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Your name is Dirk Strider, and you are bored. Not just in this moment as you go about making a sandwich to fulfill your tiresome daily needs, but existentially. The vast majority of your life you have spent being bored. You were too smart for friends as a child, or so you believed and it’s not a belief you’ve ever outgrown. You tried filling your life with whatever thrills you could buy with the millions of dollars your movie mogul brother left you, but even those grew old much too fast.
The only thing that keeps you from being bored in every second of every day is the boy currently hanging from the ceiling behind you, apparently under the mistaken impression that he’s about to surprise you with a sneak attack. You are so very glad you decided to keep him when you found him on that island.