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Moment of madness

Chapter Text

A/N Warning- Callie or Arizona may be with others in this story but Calzona is endgame

Disclaimer: Characters belong to ABC and Shonda Rhimes

Arizona's POV

Arizona Robbins rushed out of the hospital and hopped into her SUV. Putting her foot on the gas she set off on a familiar route. Callie was going to be pissed, though of course as a surgeon herself she knew punctuality was not always an option. Arizona was supposed to collect Sofia a half hour ago. Normally they did the handover at the hospital. The child care facilities there were excellent. One of the carers would collect the young kindergarteners from school if their medical parents were unable to, and bring them to the day care centre in the hospital. Here every Wednesday, Arizona would either say hello or goodbye to Sofia depending on whether it was her or Callie's week to have her. The arrangement had worked over the past year. Their work schedule was more structured, a perk of owning the hospital. Though there were occasions when one or the other couldn't make it ,neither minded too much when that happened. No matter how organised their schedules were there was always the potential for an emergency to crop up.

A pregnant woman with a foetal abnormality that required urgent surgery was Arizona's reason for being late. Callie had a few days off so Sofia was at home with her. Arizona was to collect her at 6 but it would be 7 at this rate. Pulling into the driveway of the home she once shared with Callie, she felt the bittersweet emotions engulf her. The joy they shared signing the papers for the house, the laughter moving in and decorating, each having to compromise on 'bat cave' versus 'Easter basket' decor. Sharing lazy Sunday mornings with Sofia in their living room, reading Sunday papers while she played around their feet. Or sunny afternoon strolls to the park down the road, each of them holding tiny hands as they swung her back and forth on their short journey. And then, the bitter memories of her last few weeks living in the house. The one month separation that left her miserable but she ploughed through thinking the sacrifice would be worth it, their marriage could be fixed. That amazing last night where Callie seduced her, made passionate love to her on their marital bed. No, not love. In hindsight it wasn't love. Passionate sex, that's what it was.

For the first time since her amputation, Callie had not handled her with kid gloves. The raw animal desire she used to plunder Arizona's defences had been missing for some time in their marriage. Yes the sex post amputation was a long time coming. And when it did, it was sweet, and loving and tender. Arizona knew Callie was trying to be thoughtful and careful with her but truth be told she missed the rougher sex they had often shared. Having to have her spouse up against the door or on the dining room table or being so into it one or the other tumbled off the bed. After the amputation Callie was so afraid of physically hurting her or reminding her of her new body, she made gentle love to her. And to Arizona , that only reminded her of her disability.

Knocking on the door even though she had a key, she heard fast footsteps rush towards her. The door swung open and her little brunette embraced her around her legs with a joyful 'Mama'. Arizona lifted her up, grunting at the growing weight of her daughter. She buried her face in her hair and savoured the moment knowing it wouldn't be long before her little girl would be too big to be lifted up.

"Hey baby girl" she smiled kissing her daughter on the cheek. She had not seen her for five days. When Callie was working she saw her everyday in day care but this week Callie was off so she hadn't seen Sofia. Sofia obviously missed her as well, snuggling in for a prolonged hug though she was getting to an age where she avoided babying.

"I'm not a baby mama" she corrected Arizona before squirming to be put down, her desire to see her mother after a long absence having been fulfilled. She ran off to get her little suitcase and as Arizona closed the door she heard Callie reprimand their daughter "Mija, no running in the house please" and her daughters nonchalant "sorry mami".

Callie arrived at the entrance hallway and nodded her head towards the kitchen "Do you want a coffee while her ladyship gets organised?"

Looking at her watch she frowned "I'm so late I thought she'd be packed"

"She was" Callie replied "but while she was waiting she kept changing her mind about what to bring and ended up emptying her case"

Shaking her head Arizona smiled. "I'd love a coffee. I haven't stopped going since breakfast".

She followed Callie into the kitchen trying to refrain from staring at her ex-wife's ass. It was moulded beautifully in a red jersey dress, that clung to every curve and hung just at her knees. Her calves were toned and excellently emphasised by the red high heels Callie wore. A familiar ache in her heart grew knowing Callie was dressed like this for someone else. Another reason she hated collecting Sofia from here. At the hospital Callie was usually clad in her scrubs when they met in the day care centre and Arizona could forget that Callie had a life outside of the hospital. Collecting her from their old home, She was reminded of the life Callie had without her. It was almost 20 months since Callie walked out of the therapists office.

Arizona knew it was her infidelity that essentially broke their marriage. Sure there were other issues but they could all be forgiven. Not the cheating though - that moment of madness, so many emotions flooding her brain "its okay to lose control, its okay to lose control" those words repeated in her head again and again as she stepped towards the exit of that call room and suddenly it was if her brain just snapped. She was so tired of trying to control everything in those months after the plane crash. She knew she would lose Callie if she didn't suck it up and get on with it. So she tried. She did her physical therapy, got fitted for her prosthetic, returned to work though standing for long hours was so physically draining, resumed intimate relations with her wife though she felt as desirable as a plastic mannequin. How could Callie bear to touch her? But she did and they had a nice sex life, nothing compared to pre crash but she thought they were getting there and then the miscarriage. Again she tried to control her feelings, not reacting when Callie was disappointed in her, just getting on with it. Control , control , control. And so she snapped and in the end ruined her marriage anyway.

How did she ever expect Callie to forgive her when she couldn't forgive herself.