“Your level of selfishness disgusts me.”
I put down my magazine and stare at Chad in disbelief.
“You heard,” he replies, staring straight at me from across the room. “I know what you want. And it’s fucking selfish.”
I laugh slightly uneasily, but I’m not that fazed. Because he couldn’t know. Or, even if he does, Jess doesn’t.
“What are you talking about, Chad?”
He sneers, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward. “I’ve seen the way you look at me. Don’t deny it.”
I pick up my discarded magazine and try not to look like I’m hiding behind it, mumbling “Arrogant much?”
Chad snorts and gets up, walking towards me. I feel my heart rate pick up but I don’t move, eyes fixed on some Rolling Stone trash until the magazine is plucked from my hands and I’m forced to look up at Chad. His lip curls in disdain.
“Seriously, no more games. I get it.”
He waits a beat, and then adds meaningfully, “We both do.”
I don’t try to hide the shock and fear then. Fuck. So he told Jess? Sure, okay, I shouldn’t be going around feeling this way without telling him, but come on, this was never a big enough deal to go fucking things up with my best friend over. I swallow, eyes still locked with Chad’s.
“Hurt? Yeah, little bit,” he answers shortly. “But I think he’ll get over it. He wants you to be honest, Deron.”
I hadn’t noticed Jess slip into the room behind me, and I jump when he places his hand on my shoulder. I turn to him and he smiles hesitantly.
“It’s cool, I guess. I mean, if this is what you want.”
“If what is what I want?” I ask slowly, wires not quite connecting in my brain. Jess and Chad exchange a look and Jess nods.
“You want me. You want…him. You want us. Together. Right?”
My mouth drops open slightly, and Jess backtracks.
“Okay, way off the mark here, so…”
“No no, it’s cool. I guess…” My mind is conjuring up some images that had seriously never occurred to me before Jess had planted that suggestion, but suddenly I’m sure that he’s right. Chad and Jess and me all tangled up together, sweat and skin and lust and…fuck. That is what I want. But I wouldn’t pay any price to get it. I lay my hand on top of Jess’ and squeeze his fingers lightly.
“I don’t want to hurt you. This isn’t worth that.”
Jess hesitates but then nods firmly.
“I’m fine. Besides,” he adds with a teasing smile, “it might be kinda cool. I’m sure Chad knows what he’s doing.”
“I just hope you both do,” Chad mutters, as if this whole thing hadn’t been his idea in the first place. I shoot him a quick scowl before returning my attention to Jess.
“If you’re sure…then, okay. When?”
He shrugs. “Well now’s as good a time as any.”
I hold back a shudder, because I never thought anything would ever come of this. It was just a slightly twisted fantasy. But now…
“Great,” I say too brightly, rising from my chair and gesturing expectantly at the others. “Let’s go.”
I never get nervous. Or maybe a little, but I wouldn’t admit it. But when my hands are twitching so badly it’s already taken me five minutes trying to untie my shoelaces, it’s not so easy to hide. Chad, of course, seems to find it highly amusing.
“Time to step it up, Deron. You’re playing with the big boys now.”
“We’ll see about that,” Jess mutters. I catch his eye and we exchange a smile at Chad’s expense.
He’s probably right. I am being selfish. And sometimes, a lot of the time, I don’t even know what I see in Chad. Especially considering just how damn good I have it with Jess. I glance over at Chad and he’s staring at me unblinkingly with those smouldering brown eyes, daring me, and I feel that familiar adrenaline rush that reminds me how I ended up here. Right. Because Chad, as arrogant and annoying as he may be, is fucking hot. And contrasting. And that’s important. The contrast.
I sigh with relief when I finally manage to throw off both of my shoes, silently cursing that I chose to wear boots instead of my standard Adio’s today. I look between my two band mates -- Jess leaning against the pillows with one foot still on the floor, Chad sitting in a chair by the foot of the bed -- and I wonder just how the hell we’re going to pull this one off.
“Hey.” Jess’ voice breaks me out of my anxiety. I look at him and he smiles, looking nowhere near as scared as I feel.
“Don’t worry. Just do what you feel like. Let go.”
I nod to myself, grinding my teeth. It all seemed so easy in my head. Dammit.
I hear Chad exhale heavily, presumably in frustration, and then he’s behind me on the bed with his legs either side of mine. My breathing speeds up again at his closeness, and Jess must notice it. I tell myself that it doesn’t matter because we all agreed to this, but it still feels wrong. Like I’m cheating on him right in front of his face. In the bed that we both sleep in.
