It’s always there, hovering over your head, now that you know. Now that you know the truth of the town you’ve grown up in, the secrets the Founding Families have kept, the lies your friends have told you. The actions of the people around you are no longer taken at face value. You can’t help but wonder if they are who they say they are, if they know what this town holds.
You don’t hate your friends for lying to you. You understand now, now that you’ve seen things firsthand. They were trying to protect you. They care about you, they want you safe. So now, they respect your wishes. You wish this didn’t mean that they stayed away from you.
Sometimes you catch Caroline looking at you. You know this because you’re always looking out for her too. You love her, this will not change whether she’s human, or a vampire, or anything else. She’s Caroline, your Caroline. But you stay away from her because you know her better than anything and you know if you join their ragtag bunch of protectors – and you hate that your friends are doing more to protect this town than the so-called Council, because they’re so integrated in the supernatural world – Caroline will be too busy worrying about you because you’re not physically stronger like the vampires or Tyler, and not mystically-inclined like Bonnie and now Jeremy (and you only found that out because Jeremy approached you with a message from Vicki that had you unashamedly crying in front of him), and not practiced like Mr. Saltzman. And Caroline, or anyone else, could get hurt because of you and you wouldn’t be able to live with that.
So you tell them that you want nothing to do with the supernatural. You tell them that life is hard as it is with an absentee mother, and a dead sister, and school and bills to pay and you can’t deal with evil vampires and witches and the end of the world on top of that.
That doesn’t mean you hide from it. You’re aware now, and you take precautions to protect yourself. You practice with the rifle, you sneak a few stakes away from Mr. Saltzman’s desk at school, you start adding vervain to your daily meals. And you keep track of everyone that comes into the Grill, of their moves and the conversations you overhear. You keep track of anything that seems to be a threat to your town, to your friends.
Just because you say you won’t actively help them doesn’t mean you’ll abandon them. You’ll do what you can to help. Even if you won’t let them know.