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I'll Hold My Breath

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Derek's almost asleep when he feels it. Stile's hand tracing the tattoo on his shoulders, and the pause when his skin twitches at the chills it gives. The werewolf didn't even think Stiles was awake, the two passing out quick once out of their wet clothes.

But now, he's sure Stiles doesn't know Derek is still awake, that his touch isn't making his toes curl. It doesn't take very long before the touch wanders away from the swirls and follows the dip of his spine, the curve of muscles and bones as it goes up and down, almost too gentle to really be felt. And that's why he's completely alert. He has to keep the noises of pleasure down.

Has to, because he can smell the worry coming off Stiles. How close he is to letting his nerves get to him and pulling away. Rolling his hips a little, settling into the mattress, he turns his head to face the human, knowing the little moonlight slipping through the blinds was enough to reflect off his eyes, showing the human he was awake.

"You don't--"

Stile's hand has already pulled away, and he doesn't even bother keeping his expression from dropping into a frown, twisting his shoulders to push up to his elbows. "Have to stop."

"But-"

"It's fine. I like it. Feels good."

A noise almost like a laugh in return, and Stiles goes back to petting bare skin, eyes following his hands before he curls in, mouth pressed against bicep, gaze dropping. "I like it too." Mumbled against his skin, Derek has to smile, letting his weight tilt so he was turned more to facing the human, legs shifting to tangle up with his. "I'm surprised you're not sick of touching me after tonight."

"No, not really. I...it was more of a....curiosity thing. And I was really freaked out, you nearly died twice because of me...."

"I was okay...I'm here now, right?"

"Yeah, only because of scary lizard monsters."

Derek frowns more, stretching out and pulling Stiles close, fingers worming under t-shirt to rub callouses against the soft curve of his side. "That was just an excuse to stay. We were pressed together for two hours. You went through a lot tonight. I didn't...want to leave you alone. I need you alive."

"Why? You don't even trust me!" 

Growling a little, he nudges their foreheads together, surprised the boy hasn't pushed him away, the contact almost intimate now. But neither one of them have stopped touching each other, and Stiles leans into everything, noises he probably doesn't even know he's making turning the wolf in Derek into a howling mess.

"Before tonight, I couldn't. You're Scott's....I can't...."

"What do you even mean, Scott's? I'm not anyone's property."

"You're his pack, even if he isn't Alpha. I can't....I want you, Stiles. I tried to ignore it, but I can't help it. You're too good, I can't ruin you too..."

Stiles makes a sad noise at that, eyes crossing as their eyes lock. "No one asked you not to. I'd be lying if I said that tonight didn't change how I felt. You were so terrifying to me, throwing me around, but we need each other, don't we? If I'm so good like you say, why can't I make you better instead?"

"You don't even understand what you're asking."

"Derek, I'm not stupid. I might not be a wolf like you, but I know that this, what we're doing, petting each other, isn't what people that hate one another do." Using an ankle to pull their hips together, he groans and pushes their lips together, quick but enough to make his point. "I wanted to do that hours ago, maybe just to shut you up, but it doesn't change the fact I want to. A lot. I might have feelings for Lydia, but she'd never let me run my hands on her back, let alone cuddle."

"We're not cuddli-"

Derek shuts up at the second kiss, chuckling as he pushed, pinning Stiles down, using his tongue to open their mouths, deepening the kiss, the moan at fingers tangling into hair not even held in. He held enough in for tonight.

He's held in a lot for a long time.

Maybe Stiles can be the reason he lets go, lets himself, for once, trust another person again.

Love another person again.