“Jesus Christ,” I say below my breath. I hear the rumble of Chad’s laugh behind me as his arms slip around my waist and he presses his body against my back.
“It’ll get a lot better real soon, I promise.”
His lips brush my temple and I close my eyes as he proceeds to kiss his way down to my neck. When he gets there he starts to suck in a way that’s sure to leave a mark and I groan in spite of myself, tilting my head back slightly. Chad’s hands move beneath my shirt and my eyes flutter open again to look at Jess. He grins and slides over to where I sit, kissing me deeply while Chad continues to touch me. It all feels so good that I know I’d be hard pushed to form an articulate sentence right now beyond hey, maybe this can work.
Yeah, this is what I want. Has been for probably longer than I care to admit. Two pairs of hands, two pairs of lips, all lavishing attention on my tingling skin. Making me gasp, making me squirm. This is what it’s all about for me.
Somehow they got me lying flat on my back, stretched out on the bed. Jess straddles my hips, yanking off his hoodie and t-shirt and just staring down at me with that intensity that never fails to make me itch. I reach up to kiss him, but Chad’s firm hand on my chest stops me from moving. As I watch, Chad curls around Jess, sliding over his skin while we stare constantly at each other. Jess moans softly and closes his eyes as Chad runs his fingernails lightly over his chest and uses his teeth on his collarbone. I’m slack jawed, gripping loosely at Jess’ hips and feeling myself losing control. Chad’s voice is low, dangerous.
“Does this turn you on?”
“Hell yeah,” I reply breathlessly, and I might have laughed if Jess hadn’t chosen that exact moment to grind down against me, making my words hitch and my nails dig into his skin. Chad deftly unbuttons my shirt for me to wriggle out of and then leans up to claim my mouth in a fierce kiss. His tongue is insistent against mine and for once I feel submissive; powerless against his wandering hands that seek out all the right places. When he pulls away I feel light headed and my pants are unbuttoned.
Jess slides down the bed and starts to press light, tickling kisses to the sensitive skin of my stomach. At the same time Chad kisses me again, grabbing roughly at my hair, and the combination is overwhelming. When Chad pulls away I almost choke on my own breath, which makes him laugh. I feel my pants sliding off of my legs, then Jess is kissing his way up my body, his hair trailing from his lowered head and over my skin. He lies by my side and my arm naturally wraps around him, pulling him towards me. Our lips meet softly, with familiarity, and it’s nothing like Chad. Which is the whole point of this.
Jess strokes my chest as I kiss him languidly, moving one hand into his hair, tasting the long-since memorised depths of his buttery soft mouth. Suddenly a hand wraps around my cock through my underwear and I almost bite Jess’ tongue, pushing my hips forward involuntarily. Chad laughs again and part of me is annoyed that he finds this so amusing, but most of me is just horny as hell and crying out for him to touch me again. I’m not used to his level of aggression anymore, and it’s definitely something I need right now. I pull away from Jess and fix Chad with a level gaze.
He nods with a small smirk and pulls my boxer shorts down to my knees. My fingers are still twisting through Jess’ hair as I watch Chad, and wait. When his mouth slides onto me I arch my back and let out a hiss of air, tightening my grip on Jess. He runs his tongue over my lips and I willingly let him kiss me deeply again, stifled moans lost in his mouth. Chad’s teeth barely scrape against my flesh and my feet shift against the crumpled sheets.
Everything is sensations, and I’m lost in Chad’s wet heat and suction; Jess’ weight on my chest and the way he’s slowly fucking my mouth with his tongue.
I’m panting, pulling away to let Jess rest his forehead and lips against mine so I can breathe against the sharp burning in my chest. My eyes are shut so tightly I almost have a headache, but I could give a fuck.
Then Chad sits up without warning, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Instinctively I let out a needy whine of protest, but I’m way past the point of embarrassment. Fuck, I’m having a threesome with the rest of my band. Other things seem so trivial now.
“I’m gonna give you what you want,” Chad says, his voice husky. Jesus. I look at Jess and his skin is flushed, shimmering. Chad’s eyes glitter and he unbuckles his belt.
“Lie on your stomach.”
A jolt runs through me and I slowly do as he says. Beside me, Jess hands Chad the tub of Vaseline that we keep just beneath the bed. I shift, kneeling on the bed with my face against the pillows. Jess strokes my back and I turn and smile at him. He’s one hell of an understanding boyfriend alright.
