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Avengers Weekly Episode 52: Favorites

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Avengers Weekly Episode 52: Favorites
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AVENGERS WEEKLY EPISODE 52: FAVORITES - TRANSCRIPT

[INTRO MUSIC]

ELIZA
Coming to you from New York City, we’ve got an exciting anniversary episode of Avengers Weekly brought to you by Stark Industries.

MIRIAM
Your first host you may know from her ever-popular Superhumans of New York blog, dishing out all the news on all your favorite Avengers, as well as her monthly ‘Super-Style’ column in Nylon magazine. She’s the one and only Eliza Roland.

ELIZA
And my illustrious co-host is none other than Miriam Whitman, reporter for the Daily Bugle. Known for her hard-hitting journalistic integrity, Miriam ALSO excels at spilling her incredibly bright-green matcha lattes all over herself. You okay dude?

MIRIAM
(sighs) Yeah, it was pretty much cold anyway. I really need to start bringing a change of clothes to work. (can hear her wiping herself off with napkins) Ugh.

ELIZA
Yeah, what is, is this like, what, third time this month?

MIRIAM
Something like that.

ELIZA
And, listeners, remember that we only get together to record this once a week, so that is some pretty impressive skill right there.

MIRIAM
Thanks for that.

ELIZA
I try.

MIRIAM
MOVING RIGHT ALONG. We’ve got a packed episode for you guys this week, a real treat for our one year anniversary. This week’s theme is ‘Favorites.’ We’ve been asking for your input on whom we should showcase for this episode, and you’ve responded very enthusiastically. One person stood above the rest, however. But to keep the suspense, we’ll get to the poll results in a bit. First, news of the week!

ELIZA
I can’t believe it’s been a year!

MIRIAM
I know, I’m pretty impressed we’ve kept it up so long. That’s a whole lot of episodes.

ELIZA
That’s a whole lot of matcha lattes.

MIRIAM
Moving on to NEWS!
This week, Thor dropped in to stop a burglary in progress perpetrated by goons known as the Serpent Society which caused more than a little damage. It actually happened pretty close to us, just a few blocks down at the of Museum of Modern Art, I think. I could smell the smoke as soon as I stepped out of the office. But also, can we just talk about these guys’ names for a minute? Like, really? Black Mamba, Deathadder, Cobra? That’s what you’re going with?

ELIZA
I know! Terrible. These “supervillians” really need to get more creative with their names, as we say a lot on this podcast. Maybe find something outside the herpetarium.

MIRIAM
Are you telling me snakes aren’t your favorite reptiles?

ELIZA
Ugh. God. No.
Moving on, this past Friday was another one of Stark Industries’ famous galas, meaning we got the chance to see our favorite heroes dressed to the nines.

MIRIAM
Do you remember what this one was supposed to be about?

ELIZA
Who even knows. At this point I think Stark just likes getting everyone dressed up.

MIRIAM
Well, we thank him for that.

ELIZA
So much. Especially Clint Barton, who showed up in a really striking tuxedo in his signature purple. It was amazing.

MIRIAM
And where were our invitations to this thing?

ELIZA
I know. “Lost in the mail,” you might say?

MIRIAM
To be fair, I haven’t had time to check out the gossip. Was his suit really that bad?

ELIZA
Oh man, you have to find the pictures. I don’t think anyone could stop staring. Natasha Romanoff looked amazing as ever though, in a couture dress that I heard was designed by Janet Van Dyne herself. Swoon.
And it wouldn’t be a Stark party without SOMEONE going on a rampage. It seems like everyone’s favorite android, the Vision, had a little too much to drink.

MIRIAM
Jeez, got into the coolant again?

ELIZA
Something like that? No one really seems sure exactly what happened, but he was definitely on the fritz... Busting in and out of windows and singing “Call Me Maybe” at the top of his very-impressively-amplified lungs, apparently.

MIRIAM
Oh my god, Jepsen, really? I always thought he’d be more into hard rock, maybe a little Black Sabbath, some AC/DC maybe.

ELIZA
Right? Well like, he IS technically a Tony Stark creation, so that seems most likely, but... Maybe this is his teenage rebellion phase?

Oh, and in our last piece of news, don’t forget about the upcoming New York Veterans’ Run. Same-day registration and sponsorship will be accepted, and the Avengers’ very own Captain Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson will be right there, running right alongside you. Or, in the case of Rogers, significantly ahead of you, then behind you, then beside you, then ahead of you, and so on.

