It’s as if he knew.
He knew the whole time.
Knew what all those elongated touches during strifes meant.
Knew what all those moans and wet sheets in the morning meant.
Knew that your feelings weren’t just brotherly.
Knew that you wanted more.
Like the birds that caw outside your window, asking for food they scavenge, except you want attention.
You want love.
From the one source that holds such ambiguity.
You communicate through poorly scrawled notes.
Through fights with sweat and the Texan heat beating down your backs.
Through the smallest of gestures and body language only comprehensible to the both of you.
It felt special, and yet there were days like these where you wished for more.
Wished for a brother you could just talk to.
Could go and hug if you were having a shitty day.
But it was enough, the ambiguity held enough sincerity to almost seem real.
That you could believe he loved you.
It wasn’t how you loved him though.
Not how brothers should love each other.
No, you were messed up for it.
You were that damn crow starved for love and attention.
Love and attention from the person who denied you it most.
And he knew it.
That’s why you find yourself seated on the futon a cup ramen in your hands the plastic styrofoam pressing heat into your palms. You both were sticky from the heat and lazing about half watching some shitty movie on TV. Out of the corner of your eye you would gaze at him running your eyes up his body almost envious of the physique. Envious not only because you looked at your own body and how stick like it was even though you both strifed quite regularly, but because you wish you could run your hands across it. Those biceps, that toned chest and work your way down brushing thighs and taking him right into your—
Stop it, it’s already pathetic how much you pine after him just be glad he’s actually here and just enjoy the time. Instead you start up a banter criticizing the movie you’re both watching and how predictable it’s playing out to be.
“Of course she’d be falling for him, no one in the writing staff thought that would be overdone or anything.”
“Oh shit, watch out though, his roommate has been checking out those goods and is getting ready to take that shit to the check-out line.”
“Oh man, we’re getting set up for a shopping cat fight, bitch don’t you know he saw those shoes first, and they match his eyes better than they would yours.”
He lets out a quiet laugh and you feel a rush of satisfaction knowing you’re one of the few who can make him genuinely laugh. See, you don’t need to complicate this. So what if you wish you could be sprawled out on his lap while watching it. Or maybe have him scratch your scalp with his fingers like he used to do when you were five. Fuck, you’re getting too deep into this, if you don’t get your shit together he really will notice.
You don’t need to make yourself more obvious, he already raises his eyebrow at the flash stepping you do to the shower after you both strife trying to hide the boner you pop when he gets a little too rough. You faintly see him smirk lately when you do that though. The last thing you need is him finding ou—holy shit that’s a hand. That’s a hand definitely on your thigh and only you and Bro are here.
You choke a bit on the ramen you were trying to swallow about to ask him what the fuck pretending you don’t want it when he inches a bit closer.
“You would think he’d wear them better wouldn’t you?” He smirks; oh shit is this about him actually thinking you’re just hiding liking guys?
“W-What’re you talking about man?” You reply, his fingers on your leg are really distracting and are they getting closer to your crotch? He wouldn’t care about the guy thing, hell he’s mentioned laying a few guys himself. So what is this actually about, did he find out you’re really digging him? Or is he digging you? This is too fucked up.
Sensing your growing tension he decides to increase it fingers grasping your thigh—yeah they did move down more—leaning closer to your ear, “Tell me Dave, you waiting for me to go on sale too?”
You didn’t think you could get any tenser, but the room literally freezes. He knows. Fuck how long has he known. You watch the time go on, like it’s a physical entity, the movie slowed down in the background, our protagonist freaking out to find out about the crushes his friends hold.
You don’t answer, your grip on the ramen cup only getting tighter as his hand moves further down. You struggle to calm your voice enough to answer, but it still stutters out a nervous reply.
“D-Don’t know what you’re talking about Bro. Coulda’ swore you weren’t for grabs in a store near me.”
He nips the shell of your ear inviting, “Well this just in, heard you were cravin’ one so I went ahead and ordered one. Your choice when you want to pick it up.”
You shoot up nearly dropping the ramen cup on the floor and flash step to your room, he’s fucking with you again.
It’s always riddles and rhymes, one moment you understand him in a quiet way feeling unique that you get him. The next you’re baffled wondering just what exactly he’s intending with his actions and words. This feels like he’s making it a game, one he’d been silently watching your apparently poor attempts at hiding how you felt.
On the other hand he could be completely serious and be offering you a chance you never thought you’d get. How long had he just been waiting for a chance to casually mention it? Waiting for the perfect moment to make the whole situation ironic, because straightforward is rare if forbidden in this household. Your brother is an enigma whose purpose is almost never clear to you or if it is it usually becomes fogged out shortly after.
To accept could hold an array of scenarios. He could turn around and say you lost your chance, shit’s sold out and was limited time only simply because he was joking and wanted a way out of it in a method that’d force you to confess and ridicule you. You don’t even want to dwell on what it’d be like if he was serious because it’s impossible to picture Bro anything, but how he is normally.
Yet, you go to bed that night after making sure to sneak your pieces of pizza into your room when you’re sure Bro left to DJ ignoring your friends attempts to reach you filled with uncertainty. Is he going to continue this mocking you or completely drop the whole thing until you bring it up again?