear as I jumped and turned to look at him slightly to see how close he was stood behind before I smiled.
‘’Sorry I can’t’’ I told him before I noticed the small smile fall from his face,
‘’Oh, that’s okay’’ Adam spoke out before he went to turn and I quickly moved my hand up to his arm,
‘’I can’t let you cook for me tonight because I was planning on cooking for you’’ I told him quietly as his face pulled in to a frown and turned back and stood closer again, the warmth of his body spreading through mine as he pressed a little closer to me.
‘’You want to cook for me?’’ Adam asked as he moved his arm out my hold and took my hand in his softly, our fingers lancing together as I smiled.
‘’Yeah I do, im not very good and can’t cook a lot but I want to try for you’’ I said quietly as he nodded with a smile.
‘’I would like that, for a second there I was worried that you didn’t want to go on another date with me’’ He whispered as his hand trailed up my arm before moving on to my side gently as he stepped closer again, his front pressing against my back as I let myself lean in to him slightly as his lips pressed a soft kiss to my neck.
‘’That’s stupid, never think that I don’t want to go on a date with you because I do’’ I whispered as I felt him smile against my skin and then pull away again as Sutan’s and Cassidy’s voices came back in to the room. Turning around, I pulled my bag up over my shoulder and yawned slightly. ‘’Im going to get going guys, need to tidy up after the plumber left and going to grab an hour or two of sleep seeming I have no other shoots today’’ I spoke out as Cassidy smiled.
‘’Okay honey, thank you for coming in today even after having the day off’’ He smiled and I shrugged,
‘’No trouble, I wanted to and im glad now, that photographer was a jerk’’ I muttered out with a scowl as Adam laughed,
‘’It’s fine really Tommy, I was already a little tired and I guess I was just tired of photographers asking me to take my glasses off when they get told not to ask’’ Adam shrugged and I frowned slightly.
‘’It still isn’t right Adam, like you said, they get told not to ask but he done it anyway’’ I groaned as he grinned and the other two rolled their eyes slightly and turned away, ‘’Be at mine for 8’’ I whispered to Adam as he nodded with a soft smile and leaned over, his lips pressing a light kiss to my temple before he pulled away and felt out a nearby chair and sat down.
‘’Tommy’’ Hearing Adam’s voice, I grinned slightly and rubbed my hands down the front of my shirt before I walked over.
‘’Hey, you’re late’’ I laughed out a he grinned and closed the door behind him with a smile.
‘’Yeah sorry about that baby, Sutan and Cassidy decided they wanted to gang up on me and ask about us’’ He sighed before he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me tightly as I melted in to his chest.
‘’Im sorry, hope it made you hungry’’ I teased and rested my chin against his chin as he smiled down at me.
‘’Of course, been looking forward for tonight’’ Adam whispered before he leaned down and softly pressed his lips against mine, feeling the same shiver run down my spine, I let my hands slide up to his neck before slowly pulling away. ‘’hey where are you going’’ Adam asked as his arms tightened around my waist, pinning me against his body as I laughed.
‘’Pork’s gunna burn if you don’t let me go’’ I told him as he smirked slightly
‘’Fine, fine only because the pork will burn if I don’t’’ He laughed before leaning down and pressed a light kiss to my cheek before letting go. Walking back over to the counter, I grabbed the cloth and pulled the oven open before pulling the tray out and rested it on top of the cooling tray on the counter before I turned back to stir the sauce.
‘’Do you like mushrooms?’’ I asked as I grabbed the knife and went back to chopping them up.
‘’I do, everything smells amazing Tommy, what are you cooking anyway?’’ Adam spoke out as I lifted the chopped mushrooms and added them to the sauce before I glanced over at him with a smile.
‘’Thanks, um its pork in a cream and white wine mushroom sauce with green beans and…shit I forgot desert’’ I gushed out as Adam laughed and walked over.
‘’I don’t mind baby, it sounds delicious anyway’’ He told me as I smiled and leaned back in to him.
‘’One thing my mom taught me how to cook before I left home’’ I admitted with a soft laughed as I moved away from his hold and softly led him over to the cooker and pressed the spoon in to his hand as I moved out the way and started to stir the sauce with him, ‘’stir that while I finish up the beans’’ I told him, a soft smile covering his lips as he nodded.
‘’You know’’ Adam started to say as I glanced over at him, ‘’I think I could get used to this’’ He finished up, head turned slightly towards me as he stirred the sauce.
‘’What us cooking’’ I asked before he laughed.
‘’Well that too, but I mean being all domestic and acting like normal people. You’re the first person who has ever treated me as a normal person outside my family and Sutan and Cassidy and not as the blind model who got lucky in life’’ Adam told me as I blushed.
‘’ wouldn’t treat you any differently, sure I forget your blind sometimes but its an easy mistake to me because all the people I’ve ever known or met has always had cloudy colored eyes but yours are so bright and that night in the studio when you told me I felt so bad because I didn’t notice the glasses even when Cass was talking to me about the things which I needed to do with your shoot’’ I shrugged out as I chopped at the beans before dropping the knife with a curse.
‘’Baby…is everything okay?’’ He asked as I laughed slightly.
‘’Yeah, just caught my finger with the knife, sorry’’ I grinned as I walked over to the cupboard and pulled it open and found the first aid kit quickly.
‘’Wow this actually turned out amazing’’ I laughed as I looked up over the table at him from where I was sat on the floor, Adam on the couch as he chuckled softly.
‘’Why you sound so surprised?’’ Adam asked with a grin as I rolled my eyes slightly.
‘’Well, to be honest… other than tonight and when mom taught me how to cook this meal, I’ve cooked it once before and kind of burnt it all, the sauce burned because I used the wrong wine and everything’’ I laughed as I picked up the glass of red wine and sipped at it slowly, the warm buzz already running through my body as Adam laughed.
‘’Oh baby…comes here’’ Adam spoke out as he leaned forward and placed his glass back down and held his hand out to me. Setting my own drink down, I pushed myself up on to me feet and slowly stepped around the table before I took his hand and smiled as he pulled me closer to him and parted his knees, kneeling on the couch between his thighs, I let my free arm trail up and rest over his shoulders softly.
‘’Im glad you kept those contacts in’’ I told him softly, my fingertips softly touching against the soft hair on the back of his neck.
‘’How come, don’t you like my blue?’’ He asked with a teasing smile and I laughed softly,
‘’Of course I do, first time I saw them I nearly forgot where I was and what I was doing, but the green just makes you look so hot, when Sutan moved and showed us I swear I just wanted to grab your hand and run away with you’’ I whispered as he rubbed his thumb over my hand before wrapping his other around my waist and pulled me closer.
Kissing Adam back just as sow, I smiled against his lips softly before gasping lightly as he move and pinned me down, his large frame hovering above me as his lips traced down my jaw on to my neck. Breathing out slightly as I felt Adam’s hand slide under my shirt, I let a small laugh out before I could stop myself and battered his hand away.
‘’Tickles’’ I laughed out as Adam pulled away and turned his head down towards me as he smiled. ‘’and I don’t put out before the third date’’ I teased as he laughed.
‘’Okay, okay you cocktease…but we can still make out like teenagers on the couch can’t we?’’ He asked as I laughed and nodded.
‘’Of course’’ I grinned out as I moved my hands up to his top and playfully pulled him back down again.
‘’Adam…Adam over to your right man, come on lets get a look at you’’ Breathing out slightly as Adam got out the car and started walking up the carpet and in to the gallery, I let my eyes close before I felt Sutan grab my hand and squeeze it.
‘’You ready honey?’’ He asked as I glanced over at him.
’’I feel nervous…I don’t understand it’’ I told him as he laughed.
‘’You will be fine, you don’t have to stop or anything just walk straight in and forget everyone out there’’ Sutan told me as I rolled my eyes slightly.
‘’Hey you guys coming or what?’’ Jumping slightly, I spun around to see Adam stood leaning in to the car slightly with a grin as he laughed. ‘’sorry I just thought you were right behind me and I realized you weren’t so I decided to come back out and grab my gorgeous boyfriend and friends’’ He teased out as I blushed.
‘’Of course darling…out you get Tommy so I and Cassidy can steal the cameras’’ Sutan laughed before I glanced over myself, the black skinny jeans and boots were a difference for me so was the crisp white shirt.
‘’I look okay right’’ I asked as Adam laughed and moved to look up at Adam again as he reached in and grabbed my hand softly.
‘’You look perfect baby’’ He spoke out before taking a step back, breathing out slightly as I nodded, I threw one more look towards the other two before I stepped out the car.
‘’Adam is this the new man?’’ Someone called out as cameras clicked widely and flashes went off everywhere.
‘’Give us a smile lad’’ Another person spoke as I glanced up at Adam, his hand tightening around mind before we started to walk up to the gallery again.
‘’Are you Adam’s photographers…are you going to speak about the park date?’’ Squeezing Adam’s hand back as we walked, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I quickly pulled it out and looked down at the screen before I pushed it back in to my pocket again and reached up, opening the door, I jammed it with my foot before I leaned up slightly.
‘’Go on in, im going to wait for Sutan and Cassidy’’ I whispered in to his ear as he nodded softly and smiled.
‘’Only if you want, be carefully, they will hound you’’ He whispered back as I chuckled softly and felt my cheeks warm up slightly as he kissed the shell of my ear, a hidden kiss.
‘’What are you doing out here boy’’ Cassidy laughed as they reached me and I shrugged slightly, a slight smile tilting the edge of my lips up.
‘’Told Adam I would wait for you guys’’ I told them as they both rolled their eyes and glanced at each other before back again.
‘’A real gentleman’’ Sutan gasped as he let Cassidy go and suddenly grabbed my arm and planted a kiss to my cheek which got me laughing.
‘’Less of the kisses or the gremlins are going to start talking shit’’ I laughed as I pulled the door open again and let them walk inside before following.
Letting my eyes trail over all the people inside, I swallowed slightly before I felt the two of them start pulling me through until we reached Adam who was stood talking to someone, ‘’Im going to grab a drink’’ I quickly told them both as they frowned but nodded anyway, walking away again, I breathed out before finding the long table with snacks and drinks on.
‘’Excuse me are you Mr. Ratliff?’’ Someone asked and I turned slightly to see a man stood looking at me and I swallowed slightly before nodding.
‘’Yeah…sorry, call me Tommy’’ I told him as I held my hand out to him and he looked down at it, eyes taking in the chipped nail varnish and tattoo’s peeking out from under my sleeve before he smiled and shook my hand.
‘’Im Neil, just wanted to say thank you’’ He spoke and I frowned slightly,
‘’What for?’’ I asked as he laughed before nodding across the room, following his graze to see him staring at Adam, I frowned again.
‘’You are making him look like that’’ He spoke out and I glanced at him before back again to see Adam laughing softly, a glass of wine in his hand as his other arm wrapped around his stomach, elbow resting on that hand. The black shirt looked great on him with the white pants and black boots. His eyes was bright blue again, his dark makeup standing out and hair styled down slightly making him look younger again.
‘’He looks how he always looks’’ I spoke out as I turned back to Neil to see him staring at me.
‘’No, every since he went to the shoot at Cassidy’s a few months ago when you came in cursing away to yourself, he’s looked happier and he hasn’t looked this happy since before the accident.’’ He spoke and I frowned.
