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Unwanted Confessions

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She's surprised to find Blaine standing on her doorstep soaking wet. He's the last person she had expected when the doorbell rang. Rachel doesn't see his car so she assumes that he must have walked here. She's not quite sure why he would do such a thing like that. With a heavy sigh, she gently pulls him into her house without a word. Blaine stumbles against her body and she shivers when his cold and wet body presses into her body. She's only wearing a light cotton t-shirt with a pair of flannel pajama pants.

Before she can say anything, Blaine's pressed her up against the wall as his lips claim her lips. He trembles against her and for a brief moment she loses herself in the kiss until she remembers who's kissing her and she gently pushes him away. When he shivers from the cold and the wet, Rachel sighs. She moves her hands from his chest to the buttons on his wool jacket. She recognizes it as part of his uniform for Dalton and she silently wonders what had prompted him to make his way to her house in the rain. For a brief moment, she worries about Kurt but the heat in Blaine's eyes help her to push that worry away.

Rachel helps Blaine out of the wet jacket and she lets it fall to the floor before she pulls him deeper into the house. She pauses at the foot of the stairs that lead to the basement where the washer and dryer are. Blaine takes advantage of the moment to place a kiss on her hand which is tightly grasped in his own. He follows her down the stairs and when she pulls her hand out of his, he stands there and watches her. Rachel blushes before she pulls a warm and dry towel out of the dryer. She thrusts it at him before she turns around and pulls out a pair of her father's sweat pants and a t-shirt that she thinks might fit him.

"Get dry," Rachel orders before she steps away from him, her back pressing against the washing machine.

Blaine drops the towel to the floor as he steps closer to her. His hands wrap around her waist as he prevents her from moving further away. Her eyes widen at his heated expression and she shivers under the weight of it. Before she can say anything, his hand cups her jaw and he's kissing her again. The kiss is heated and intense just like the other two kisses that they shared before but have since ignored. When he pulls away, Rachel casts her gaze down at the floor. She doesn't want to fall for yet another unobtainable boy. She really doesn't want for another boy to tell her that she might have felt fireworks in his embrace but he didn't feel a thing.

Blaine's hand on her chin gently forces her to look up at him.

"I lied in the coffee shop," Blaine admits, his voice hoarse.

"Don't," Rachel pleads with him.

"I was sitting there today with Kurt when I realized that I can't live with that lie. I felt something when I kissed you Rachel and maybe I'm gay. Maybe I'm even 100% gay but when I kiss you Rachel, I don't ever want to stop."

Blaine trembles as he says the last words and Rachel breaks free from his hold. She bends down and hands him the towel, uncertain of what to say to him. Her fathers have never prepared her for something like this.

"You need to get dry," Rachel gently says.

"Rachel, don't keep me hanging, say something," Blaine begs.

"What do you want me to say?" Rachel asks. "Do you want to hear just how you affect me? Do you want to hear about how I just want to keep kissing you? Or should I tell you about how I can't seem to get you out of my mind?"

Blaine eagerly nods at her. Rachel takes a deep breath before continuing.

"Or perhaps I should tell you about how all of those things make me feel guilty and ashamed?"

"Why Rachel?"

"Because Kurt's my friend and he really likes you. And unlike our rivalry over Finn, Kurt actually has a chance with you."

"But I want you," Blaine flatly tells her. "Don't I get a say in all of this? Don't I get to say who I want?"

Rachel sighs as she picks up the once again discarded towel and starts to dry him off with brisk motions. Blaine submits to her ministrations as they fall silent. He watches as she chews on her lower lip as her hands move over the contours of his body. It had all seemed so simple back at the coffee shop when he had just upped and left Kurt sitting at their table.

Somehow Rachel manages to get him out of the wet clothes and into the dry clothes that she had pulled out for him. It's no where near as sexy as he had thought it would have been since she manages to remain clinical as she undresses him. When he goes to kiss her, she moves her head so that his kiss lands on her jaw and not her mouth. For a blissful moment or two, she allows him to trail his kisses along the length of her jaw and down her neck. She softly sighs before she slips away from him.

