The night after Paris Hilton gets released from jail, Andy comes over to celebrate. They order Chinese and rent Marie Antoinette, because Paris is in France, which is where Marie Antoinette was all awesomely stylish and queenly until she got her head chopped off. It all makes sense, and Andy completely gets what she’s saying. Kelly appreciates it, because usually, when she would explain those sorts of things to Ryan, he would just stare at her for a really long time and then say something like, “Okay, whatever” and flip through his business school textbooks through the whole entire movie. And hi, you are totally not going to appreciate the fact that it’s the prettiest movie ever (except Moulin Rouge, duh) if you’re not even looking at the screen. Ryan was so lame like that.
She’s starting to think she really is better off without him. And that’s totally not just all the Kelly Clarkson she’s been listening to lately talking.
Andy seems to really like the movie – he totally rocks out when I Want Candy comes on, because he is a doof – and he talks to her during all the quiet parts that are just Kirsten Dunst looking really pretty while she takes a bath or walks down a hallway. Kelly confesses that she would totally marry Louis XVI, even though he’s sort of weird and short and socially retarded and has all those sex issues, because there are these tiny moments where he just, like, looks at Marie Antoinette, and you can completely tell that he’s totally in love with her. Besides, there’s something charming, in a weird way, about the idea of a guy who doesn’t want to just have sex all the time.
“And, yeah, Count Fersen is a babe,” Kelly concludes, “but I almost wish she hadn’t cheated on Louis, you know? He loves her so much. And it’s not his fault he’s a huge dork.” She looks over, and Andy’s just staring at her. He does that a lot.
“Andy!” she exclaims, and waves a hand in front of his face. “Hellooo?”
“Oh!” He shakes his head, like he’s just waking up. “Right. Amen. What you said. Times two – plus one hundred.” He grins.
“Were you even listening to me?” she asks, irritated. Although she guesses she probably shouldn’t blame him too much if he wasn’t. Nobody else does.
“‘He loves her so much,’” Andy repeats back dutifully, to her surprise. “‘And it’s not his fault he’s a huge dork.’”
“Oh,” she says, feeling a little bad. Maybe she shouldn’t doubt him so much. “Well . . . okay. I just think the affair thing was a huge mistake on her part.” She frowns thoughtfully. “And so was wasting all that money on cute shoes and making the poor people all mad, too, I guess.”
Andy’s quiet for so long that she starts to think he’s hypnotized by the never-ending shot of her walking up all those stairs. She can’t really blame him.
“Maybe,” he says all of a sudden, kind of low and tragic, “he never thought she could love a dork like him.”
“Why not?” Kelly asks, a little indignant.
“She’s Kirsten Dunst,” Andy reminds her impatiently. “Hot-tie cen-tral, hellooo.”
“Well, yeah,” Kelly acknowledges, because Kirsten is on her list of girls she’d change teams for.
“And he’s that dude from Slackers,” Andy continues. “And he feels unworthy of the lovely and captivating Lady Dunst, and that’s why he ignores her to make awesome mu—” He looks at her all uncomfortably, and then resumes with, “keys, ‘keys’ is what I was saying – and it takes like five years for them to get it on.”
“Maybe he should just figure out that appearances aren’t all that important,” Kelly retorts.
Andy makes a face at her. “Oh, puh-leeze!”
“They aren’t,” Kelly insists, glaring at him. “And besides, I think he’s kinda cute. In a weird way.”
Andy gets all still, right in the middle of bringing a piece of teriyaki chicken to his mouth, and just looks at her. Then he lets out this little disbelieving, happy laugh, which is kind of a weird reaction. He leans forward a little bit, so their knees touch. “Really?”
“I dunno,” she responds, shrugging. “Don’t you think Jason Schwartzman is kinda cute?”
“Oh,” he says, kind of sadly. She doesn’t get him sometimes. Still, he’s better to hang out with than Ryan.
He leans over quickly to grab a fortune cookie off the coffeetable, and when he sits back again, their knees don’t touch anymore.
“Heyyy,” he says sort of loudly, in that extra-emphatic way he has sometimes, “is she ever going to stop climbing those stairs?”
“You sat on the pause button, dork,” she points out, swatting him on the arm.
He presses play again, and she gets totally sucked into the movie right away, which is good. Otherwise, she would be completely freaked out by the fact that she thinks she might miss Andy’s knee a little bit. And sorry, but no way is she getting involved with another guy at work. She’s not stupid.