‘’Oh there you are, we thought you had gotten lost’’ Turning to see Sutan, I smiled softly, ‘’Neil, leave your brothers boyfriend alone you ass’’ Sutan laughed and I quickly turned back to look at Neil as he laughed softly.
‘’Sorry, I should’ve said, Adam’s my brother’’ Neil told me and I blushed slightly before I nodded.
One drink down and another in my hand, I jumped slightly as I felt a arm slide around my waist and I glanced up to see Adam resting his chin on my shoulder with a smile and eyes closed.
‘’How’d you know it was me?’’ I asked as his lips tugged up in to his million dollar smile, eyes opening and head tilting towards me.
‘’Sutan pointed me in the right direction and you smell amazing’’ He whispered as I blushed softly and moved an arm over his.
‘’Pervert’’ I whispered back which caused him to laugh.
‘’Only for you baby’’ He whispered in to my ear which was followed by a light kiss.
‘’Adam, this way’’ Hearing a voice and feeling Adam turn with me, I looked up to see a women stood there with a camera before it went off and she moved on again,
‘’Sorry baby, they like to photograph these event things’’ He whispered back, hand moving over my side as he felt me tense.
‘’Its okay’’ I whispered before turning back to the photo with a soft sigh.
‘’What photo are you looking at?’’ Adam asked softly as his hand moved down to mine and our fingers linked together.
‘’The one from our very first shoot together, it was just after you took your glasses off’’ I told him before sipping at my drink and looked over at him to see him smiling softly.
‘’I wish I could see your photographs, from what everyone is saying they are beautiful’’ Adam told me and I squeezed his hand softly before leaning my head against his shoulder lightly. ‘’you don’t like these event things do you or your photo being taking?’’ Adam asked and I shrugged slightly as we stood there. ‘’Tommy…’’
‘’Sorry, but no I don’t, I prefer to be behind the camera than in front of it’’ I admitted to him as he chuckled softly.
‘’We can leave if you want, I’ve talked with the people I needed to talk to and shown my face’’ Adam whispered softly as he pressed a kiss to my head.
‘’I can’t ask you to do that because I don’t like being at these things’’ I told him. ‘’I will be able to stick it out for a while longer’’ I whispered as he smiled and nodded.
‘’Okay, but the moment you want out, just say and we can escape’’ He told me as I nodded.
Shifting slightly, I let another yawn out before I rolled over and curled my arms around the pillow as I sighed deeply, the sunlight bright on my face as I groaned and turned in to the softness.
‘’Morning baby’’ Hearing Adam’s voice, I groaned slightly before turning over, the light bright again as I slowly blinked my eyes open.
‘’Fuck, why did we go out drinking after the gallery opening’’ I groaned out as Adam laughed and walked over, the bed dipping slightly beside me as he knelt.
‘’Because it was Sutan’s and Cassidy’s idea…god I hope they get together soon’’ He chuckled as I slowly opened my eyes again and went to reach out to grab my phone to realize that I wasn’t home.
‘’They will once they get their heads out their asses, where am I by the way?’’ I asked as I pushed myself up and sat back against the headboard as Adam smiled and held out some Aspin to me and a glass of water.
‘’I didn’t really drink and neither did Cassidy so he drove and brought you and me back to mine as you fell asleep in the car and couldn’t find your keys, so I carried you up here’’ Adam told me as I blushed and glanced around his room.
The colors were mostly dark purples and grey’s with hints of silver and black around, the walls a rich and sensual red before the bed colors fell to a deep purple which I realized was silk under the touch. Taking the tablets and swallowing some water down, I leaned over and placed it on the unit before I shifted over in the bed and grabbed Adam’s hand and tugged him down beside me.
‘’I love the look you have going on in here’’ I told him as I turned and curled in to his side, his arms moving around me as I sighed softly.
‘’I decorated it just before the accident’’ He told me as I nodded.
‘’It’s beautiful’’ I whispered as he squeezed me softly.
‘’Thank you baby, that means a lot to hear that’’ There was a smile in Adam’s voice as he spoke and I couldn’t help but look up at him with my own smile. ‘’you’re staring at me again’’ He grinned as I laughed softly and leaned up, my lips brushing over his before I pulled away again and groaned.
‘’I feel horrid’’ I mumbled as he laughed.
‘’Why don’t you go use my shower to freshen up’’ Adam asked as I nodded slightly,
‘’That sounds good, also going to call a cab so I can go home and change in to some clean clothes’’ I told him as he nodded and threaded his fingers through my hair.
‘’Okay, im going to put some coffee on for you’’ Adam spoke again before kissing the top of my head and climbed of the bed again, watching as he walked out the room perfectly, I leaned back slightly and smiled to myself before I pushed the covers back and climbed out.
‘’So you have everything yeah?’’ Adam asked as I paused just outside his door and grinned.
‘’Of course I do…well I do have everything apart from one thing, but you wont come home with me’’ I teased as I moved my hands up on to his waist and he laughed.
‘’Im sorry Tommy, if I didn’t have these meetings with the contracts and everything else, I would’’ He told me as I nodded softly.
‘’I know’’ I sighed softly.
‘’Tell you what, how about I walk you downstairs and wait for the cab with you?’’ Adam asked and I grinned softly.
‘’That sounds perfect’’ I told him as he grinned and headed back inside slightly and grabbed a jacket and slipped his feet in to some shoes and pulled the door closed behind him.
Heading downstairs hand in hand, I paused in the lobby as I noticed photographers stood outside and swallowed slightly.
‘’Is everything okay Tommy?’’ He asked as I breathed out again.
‘’Umm, yeah…sorry I didn’t really expect there to be papz outside’’ I told him as he squeezed my hand softly.
‘’You really do hate your photo being taken don’t you’’ Adam spoke out as he moved and blocked my view.
‘’Yeah I do’’ I laughed before I rubbed the back of my neck,
‘’Stay here’’ He told me before he let my hand go and turned slightly and walked towards the front desk and said something to the guy there before he headed out from the desk and out through the doors as Adam walked back over to me.
‘’What was that all about?’’ I asked as he laughed slightly,
‘’Just asked Lance if he would wait outside for the cab and then come in and tell us then that way you can walk straight out and get in the car, less photos that way’’ Adam told me as I smiled softly.
‘’Thank you’’ I told him, leaning up; I wrapped my arms around his neck softly as his wrapped around my waist and held me closer to his body. ‘’don’t want to leave’’ I mumbled as he smiled.
‘’You don’t have to Tommy, you can stay’’ He told me as I slowly shook my head.
‘’No I can’t, I really need to change my clothes, I still look like im heading to the gallery opening’’ I laughed before I pressed my lips against his softly.
Hearing a camera click and a few flashes, I groaned and pulled away from Adam before hiding in his chest as he chuckled softly.
‘’Im so sorry baby, I should’ve warned you that they tend to follow me about everywhere I go’’ He sighed as I nodded.
‘’Umm, Mr. Lambert the cab is waiting outside’’ Someone spoke out and we both turned to see the guy from the counter stood there.
‘’Thank you Lance’’ Adam spoke out before he squeezed my hand again and turned back. ‘’are you ready?’’ He asked as I sighed,
‘’Not really but I have to leave sometime, don’t worry about walking out with me, you go and relax more’’ I told him as he frowned,
‘’Are you sure Tommy…because I can always…’’
‘’It’s fine Adam, really’’ I cut him off before I leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips again. ‘’I’ll give Sutan a call later to find out if you’re finished up and maybe we can go out for dinner or for a quiet drink’’ I told him as he smiled.
‘’It sounds good baby’’ Adam told me as he hugged me tightly to his body again before kissing the side of my head. ‘’I’ll talk to you later’’ He whispered as he let go and I nodded softly.
Watching as Adam headed back upstairs, I smiled to myself before I pulled my phone out and checked it as I headed outside.
‘’This way mate, come on smile’’ Someone called out as a few flashes went off, ignoring their voices and cameras, I pushed my phone back in to my pocket again and climbed in to the cab, the door closing quickly behind me as I told the driver my address and sat back as he started to drive.
‘’Tommy, I know you are home and I know you aren’t ill, now stop hiding yourself away and get your ass up and out of bed for once, I will be around in twenty-five minutes’’ Hearing mom’s voice, I groaned slightly and quickly darted through to the kitchen and grabbed the phone,
‘’Hey mom, you just caught me at a bad time’’ I told her.
‘’Tommy’’ She warned and I chuckled softly.
‘’No really mom, I was just about to go out and get a few new films for my camera’’ I told her as she sighed.
‘’Okay, but everything is okay isn’t it honey, I know you have been in the spot light for a while because of dating Adam which by the way I was surprised to read about in a magazine and not by you’’ She spoke out and I grinned softly as I leant against the counter,
‘’Im sorry mom, it just happened so suddenly and we didn’t expect a photographer to be following him or find us at the park’’ I told her as she laughed softly. ‘’but everything is great thank you for asking’’ I told her.
‘’its okay Tommy, but I would like to see you soon for dinner’’ She spoke out as I nodded to myself.
‘’Alright mom and I promise I will come and see you next week, I have some free time of work and Adam’s busy with a few other company’s so im not needed’’ I told her.
‘’Good, I should let you go then if your off out, talk to me soon Tommy, I love you’’
‘’I promise and I love you too mom.’’
Hanging up, I let a deep breath out and ran my fingers through my hair before I placed the phone back on to the stand and headed back in to the lounge before over to the patio doors and pushed them open, the hot afternoon air wrapping around me quickly as I turned and picked my beer up from the coffee table and stepped out. Walking over to the patio table and chairs, I lowered myself down before sitting my feet up on top and stared out over the view with a soft breath as I sipped sat my drink.
I was tired of being photographed all the time and it had me starting to hate my own camera, slouching in the chair a little more, I let my eyes closed as I breathed out, I knew that I wasn’t going out much anymore, just leaving mainly when I had to work or if I really needed to do any shopping.
‘’Tommy, are you home?’’ Hearing Adam’s voice call out, I jumped slightly and turned in the seat,
‘’Out on the patio’’ I called back before there was movement from inside and the sound of bags being put on the kitchen counter as I turned back and sipped at my beer again.
‘’You’re drinking again’’ Adam spoke and I looked up at him with a frown.
‘’How’d you know’’ I asked as he sighed and walked over, hand moving up to lightly touch against my jaw before he moved it down to my shoulder and followed it along my arm until he reached the bottle and took it from my hold.
‘’You were missing a bottle or two from the fridge, I put some juice in to stay cold’’ He sighed, ‘’are you feeling okay, I know you haven’t gone out much anymore’’ He asked as he felt out a chair and sat down slowly.
‘’Im fine, maybe a little tired of my photo being taking all the time when im out, even if im not with you’’ I sighed as his face pulled in to a small frown. ‘’smile Adam, please’’ I whispered as his fingers linked through mine softly.
‘’We could always do a public break up but not actually break up but do it just to stop them following you’’ Adam spoke out and I sat up fully, my hands pulling away from his hold as I stared at him.
‘’Why would you even think that Adam, don’t you actually want to be with me?’’ I asked as I picked the beer bottle back up again and stood, walking in to the lounge, I breathed out slightly and finished my drink off before placing the bottle on the table.