My fingers tense in the sheets, excited, scared, restless. I hear the tear of foil and grit my teeth.
“I’ve never done…this…before.”
“I know,” Chad replies, unconcerned. I raise an eyebrow despite my compromised position.
“How long have you guys been talking about this, exactly?”
Slippery fingers press at me and I tense up. Jess massages the small of my back, murmuring against my hair as Chad coaxes my legs further apart. He manages to work one finger inside of me and I bite my lip slightly. Chad has never struck me as the patient type, and he wastes no time in adding a second finger, even when I flinch and gasp, and not in a good way. Yeah, it hurts. Like hell. And I know it’ll get worse real soon. But fuck, I want this so badly. My lips and tongue form words of their own accord.
“Just do it, Chad.”
I look over my shoulder, watch him coat his dick in Vaseline, watch him get a good grip on my hip with one hand and line himself up with the other. I’m leaning on my arms, tensing and relaxing in pulses.
Chad pushes part way inside me and I gasp, almost tearing the sheets in a death grip. God, it hurts, but God. Oh God. Wow.
I don’t realise my eyes are closed until I open them and see Jess lying beside me, his hand pushed inside his jeans, staring at Chad with dark eyes. Suddenly Chad pushes hard against me, sliding in as deep as he can go, and my thoughts are cut off with a strangled groan of pleasure, pain, whatever. It’s all the same right now and it’s completely intoxicating.
Chad is fast, rough, brutal, and I have to fight to breathe as he slams into my body. I can just feel the pressure of his fingers against my hips, the rough denim against the backs of my thighs, past the ripples and the shocks down my spine. It’s nothing like any sex I’ve ever had. Sometimes I need to be torn into. Sometimes I need bruises, sweat, to be fucked like I won’t break.
Jess’ lips brush against mine and I open my mouth instantly, arching forward blindly, hungrily. His tongue sweeps briefly against mine and I whimper, caught between Chad’s abrasiveness and Jess’ softness. Jess pulls back just out of reach, lips barely touching mine, and my hands fist in the sheets again as senseless noises leave my throat.
It’s a relentless rhythm, pounding against me, and sweat is trickling down my back. Jess wraps his fingers around my cock and I cry out, arching and twisting and writhing between them on the bed. I force my eyes open, glancing behind me at Chad, who’s looking downwards with gritted teeth. Jess is stretched out on his back beside me, hand loosely working my shaft in strokes that are almost painfully slow and completely at odds with the force of Chad’s driving heat inside of me. I can’t even tell if my eyes are open or closed anymore. All I know is friction and nerve endings and that I’m about five seconds away from exploding.
Slow kisses land against my lips and those fingers still slip over my cock as my insides melt and flame and I’m screaming out obscenities like I never have with Jess as I’m coming and shaking and coming and Jesus fucking Christ yes.
I hear Jess moan, could be minutes or hours later, and I force my eyes open, boneless and collapsed on the sticky sheets. Jess reaches out for my hand and squeezes my fingers as Chad deep throats him and I blink, drained and sore and aching and blissful. It’s a strangely beautiful sight to behold. I lean across and slip my tongue between Jess’ parted lips, swallowing his noises as he trembles and spasms until he’s spent and his body relaxes. I lie back and sigh deeply, sinking into some blackness again.
“God, that was…”
I feel Jess laugh beside me and I’m so glad that he’s been okay throughout this whole crazy thing. I hear the clink of a belt buckle, the light whoosh of clothes being slung back on, the click of the door as Chad leaves. Jess starts to laugh softly again and I turn to him and grin.
“Chad called me selfish, you know.”
“Well he fucking rates himself as well, huh?”
I smirk and pull Jess towards me to lean his head on my chest like he always does. This time, though, sitting down and walking is looking to be a painful prospect. But that’s not now.
I stare up at the ceiling and toy with his hair.
“Hey…thanks. You’re the best.”
“Better than Chad?”
“Of course,” I reply. “Chad was just different, that’s all.”
Jess twists in my arms to look up at me. “You know, I could be…”
“I don’t want you to. I like things the way they are.”
“Like Chad said. I’m a selfish bastard.”
He smiles up at me. “It’s out of your system now though, right?”
I nod happily, settling down into the mattress.
“Thank God. I don’t think I could deal with seeing Chad’s cum face again.”
I snort and squeeze him slightly.
“Just mine, then.”