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Maybe he'd notice if you died enough.
Maybe if you cut your hair or changed your style or wore a different kind of cape he'd even bother to spare a glance at you with those lovely, lovely blue eyes and
if you slit your throat would he even bother to look up?
He's a dense boy, he is, but you promise yourself endlessly that one of these days, he'll fall almost as in love with you as you are with him. Just like how he's supposed to, and all will be right with the world.
He seems pretty happy and not-at-all bothered when he's not with you, but that's ok because you think ( hope) that he misses you as much as you do and spends each dream on your hapless existence and uses up all the shooting stars in the sky on your behalf.
Hell, you'd blow up a planet for him if he wanted, but he never asked so you don't. He might get upset.
You and him don't talk, though. Not anymore. Weren't you supposed to be best friends? The thought seems to have slipped your mind, but you're sure that you and him were best friends and he had suppressed feelings for you. Maybe.
Maybe someday you won't be lying to yourself.
The worst part is that he doesn't even realize how much you cherish his very essence, but maybe he'd love you back if you did. One might even go as far as to say that you worship him, worship his hair and worship his face and worship his smile and worship his snide blue text.
Maybe you should just tell him.
( no way)
You'd probably die for him (again), after all, you aren't much compared to him. It's not ridiculous, even if you've never met him in real life. That's not required to fall absurdly in love with someone, is it?
You want so badly just to kiss him. Just a quick, austere brush on the lips would do fine, actually, though you'd die for more. You'd wrap your arms around him and attack his sweet lips as if you'd dreamt of it your whole life (which you have). And he'd kiss back, you're sure of it. Shy and gentle at first, but that's to be expected because...
Um.
You're not actually sure why. Huh.
Would he kiss you back? You just want him to love you, is that so much to ask?
A nagging feeling in your head that you've so affectionately named "Rose 2.0: Electric Boogaloo" keeps telling you that you're late and wrong and that you're in love with the wrong John, to move on from a thousand years of unrequited love but you ignore her because there is no way you would go a thousand years without telling him, right?
"Yes, there is actually." she says, but you don't want to fucking hear it.
fuck you rose
But you can't help but find that sometimes even you doubt yourself, wonder if this boy even exists anymore, but that's stupid because of course he exists. He exists and you're about to tell him and he will be so proud of you because you made it to Hollywood just for him...
Then he'll fly over just like he promised he would, and he'll be so sorry because he's so late, but the baggage lane was jammed and it took what seemed like forever for him to get through. You'd forgive him anyway, because really you're just glad to see him, and you'd kiss his hand on one knee because you also remember you're a knight. But a knight of what? And he'd laugh his beautiful laugh and you'd realize that you're his knight, you think. A knight of John, you'd protect him from anything. Then you'll tell him how you did everything you could to meet Nic Cage, and even give him the autographed shirt you got and saved especially for him, and you'll watch his favorite movie with him and watch his face light up at every scene just like you imagined it would.
After all, the only way you can survive without him is pretending that everyone around you is him, but you already know that they're not really so you never actually live at all.
You're a walking corpse because zombies are cool and so are you.
You're cool.
Also you want to touch a certain someone's butt (and other miscellaneous parts of the body) but that's okay because you are cool, and John loves you.
You don't care what they say, and Rose can lie to you all she wants but you still won't believe he's dead.
because hes not duh
You wouldn't even believe it if Wikipedia made a feature film on it, which they didn't but they were pretty close, or even if he changed his last name and doesn't hate cake mix anymore, because John Egcrocker is alive and so are you.
And he'll love you back, you're sure of it.