MIRIAM
All funds will go to veterans in need and their families. To register ahead of time, sponsor someone, make a donation, or view the run’s accessibility accommodations, please visit the website at runcaptainrun dot org. All people of all abilities are welcome to participate, with assistive accommodations provided by Stark Industries and various donors.

ELIZA
That’s it for news this week. We’ll be back with the results of our poll after this message!

--

AD
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND]

TONY (excerpt/soundbite)
You want the world to waste away? Okay, fine then. Let it waste away. Pollute our planet. Even though we can do something about it. We know how to save it.

VOICE OVER
Although coal and oil revolutionized society and fueled innovation, it was only the beginning.

PEPPER (excerpt/soundbite)
We’re looking to the future. Not only to our children, but to their children, and their children. We need to protect their future by preserving our own.

VOICE OVER
We’ve outgrown fossil fuels, strained them past their limit. Now is the time for clean, renewable energy.

TONY (excerpt/soundbite)
Stark Industries is all about what can we do better. We can do this better. We aren’t going to ignore the issue. We’re not going to let you ignore it.

PEPPER (excerpt/soundbite)
Clean energy in our factories, in our homes, in our businesses… this can be the real change we need.

VOICE OVER
Stark Industries is the leader in clean energy. We can make a difference… together.
Stark Industries: Changing the World For a Better Future.

--

MIRIAM
No, I’ve got it, you don’t need to-

ELIZA
It’s dripping onto the floor.

MIRIAM
We’re good, I got it, thanks.

ELIZA
No more tea for you.

MIRIAM
Yeah, right. I think we’ve got a show to do?

ELIZA
Yes! Um, so, as we said at the top, this week’s theme is ‘Favorites’, and we’re starting off with a big one- Favorite Avenger.

MIRIAM
Such a hard decision.

ELIZA
For real. We asked you to give us your answer and thousands of you voted, and while all the Avengers got a good following, in the end, there could only be one.

MIRIAM
We were surprised by the sheer volume of your response. I didn’t think we had such a dedicated following and it was moving to receive such passionate support for the whole Avengers team. Even that new Ant-man guy.

ELIZA
Even Ant-man. And this person who won certainly deserves the honor.

MIRIAM
You voted, and your favorite superhero- the one you most wanted to hear about for our special one year anniversary was...

ELIZA
Drumroll please! (drumming on desk) The one, the only, Captain America, Captain Steve Rogers! (both applaud)

ELIZA
Um, we all grew up with the lunchboxes, the awkward 9th grade class reports, and that truly awful Nicholas Cage film.

MIRIAM
Hey, I liked that one.

ELIZA
You genuinely like Nicholas Cage, you don’t count.

MIRIAM
You like those ‘70s films.

ELIZA
But I don’t claim they’re any good.

MIRIAM
Okay, fair point. Anyway, there’s no way you haven’t heard of Captain America. But in case you’re one of the few people who slept through history class-

ELIZA
-Or has been living under a rock the past six years-

MIRIAM
We’re gonna give you a quick rundown on the man, the legend, the star of millions of Americans’ first wet dreams-

ELIZA
- oh my god-

MIRIAM
Eliza, take it away.

[“The Star-Spangled Man” STARTS TO PLAY IN THE BACKGROUND]

ELIZA
Okay, so, during World War II, a young man named Steve Rogers wanted to serve his country. He was rejected by the army for being too small and sickly, but, finally, the Army relented and he was selected for an experiment to turn him into the first of an army of supersoldiers. While the experiment worked, making him faster, stronger, taller, and, let’s face it, way hunkier-

MIRIAM
Way hunkier.

- the lead scientist, Dr. Erskine, was assassinated by a member of the TOP SECRET Nazi science division, HYDRA. Rogers joined the many celebrities who were selling warbonds, but finally made it overseas, where he embarked on a daring solo raid that saved nearly 200 POWs -including, and this is important- his childhood best friend, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, known to his friends as Bucky. Captain Rogers later formed the Howling Commandos, eventually leading them to defeat HYDRA, which, by the way, was led by a man with another TERRIBLE supervillain name- the Red Skull.

MIRIAM
Superpowered Nazi, the most literal name imaginable; not a good combo.

ELIZA
After almost 2 years of leading his team on successful mission after successful mission, Cap heroically and tragically sacrificed himself in 1944 to stop Red Skull from destroying New York, mere days after the also tragic loss, of his second-in-command, Barnes. The nation mourned Cap’s apparent demise, he became even more of a national icon, and many films were made, all of them terrible.