‘’Tommy, I didn’t mean it like that baby, im trying to get them to stop following you, stop taking your photo like they do, I want to be with you, I love you and im not going to throw that away, im looking out for you, your fed up, miserable at best’’ Adam spoke out, voice a little higher as he walked in.
‘’So you think the best way of doing that is to fake a fucking break up in some public place and make the whole world think we aren’t together anymore and then go, oh sorry friends and family but we are really Tommy-Joe just can’t deal with his fucking picture being taken twenty-four seven’’ I yelled out slightly, ‘’its stupid Adam, I can’t believe you would even think of that shit’’
Heading in to the kitchen, I dropped the empty bottle in to the bin before heading upstairs and in to my bedroom where I pulled my shirt up and over my head as Adam’s footsteps echoed on the stairs.
‘’Okay it was a stupid idea to think of Tommy but im sorry, I just don’t know what else I can do to make it better for you, I can’t just go and quit my job because you don’t like the paparazzi outside all the time’’ Adam gushed out, voice higher again as I turned to glare at him in the doorway.
‘’Im not asking you to stop modeling Adam, stop twisting my words’’
‘’Im not doing anything like that,’’ He yelled back as I groaned and fisted my hands through my hair slightly as I turned my back to him.
‘’What are you doing here anyway?’’ I muttered out, ‘’just trying to pick a fight with the weakling because no one else is stupid enough to fucking fight back with you’’ I muttered out mainly to myself before I felt Adam’s hand catch my wrist and turn me around as his lips crashed against mine, our bodies stumbling back slightly until I felt my bare back hit the wall. Arching away from the coldness slightly, I let my arms fold around Adam’s neck, fingers gripping his hair tightly as he pinned me back again and let a low groan out. ‘’I came…over…’’ Adam started to say between kisses, ‘’because…I wanted…to be…with my boyfriend’’ He growled out slightly as his teeth caught my lower lip and tugged on it slightly before he pulled away and pressed his lips to my neck.
‘’I not fucking giving you make up sex because we’re fighting’’ I groaned out slightly as he sucked up a mark on to my skin and hips pressed against mine. Pushing against him weakly before he moved, I let a deep breath out and pushed him backwards on to the bed before I moved and straddled his waist, my hands pinning his arms above his head as he breathed out just as hard.
‘’Why are you being so stubborn for Tommy? Im trying to help you out with the paparazzi here and you’re just being a jerk about it’’ Adam growled out before he flipped his wrists around in my hold and quickly changed it so he was pinning my body down.
‘’Because I fucking can deal with it on my own’’ I spat back as he laughed.
‘’Yeah by hiding away at home and drinking beer all the time, that’s really dealing with it Tommy’’ Adam yelled back as I struggled and hissed slightly.
‘’Just let me go Adam before I hurt you’’ I growled out,
‘’You wouldn’t hurt me Tommy’’ Adam tried to say calmer which wasn’t working, his blue eyes staring down at me as I glared,
‘’Fucking try me you asshole’’ I bit back as I struggled in his hold again before he pushed back and sat up slightly, his knees still either side of my hips as I pushed myself up on my elbows.
‘’This is stupid Tommy, we are fighting over nothing’’ Adam breathed out before he moved of me fully and I sat up and rubbed at my wrists slightly.
‘’You’re the one who brought up the stupid public break up not me, so this is your fault Adam’’ I muttered out to him as I stood and started to pull my jeans off to change in to my shorts.
‘’Okay im sorry for even thinking it baby, do you want me to leave?’’ He asked and I sighed deeply and turned as I stepped in to my shorts and pulled them up on to my hips softly.
‘’No I don’t’’ I sighed as I walked over and softly moved my fingers through his hair as his hands came up to rest on my sides. ‘’im sorry for yelling at you…and cursing…and threatening to hurt you’’ I mumbled as a soft smile graced his hips and he pulled me closer.
‘’Sorry for kind of attacking you’’ Adam laughed out as I grinned. ‘’but you sound kind of hot when you’re angry’’
‘’It was kind of hot actually, I think you hit a few kinks I didn’t know I had’’ I laughed out as he smiled again and pressed a kiss to my bare chest.
‘’But we are okay now aren’t we? Because I don’t want to lose you Tommy, ever’’ Adam whispered, a sense of vulnerability in his voice which made me swallow slightly and press a soft kiss to the top of his head as he hugged me tightly.
‘’You’re not going to ever lose me Adam, I love you too, im sorry for being stubborn and for being a jerk about things, im just not used to being in front of the camera and I’ve never dated anyone like you before and you scare me sometimes because…because you’re this perfect person, loved by millions and yet im a nobody which you want to be with, just a skinny assed nobody’’ I whispered to him as he sighed and tilted his head up towards me.
‘’You’re perfect in my eyes Tommy’’ Adam whispered with a smile and I laughed softly before I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his mouth.
‘’Then you’re lucky that you can’t see’’ I told him, letting a loud laugh out as he swung me around on to the bed and covered half of my body with his, I grinned up as he laughed softly.
‘’I don’t care, you’re still perfect to me’’ He whispered.
Chapter 9: Time and time, I’ve wrestled my thoughts, uncertain if the end was right or wrong
‘’If you could have surgery to fix your eyes, would you take have it?’’
‘’Tommy stop, there isn’t a surgery which could save the damage which the chemicals caused’’
‘’You lied to me Adam, you sat that all that time ago and lied straight to me face’’ I yelled towards him as he sat on my couch, hands holding the magazine I had thrown at him in angry when he had first turned up. ‘’How could you do that to me, I thought we didn’t keep secrets from each other?’’ I asked as he placed the magazine down beside him.
‘’No Adam, I don’t want some sorry excuse why I found out that my boyfriend can get his sight back from a fucking magazine when you told me there was nothing which could be done’’ I yelled out, cutting his sentence off as he sighed.
‘’Im sorry okay’’ Adam tells me and I couldn’t help but laugh bitterly,
‘’you’re sorry…how many months ago did we talk about it?’’ I asked, ‘’and you lied to me Adam, right to my face, you sat there and lied to me’’
‘’I don’t know what to tell you Tommy, honestly I don’t and im sorry I lied to you okay’’ Adam told me as he stood and felt his way around the table and moved towards me which had me stepping back as I shook my head.
‘’Just…it hurts you know Adam, knowing you lied to make makes me wonder what else has been a lie, am I just the pretty boy on your side to make you look pretty or what, because you certainly haven’t told them who I am have you’’ I yelled out as I brushed past him and grabbed my jacket and shrugged it on,
‘’Tommy don’t walk out like this’’ Adam told me and I shook my head to myself,
‘’I just can’t be here around you right now’’ I told him as I grabbed my keys and stormed out the house and walked around until I got to my drive way and climbed in to the car and started it up, there was one person who I could talk to and I knew she would understand, pulling out the drive, I turned down the road and started driving further away from home and Adam.
‘’Oh sweetheart, what’s happened?’’ Mom asked as she answered the door, her hands holding her dressing gown as I wiped my eyes slightly from angry tears and stepped inside as she moved back, heading towards the kitchen, I sat down at the table and ran my fingers through my hair as she came in and started to make some tea.
‘’We fought again’’ I whispered out once she was sat and a cup in both of our hands,
‘’Tommy, you know Adam means well with things he does and im sure he has a reason for not telling the press who you are to him’’ Mom told me and I shook my head slightly,
‘’It wasn’t about that tonight, although I did bring it up when I yelled at him’’ I sighed as I lifted my eyes to look towards her, ‘’I found out from a magazine that he can get a surgery done to repair the damage done to his eyes, if he got it, he would be able to see again like before the accident’’ I told her before dropping my eyes back down to my hands again.
‘’so why did you fight, I thought that would be a good thing’’ Mom asked and I shrugged slightly,
‘’I know but months ago when we were curled up in bed, I asked him whether if there was a surgery which could help and he told me that there wasn’t anything which could save the damage done to his eyes from the accident’’ I told her and I heard her sigh before I looked back up, ‘’he lied to me mom after we promised not to keep secrets from each other, he went and lied to my face’’
‘’Tommy, maybe there is a reason why he lied to you, did you let him talk his side?’’ She asked and I bit my lip slightly before glancing down again. ‘’I take your silence as a no then, darling you know how you have to control that quick temper of yours’’
‘’I know, I know, but it hurt me mom, Adam lied to me and then I had to find out that he could get his eyesight back from a gossip magazine’’ I told her, ‘’we fought and I stormed out the house upset and angry and came here. I don’t know what to do mom really, I love him to death and back and I would hate to lose him but…im at my wits ends with what to do’’
‘’Maybe you should both just sit down and talk it out without shouting at each other honey, tell him how everything makes you feel and then get him to tell you the same, I know im not much help and that you used to go to your father about problems, but im always here Tommy, you know that baby and im glad you came here and not anywhere else’’ Mom told me and I smiled softly at her as I nodded.
‘’I miss him you know,’’ I admitted to her and I watched as she smiled and nodded,
‘’I know you do sweetheart, we all do’’ Mom told me as I nodded and brought my drink to my lips, placing it down again I ran my hand through my hair and leaned against the table again.
‘’Do you mind if I stayed here tonight?’’ I asked her softly before glancing up to see her sigh before nodding,
‘’Only if you think it would be a good idea’’ She told her as I nodded,
‘’I know if I went back home and Adam is still there that we will end up fighting again’’ I told her honestly as she smiled and stood, smiling as she pressed a kiss to the top of my head, I sighed and turned in to her embrace, my arms wrapping around her waist as her fingers stroked through my hair.
‘’Go get some sleep Tommy, you will need your energy for when you see that lovely boyfriend of yours again, you need to make amends’’ She told me as I pulled away and nodded.
‘’Night mom’’ I told her as I stood and pressed a kiss to her cheek, turning, I kicked my shoes off near the front door before I turned and headed up to my old bedroom.
Waking up to a cold hard wall in front of me as I opened my eyes, I sighed deeply before stretching out and turned over to glance around the room, I could hear movement from downstairs and I knew mom was up, pushing the covers away from me, I stood and quickly dressed again and gathered my things together before I headed back downstairs and slipped my shoes on.
‘’Tommy honey is that you?’’ She called out from the kitchen, walking through I rested against the doorframe as she turned and smiled.
‘’Im going to get going, you were right last night, I should talk to Adam and try to settle things out’’ I told her as mom nodded.
‘’That’s great baby, im glad you have decided to talk things out, but are you sure that you don’t want breakfast?’’ Laughing softly I walked over and hugged her before pulling away again, car keys in my hand as I shook my head.
‘’No, im good, I will get going, thanks for letting me stay and I will call you soon’’ I told her as I backed away slightly.
‘’You better Thomas Josepha, if not you will be in trouble’’ Mom told me as I laughed and ran my hands through my hair again to ruff it up slightly at the back.
‘’I promise, but im going to get going now’’ I told her as she smiled and went back to cooking as I turned and headed back through the house until I left the house and climbed back in to my car.
