He lied to her. It was relatively easy to do so but it still breaks his heart when Kurt tells him just how easily Rachel's moved on. For the space of a week or so, Blaine had thought that what they had shared was something. Their heated kisses (even the one in the coffee shop) had been out of this world. The few kisses that he had shared with Kurt had been dull in comparison. (And Blaine really likes kissing Kurt a lot.) Still he's not sure how to react when Kurt gleefully tells him that Rachel's moved on.
Blaine tries to tell himself that they're in high school and they're supposed to be fickle and faithless. After all he had easily lied to her to make Kurt feel better. He tries telling himself that he had completely rejected her in the coffee shop. But none of it actually works. He can't help but think of when Rachel was completely enamored with him. Kurt had told him that she was clingy and that Blaine would probably have to deal with her crush for sometime.
The fact that she's moved on and he hasn't leaves him feeling empty in a way that he can't quite decipher. In the coffee shop, it had all appeared to be so easy. If the choice was between Rachel and Kurt, then it was easy to pick Kurt. Kurt who he cared about, Kurt who didn't make him question just who he was and what it meant to be him. Now nothing makes sense.
* * *
It's two in the morning and he can't seem to fall sleep. He's spent the last four hours tossing and turning. Thoughts of Rachel and Kurt keep Blaine wide awake. He's no longer able to deny the attraction that he feels for Rachel and how it makes his feelings for Kurt pale in comparison. In a perfect world, Blaine thinks that he could have easily fallen for Kurt instead of having these complicated and messy feelings for Kurt's friend.
He's not sure what spurs him to send a text to Rachel at two in the morning but he feels the need to tell her the truth. I lied in the coffee shop.
His thumb hovers over the send button for a few seconds before he presses down on it. Chances are she'll ignore it because she's sleeping. In the morning, Blaine thinks he can pass it off as sleep-texting or something equally lame. At least he'll know that he's told her the truth.
Ten minutes later his phone vibrates and Blaine's surprised to find a polite and coherent response from Rachel. Her verbose response tells him that she's certain he's texted the wrong person and that she hopes everything is okay. It shouldn't surprise him that even at two in the morning, Rachel is wordy but it does. He smiles as he savours each word.
The fact that he knows she's awake is why he calls her. He doesn't want to waste time texting back and forth about whether or not he had texted the right person in the first place. He wants this conversation to be clear and the easiest way to convince her is to tell her over the phone when she can hear the sincerity in his voice.
"Blaine?" Rachel asks, her voice muffled and sleepy.
The image of a scantily clad Rachel Berry is a very hard image for him to push out of his mind. (Deep down inside it just confuses him more. He's not even sure who he is anymore.) He sighs and pushes the thought away for now.
"I meant to text you," Blaine tells her.
"What are you talking about? We haven't been in the coffee shop together since..."
Her voice trails off and he can practically hear her frantic thoughts over the phone as she pieces everything together. Blaine finishes the sentence for her nonetheless when the silence stretches between them.
"I know since I kissed you and told you that I hadn't felt a thing."
He nervously waits for her to say something, anything will do he thinks.
"Blaine, I'm not sure what you want me to say or do. You're with Kurt now and he's my friend. I think that you calling me this late and implying that you lied about how you feel is highly inappropriate."
He cuts in before she can continue on her rant. This isn't what he wanted to hear. Five minutes ago it had seemed easy: call Rachel, admit the truth and then what? Now he's not so certain.
"Please Rachel," Blaine begs.
"No!" Her voice raises in her denial. "I'm not doing this. Kurt is my friend. He's your boyfriend. Please don't call again!"
He can hear the tears in her voice when she hangs up on him, effectively ending the conversation without giving him a chance to convince her that he needs her. A part of him hopes that she's hurting just like he is and that she feels just as empty as he is. He vows that if she doesn't want him then he's going to throw himself into his relationship with Kurt since Rachel clearly doesn't want him.