Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)
Sam rolled her eyes before turning to look at Jack. She'd lost count of how many times he had shouted her over the past half an hour, always asking the same question. Sometimes she couldn't believe he was a Colonel with more field experience than practically anyone else she'd ever met. She knew he acted dumb on purpose sometimes; but sometimes he really was dumb.
This time, though, Sam decided to humour him. "Yes, sir?"
"Are you *sure* this stuff isn't permanent?" Jack asked.
Normally his constant questioning her judgement would annoy Sam, but for some reason, she found this funny. "Yes, sir. I'm sure."
Which wasn't exactly the truth, and Jack seemed to know it, which was why he narrowed his eyes slightly and went back to watching Daniel and Teal'c. The moment his back was turned, Sam allowed herself a smirk. It was petty, she knew, but a little bit of revenge for certain things over the years; the tank top comment, the alternate versions of themselves who were married (so that wasn't *this* Jack's fault, but still), and the oh-my-God-I-can't-believe-you-did-that kiss in the time loop. Sam nodded slightly to herself. Yes, Colonel O'Neill was due a little bit of revenge from his second and now he was getting it.
Of course, if Colonel O'Neill had been asked his opinion, he would have said that he didn't deserve any sort of retribution for his actions; after all, he knew Sam would have done exactly the same thing if the roles had been reversed. It was, however, the casual way he dropped it into a conversation and never gave Sam a chance to respond that did it. So now, here they were on a new world, P3X-915, and it was raining.
Unfortunately, it was orange rain and it was saturating not only their clothes, but their skin and their hair.
"Carter, if I come outta this looking like a six foot Oompa-Loompa, there's gonna be trouble!" Jack called to her.
Teal'c tilted his head on one side. "I do not understand the reference, O'Neill."
"It's an Earth thing," Jack replied. "From a film."
"Major Carter assured us the effects will not last. Do you doubt her word?"
Jack looked up at the big Jaffa. "No. It's just…."
"He thinks Sam's getting her own back on him," Daniel interjected, without looking up from the markings he was studying.
Teal'c frowned. "Major Carter does not seem one inclined towards revenge."
Now Daniel did look up. "That depends on what Jack's supposed to have done…or actually did do."
"Not a word," Jack muttered warningly at Teal'c.
"To what are you referring, O'Neill?" Teal'c replied.
*'Damn,'* Jack thought. *'He's got the best poker face I've ever seen. Wonder if I can borrow it….'*
"Look, Sam might be happy to wind you up, Jack, but I don't think she'd include us," Daniel continued. "So if she says the colour will wash out…." He shrugged. "I believe her.
"Gangin' up of brainiacs," Jack muttered. "So, found anything interestin' yet?"
Daniel stood up and dusted his hands off. "Not a thing," he said, chagrined.
Jack looked surprised. "Zip?"
"Nada," Daniel confirmed, nodding.
"Are just weird looking doodles in the mud, Jack, yes," Daniel said.
"Oh," Jack replied, turning. "Carter! Hey, Carter!" Suddenly he couldn't see her. "Either of you notice where Carter went?"
"No, O'Neill. Shall I look for her?" Teal'c asked.
"Yeah. You go that way, I'll go that way," Jack replied.
"I'll stay here. You know, in case Sam returns from…wherever she is," Daniel added.
"You mean you'll stay here where it's *dry*," Jack retorted, looking at the flimsy cover the archaeologist was stood under.
Daniel shrugged. "I'm not a field man, as you frequently like to point out. I'd probably get lost, which is a little pointless, don't you think?"
Jack shook his head, turned and walked off without another word. He headed straight to where he had seen Sam last, but the Major wasn't there. She had, however, left some clear footprints, and Jack followed slowly.
It didn't take him long to find his second. She was knelt down, obviously examining something, and didn't seem to have any idea he was there, so Jack took the opportunity to examine Sam. The past four years had been nothing short of a roller coaster for them in every single way, and he found himself wishing that the regulations didn't apply. Or that neither of them were in the military. Or one of hundred different things, all ending with the same conclusion; he and Sam together, as a couple.
What made it worse was their forced admission of their feelings so neither of them got shot. When Jack thought his feelings weren't reciprocated - because Sam had never actually said anything - he'd managed to convince himself of that even though he *knew* it wasn't true. But then those damned Zay'tarc things had happened and….