MIRIAM
It’s not that-

ELIZA
TERRIBLE. ALL OF THEM. Anyways, way back in 2012, good ol’ Captain Rogers was found frozen under the ice above the arctic circle, and was brought back to life just in time to join the Battle for New York, defeating the Chitauri aliens and earning his place as the leader of the group of superheroes we all know and love as the Avengers. Over the past few years he’s not only stopped an alien invasion, exposed corruption at the highest levels of the American security network, and saved Sokovia from megalomaniacal robots, he also, somehow, found the time to get engaged-

MIRIAM
-which we’ve covered, extensively.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Between saving the day, defeating aliens and HYDRA, and defending his fellow supersoldier Bucky Barnes in what will probably go down in history as the trial of the century, he’s also done a lot of charitable work and really, you couldn’t ask for a more perfect guy.

ELIZA
...Superman?

MIRIAM
Superman’s a fictional character. Also, super boring.

ELIZA
Just proving that you really can’t get better than Cap.

MIRIAM
And that’s true.

ELIZA
And now that that’s out of the way, I do believe it’s time for our special anniversary show treat!
I’m so excited about this.

MIRIAM
We were lucky enough to get to interview Steve Rogers over Skype from his Brooklyn apartment earlier this week, and damn it if he’s not even more perfect in real life. Let’s play the clip!

--

MIRIAM
Welcome to the show, we are honored to have you.

STEVE
Thank you very much, honored to be here. Well, sort of.

ELIZA
First off I want to say congratulations on your engagement, to both you and Mr. Barnes. I know the announcement was last month already, and I’m the last person to do so, but...

STEVE
Uh, there does seem to be a new stack of congratulations arriving at the Tower every day, so you are definitely not the last.

ELIZA
I suppose there are some extravagant offers from celebrities for wedding plans in there?

STEVE
More than a few, let’s say. I think we-

BUCKY (yelling from other room)
STEVE!

STEVE (yelling back)
YEAH?

BUCKY
WHERE’S MY SHIRT?

STEVE
...WHAT SHIRT?

BUCKY
THE BLUE ONE

STEVE
WHICH BLUE ONE?

BUCKY
Y’KNOW, THE BLUE BLUE ONE, YOU KNOW, WITH THE BUTTONS.

STEVE
I- IT’S IN THE HAMPER. YOU WORE IT TO DINNER SATURDAY, REMEMBER? Sorry guys-

BUCKY
IT’S NOT IN THE HAMPER, YOU DINK, DON’T YOU THINK I WOULDA LOOKED THERE FIRST?

STEVE
FIND IT YOURSELF, I’M DOING A THING. Sorry bout that.

MIRIAM
No worries!

ELIZA
Anyways, um, as you’ve maybe heard-

BUCKY
I FOUND IT. IT WAS UNDER THE- bed. Steve, what are you doing?

STEVE
Uh, Buck, I told you I an interview today. These are the nice young ladies from that Avengers podcast.

MIRIAM & ELIZA
(awkwardly) Hello!

BUCKY
Um, yeah. Uh, pleasure to meet ya both. ...Nat & I are gonna go check out that new sushi place on Flatbush for lunch, you gonna come?

STEVE
Yeah, I should be, yeah. So long as someone doesn’t keep interrupting me.

BUCKY
(cheeky) Love you.

STEVE
You too. Sorry ma’am, what were you saying?

ELIZA
(high pitched noise)

MIRIAM
AS we were saying, we’ve been asking our listeners to send in stories and comments about why you’re their favorite Avenger, and the outpouring of love has been amazing. How does it feel to be such an inspiration?

STEVE
It’s complicated. Obviously I appreciate all the support, but it can be complicated because sometimes it interferes with my regular life and, to be honest, some of the work I do with the Avengers as well. A lot of people think about me- what they think comes from stories they heard in the years while I was frozen and it can be tough to live up to generations worth of imagination. It really means something to be able to have a place in so many people’s lives and to mean something to people that I’ve never met.

ELIZA
(regaining composure) So getting into a little more serious questions, what sort of role do you envision for the Avengers going into the future?

STEVE
The Avengers stand for hope. We stand for a better future. It’s not fun to say that we live in an imperfect world, but we do. The Avengers are a group of uniquely talented people, and we hope to do what we can to better the world in our own way.

ELIZA
In light of that we don’t face a global crisis, such as the New York Invasion or the robot attack on Sokovia everyday, what do the Avengers do in the meantime?