"It's complicated," Rachel tiredly tells him.

"So uncomplicate it," Blaine replies.

"I am sure that making friends come easy to people like you Blaine. I'm sure that Kurt has entertained you with stories about how socially awkward I am in comparison. It's not easy for me and the few friends that I have, I don't want to lose them."

Rachel's voice is flat and Blaine wraps his arms around her, pulling her close, offering her comfort that she seems to be starved for as she wraps her arms around his waist as they just stand there. When he runs his hands up and down her back, she knows the truth in her words and she wonders if he had laughed at her misery. If anything, Kurt has a dramatic flair for storytelling.

"For me to make friends with Kurt and Mercedes was a big thing. If I was to explore what I feel with you when we kiss regardless of how you feel about it, well I wouldn't have either Kurt or Mercedes anymore. And let's be honest it's not as if either of them are the greatest of friends to me."

"Rachel," Blaine starts before she cuts him off.

"No, Blaine, you don't get it. I want to say yes, I really want to but I don't want to go back to being a social pariah again. The friendship that I have with Kurt and even Mercedes isn't much but it's all that I have."

"Rachel it doesn't have to be like that."

Her laugh is harsh and bitter. She doesn't bother to tell him about all of the slushies that have been dumped on her or all of the hateful comments that she routinely deletes from her Myspace page (including those that have been left by both Kurt and Mercedes in the past) nor does she tell him about how lonely she sometimes feels. Being friends with Mercedes and Kurt is all that she has outside of Glee club now that she's written off boys. She's an over-achiever because she's been so desperate to find her way out of Lima since she was five years old because she's always been a social pariah.

"It does have to be like this Blaine, it's not as if you can whisk me off to Dalton. And even if you could, well I still need Kurt as my friend."

He seems to sense the loneliness and frustration that seeps into her voice and he acquiesces to her with a sigh. He brushes his lips against her forehead, desperate to touch her but respectful of her wishes to not force her for anything more.

"Anyhow Blaine, you're 100% gay, right?"

Her voice is far too cheerful and forced. He doesn't know how to put it into words so that she'll understand that whatever it is between them goes much further than sexual identity. He wants to tell her that she's the only exception to the rule. But he knows that he can't do that, or at least not without breaking their hearts even more.

"I'm sorry," Blaine tells her.

"It's okay," Rachel says. "Both of my dads have told me that they had their moments when they weren't sure and felt it necessary to experiment with girls."

He wants to tell her that this isn't about experimenting or about cementing his sexuality. He knows who he is just like he knows he could happily spend forever with Rachel Berry if only she'd let him.

* * *

Later when he's in Kurt's SUV with his damp clothes neatly folded and placed in a bag by Rachel, since he's still wearing one of her father's sweat pants and t-shirt, Blaine wants to ask Kurt if he knows just how loyal she is to her friendship with him but he bites his tongue instead. Kurt hadn't been happy when Rachel had called and asked him to pick up Blaine.

"I guess Rachel is your exception. The girl that could make you straight," Kurt finally says, his voice strained.

Blaine knows that Kurt believes that he's chosen Rachel over him. And in a way he has. The guilt lances through Blaine's body as he stares out of his window, trying to find the words that will make all of this better.

"Yeah I guess so, but she made me realize something," Blaine finally says.

"What's that?" Kurt asks.

"That the fantasy is superior to the reality."

Kurt's expression is one of confusion and Blaine doesn't want to explain things to Kurt. He doesn't want to lie anymore than he already has. Still Blaine takes a deep breath and commits himself to the course of action that Rachel has set for them.

"Could you imagine actually dating Rachel?" Blaine asks with a smile that feels both forced and faked.

Kurt laughs and suddenly the atmosphere in the vehicle lightens. Blaine joins in with Kurt's laughter even though it feels as if his heart is breaking. When Kurt next speaks it's as if Blaine never walked out of the coffee shop and into the pouring rain with the intention of telling Rachel the truth. And a part of him wishes that he had never met Kurt or Rachel.

((END))