‘’Adam are you here?’’ Calling out as I stepped inside, I worried my bottom lip between my teeth slightly as I pushed the door closed and dropped my keys down along with my jacket and shoes as I headed through the kitchen and moved towards the lounge. ‘’im sorry okay…I…I didn’t mean to say the things I did last night’’ I called out again before I frowned, the house was quiet and I knew that Adam was staying at mine last night because Sutan was busy to pick him up again. ‘’Adam’’ I called out as I glanced around the empty lounge before I headed upstairs and in to the bedroom, seeing that the bed had been slept in, I looked around for any signs telling me that Adam was still here before I saw the not pinned on the cork board. Walking over, I pulled it off and quickly read it and sighed when I realized that Adam had left already and that he wasn’t sure when he would be in touch as he was busy with the company meetings. ‘’just great, way to go you jackass’’ I muttered to myself as I dropped the note down and walked back over to my bed where I flopped down with a heavy sigh. ‘’always fucking things up Tommy Joe, im surprised you still even have a job’’ I scolded myself before laughter escaped from near the door and I sat up quickly to see Cassidy stood there watching me.
‘’You’re cute when you talk to yourself honey, and I wouldn’t fire you, your too good at what you do’’ He told me as he walked in and I fell back on the bed, my arm draping over my face.
‘’What are you doing here Cass and how did you get in?’’ I asked.
‘’I’ve come to talk to you about Adam and he gave me his key’’ Cassidy told me as I felt the bed dip and then his hand around my waist as he pulled it away.
‘’I know okay, I was a jackass last night and walking out was stupid, I get that, you don’t need to talk to me about the stupid fight okay, I was upset and I will tell Adam that when I see or talk to him next’’ I told him as I sat up and ran my hand through my hair.
‘’Im not going to talk about last night’s fight between you and Adam’’ Cassidy told me, ‘’but I am here to talk about the surgery and why he never told you’’ Looking up at his serious face, I breathed out slightly before nodding.
‘’Okay then’’ I told him.
‘’Adam called me last night after you stormed out and he figured out that you weren’t going to be coming home any time soon, I came around and he told me what happened and showed me the magazine, I didn’t know that he could have surgery either so it wasn’t just you who he hid it from Tommy.’’ Cassidy told me and I looked away slightly and down at my hands as he carried on. ‘’before the accident, Adam was always out going and in to everything, everyone loved him and then when it happened and he lost his sight, Adam was told that there might have been a chance that his vision would not return’’ Cassidy told me as I nodded.
‘’I still don’t know why he didn’t tell me…us’’ I whispered as Cassidy’s hand slipped in to mine and squeezed it softly.
‘’He’s scared Tommy, he admitted it to me last night, at one of his checkups after the company had agreed to keep Adam on, the doctors told him that he could have surgery done but he asked if he could think about it because it was all sudden and that he didn’t know how to handle the news.’’
Turning as Cassidy stood and walked towards the window, I watched him for a while before he turned back and sat back against it. ‘’He was scared to tell anyone because in his mind he was worried that if he could see again, that people would treat him differently again to how they do now’’
‘’that’s just stupid, no one would treat him differently’’ I tried to say before frowning as Cassidy sighed and shook his head softly.
‘’Im afraid not honey, when the accident happened, everyone stepped around Adam carefully, making sure to stay away from him if they were carrying anything and when he became blind, everyone told him that he should just give the modeling up because who would want photos of a blind model, they crushed his confidence honey and if it wasn’t for myself and Sutan, Adam would be hiding himself away somewhere’’ He told me and I bit my lip slightly as I turned away again.
‘’He should’ve just told me Cassidy, Adam knows that I love him and that I would judge him, it just hurt so much finding out about it because of a magazine and not from himself.’’ I admitted back to Cass as he walked over and pulled me to my feet before in to a hug again.
‘’Just talk to him Tommy, explain how you felt’’ he whispered in to my ear.
‘’That’s what mom said last night’’ I chuckled softly as I pulled away and he rose an eyebrow at me.
‘’You stayed at your mother’s house last night? Well at least we know you were safe and not sleeping in your car somewhere’’ He told me.
‘’Baby, where are you?’’ Hearing Adam’s voice, I couldn’t help but grin as I pulled his bed covers back and turned towards the door as he walked through.
‘’How was the week of meetings?’’ I asked as he sighed and raised his hands slightly before dropping them again as he walked towards the bed and let himself fall down on to it, laughing softly, I knelt down beside him and ran my fingers through his hair, ‘’that bad was it?’’ I asked as he turned his head to look towards me.
‘’Yeah, they are trying to get me in to some other types of photo shoots but I wont agree to them because frankly I don’t want to be photographed in underwear or swim stuff even if it is my beautiful boyfriend doing it.’’ He sighed as I grinned and leaned down, brushing my lips over his, I went to move away again before I felt Adam’s arms wrap around me and pull me down against his chest. Kissing back just as deeply, I pulled away softly and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose before climbing out his hold and off the bed.
‘’Come on you, there’s a hot bath with your name on it waiting for you’’ I told Adam as I grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet, keeping ahold of his hand, I started to softly lead him through the room and across the hallway to where his bathroom was before pushing the door open and stepped inside.
‘’You’re too wonderful for me Tommy’’ Adam chuckled out as I stopped in the middle of the room and turned to face him.
‘’Well what would you do without me huh?’’ I asked with a laugh as he shrugged, lifting my hands up I started to help him get undressed before he pushed his hands away with a grin.
‘’Want to join me?’’ Adam asked as I laughed and shook my head.
‘’Cant, going to cook dinner while your soaking’’ I told him as he pulled a sad face before grinning.
‘’Okay baby, maybe I will be able to get my hands on you later’’ Adam winked out at me as I laughed and playfully slapped his chest as I moved away and grabbed some of his lotion I knew he liked using before putting it on the edge of the bath. Once undressed, I grabbed Adam’s hand and helped him in before I glanced up to see his face blank slightly and I frowned.
‘’Are you okay?’’ I asked, his head turning quickly towards me before he smiled and nodded.
‘’Just fine Tommy’’ He told me.
‘’Alright, your favorite lotion is on the left and shampoo on the right side of the bath, just yell if you need anything or when you want to get out’’ I told him before pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
Finishing dinner up, I frowned as I heard footsteps on the stairs before Adam walked in to the kitchen and started to walk towards me.
‘’Smells wonderful baby’’ Adam spoke out with a smile,
‘’Good, its ready now, but I thought I told you to give me a shout when you were finished’’ I told him as he shrugged, rolling my eyes slightly, I grabbed his hand gently before leading him over to the table where I pulled the chair out and pushed him down carefully.
‘’Im fine Tommy, I’ve done it before you know’’ He told me and I frowned as I sighed,
‘’I know but you could’ve slipped or something, or took a wrong step and walked in to something or fallen down the stairs, I just don’t want you getting hurt Adam’’ I told him before I watched his face fall slightly.
‘’Im blind Tommy, not five, I know how to look after myself, I’ve done it long before you every showed up’’ He told me, voice heavy slightly as I breathed out and rubbed my forehead slightly.
‘’I just don’t want anything happening to you’’ I tried saying again softly,
‘’I know Tommy but you are treating me like a child, you have been for a while now since I got Cassidy to talk to you, I may be blind, but this is my house Tommy and I know where everything is, I know how to get in and out of a bath on my own and I know how to sit down at the table’’ He raised his voice slightly as I looked down and tried to bite back my words.
‘’Im sorry’’ I whispered as his chair squeaked across the floor as he stood.
‘’Well I hope you are because I can’t stand being mother hened just because im one sense down Tommy, maybe you should try living my life for once, see how I had to re learn to do everything then maybe you can find out what its like to be me.’’ Adam fought out before he turned and headed out the kitchen,
‘’and where are you going?’’ I yelled out as I walked towards the kitchen door,
‘’Anywhere where you aren’t there’’ He muttered back,
‘’Adam please stop, lets just talk about this’’ I tried saying as he laughed,
‘’Yeah sure Tommy, it will just turn in to a bigger fight than it is now, so just leave it’’ He told me before heading upstairs, turning, I walked over towards the table. Breathing out I lowered myself in to one of the other chairs as I heard a few bangs, flinching as the front door slammed, I let my eyes close as I rubbed at them to stop the tears, I hadn’t meant the evening to turn in to a fight, I had thought I was helping him out with things, I just hadn’t realized how bad it had been.
Putting dinner in to the fridge to save, I headed back upstairs and showered myself before dressing in some of Adam’s spare sweat pants and one of my long sleeved tops before I crawled in to his bed and turned the TV on to a random film.
Slowly, hour by hour crept by and I felt myself starting to get worried more and more the longer Adam stayed away from home, picking my phone up, I unlocked it and quickly dialed his number before moving it to my ear as it rang and rang before going to voicemail.
By the time 1am turned up, I felt some of the worry fade in to angry at Adam for not coming home before it faded away itself as I realized how often I had walked out on a fight and didn’t come home for the night, placing the phone back again, I turned the TV off before rolling over on to Adam’s side of the bed and hugged his pillow closer to me, the faint smell of his aftershave still clear on it as I sighed deeply and let sleep slowly creep through my mind until I fell asleep deeply.
Chapter 10: I know it gets hard sometimes, but I could never leave your side, no matter what I say.
Sitting in Adam’s lounge for half the day, I felt my leg start bouncing a little again as my eyes moved back to the clock to see it slowly ticking around to 2pm as I turned back and picked my phone back up again.
‘’Come on Adam, please just pick up’’ I breathed out as I dialed his number and held it against my ear as it rang, hearing it go to his voicemail again, I swallowed and dropped it back on to the coffee table again as I leaned on my knees, I was starting to get worried again since Adam hadn’t come back yet and hadn’t gotten in to contact with me.
Standing up, I headed through to his kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cupboard before filling it with water, I sipped at it slowly before I headed back through and grabbed my phone again, thumb scrolling through contacts until I came across the one I wanted and pressed call.
‘’Cass, is Adam with you?’’ I asked out as he answered,
‘’No he isn’t, but he did call me last night before he ended it and turned his phone off when I tried to call back, is everything alright?’’He asked as I sighed and sat back down on the couch again.
‘’No…we fought again’’ I groaned out, ‘’its my fault, I was mother henning Adam too much, I didn’t man too, I just wanted to help him out and he got pissed off because of it and stormed out the house about dinner time the night before last before last night and he still hasn’t come back and he isn’t answering his phone’’ I sighed, ‘’I will give Sutan a try in a bit’’
‘’Adam isn’t with Sutan either honey, he’s here working with me today’’ Cassidy said and I breathed out slightly before closing my eyes tightly.
‘’Where the hell could he be Cass, im worried about him’’ I asked as I felt my stomach start to turn, the feeling of sickness appearing in my throat as my mind went through different things which could’ve happened to Adam.
‘’Im sure he is okay Tommy, give him some time to cool off and he will be home before you know it’’ Cassidy told me, ‘’but I have to now, got a client with me in the studio’’
‘’Sorry, you should’ve told me sooner’’ I told him as he laughed,
‘’Is fine Tommy, like I said, give him time and he will come home okay’’
‘’You’re welcome gorgeous’’
Hanging up, I tapped my phone against my jaw slightly before I stood and pushed it in to my jeans an left the glass on the coffee table as I grabbed my car keys and headed out, locking everything up and climbing in to the car, I thought about what Cassidy had said and I let a small breath out before I pulled out of Adam’s drive way and started to head home so I could get some clean clothes and something to eat.