Jack shook his head and cleared his throat. "Waddja got there, Carter?"
Sam started a little and turned to look at him. "I don't know, sir, but it seems to be the only thing on this planet. There's no evidence of any life or previous civilisations; it's like no one's ever been here but us, sir."
"Well, someone put that big ol' gate there," Jack pointed out. "And Daniel's playing in the mud as well, looking at some squiggles."
Sam looked amused. "Squiggles, sir?"
Jack nodded firmly. "Yup. We got squiggles, doohickeys and Oompa-Loompa skin outta this mission. Lucky us."
"Yes, sir," Sam replied, grinning and holding up the device she had found. "At least it wasn't a total wasted trip."
Jack stared at her. "Only you, Major, would think that one doohickey and a load of squiggles were worth the trip through the gate."
"Oh, not those, sir," Sam said, waving away his comment as she walked past him. "I was thinking more about the Oompa- Loompa skin. You know, now I think about it, I'm not entirely sure it *will* come out."
"Let's hope it does, Carter, for your sake," Jack growled ominously, following his second back to the others.
"Have you located Major Carter, O'Neill?" Teal'c called.
"Yeah, she was playing with a doohickey," Jack replied.
Daniel's head shot up. "Sam found an artefact?"
Jack didn't know Daniel could move so fast, but before he reached Sam, there was a blinding flash of orange light, reflecting off the rain drops and dazzling everyone.
"What the…?" Jack shouted. "Carter! Teal'c! Daniel! Is everyone okay?"
"I think so, O'Neill," Teal'c replied.
"Apart from not being able to see anything," Daniel added.
"Tell me about it," Jack muttered. "Carter! Carter!"
There was a groan. "Here, sir."
As his eyesight came back, Jack could see his second sprawled on the floor, the device near her hand. "For cryin' out loud, Carter, you didn't activate it, did you?" he asked incredulously.
"I didn't know it *could* be activated, sir," Sam replied defensively. "All I did was turn it over and held it a different way and…."
"Bang?" Daniel supplied in an amused tone.
Sam glared at him. "This isn't funny, Daniel."
"It is if you're stood where I am," he replied. "Major Sam Carter, covered from head to toe in mud. Hey, Jack, have you got the camera?"
"I think, Danny Boy, you might have a death wish, but I don't." Jack turned to Sam and extended his hand.
"Jack, I don't think that's such a good idea," Daniel said suddenly.
"Why? You think I'm going to drag the Colonel down here instead of letting him help me up?" Sam snapped, only realising what she had said *after* she had said it.
Daniel's eyes widened. "Ah, no, Sam. I was thinking we have no idea what that device might have done to you, so…."
"As far as I know, it didn't do anything except light the place up like the fourth of July," Sam replied wearily. The dampness that had soaked her clothes was now seeping through to her clothes, and the last time she remembered being this cold was when she and Jack were stuck in the Artic.
"As far as you know," Daniel repeated.
"I agree with DanielJackson. This device may have caused unseen changes to you, Major Carter," Teal'c replied.
Jack held his hand up. "Right. Carter, can you get up without help?"
"Yes, sir," Sam said, pushing herself gingerly to her feet and trying not to slip.
"Good. Now what about that device?" he asked.
"Well, Sam's already touched it so I'd assume it's safe for her to touch again as long as she's careful," Daniel said.
Sam and Jack both glared at him. "You assume?" Jack repeated quickly before Sam could speak.
"Do you have a better suggestion?" Daniel asked agitatedly.
"Look, I'll get it, okay?" Sam bent down and grabbed the device. Everyone waited, but nothing happened. "There, see? No problem."
"Daniel, do those…markings mean anything at all?" Jack asked.
The archaeologist shook his head. "Not as far as I can tell. At a guess…yes, Jack, a guess…I'd say no one's been here for a very very very long time, if at all. I think someone dropped a gate here and then forgot about it."
"Which is what I said, sir," Sam told Jack.
"I heard ya, Carter, but it's always a good idea to get the opinion of the other brainiac on the team," Jack replied. "Well, since there's nothing here for us except that…device thing Carter's holdin', let's head back to the gate."