For Lack of Twilight Parodies

by Kiana_Ishido (mysteryworthsolving)

Summary:

Three things were driving Sakura absolutely insane. And these were all thanks to a sparkly vampire, a werewolf with anger management problems, and a legion of crazed fangirls. Add in the absolute most depressing town in existence, secretive classmates, creepy neighbors, familial issues, sudden murders and hey!—you've got yourself some semblance of a parody (with a bonus plot).

Notes:

Although I enjoy torturing these characters, they, sadly, do not belong to me. All characters in this work are creations of CLAMP. Scenarios are based on those found in both CLAMP's works and in Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Saga. For those who skipped by the title, this will be a parody of Twilight, which means a great deal of "poking fun." Though I believe I've done a fine job avoiding straight-out insulting her works, there will be playful jabs. Read on at your own risk, Twilight fans.

Chapter 1: Preface

There were three things driving Sakura absolutely insane.

First, of all the places in the world to set a story… someone had chosen Forks, Washington? Just because it was cloudy?!

Second, the name was really… is “in bad taste” the best way to put it? Seriously though, “Forks”? For a place with vampires and werewolves?

And third: if she didn’t become an angst-filled, depressed, and utterly socially awkward lovesick teenager, blood would be spilled. Whose blood that may be, she wasn’t quite sure yet. But it would be, like, really bad.

And… wait, was that three already? Oh, one more then. Fourth, she had to choose with whom to spend the rest of her life. Bachelor number one: a blood-sucking, sparkly vampire. Bachelor number two: a werewolf that was in great need of anger management classes. Who would get the rose? Apparently, only fangirls held the power to decide… and they would probably be the ones spilling the blood, in case you were wondering.