Showered and dressed in clean clothes, I quickly cooked up some pizza which was in the freezer still before I headed in to the lounge and sat down as I turned the TV on, staring at it slowly as I ate, I couldn’t help but think back to everything I had done to Adam before he had walked out and I realized of how bad it had gotten and how Cassidy had said that was what he was afraid of people doing. Cursing myself, I pushed the half eaten pizza on to the table and sat back again, a hand running through my hair before I noticed my laptop sat on the unit beside me.
‘’Im given him time to cool off…just want to read things about my boyfriend’’ I told myself as I pulled it on to my lap and booted it up.
Internet pages loaded up, I started to scan through different articles and photos of Adam from the time I had first started to be his photographer before slowly working back further, hovering the mouse over one image, I noticed some of the article attached and I clicked on it to bring it up more and started to read through before I frowned, ‘’you fuckers, that isn’t true’’ I muttered out when I read that they thought Adam might have been drunk still from the night before where he had been photographed in a few different clubs.
After searching for a few hours and saving a few photos, I finally closed the laptop down again and pushed it away, my eyes returning to the TV before I glanced down and picked my phone up again as I tried Adam’s number. ‘’Adam please just pick up, im sorry that I was an ass to you and did what I did, I wasn’t thinking and…fuck…Adam just come home please, I miss you and Im worried about you okay, just get in touch with someone, I love you’’ I spoke to his answer phone before ending the call again with a sigh, it was getting closer to 6pm now and I had no idea what to do.
A few hours of TV and a beer, I found myself sat on the floor again, my laptop opened up on a blog page about Adam while I stared at the TV again as M*A*S*H played back to back, glancing at the screen every so often to see if anything new had been added, pushing to my feet, I headed out in to the kitchen and moved to the fridge where I pulled it open and looked through before I grabbed another beer and headed back to the lounge, settling back down on the floor again, I turned slightly and grabbed the plaid shirt which was laid over the arm of the couch, the shirt belonging to Adam, pushing my arms through the sleeves, I held it closer to me and breathed Adam’s scent in deeply as the worry filled the back of my mind again as I turned back to the TV.
Curling my fingers around the neck of the bottle of the bottle, I let my eyes glance towards the laptop screen again, pausing slightly to glance over a new post and away again before I choked and turned back quickly, my bottle being put on to the table as I pulled my laptop on my lap and started to read through it.
‘’No…no…no’’ I whispered out as I read through the post, ‘’he can’t be’’ I breathed out as I felt tears started to fill my eyes, reaching across, I grabbed my phone and dialed the first number I came across which happened to be Sutan’s as it rang, I chewed on my thumb until his tired voice came through. ‘’Adam...’’ I breathed out,
‘’Tommy honey, its gone 11pm’’ He yawned out,
‘’What has happened to Adam Sutan…I need to know’’ I whispered out as I felt the tears fill my eyes more again as I heard shuffling on the other end before a door opened and closed again.
‘’What do you mean sweetheart, Adam’s fine’’ Sutan told me,
‘’Then why have I just read that he was sighted going in to a private hospital today Sutan’’ I cried out as I felt tears slowly fall from my eyes as I pulled my knees closer as I breathed out, ‘’please Sutan, what’s happened, I wont forgive myself if he got hurt, I love him too much’’ I managed to sob out as I wiped at my eyes harshly.
‘’Shh honey, give me half an hour and ill come over and explain everything’’ Sutan told me,
‘’Okay’’ I breathed out slightly before the phone call ended.
Climbing up on to the couch again, I curled my legs under me and pulled my laptop closer again as I started to read through the comments which had been added to the post within the last few minutes of it being posted, feeling my heart break with a few of them, I wiped at my eyes again before pulling Adam’s shirt closer around me as I closed the internet pages down and started to look through the photos I had taken of Adam on the laptop seeming it was the one I often used for work.
‘’Oh honey’’ Jumping slightly as I wiped at my eyes again, I looked up through the darkness to see Sutan walking over before he sat down beside me and pulled my laptop away, watching as he closed the windows and pushed it on to the table, I breathed out slightly and curled my arms around my knees before he pulled me in to him and I felt myself break down again as his fingers move through my hair softly. ‘’I shouldn’t of treated him like I did’’ I whispered out
‘’Tommy listen to me baby’’ Sutan spoke out as he pushed me up softly and brushed his thumb under my eyes to clear the tears, ‘’Adam is fine, nothing bad has happened to him okay’’ he told me and I shook my head slightly before looking towards my laptop.
‘’the blog post…the hospital’’ I spoke out as he smiled softly.
‘’Yes Adam went to that private hospital but not because he was hurt Tommy, he went because he wanted to get the surgery done’’ Sutan told me as my chest tightened and I stared at him.
‘’God please don’t say he done it because of the way I was acting, I didn’t mean to upset him, and I honestly didn’t-‘’ I started to say before Sutan cut me off.
‘’Tommy, he wanted it done honey’’
‘’I’ve been so worried about him’’ I whispered as Sutan smiled sadly and ran his fingers through my hair again.
‘’Go get dressed and I’ll take you to see him’’ He told me as I nodded and cleared my eyes again.
Dressed in jeans and a white top under Adam’s plaid shirt again, I stared out the windows at the flashing city, thumb caught between my teeth again as I went over all the fights me and Adam had had in the past few weeks, I hated fighting with him and I knew that I never helped them when I ended up storming out the house all the time.
‘’Tommy’’ Blinking slightly as I felt a hand on my shoulder, I shook the thoughts away as I turned to look at Sutan before I realized the car was parked up and I nodded slightly.
‘’Sorry, I was just thinking about things’’ I told him as he smiled and nodded,
‘’Come on,’’ Getting out the car, I followed him through the parking lot and in to the building which from the outside looked more like a grand hotel than a hospital, but I knew it was private and well protected with anyone who went there.
Reaching his room, I noticed the blinds shut on the windows and doors before Sutan moved his hands to my shoulders to make me look at him softly, ‘’No more fighting with each other okay’’ He told me and I nodded softly a with a small smile.
‘’I’ll try not too’’ I told him as he laughed softly and pushed me towards the door.
Pushing it open quietly, I peered through to see a small lamp on near the bed and Adam curled up on top of it, patches over his eyes as he curled his arms around the pillow which was against his chest, wiping at my eyes again, I walked further in and sat down in the chair just staring at him before I looked up as Sutan walked in and moved around to the other side where he dropped down in to another chair and picked a book up, ‘’You’ve been here all the time haven’t you’’ I whispered out before he looked up and smiled slightly.
‘’Adam needed someone to talk to and he came to me with what he wanted to do and I offered to bring him here and stay with him’’ Sutan whispered back as I nodded.
Sitting back in the chair again, I let a soft breath out, the heavy feeling in my chest lifting slightly now I knew that Adam was alive and okay, I felt foolish for thinking about all the different things which could’ve happened to Adam instead of thinking about logical things, pulling his shirt around me more as I lifted my feet up on to the chair, I rested back and just watched Adam sleep softly, his black hair teased slightly with sleep, sticking up in random places as if he had shifted about a lot while being here before he finally settled again in the way he was now.
Glancing over towards Sutan a while longer, I noticed that he had fallen asleep and I smiled softly before I stood and quietly walked over to him and put his book back down again before I picked the blanket up which was over the arm and covered him, turning away, I froze slightly as Adam stirred but to only move his arms around the pillow tighter as a small sound left his lips, smiling to myself as I walked around again, I moved the covers up over him slowly before I moved back to the chair and sat down.
Biting at my lip slightly, I couldn’t help but start to think about the way I looked and what Adam would think of me once he woke up and he could see, I was afraid that he wouldn’t like me and would want to break up or something stupid like that. Rubbing my hand over my face slightly, I looked around the hospital room to realize that it looked quite homey and less like a hospital again, photos of different places around California on the walls and soft colored curtains before I turned back and looked at Adam, breathing out deeply, I pushed myself to my feet and headed out of the room in search of any place within the hospital where I could get a coffee.
Finding a small room which doubled as a family area, I walked across and picked a cup up before moving around to the small coffee pot, pressing the back of my fingers against the glass and quickly took it away again when I felt how hot it was.
Sitting down on the couch, I held the cup between my hands as the silence of the room clamed me slightly, deep down inside I was still scared of what Adam was going to think off me after spending all the time we had together, thinking about the small date we had in the park, I couldn’t help but smile softly as I remembered the way we first kissed, it still annoyed me that our private time had been spoiled by the paparazzi taking the photos when we didn’t know.
I wasn’t sure how long I had been in there for or how many cups of coffee I had gone through and made before I stood again and wondered out in to the hallway before I looked up to see Sutan walking towards me.
‘’Oh I wondered where you had gone, woke up a few times during the night and you weren’t there’’ Sutan spoke and I frowned slightly.
‘’What time is it?’’ I asked as I ran my hand through my hair before rubbing my eyes slightly,
‘’Just a little past 9 in the morning, honey have you slept at all last night?’’ He asked and I shook my head slightly, ‘’when did you sleep last?’’ He asked and I shrugged a little.
‘’The night of our fight…I think, the days and nights seem to merge in to one at the moment’’ I told him before he sighed and walked closer, hands moving to my face as he tutted.
‘’You know you need to sleep Tommy-Joe’’ Sutan warned me as I nodded slightly,
‘’I know…I just couldn’t’’ I told him as he nodded slowly. ‘’does Adam know im here’’ I asked as Sutan smiled softly.
‘’He does, he woke up a little after me and I explained everything’’ Sutan told me and I looked down a little as I nodded.
‘’Okay…’’ I breathed out, ‘’okay…shit why do I feel so fucking scared to face him’’ I groaned out as he laughed and pulled me in to a hug, returning it, I breathed in his safe scent as I felt myself relax slightly.
‘’Its okay, he still has the bandages on and is sleeping again at the moment’’ He told me as I nodded slightly.
‘’Im scared he’s going to see me and then hate me for the way I look’’ I muttered out before yelping as he pushed me to arms length and stared at me.
‘’Tommy you are gorgeous, Adam loves you okay, he fell in love with your personality, the moment you first walked in to the room and met us, you had him chuckling with your out bust and it was filled with warmth, something which hadn’t been in it for a long time’’ Sutan told me, ‘’your first shoot together, I noticed the change in his body language, he seemed more relaxed with you and when we were all sat drinking and he told you his was blind, he spoke to me about it later that night on the way home…Tommy you should’ve heard how happy he was for the way you treated him like a normal person, why do you think I kept booking the shoots with you’’ Sutan grinned as I blushed slightly.
‘’Im still afraid of that chance being there’’ I admitted as he rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand.
Spending a bit of time with Sutan in Adam’s room again, I found myself leaving again when a nurse turned up, heading back down to the family room I had become so familiar with, I smiled lightly towards the other person in there as I made another cup of coffee and headed back out in to the hallway as I yawned, glancing towards his room, I swallowed slightly as I noticed that Adam was awake again and sat up talking to the nurse as I sipped at the coffee and turned away again, pacing back and forth alone the hallway slightly, I felt the same feeling of worry about my appearance come back again as I held the cup with one hand and chewed on my thumb nail as I walked, my eyes locked on the patterns of the nice looking tiles on the floor as I went.
Breathing out deeply, I pulled my hand away and ran my fingers through my hair as I sipped at my coffee, dropping my hand down, I let my fingertips touch against the bottom of Adam’s shirt I was still wearing before I let go and pushed fingers n to my pockets.