STEVE
I’ve been training the next generation of Avengers, a secondary team which will be lead by my buddy Sam.

ELIZA
This is Sam Wilson?

STEVE
Yeah, Falcon. Lately we’ve been working on helping with relief efforts, which I love. I’d much rather help with natural disaster cleanup or rebuilding than have to face a loaded gun. One day, maybe that’s all we’ll do.

MIRIAM
One can hope.

STEVE
I try to be optimistic. In the meantime, we face whatever the darkest parts of the world - the universe really - has to throw at us.

BUCKY
AND SO MUCH FOOD.

STEVE
Yeah, and lots of pizza parties. Tony’s really insistent on catching me and Bucky up on the movies we missed.

MIRIAM
What are your opinions of the Avengers critics? People who dismiss you as vigilantes or believe there’s no place for superheroes in modern society?

STEVE
They have every right. That said, we confront a lot of problems that can’t be dealt with in the ordinary way. We live in a world where the capacity for harm has rapidly outpaced the ability for police or courts effectively to manage every threat. Can you imagine trying to put Loki on trial? It’s incomprehensible, even without the brainwashing scepter he had. I hope that, eventually, the Avengers will be unnecessary, but, until then, we’re here to do what we can.

ELIZA
Okay, so what is your favorite part of the new millennium?

STEVE
Favorite? Oh jeez, that’s a hard question. I guess I’d have to say-

BUCKY (from the other room)
INTERNET SHOPPING

STEVE
..what’s that Buck?

BUCKY
TELL THEM ABOUT THE NEW VIB-

STEVE
NO no no no no- (chair falls over as Steve runs into other room, door slams)
Hah. Hahaha. Sorry about that, he’s a bit of a joker. Anyways, ah, wait, sorry. What was the question?

MIRIAM
Um, favorite thing in the future?

STEVE
Oh yeah. I mean, I’ve said it before, but not having to hide who I am and whom I love is just- I can’t tell you how wonderful that is. There’s a whole lot of things wrong with this country, but the more steps we take towards equality, the better I feel about calling myself Captain America. And being able to get married in the country for which I serve is, well, it’s something I gave up on a long time ago. Bucky and I never imagined that we could actually live a life together... it took us a while to get there, but it’s pretty damn great.

ELIZA
Oh my god, I’m trying so hard not to cry right now, sorry!

STEVE
...and Netflix. Netflix is amazing.

(all laugh)

ELIZA
Okay, so we asked our listeners to submit questions via twitter. Miriam, the first one?

MIRIAM
Alright. @snarky_username asks “If you weren't an Avenger, what would you be doing now?”

STEVE
I’d be in a retirement home, probably. No, I honestly don’t know. I don’t think I could ever be satisfied if I wasn’t doing something to help people, but that still covers a broad range of careers and opportunities. It would be nice to get back into art though, too.

ELIZA
Our next submitter- @mkearns- actually submitted an audio file of her question, here’s the clip:
[AUDIO CLIP- Kalakirya]
“Um, hi, my name is Miranda, and I’m an American History student studying housing patterns in New York in the interwar period, and I’m really curious about your opinions of Robert Moses’ urban renewal projects. Did they affect your daily life at all? What was the general sentiment toward them at the time? Looking at the city now, do you think that the projects were good for the city overall, or not? and why? Thanks!”

Yeah, that question is definitely longer than 140 characters.

STEVE
Wow, what a great question. A lot of Moses’s projects- especially the ones before the war- didn’t affect me all that much, aside from being a hideous eyesore. I understand his intentions and all, but I think in practice his projects ended up diverting a lot of public funds into creating highways and automobile access for the upper-class people in the suburbs, rather than improving the lives of the people who had to live around the things he was building. Also, I’ll never forgive him for losing us the Dodgers. I could probably talk about that all day, but we gotta get on with the interview, so why don’t you contact me through Avengers Tower, and we’ll talk more.

MIRIAM
from @cat_daddy84 we’ve got the question, “Do you have to work hard to keep those fab muscles?”

STEVE
(laughs) Not as hard as someone non-enhanced, no, but I do have to make sure my fighting skills are up to par, we’ve got some really talented people on the team.

ELIZA
@alphadelt89 wants to know: “Who's your favorite musician?”

STEVE
Sam’s gonna kill me if I don’t say this, so, Marvin Gaye.

MIRIAM
Continuing in that vein, @advicechimpanzee asks, “what’s your go-to karaoke song?”

