At first, he doesn’t really get it. His dad is acting a bit weird but who is Stiles to judge and call people weird? So he lets it slide. Plus, he knows his dad and, whereas Stiles is good with words, the Sheriff is not. When he needs to say something he thinks might be embarrassing/hurtful/too chick-flick-y, he just takes time to gather his courage beforehand. Stiles is okay with that; he’s used to it.
So the day they are having breakfast together before respectively leaving for school and work, and Stiles catches his dad looking at him in what is probably supposed to be a subtle fashion, and he sees him open and close his mouth several times without uttering a single word, he knows better than pushing it and just eats his scrambled eggs.
Two days later, when Stiles is slicing roasted chicken for their dinner, the Sheriff comes and sits at the kitchen table with the newspaper. The teen can see he’s not really reading, just pretending to be, but once again, he says nothing and keeps singing out of tune with the radio. Those Muse guys are damn good.
“So, hum, how was school?” His dad asks, quickly, as if he’s afraid he’s not going to talk at all if he doesn’t just go for it. And Stiles wants to chuckle because his dad might be awesome as a Sheriff and he might be very good at getting answers from criminals but he’s always been totally useless at interrogating Stiles.
“Cool. We cut up a frog in Biology again. That girl, Sally, she almost threw up again, it was hilarious. I wanted to throw her a piece of… Aaaanyway, how was your day at work, Dad?”
The Sheriff huffs to show he’s not dupe but he lets it slide, he knows his son. They’re both good at ignoring things and letting stuff slide; runs in the family.
“Fine, it was fine. I was wondering…” He stops to cough for a second and Stiles wonders what might be so embarrassing for him to draw things like that but he remains silent even if it’s a real effort for him. “I wanted to… I just thought… Just, here, take that, okay?” He says, getting up and retrieving a small packet of something from his pocket before putting it on the kitchen’s island in front of Stiles.
When he leans to have a closer look, the teen can see it’s a packet of condoms and he flushes bright red. Seriously, he gets so red, tomatoes might just go on strike and die from jealousy.
“Err… Dad, is it The Talk, Part II? Did I miss the memo? Because you see, while it was nice and all to have a concerned dad when I was younger to give me the talk the first time around – and trust me, as embarrassing as it was, I was grateful you were there to give it to me, because Scott told me how it went with Melissa and let me tell you, we are lucky bastards, hum, guys, we are lucky guys. I would have died seriously, or maybe passed out from the lack of blood in my body due to the epic amount of it in my face, but I don’t need a repeat performance, okay? We’re fine. I know how babies are made, and I know what to do to not make them, and how safer is better and all that, and I swear it’s not useful to me in the least right now so…”
“Yeah, well, hum. Just… Take them and use them, okay?” The Sheriff is as red as his son and the room is so hot right now, Stiles wouldn’t be surprised if they got a call saying an unpredicted heat wave is striking Beacon Hills.
“Dad, are you, shi- sugar, are you ordering me to have sex and use up all those condoms? Because that would be pretty creepy, dad!”
“What? No! Of course not, Stiles, God… Just, if you need them, you got’em, okay. Just, yeah. Are we good here?”
“We are… good. Yeah, I s’pose. Gosh Dad, and people keep saying I’m a weird one…”
After that, his dad almost flees the kitchen only to come back when dinner’s ready and they both eat without looking at each other too much. Stiles has a feeling he’s missing something, that his dad is leaving something out, but he can’t force him to tell him so… He lets it slide.
The next morning, when he goes to get an apple before probably breaking many traffic regulations to try and get on time to Chem, he sees a sticky note on the counter saying ‘So, I forgot to give you that yesterday’ with an arrow pointing down to a tube of lube.
Stiles might freak out a little bit and thinks ‘It’s just a bad dream, I am going to wake up, in the woods probably, on the floor, and I’ll realize I just have a concussion or something, and everything will be normal again.’
Then he sees that the lube is cherry-flavored and he thinks running into a wall to get his mind to wake up might be worth it. Suicide might be a valid option too.
It’s hours later, when he’s (kind of – pretending to be) listening to his English teacher rant about Hamlet that it strikes him. Does his dad think he’s gay?? Okay, he might have heard Stiles harass Danny on the phone to know whether or not he was attractive to gay guys but… Still. Awkward.
Things are a bit tense after that, but guess what? They let it slide. Yet, Stiles keeps thinking of why his dad thinks he’s gay or why he thought giving him condoms and lube was so urgent. He kinda wants to ask. It’s an itch he should probably not scratch because ignorance is bliss and all that jazz, and he probably doesn’t want to know anyway, but it keeps bothering him and making him more distracted during the day and Stiles really doesn’t need that. So, one day, he takes a deep breath and goes find his dad when he’s watching the news on TV.
He sits beside him on the couch and asks “So, nice weather, uh?”
Hi dad tenses. “Oh God, what did you do? Did you get detention again? Is it because you threw dead rats’ parts at Betsy or something?”