Finishing the cup, I breathed out and walked a little further down the hallway and dropped it down in to the waste bin before I slowly walked back up again as I folded my arms over my chest, bottom lip caught between my teeth as I went back to pacing again
‘’Sutan’s right you dick, Adam isn’t going to hate you’’ I muttered out to myself as I turned back, pausing slightly as saw a nurse stare at me, I blushed softly, ‘’sorry’’ I told her as she smiled and shook her head before walking off again. Yawning, I brought a hand up and rubbed it over my face slightly, the lack of sleep was starting to affect me and I hated the feeling, half asleep and walking around like a zombie never felt good, glancing towards Adam’s room, I noticed that the bandages he had over his eyes were gone and he was laid down, eyes closed before I slowly walked closer and stood in the doorway.
‘’He’s sleeping again at the moment honey’’ Sutan told me and I pulled my eyes of Adam’s form and looked over at him as I nodded and slowly stepped in to the room.
Pulling the chair closer to the bed again as I sat down, I softly leaned on to the bed and moved my hand so it was laying next to Adam’s before I lightly traced my fingertips over his warm skin.
‘’He asked you know’’ Sutan said softly before I glanced over at him,
‘’Asked what?’’ I asked confused as Sutan smiled,
‘’about where you were and I told him that you had been pacing the hallway for about an hour and half’’ Blushing slightly, I looked back at Adam as he slept, his face soft and makeup free still.
‘’Oh…right’’ I whispered out as I tucked my hand back under my chin again as I leaned against the bed more.
‘’He wanted me to come and get you’’ Sutan told me and me and I looked back at him, ‘’but I said no, that you were freaking out a little about the way you looked and that you were worried that he wouldn’t like you anymore, that had Adam laughing you know and calling you stupid’’ Blushing again, I nodded and let a soft breath out before I yawned again. ‘’anyway, you going to be okay here on your own with him, Cassidy needs me to help out at the studio again’’ Sutan spoke and I nodded softly and smiled before I stood up and hugged him goodbye.
Sat back in the chair and leaning against the bed again, I let my hand move up and lightly cover Adam’s with a small smile as I rested my head on my arm and lightly rubbed my thumb over his skin. Yawning again, I could feel sleep trying to lure me under as my eyes slowly closed and I let myself finally fall asleep again after two days of being awake.
Chapter 11: Beauty doesn’t matter when you get to know the person behind the mask.
Hearing quiet voices around me, I shifted softly against my arm as everything around me paused for a few seconds until I settled again and just laid there, eyes closed against the brightness of the room, it had felt like I had slept for days and yet I still felt tired slightly, I wasn’t sure if it was due to the lack of sleep and then amount I had just gotten or whether it was because I hadn’t been eating properly while I was feeling worried about Adam and pacing around everything until I had heard news about him.
I knew Sutan was back with us when his soft laugh echoed through the room and I knew Adam was awake the moment I felt a warm hand slide over my palm, his fingers curling around mine before he squeezed them softly and I let a soft noise out as my thumb stroked over his hand lightly as everything started to slowly fade away again.
Waking for the second time, I glanced up to see Adam resting back against the pillows on his bed, eyes closed and breaths soft as I smiled softly knowing that he was sleeping still. Sitting up slowly, I worked my hand out Adams and stretched before I pushed myself to my feet and walked over to where my bag was still sat from when Sutan brought it around, his whispered words from being half asleep still floating around my mind as I quietly undone it and looked through, seeing clean clothes, I smiled and glanced towards the closed door and back to Adam again before I turned back and started to pull my shirt up over my head, hearing a slightly noise, I jumped and turned to see Adam moving slightly on the bed and turning on to his side before I let a soft breath out, my heart crashing against my chest before I turned back and dropped my top in to the bag and dragged a clean one on before repeating it again with my jeans, tugging Adam’s plaid shirt back on again, I let a soft breath out before I turned back to my bag again.
Finding my camera in the bag, I frowned at first before a soft smile fell over my lips as I pulled it out and pushed my shoes under the chair a little before I headed back over to the bed, glancing down at Adam and the way he was laid, I softly sat on the edge and brought my fingers up to brush through his thick hair with a smile. ‘’The world adores you and im scared that you’ll hate me’’ I whispered with a soft sigh before I pulled away and turned, sitting back in the chair, I leaned against the bed again, my eyes moving between each photo and glancing up at Adam again every so often, almost like I was checking that he was still there.
Hearing soft voices, I realized that I must have fallen asleep at some point again while looking through my camera, not recognizing the female’s voice, I took it to be one of the nurses maybe as footsteps moved around the room softly.
‘’Holy fuck that’s cold’’ Hearing Adam’s slight gasp, I bit the inside of my lip to stop myself from grinning as the women laughed,
‘’that’s a good sign then, how is everything looking for you?’’ She asked and I could feel myself holding my breath slightly knowing that I was awake and Adam had probably been watching me if his vision was okay.
‘’It was a little blurry when I first woke up, you know when you have like a frosted piece of glass, you can see the shapes behind it but not make them out’’ He spoke as the bed shifted slightly and I felt a warm hand over mine again.
‘’That’s normal, and how about now?’’
‘’Everything’s a lot clearer, it blurs a little every so often if I move to fast or just woken up again, but it normally goes away after a few blinks, but im confused a little, the doctors who talked with me before I had the surgery done said that it normally takes at least four to five days after it for the sight to return fully if it works’’ Hearing the confusing tone in Adam’s hand, I wanted to turn my hand over and squeeze it but I didn’t want him to know I was awake just yet, the nagging worry was still there in the back of my mind.
‘’Yes in some cases, it also depends on how server the damage is to the eyes and according to your records, some of the damage which the chemicals caused cleared up a little on their own which is amazing to know and its also helped with your recover. Not many people recover as quickly as you have Mr. Lambert, take it as a blessing’’ The nurse said softly as Adam chuckled.
‘’Ooohh what did I miss?’’ Hearing Sutan’s voice, I felt Adam’s hand tighten slightly.
‘’Nothing really but be quiet, Tommy’s sleeping again’’ Adam whispered out as footsteps moved around,
‘’Oh thank god, for a while I was thinking I would have to strap him down just to make him sleep enough’’ Sutan sighed out which caused a soft laugh to escape from them all,
‘’Enjoy photography do you?’’ Hearing the nurse, I remembered having my camera on the bed with me and looking through it before Adam laughed softly, the warmness of the sound running down my spine slowly,
‘’It’s my boyfriends camera’’ Adam spoke out softly,
‘’And his photographer’s’’ Sutan added in and I could just picture the small smirk which was probably curling the corners of his mouth.
‘’A model…well I should’ve thought about something like that, a couple of the nurses has a thing for betting on what people do’’ the nurse whispered like it wasn’t meant to be known, ‘’Trudy the one who took the bandages away said that you was probably a singer and Jessica said a dog trainer, but if I must admit, she’s a bit cuckoo and loves her dogs’’ the nurse whispered with a laugh as Adam’s joined.
‘’And what did you say?’’ He asked,
‘’to be honest, I couldn’t pick’’ She whispered shyly.
‘’Because of the blindness’’ Adam asked, no hint of being offended in his voice.
‘’To be honest yes, I know there isn’t many jobs people can do without their sight. But to know that you are a model despite having the disability is nice, shows others that because you were a sense down it didn’t stop something you loved’’ She whispered out as a soft click echoed in the room, ‘’but I must go see other patients now, excuse me’’ Listening to the sound of her footsteps leaving the room along with the soft sigh leaving Adam’s lips, I wondered what he was thinking before his hand left mine, moments later, I felt the soft touch of his fingers brushing through my hair, the strands tickling against my cheek softly as he brushed them away.
Letting the feeling of Adam’s fingertips brush against my cheek lightly before trailing down along my jaw, I held down the small shiver which wanted to rock through my body before his touch faded around to the back of my neck where he let his hand rest for a while before moving back to mine again softly.
‘’How you holding up there big guy’’ Hearing Sutan’s soft voice and the movement of the bed as I guess was Adam turning slightly.
‘’Alright actually, it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be to see again’’ Adam said softly, ‘’its just strange you know, seeing everything again after the last few years of getting used to feeling everything out’’
‘’At least you will be able to finish decorating that gorgeous house of yours’’ I could hear the teasing tone in Sutan’s voice as Adam laughed softly.
‘’Yeah I guess, I mean I did only get my bedroom and lounge decorated’’
‘’Good, now im going to go get us some lunch because im sure your boy will be hungry when he wakes up, I haven’t seen anything other than coffee pass his mouth in the last 48 hours’’
‘’Thank you Sutan’’
‘’don’t mention it’’
Listening as silence filled the space between us for a while, I thought Adam had fallen asleep again as I let a small yawn out and slowly blinked my eyes open against the bright light still shining in to the room. Staring at our joined hands, I carefully turned mine around a little and let my thumb lightly stroke over the smooth skin on his hand, my eyes following the movement.
‘’Good afternoon beautiful’’ Hearing Adam’s soft words, I let a corner of my mouth turn up slightly at the same time as Adam squeezed my hand softly again.
‘’Hey’’ I croaked out slightly as I glanced up towards him, my hair falling in my eyes slightly as he smiled, looking away again, I felt myself starting to blush slightly before Adam laughed and tugged on my hand slightly.
‘’Come up here and give me a hug, I’ve missed you baby’’ He grinned out as I glanced up through my hair again.
Letting his hand go, I let a breath out which I didn’t realize I had held again as I turned and climbed on to the bed with him and curled in to his side and buried my face in to his neck as his arms tightened around me. ‘’Im sorry’’ I whispered out before I could stop myself,
‘’what for Tommy?’’ Adam asked softly as I moved my arm across his chest and let my hand rest on his shoulder, fingertips picking at the top slightly.
‘’For everything I did and done, I shouldn’t of treated you like I did’’ I whispered out as he chuckled again and tightened his arms around me.
‘’It’s not your fault baby, believe me. I was the fool for going off and not letting anyone tell you where I was and making you worried like I did, Sutan told me how he found you when he went to pick you up’’ He whispered and I groaned slightly at the memory as he shifted and pressed a kiss to the side of my head.
‘’He would go and do something like that’’ I mumbled out as I blushed again.
‘’He means well’’ Adam told me softly as I let a small breath out and hugged in to him more like I normally did when we was curled up in bed or watching a movie on the couch. Relaxing in to the soft touch of Adam’s fingers on my lower back, I shifted slightly and laid my head more on his chest as his fingers slipped in under my top. ‘’you should wear my clothes more’’ Adam whispered to me and I looked down at his shirt as I blushed, ‘’you look adorable in it’’ He whispered as I felt another kiss get pressed to the top of my head.
‘’Sorry’’ I mumbled out shyly, ‘’I was missing you and it was there on the arm of my couch where you left it and –‘’
‘’You don’t need to say sorry baby, just tell me that I can keep you, you silly boy’’ Adam whispered and I turned slightly to look up at him, his eyes softly moving over my face before they met mine again, a smile on his lips as he reached up and cupped my jaw softly, his thumb stroking over my cheek, ‘’how could you ever think I wouldn’t want to be with you still because I have my sight back, baby you’re gorgeous, beautiful, even my dreams don’t compare to you Tommy’’ Adam whispered softly as I blushed and dropped my eyes slightly.