STEVE
Oh man. As much as I hate to support anything from Jersey, Springsteens’ ‘Born to Run’ is my jam.

ELIZA
(laughs) Good choice. Next up, @majorkiranerys asks: “jedi or sith?”

STEVE
Jedi. I don’t know what kinda answer they were expecting, honestly.

ELIZA
Probably they thought you wouldn’t have seen Star Wars?

STEVE
Oh no, that was like, day one of St- uh, Tony’s cultural education program.

MIRIAM
@ahardbargain: My little sister wants to know if you've ever made out with any of the avengers?

STEVE
I never kiss and tell, ma’am.

ELIZA
Okay, last one: @the_real_spidey asks “Would you rather fight 1 Hulk-sized duck or 100 duck-sized Hulks?”

STEVE
(laughing) Hah, seriously? God, Parker. He’s been trying to get me to answer that for weeks.

MIRIAM
Well, now you have to, you’re on camera.

STEVE
I guess. Umm, Hulk-sized duck. Way easier. You don’t want to get in a tangle with the Hulk no matter what size he is, much less a hundred of him. ...And, Peter? I’ll get you back for this. Just you wait.

ELIZA
Okay, I think that’s all we have time for today, thank you so much for your time, Captain Rogers! It was really an honor to get to talk to you.

MIRIAM
And good luck with the Veteran’s Run! We hope you get a lot of participation.

STEVE
Thanks ladies. See ya!

[END INTERVIEW]

--

ELIZA
So that happened.

MIRIAM
I don’t think you can actually tell from the tape, but Eliza was so. nervous.

ELIZA
Seriously. I like, I’m SO glad we wrote our questions out beforehand, ‘cause I think my brain actually just melted when he came on the screen.

MIRIAM
You guys couldn’t see this, but he was just wearing a tank top & shorts- it looked like he had just gotten out of the shower, to be honest.

ELIZA
(strangled noise)

MIRIAM
Calm down. But, wow, what a great interview! I know Cap’s gotta be pretty used to doing the whole press circuit thing by now, but I was impressed by how genuine and thoughtful he was.

ELIZA
And how hot….Sorry! Sorry. Just tellin’ it like it is. Also, how glad are you that we didn’t have that interview today?

MIRIAM
OH GOD, yeah, talking to Captain America with matcha all down my front is not high on my bucket list.
Okay, last thoughts before we move into our end segment! Since our theme this week was ‘Favorites’, Eliza and I are gonna answer a few questions of our own. Let’s see... Here we go. Favorite Avenger: GO.

ELIZA
Can I say Cap and Bucky?

MIRIAM
Favorite. That means one.

ELIZA
Ughhhh but, he just, MIRIAM HE WASN’T WEARING A SHIRT AND I JUST- Okay, okay, fine, Cap.

MIRIAM
There we go. Despite Barnes’s dazzling display of nudity on that skype call, Eliza has not changed her mind. My favorite Avenger will always be Iron Man though; it’s hard not to love the name on your paycheck.

ELIZA
That… is true. Yeah. Okay, Miriam, Favorite Avengers moment:

MIRIAM
THE STARK EXPO WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED.

ELIZA
Yeah, yeah, you were there, right?

MIRIAM
Oh yeah, way before we started this podcast, so I might not have told this story, but I took my press pass to the opening night and LITERALLY HAD TO DODGE EXPLODING ROBOTS. It was amazing; a front row seat to Tony and War Machine - Iron Patriot, whatever he’s going by these days - just blowing shit up in the best epic possible way, ah, my god.

ELIZA
We know.
Okay, yeah, we know.
Erm… hmm… Oh this is so hard. Ok ok ok. I think I have it: that time that Cap and the Howling Commandos took out a HYDRA base and ESCAPED IN A SUBMARINE. You cannot look more badass than on the bow of a U-Boat with an explosion in the background.

MIRIAM
That happened literally fifty years before you were born.

ELIZA
Like forty-four.

MIRIAM
THAT’S NOT THE POINT

ELIZA
It was IMPOSSIBLE to track down that newsreel. I was pretty proud of myself.

MIRIAM
Come on.

ELIZA
WHAT? Alright. Fine. Um, okay, even thinking about Cap and Bucky’s kiss on the courthouse steps in DC after the Winter Soldier verdict makes my heart feel like it’s gonna to explode. Every time.
Anyways, um, Miriam: favorite Avengers-themed merchandise.

MIRIAM
Let’s say… Iron Man espresso machine.

ELIZA
You don’t even drink coffee!