“Sally, Dad, and no. Who do you take me for? Yeah, don’t answer that. No, I was just wondering, innocently you know, just like that, and it’s no big deal, maybe you don’t have higher motives, I mean you’re my dad, a great dad might I add, and my safety is already a good motive, I get it, but, I was just wondering, not that you have to answer if you don’t want to, I’m cool, seriously, but…”
“But you were wondering about what?”
“Just, the condoms. And the lube, dad! Oh my God, so freaking out right now, I so don’t want to be talking lube with my dad, oh brain stop it, stop it before we pass out. Okay, just, man up Stiles, you can do it. You have to do it.”
“Just… What the fuck?”
“Language. Okay...” The Sheriff takes a deep breath but seems to get that he has to answer now. Stiles is glad. And grossed out. But mostly glad. He thinks. “I know you’re in a… relationship with a guy Stiles. I’m not blind, okay? And I’m a cop so… I hear your window open sometimes at night. And I see a car often parked in our street. I saw a leather jacket too big for you in your room. Black shirts too. And I can hear hushed voices sometimes; I’m not totally deaf you know, unlike what you might think. And… Err, believe me it’s going to be as embarrassing for me as it is for you but… Sometimes I hear your bed banging against the wall, or I hear what I think is a body being shoved into walls, so. And I can see all the hickeys. I should maybe be angry that you let a guy be in your room at night and that apparently you do more than playing chess together, but I get it okay? You’re a teenager and I trust you, and I know sometimes it gets lonely just the two of us here, and I’m happy you found somebody that you like so much son, because you deserve it. It also helps that it’s always the same guy and that you seem to be pretty serious about it. I just want you to be safe because I never found any… protection when emptying the house’s trash cans. I need to know you’re being careful is all. Also it might be good if I can meet the guy, just once, you know?”
At that point, Stiles just can’t answer. He’s embarrassed because yeah, no need for any explanation there (sex talk with your parents, anyone? No please!) but he’s also relieved he now knows why his dad was acting so strange lately. He’s also confused because he has no idea how to start explaining that the guy that comes at night to see him? He’s not his lover but his best friend turned werewolf’s Alpha, and that the shoving into wall or the being held down defenseless on his bed? So not linked to any seduction tactics or any things such as ‘liking it rough’. The hickeys? Just bruises from a sour wolf that doesn’t really control his strength when in Stiles’ presence. And Derek’s clothes in his room? It’s not part of any cute ‘it makes me happy/hot when you wear my clothes baby’ but more something like ‘for fuck’s sake, Stiles, take my jacket and keep it for me, I don’t want it destroyed by the hunters tonight, and I swear to God if you damage it, I will destroy you’. So he’s relieved, and embarrassed, and grossed out, and confused, and also in trouble. And Stiles’ mouth can blurt out stupid things when he’s under pressure so that’s maybe why he just replies “Hum, okay, I’ll pass the message.” Derek is going to destroy him now.
He then goes to his room, paces for a bit, tries to ignore it for now and procrastinate having the conversation that is probably going to mark the end of his life, tries to surf the Internet, can’t focus, calls Scott who doesn’t answer, turns his TV on and turns it off when he hears a mom giving The Talk to his daughter and telling her that she has to wait for The One (can’t he catch a break? Seriously.) and he then proceeds to text Derek.
(Stiles) Hey. Hi? Hi. Just wanted 2 tell u I talked 2 my dad 2day
(Derek) Good for you. I am so happy to know you have such a nice and healthy home life
(Stiles) Ah ah, ur hilarious. No, I mean my dad wanted 2 talk about u
(Derek) About me? What for? What did you tell him? Does he suspect anything?
(Stiles) Calm down Wolf Face. No and yes at da same time? He kinda suspects sth but its not wht u think
(Derek) What are you talking about? You can start making sense any time now
(Stiles) Ok, ill just go for it then, dont get mad
(Stiles) Basically… My dad just asked me if my booty call guy tht comes over at 3AM and leaves at 6 would like 2 stay 4 Sunday brunch next week. U in?
(Derek) The hell??
(Stiles) Exactly. But, Mr Sour Wolf, dis one is ttly on u dude. U da one who just comes 2 me at night 2 hav me research werewolf lore (n preventin me from gettin any sleep but I know u dnt care so I wont mention tht). My dad’s a cop u know, he was bound to get a clue!
(Derek) What do we do now?
(Stiles) U askin me? Srsly?
(Derek) You know your dad better than I do
(Stiles) … Fair enough. Me bein shell shocked by u makin sense 4 once in ur life should probably make u change ur ways dude, but not the point. My dads like a pitbull, he wont let go now. He wants 2 c u, he thinks we’re 2gether, hes convinced hes right. Only thing 2 do is fakin it I guess
(Derek) Faking it? You sure?
(Stiles) Well yeah. As u said, I know my dad. So whaddya say?
(Derek) What can I say? I don’t think I have a lot of options here. What time Sunday?