‘’I don’t know’’ I admitted softly before he let his hand slide around on to the back of my neck and pulled me back against his chest again.
‘’You’re stupid Tommy, I fell in love with you because of who you are inside, not what you are on the out’’ He whispered as I nodded slightly.
Letting my eyes close softly again as I felt Adam’s hand slip up under my shirts to rest against skin, I let a small breath out and curled closer as he chuckled softly and I turned to look up at him softly to find him already staring at me.
‘’What’’ I asked softly as he shook his head,
‘’Nothing, just watching you because I can…picture you from what people have told me you looked like to what you actually look like is nothing,’’ He whispered as his other hand came up to rest against my neck softly, ‘’I just can’t stop looking at you baby’’ He whispered as I blushed again, his thumb rubbing across it before I softly leaned up and brushed my lips over his which he returned.
‘’Never do anything like this again’’ I whispered against them, ‘’you scared me to death, I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have you in my life anymore Adam’ I admitted to him as I slowly opened my eyes to stare back in to his bright ones still as smiled.
‘’I promise Tommy and im sorry that I lied to you’’ He whispered as I reached up and softly held on to his wrist.
‘’Im sorry I treated you like a child’’ I whispered back, ‘’I don’t know why I done that’’
‘’You just wanted to look after me, I knew that in the back of my mind but I let my fears over come reality’’
‘’I love you’’ I whispered to him as I stroked my thumb over his wrist, the feeling of his pulse underneath as he smiled at me softly.
‘’Being able to see you say that to me is amazing , even if it does sound stupid I know you are telling me the truth, I can see it in your eyes and I love you too’’
‘’It’s not stupid Adam, far from it’’ I told him before returning the smile he gave me. Letting my hand drop away from his as he moved it around and brushed his thumb over my lower lip, I breathed out slightly and pressed a kiss to the pad of it as he chuckled softly.
‘’I think your smile is the second most favorite thing about you now’’ He whispered to me and I looked up at him,
‘’what’s the first?’’ I asked as he grinned, eyes moving back up to meet mine.
‘’Your eyes’’ He told me and I pouted slightly before he laughed,
‘’And here I thought sex would’ve been the first’’
‘’Oh good, I see you both made up’’ Both jumping, we turned to see Sutan walking back in to the room with three small boxes stacked on top of each other and a cup holder in his other hand as he grinned at us.
‘’Kill me now’’ I mumbled out as I curled in to Adam’s chest and tried to hide away.
‘’Nice try honey but im afraid we can’t do that just yet, not until your contract with Adam ends’’ Sutan laughed out.
Sitting up, I stared at him with wide eyes, ‘’what do you mean my contract ends with him?’’ I asked before I felt Adam’s hand slide over mine and around my waist as he pulled me back.
‘’The company only does eight month contracts with photographers, don’t worry baby we can make another contract up to stay with you’’ Adam said softly behind me as I breathed out slightly and nodded.
‘’Good, don’t want anyone else taking your photos’’ I mumbled as Sutan laughed and passed one of the boxes over and held it out until I took it.
‘’I think someone is a little jealous’’ He sang out before I scowled at him slightly.
‘’Not jealous, other people are jerks to my boyfriend, I don’t like it’’ I muttered to myself as I pushed the lid opened and stared down at cheesy fries before raising an eyebrow slightly towards Sutan.
‘’Can’t live off coffee forever Tommy-Joe’’ He winked out before he handed another box to Adam and sat down in the chair with his own.
Chapter 12: I’ve been standing here my whole life, everything’s I’ve seen twice.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Lifting the chemical pot back up on to the shelf, I moved towards the long workbench where the tray’s were and pushed my sleeves further up my arms again as I grabbed the blank looking paper and slipped it in to the liquid and used the tongs slightly to move it around, smiling to myself as the image started to come up on the paper, I let a soft breath out and pulled it out once I gave it enough exposure and slipped it in to the next tray as a door opened and I glanced towards it and back again when no one came through, taking it out and slipping the photo in to the water to clean it off, I let it soak a little before I pulled it out and attached it on to the line above the workbench as I moved back and started on a few more.
Sliding another page in to the liquid, I tilted my head slightly as the image started to slowly appear and let a soft laugh out as arms slid around my waist.
‘’Wondered where you went off too’’ Adam murmured in to my ear as I grinned and moved my arm around his on my waist.
‘’Didn’t hear you get closer’’ I told him as he pressed a soft kiss to the side of my neck and let a light breath out.
‘’You were too busy developing the photos and I got distracted by the one hanging up near the door, they’re beautiful’’ He told me as I glanced up at him with a smile.
‘’You’ve been saying that since we got here this morning’’ I told him before I turned back and changed the photo over in to the next tray.
‘’I know but im only telling the truth baby, now that I can see them, I can’t stop looking through them all’’
‘’Well go look through them and stop bugging me Adam, trying to work here you know’’ I teased out as I leaned back in to him slightly, his arms tightening around my waist as he nipped at my neck and chuckled.
‘’But I want to be here with you’’ He whispered out, lips pressing soft kisses against my neck again as I let a small breath out.
‘’Adam’’ I whispered out softly as he tried to pull me away from the bench slightly, ‘’I’ll be finished up in a bit, let me do that and clean the chemical trays out and then I will be out of here okay’’ I told him as he stiffened slightly but nodded.
‘’Okay, don’t take too long okay, Sutan and Cassidy want to drink tonight’’ Adam told me as I nodded and felt him let me go, brushing my hands down on my top after I slipped the photo in to the water, I turned and looked up at him in the red light before I leaned up and pressed my lips against his softly as his hands moved to my waist and held me close as he kissed back. ‘’I love you’’
‘’I love you too’’ I whispered back as I pulled away.
Turning back to the photograph, I pulled it out and attached it to the row above with the others as I felt Adam’s fingertips brush against the back of my neck as he walked past and towards the door. Looking towards him, I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I turned back again, the feeling of knowing that Adam still wanted me felt amazing and I hated myself for a even thinking that he would be shallow and dump me over my looks when had been together for months, letting a soft breath out, I cleaned away all the things I had been using before I moved towards the sinks and washed my hand clear of the chemicals.
It had been strange for the past two nights of going to bed with Adam knowing that he could see and that he had been watching while I slept as he always seemed to wake before me but at the same time I felt like I was on top of the world knowing that he didn’t want anyone else but me with him at night to share his bed and to curl his arms around my body, to share his warmth.
Looking around the dark room, I made sure that everything was put away before I headed out and blinked heavily at the difference in light, reaching up to rub my palms against my eyes, I muttered to myself before I heard laughter and I slowly looked away and blinked through the brightness to see Cassidy and Sutan looking at me.
‘’Oh honey, how many times do you just walk out that room quickly after being in there for so long, I thought that you would’ve learnt by now’’ Sutan chuckled as I rolled my eyes and walked over to where they were sat on the couch.
‘’Where’s Adam?’’ I asked as Cassidy grinned,
‘’Gone to the store’’ He told me as I nodded slightly and leaned forward where I picked my phone up and turned it back on again. ‘’how are you?’’ Looking away from my phone and at him, I shrugged softly.
‘’Im fine, why are you asking me’’ I asked confused slightly before he chuckled,
‘’Because your boyfriend has gotten his sight back and is exploring the world of color and shapes again like a child excited on their birthday, im surprised he hasn’t tired you out yet’’ Cassidy smirked as I rolled my eyes and shook my head slightly.
‘’You’re perverts you know that’’ I told them as they laughed, ‘’anyway me and Adam is going away for the weekend next week, I think we are going to go see his parents somewhere, im not sure, I can’t remember’’ I told them before looking back down at the phone again as I checked through my messages.
‘’Leila and Eber will be excited to see him’’ Sutan spoke out with a smile, ‘’I don’t think they have seen each other since just after the accident and Adam lost his sight, but im glad you guys are fine, now leave them alone Cassidy’’ Sutan smirked out as I grinned slightly.
Moving around the studio, I turned some music on and made sure everything was put away correctly, the new intern which Cassidy had hired often swapped things around and put them back in the wrong place. Changing the camera’s over the shoot tomorrow, I slowly walked back towards the work desk and placed it down and shut the computers down before I headed back to my own desk and grabbed my camera before returning to the floor by the pillar and sat down, my back against it and legs crossed as I started to go through my photos.
‘’Guys why are there tons of random photos on my camera’’ I asked as I glanced up at them to see them smiling innocently towards me.
‘’We got bored while you were in the dark room, can’t blame us’’ Sutan grinned out as I rolled my eyes and looked back down again, their chatter filling the space again as I started to go through and delete the photos, a small frown over my lips as the photos changed to ones of Adam where he was sat at my desk with my laptop open, skipping along to the next photo, I zoomed in slightly so I could see the screen better to realize that Adam was going through the first photo shoot which we had done together when we had first met, feeling my cheeks warm up slightly, I skipped through the rest of them before the door opened and I turned to look towards it as Adam walked in, a bag in his hand before he pushed the door closed behind him and walked over with a smile.
‘’Oh yay you’re back, lets get drinking’’ Sutan laughed out as he moved and grabbed the alcohol of the nearest table and four glasses before he put them down on the small table and filled them up. Turning my camera back off again, I moved closer and put it down on table before as Cassidy handed me a glass and then held his own up.
‘’Too strong relationships and new beginnings’’ Cassidy spoke out with a smile, ‘’for us to always be together through everything’’
‘’and to you, Cassidy.’’ I spoke out, ‘’for taking a chance on me when you found me sleeping in your doorway and giving me a second chance in life, for trusting and for letting me stay in the one place which means the world to you, I wouldn’t know where the hell I would be right now if it wasn’t your doorway I picked to stop in and I don’t want to think about what I could be doing to get by so thank you for that and thank you for bringing the raddest people in to my life’’ I told him with honestly as he smiled and stood, watching as he walked over and move to his knees before pulling me in to a hug, I curled my arm back around him and returned it just as tight before he pulled away and cupped my jaw.
‘’You Tommy-Joe are just something else baby’’ He smiled before pressing a kiss to my cheek and returned back to the couch beside Sutan again as I smiled and looked down softly and nodded.
‘’Here’s to us’’ Adam spoke as I looked up and towards him to find him smiling towards me before his eyes moved towards the other two, leaning forward, we let our glasses touch against each before I sat back again and swallowed some of the booze down.
I felt alive, I felt like my life had finally turned out for the good, I had new friends and a bunch of good ones who I could trust and I knew wouldn’t try and squeeze me for money like Isaac had done, biting at my lower lip slightly, I rolled the glass around in my hands as I stared down at the amber liquid inside, shaking my head clear of my thoughts, I brought it up and took another mouthful as loud laughter rang out and I looked up to look towards Sutan and Cassidy who were laughing together, bright smiles on their faces.
‘’Oh…Tommy’’ Looking up again, I turned to look at Sutan as he nodded towards the door and I turned to see Isaac and Sophie stood by the door, looking back around again, I finished my drink off slowly before I pushed it across the table and pulled myself to my feet where I ruffled my hand through my hand through my hair messily as I turned and walked towards them both.