MIRIAM
BUT I USE THE HOT WATER FOR TEA.

ELIZA
You have a problem.

MIRIAM
You don’t?

ELIZA
Um, let’s see. Mine’s definitely that exclusive line of Avengers jewelry that Hermes put out a few years ago. I still wear those Black Widow earrings all the time.

MIRIAM
And they are gorgeous.

ELIZA
Yeah they are. Aaand let’s see, that’s all the time we have for that! We’ll be back with messages from you after the break!

--

AD

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND]

Innovation is the only truly renewable resource. For more than fifty years, we have harnessed the brilliance of humanity’s most incandescent minds and shone them on the darkest corners to solve the most pressing crises of the moment. Now, we can announce proudly that we have overcome yet another challenge. With the introduction of the Arc Inversion Reactor, even developing countries can share in the promise of cheap, clean energy powering a new tomorrow.
Stark Industries: Changing the World for a Better Future

--

ELIZA
So normally, we end the show with a segment called Just Like Us, your everyday stories of your encounters with our favorite superheroes. This week, however, we’re replacing it with something special. We wanted to hear from you about Captain America.

MIRIAM
We asked you to call in with stories about what Captain America means to you, and the sheer response was amazing.

ELIZA
Amazing!

MIRIAM
We got hundreds of messages, it’s truly awe-inspiring, the love you all have, the importance of Captain America to all of us.

ELIZA
Unfortunately, we can’t feature every message on the show, but we selected some of our favorites to share, and as always, you can find the rest of them on our website.

--

[CALM, SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]

[MESSAGE 1 - Rain_or_Shine]

WOMAN’S VOICE
Hi, um, Avengers weekly? I’m calling in with my message about my favorite Avenger, Captain America.
So, here goes. Um, I’ve never really met Captain Rogers personally, but my mother Clarissa was one of the USO girls who toured around with him in the war. She always talked about him as the perfect gentleman- he apparently never gave the girls any grief, he stood up for them when their managers wanted to make pay cuts or fire girls for one reason or another. She said he always charged in to protect them when anyone was getting too handsy with them, and all this while wearing tights himself! Sadly, um, my mother passed away before he was brought back to life, but, I don’t know, I think she would have been so proud that he’s continued to stand up for people, even when that puts him at odds with society. It seems like he’s always on the forefront of social progress and the fight for equality. Anyway, I think he’s a hero in every way, and is the most admirable of all the Avengers because of that

[MESSAGE 2 - Werewulf]

MAN’S VOICE
So I’m calling in for the poll, and I’m definitely voting for Captain America. He’s the only one who really cares about us, and by ‘us’ I mean like, the military and veterans. No one else really cares, they’re all stuck up and rich! Um, he came into our room at the VA where I was getting rehabilitated so I wasn’t expecting him to be as human as he was, you know, you hear about Captain America all over the place but, it uh, it was- it was great to meet him in person and he was actually down to earth and sort of mellow and chill. He even played a game of ping pong with me. Um, so, yeah, that’s, um, that’s all I wanted to say.

[MESSAGE 3 - Zilia]

WOMAN’S VOICE
Hello, this is Zilia calling from England, and I want to tell you why Captain America is my favorite Avenger. Um, I have two reasons. One of them is, he’s just a really good guy- he hates bullies and he stands up for everybody and he just really genuinely wants to make the world a better place, and I think that’s just amazing and so inspiring to know that there’s someone out there who just really tries to see the good in everyone, and um, secondly? He’s just a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful man. I mean, really, seriously, he’s just so gorgeous. And Bucky, I think you’re a very lucky guy.

[MESSAGE 4 - Analise010]

WOMAN’S VOICE
Hey Steve, it’s your girl D-Money. Um, I was wondering if you had a snapchat? I mean I know you’re publicly engaged and everything, but if you and your boo are into the three-ways, um, you just wanna hit me up at your_girl_d_money on snapchat; I’ll send you some pics. Let me know (kiss sound).

[MESSAGE 5 - Keifer_The_Hero & Obnoxiouskitten]

CLINT BARTON
This is Clint- ah I mean Clint- I mean, ah, George? This is George, yes, George. SO, Captain America, right? We all love Captain America, wooo Captain America, he can rip logs in half, yeah! Looks good in red and blue, which basically equals purple, but hey, you know, whatever I have my own preference. Anyways, I have a few reasons of my own, why I like this individual the best. Ah, first off, you know, he’s ah, fairly funny, in like the whole, ‘okay Grandpa, yeahhhh wooo knee-slapper. Right’. Um, second of all, he’s-

KATE (in background)
Hawkeye, what the fuck are you talking about?

CLINT
What- What did I tell you about interrupting me? I’m on the phone, Hawkeye! On the phone!

KATE
Okaaayyy, sorryyyyyy.

CLINT
Back to- back to, ah, reasons why Captain America’s the greatest, right. Well, he really likes pepperoni pizza. Growin’ up in New York, back in the day, fond of pepperoni pizza.. y’know, even though we walk for blocks and blocks and blocks just to find the specific shop- anyways, I digress. He’s just, such a great guy. He’s saved me a couple times, I’m getting a little choked up here. (sniffling noises) Bandaged me up. Well, he’s a good friend. Good, good friend. ...Kind of like a dad friend? Like, that weird step-dad that’s like, trying to be your buddy at the same time, but, you know. We give him, give him leeway. Yeah, bye.

[MESSAGE 6 - CorrectiveSnowQueen]

WOMAN’S VOICE
Hi Avengers Weekly, I’m calling in with a message about why Captain America is my personal favorite avenger? Um, bisexual people in media in general are so underrepresented, especially bi men, whom some people don’t even believe exist. Um, and, I really think it’s important to have such a beloved figure, um, fight against bisexual erasure, um, and be so out in the open about his sexuality. And I like his outfit. That’s it, bye!

[MESSAGE 7 - Blackglass]

WOMAN’S VOICE
So why is Captain America my favorite Avenger? Well, I’m sure you’re gonna get a lot of responses about how he’s a national hero, and how he inspired people to be the best person they could be, and how they grew up pretending to be him and all that wholesome stuff. But for me, I’m just gonna be real here. I’m not normally about that white boy thirst, but I have seen Captain America in the flesh, and let me tell you, I would climb that flag pole all day and all night.

So I moved down to DC about, oh, two and a half years ago. And my roommate had this ridiculous idea that she should start running in the mornings, and work on her fitness and all that. And somehow, she dragged my ass into it. And I hated it. But one morning we’re on the mall, and there’s this dude just like, zooming around like the freaking roadrunner. I swear, he must’ve lapped us, like, three times. Kind of a clue that he wasn’t just some regular dude. And then, he actually stopped for long enough for me to get a good look at him, and Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and all the apostles, that man is fine. I mean, say what you want about Thor’s arms and Tony Stark’s swagger, but Captain America is, mmph, you have not lived until you’ve seen those pecs heaving in those painted on shirts he wears, or those pants that do everything for that ass.

My roommate ended up bailing out of running every day, but I kept it up. Just to get a look at Captain fine-ass every morning. And I totally wasn’t the only one. The mall became a very popular place to go running for a few months there. Anyways, I still keep up, even though he’s not in DC anymore, just because I’ve gotten in the habit now. And honey, my body has never been more slamming. You should see these thighs. So, thanks Cap, for encouraging America to work on their fitness.

[MESSAGE 8 - Reena_Jenkins]

WOMAN’S VOICE
Uh, hi, so I’m calling in to talk about why Captain America is my favorite Avenger? Um, okay, it’s gonna sound really silly, but Cartoon Network used to have this block of programming called the “Power Hour”, and one of the things in that programming was the Captain America cartoon. And my mom was not a big fan of morning cartoons, but my sister and I used to sneak downstairs while she was still sleeping and we’d watch from like 7am till 9am. We’d watch these cartoons back to back to back and these cartoons they were just such a huge part of my childhood growing up, and these stories really resonated with me as a kid. I don’t know, I mean maybe it says something about me that as a child I liked to watch things blow up but most kids do, actually. Like.. okay, I know 8th grade everybody covers WWII in American History, but prior to that my sole knowledge of “The War” was from Captain America cartoons. So, thank you Captain America for helping my BS my way through a, god, a good 5-page paper for my US history class. Nobody tell my 8th grade English or History teachers that I BSed my way through that giant essay! So yeah, Captain America, thank you for helping my pass all my classes (laughs) and giving me plenty of fun things to watch in cartoons on Saturday mornings. That was just really, really great.