‘’What do you want?’’ I asked them once I was closer, arms folded over my chest as Isaac looked towards Sophie and back again as he glanced behind me and towards the others. ‘’actually no, outside, I don’t want my friends to hear your bullshit’’ I told him as he opened his mouth and closed it again.
‘’Im your friend to Tommy’’ He tried saying as I shook my head and stepped around them, pushing the door open I started down the steps and kept going until I headed out in to the parking lot, sky dark above as I turned and looked towards the door as they followed out a few seconds later.
‘’Why are you here?’’ I asked again as Isaac pulled Sophie closer, his hand in hers as he sighed.
‘’Why are you doing this Tommy, I mean we were wrong to kick you out and we wanted to say sorry for that.’’ He told me as I laughed.
‘’It’s about six months too late for that Isaac, I’ve moved on and found better friends’’
‘’What two drunks and a blind dude, come on Tommy come back to the real world, pick the guitar back up and get back with the band, photography isn’t going to get you anywhere and you can do a lot better than those three upstairs’’ He spoke out.
‘’For one those drunks you are talking about are not drunks, we are celebrating the good things in our lives and the surgery which the blind dude as you so called him went through and by the way he has a name and that’s Adam so I would like you to stop talking about my friends and boyfriend like they are trash because they’re not’’ I spoke out to them before I took a deep breath and stepped away.
‘’Boyfriend…Jesus Christ Tommy they’ve even turned you gay’’ Isaac spat out as I let a bitter laugh leave my lips as I turned back.
‘’I’ve been gay all my life Isaac, you can’t turn someone gay for hanging out with them, why do you think I never picked up any girls when we went out drinking or why the hell don’t you think I always get laid on the nights I didn’t go out with you’’ I spit back at him, ‘’but im sure you both didn’t come here to talk about my sexuality now did you, so why are you here?’’ I asked again.
‘’We wanted to say sorry Tommy, that’s all’’ Sophie spoke out as I turned to look at her, ‘’we didn’t come here to fight’’ She said softly as I laughed and shook my head before I started to walk around them and back to the studio door again where I paused and turned to look back at them.
‘’Do us favors, both of you really, just stay away from me okay, I don’t want to know you anymore’’ I told them before I turned back and walked up the stairs and in to the studios again.
‘’Everything okay baby’’ Looking up, I glanced towards Adam and nodded softly as I walked across the room after shutting the door and sat back down where I had been again as Cassidy pushed a filled glass towards me.
A few hours later, I couldn’t help but laugh as Sutan slapped Cassidy across the arm as he spilt his shot over the table at his sudden out bust, finishing my own drink off, I pushed it back up and along as I let my eyes travel over to where Adam was sat to find him staring at me already, smiling softly, I let my glaze drop again as I felt my cheeks warm up a little, my bottom lip catching under my teeth before I quickly let it go again.
‘’Oh will you look at that, we are out of drink, Cassidy come on lets go get some more’’ Sutan grinned out as he stood and grabbed his hand and started to pull him away.
‘’What…no we should…’’ He started to say before trailing away as I looked up to see him looking at Sutan, ‘’oh…yeah, well boys I see that we are out, so we are going to the store so behave’’ He grinned out as they moved and quickly headed, their laughed echoing off the stairs before the door opened and closed with a loud bang.
Standing slowly as my head swam a little, I let a small laugh out before covering my own mouth and looked towards Adam as he laughed and held his hand out towards me.
‘’You are adorable baby’’ He spoke out softly as I moved closer and curled my fingers around his, only to let a very unmanly squeak out as he pulled me down on to his lap and curled his other arm around my waist tightly.
‘’I don’t want to drink any more’’ I whispered to him, ‘’they are evil Adam, they are trying to get me drunk’’ I grinned out as he laughed and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead before I pulled away a little and curled in to his body more.
‘’Want me to get you a glass of water baby?’’ Adam asked as he brushed his fingers against the back of my neck softly as I nodded and brushed my nose against his neck.
‘’Yes please’’ I whispered back.
‘’Okay baby but you need to get off me first so I can get up okay’’ He chuckled as I slowly opened my eyes.
‘’Oh’’ I mumbled before I let him go and slipped down on to the small amount of chair beside him before he stood and crossed towards Cassidy’s office. Sitting up slightly more, I watched as Adam walked out moments later, a glass in his hand before he smiled at me and crouched down in front of the chair and held it out to me, taking it softly, I swallowed a little down and moved my other hand back to his and covered it from where it rested on my thigh softly. ‘’I love you’’ I told him honestly as I leaned over and placed the glass on the small table beside the chair and sat back again to stare in to bright blue eyes.
‘’I love you too Tommy’’ Adam whispered back, his body moving up as I tugged on his hand, shifting slightly, I swung my legs up over his lap and curled in to his side again, my hand flat against his chest as I smiled up at him as his fingers ran through my hair again.
‘’That’s what woke me up that day you know’’ I told him quietly as he looked at me confused slightly,
‘’what’s that?’’ He asked as I smiled,
‘’You running your fingers through my hair when I was laid on the floor and on your thigh, the day my dad passed away I just remember waking up and feeling warm but at the same time cold for being on the floor but I was relaxed and your touch was calming’’ I told him as he smiled softly and nodded.
‘’that was a day I regretted never getting the surgery done sooner, I wanted to be able to see you then, to see that side and to comfort you better, I could hear but I couldn’t see and that broke me a little inside’’ Adam told me as I swallowed slightly.
‘’But you don’t regret it now do you?’’ I asked quietly as Adam smiled and shook his head.
‘’No I don’t baby, it has to be one of the best things I’ve ever done’’ He told me, a smile on his lips as I grinned back.
Moving carefully, I let my knees slide down either side of Adam’s hips as I sat up on his lap, his hands moving up on to my thighs softly as he stared up me. Feeling his hands slowly slid up to my waist before sliding up under my shirt, I let a small shiver out before I leaned down and softly pressed my lips back against his as he held me closer to his body, hands warm and flat against my back as I let my fingers curl up in to his hair lightly.
Letting my hands slide down his chest and under his own top, I smiled against Adam’s lips as I felt his own smile before he slowly pulled away and nipped at my lower lip, his forehead resting against mine as I let a heavy breath out. ‘’You look so beautiful like this’’ Adam whispered out, feeling a small blush start to form over my cheeks, I ducked my head quickly before I felt one of his large hands guiding it back up again as he smiled, his thumb running over my cheek as he pulled me back in for a gentle kiss again.
‘’Oh…I think we just walked in on something’’ Jumping, I pulled away from Adam’s lips and turned only to be grabbed tighter by Adam as I felt myself tumble slightly.
‘’We weren’t doing anything’’ I protested as Sutan laughed and walked over with Cassidy, their arms linked together as Sutan held a bag up.
‘’Sure you weren’t honey, I mean we all just sit in our boyfriends laps sucking their faces off in a semi dark studio…kinky’’ He laughed as I blushed and moved slightly, burying myself back in to Adam’s side, I groaned lightly as he chuckled and wrapped his arms around me.
Watching the sun rise a little while longer, I thought about the others asleep inside as I stood against the wall of the building, the sky filled with soft colors and dark still as night slowly turned towards day with a small smile. The air around was cold a little before I felt warm arms slide around my waist and squeeze me as warm lips pressed against the side of my neck.
‘’Thought you would be up here, door was opened slightly’’ Adam yawned out as I turned slightly to look at him,
‘’Sorry, didn’t want to wake anyone up’’ I told him as he smiled and moved me around until I was facing him fully and pulled me in to a hug, moving my arms around his waist, I leaned against his chest and closed my eyes softly as his hands trailed over my back.
‘’Come on, lets go sit down’’ Adam whispered after a few moments, following him as he walked towards one of the chairs, I waist for him to sit down before I moved and crawled between his legs, my side against his chest as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
Sitting in silence, I let my eyes stare up at the few stars which still remained in the sky before I turned and softly stared up at Adam as he laid there, his own eyes watching the sky before I leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to the underside of his jaw which pulled a smile on his lips as he turned to look down at me.
‘’You know, my dad once told me that people always talk a good story but few actually follow through to the end and do what is right when no one is watching’’ I told him softly as he nodded but stayed quiet as I laughed softly and sighed deeply, letting my eyes close, I leaned back n to him again and just listened as the city started to wake up around us. The feeling of Adam’s arms around me heavy and warm and safe as I smiled lightly to myself, ‘’He told me that he would tell me what he meant by those words when he thought I was ready for it’’ Shrugging softly, I opened my eyes again and looked back up at Adam, ‘’I guess, I’ll never know now’’ I told him as he smiled sadly and brought his hand up to brush against my cheek.
‘’Maybe he just thought that you could make a difference in life baby, some people just know how to act and what to do in times when others can’t and would give up’’ Adam said softly as I thought about it and nodded a little.
‘’Could be, I would like to think that it would’ve been something like that, but I know dad would be happy and im happy, sure I miss him like crazy but my life is good, I have you and Sutan and Cassidy in it and I couldn’t ask for anything better than that’’ I told him as he smiled and leaned down, feeling his lips brush against mine before pulling away again, I stared back up in to his bright eyes with a smile before Adam turned away and stared up at the sky as it grew lighter with the rising sun. ‘’thank you for being here all the time’’ I whispered out as he smiled and pulled me closer to his body.
‘’don’t thank me baby, im always going to be here for you’’ Adam told me softly as he glanced down and away again with a fond smile.
Letting the silence fill out between us again, I couldn’t help but stare up at him not knowing how it felt to be able to see again after so long of going without his eyesight, resting my hand against his chest, I let a soft breath out.
‘’Is it strange being able to see everything for a second time?’’ I asked quietly as he turned back to look at me, his eyes glinting in the soft sun rays as he smiled at me.
‘’Through all the crowded memories of seeing things, everything seems right and I would go through it all again just to be able to open my eyes and see the beauty around me’’ He told me softly as I blushed and curled in to his chest more.
‘’Can we go home?’’ I asked softly a while later, the sun up fully and the heat of the day starting to creep around as Adam stirred softly, tired eyes turning to look at me as he nodded softly.
‘’Of course we can baby’’ He told me as I smiled, brushing a kiss to his cheek, I climbed off him and off the chair before I offered my hands out and pulled him to his feet as he pulled me back in to a soft embrace. ‘’I could never regret anything with you Tommy’’ He whispered as my hands slipped up his back softly and I closed my eyes as his lips pressed against my forehead.
‘’Take me home to bed Adam’’ I whispered as I slowly opened my eyes to look up at him, ‘’I ready to take our relationship to the next level.’’
Well...wow...It's that time again when fic's come to an end...Even I'm sad to see this fic ending, I've enjoyed writing this one so much and I never thought that a tiny little idea while watching a movie gone 3am one night would turn out in to this 12 chaptered fic ^^
Im grateful to everyone who has taken time out of their lifes to sit at the computer, on a laptop or a phone to read this from day one or even along the journey, it means a lot to me :)
All of your comments has helped too, the ones where they couldnt wait for the next chapter, the ones where they said how they wanted to know how the boys felt as their relationship grew together <3
If I could, I would give you all a tight hug right now for sticking by me, I admit that sometimes take a while to update fic's and then I post new ones but its getting there :) Another fic down on the many I have.
So again, Im thankful to all you lovely readers and I hope that none of you hate me for ending this ic ^^ <3