[MESSAGE 9 - Trillgutterbug]

WOMAN’S VOICE
Hi, um, I’m just calling in to say that Steve Rogers is my favorite Avenger because one time I was at Starbucks getting a coffee and he was ahead of me, in the line, just kinda, y’know, looking up at the menu and his hair was so good you know? Like, maybe he’d just woken up, kind of messy and.. really blond. And I was so excited to see him that I dropped my wallet and he turned around and picked it up for me! And I mean, like, he touched my wallet- I still own that thing! And he, well, you know, he bent over in front of me to do it and that kind of speaks for itself, you know? (sighs) Anyway, I just want the world to know that Steve Rogers has the best ass out of all of the Avengers and I don’t think it makes me a terrible person to say that that’s what makes him my favorite Avenger, you know? World-saving-booty.

[END MESSAGES]

--

MIRIAM
Truly inspiring.

ELIZA
Indeed. Um, now, we did get two of our regular Just Like Us submissions that we couldn’t not air this week. You guys sent these in earlier this week and we have just been like, peeing ourselves laughing ever since.

MIRIAM
Ew, speak for yourself.

ELIZA
Yeah, no, we did not actually pee ourselves, but, seriously, these are so funny; we couldn’t keep them to ourselves for another week.

--

[HUMOROUS MUSIC PLAYS]

[MESSAGE 1 - Avcay]

WOMAN’S VOICE
Okay, so I was at the Stark Gala, and it’s like, the beginning of the party, everyone’s kind of mingling, um, seeing people they know, saying hi. I was there with a couple coworkers, um, and met up with some friends, so there were- there were a bunch of people I knew at the party and I saw this guy across the room that I - I thought I knew, he looked so familiar and I couldn’t figure out where we had met, like, how I knew him? So I was staring at him for like, five minutes just trying to figure it out. Um, we made eye contact a couple times, and I smiled at him and he just sort of looked confused, so I thought he was having the same, like, where-do-I-know-you-from thing? And then… Tony Stark walks up to him, and starts talking to him, and I realize that the reason I know him is because he’s on TV all the time because he’s the Falcon, and I’ve never met him and I just stared him down for like, ten minutes. Um, and, for the rest of the party I just tried to stay as far away from him as possible because he obviously thought I was a creepy stalker. Uh, and my friends kept coming up to me and saying like, “The Falcon is looking at you! Why is he staring at you with a confused look on his face?”. And it was horrible.

[MESSAGE 2 - Obnoxiouskitten]

WOMAN’S VOICE
Hi Avengers Weekly, I’m calling in for a story for your ‘Just Like Us’ segment. So, I work at this restaurant, and it’s, like, you know, a thing that every month these people come in, and they don’t really talk about it and we don’t really ask, but we all know, like, just know that they are swingers, that’s just, that’s what they are. Anyways, so there’s this couple who comes in pretty often with them and they’re like pretty cool, but like I had, like, no idea anything about them. And then, one night, out of the blue, like, THOR, oh my god, THOR shows up. Like, with his- Jane! With Jane Foster! Like, and it’s like super awesome and like, just, whoa! Anyways, so they’re there, and they start flirting with this one couple that like is there all the time, and like, oh my gosh, I have no clue what’s going on! So I’m like, stalking them, a little, and trying to like just watch and see what’s happening and they are like flirting, and getting really close together, and then, at the end of the night, they leave together. And it is, just, the most amazing thing like, this couple got to leave. With Thor and Jane. And I’m like super jealous, and still have no clue who they are. Anyways, so I get home and I check out the news, and there’s this article about Bruce Banner, and oh my gosh, this couple that has been coming for weeks is Bruce Banner and Betty Ross and they went home WITH THOR AND JANE. OH MY GOSH GUYS. Anyways, so that’s- that’s the story, I just wanted to tell you guys, oh my gosh.

[END MESSAGES]

--

MIRIAM
And that’s all for this episode. I hope you enjoyed our special one year anniversary episode. Let’s do this again next year.

ELIZA
I certainly can’t wait! Until then, we’ll be back next week with our regular show, with news, updates, and sightings of our favorite Avengers. Until then, you can find me, Eliza Roland on twitter at @elizaroseroland or at superhumansofnewyork.tumblr.com

MIRIAM
And I, Miriam Whitman, can be found on twitter at @mwhitman or at dailybugleconnected.com/miriamwhitman.

ELIZA
Or you can reach us both through the shows website, avengersweekly dot com. Next week's theme will be ‘Copycats’ which we’ll be having a conversation about with special guest Christine Everhart who recently published a very interesting article in the New York Times about what she’s calling ‘The Daredevil Effect’. As always, you can submit your questions, comments, and Just Like Us moments via the website or email them to avengersweekly@stark.in .
See you next week, and until then, stay super!

 

[END MUSIC]