"What the actual hell." Dean groused.
"Seriously, what the hell?"
"I don't know Dean." Sam said, dumbfounded, looking at theirselves right in front of them like they were standing in front of the mirror. Sam knew even their expressions were identical. Sam and Dean kept staring at the two people in front of them, who were staring right back, without saying anything. This went on for another few minutes before the person standing opposite Sam cleared his throat.
"Umm.. Who are you guys?" The person, looking the twin of Dean asked, breaking the silence and Sam wanted to laugh hysterically. Because ironically, all of them knew who the other was but something had to be said, right? Because they were in an alternate or parallel universe or whatever, where they were not Sam and Dean, but someone else. So someone looking exactly like them, smashing through the same window that threw them here, it wasn't really a rocket science figuring who they were. And if those two had a half brain, they would know as well. But the question is, why were they still here when their alternate personas were back in their world. Some sort of noise coming from somewhere shook them out of their shock and Dean was the one to get his brain cells back first.
"We need to go somewhere. We can't let anyone see us. You two stay here and let someone spot you, we are gonna sneak in one of the trailers." Dean said in particular to no one and Sam and Dean snuck out from there, ducking and trying to cover themselves so that no one sees them, it was quite a hassle for Sam, but Sam was not a hunter for so many years for nothing. They finally reached in Jensen's trailer and closed the door behind them.
"Holy shit." Dean said, slumping on the bunk of the trailer. Sam took a seat on the couch, taking his head in both his hands and sighed long sufferingly. They were the one who did the reverse spell so they could get back, but instead, Jared and Jensen were back here from their world and Sam just wanted to laugh at their luck. How the hell did it happen, he had no idea. Now there were two versions of them here, and he didn't know what they were going to do about that. Because Jared and Jensen were celebrities, and it would be so damn hard to work around here. But they needed something to do. Sam was immersed in his thoughts when there was a knock on the trailer and someone opened the door. Sam was about to panic when he saw it was him..umm..it was Jared, Jensen close behind him. Jensen shut the door behind him and locked it from inside and both of them made their way inside the trailer, standing awkwardly.
"So.. It seems like we are back in our world, but you guys are still here." Jared said, after standing quiet and awkwardly for a few minutes, gesturing to them.
"Yeah.. I guess the spell we did brought you guys back, but left us here." Sam said, looking up at them and saw identical expressions of confusion passing through Jared and Jensen's faces.
"Uhh..No.." Jensen said, scratching the back of his neck.
"It was Jim..I mean, it was Bobby who sent us back here.." Jared said, glancing in Jensen's direction for a brief moment and then looking back at Sam.
"Wait.. You are saying that Bobby sent you guys back here?" Dean asked, standing up from the bunk.
"Yeah.. He was actually trying to find a way to bring you guys back after Misha, I mean Castiel, told him what was going on, but I guess it didn't work quite that way." Jared said, looking wierdly at Dean, and Sam could understand, despite being a hunter, he was freaking out as well seeing people looking exactly like them.
"But I thought it was because of the spell we were doing to get back." Sam said in a confused tone.
"I don't know, because all happened in front of us, and the symbol was glowing or something and then.. Well you guys saw.." Jensen said, moving to sit on the couch corner beside Sam.
"I don't know what's going on. We have to try again." Sam said, looking at Dean who was getting pissed by the second.
"Son of a bitch." Dean shouted and Sam saw a small smile play on Jared's lips like he was amused. Sam noticed that Jared was the one who was looking like he was the least freaked out in four of them. Like he didn't particularly care what was going on. But Sam didn't dwell on it. He had more important things in his mind. They needed to do the spell again.
"We will try again after few hours. You guys should go at your places. We will stay here." Sam said, looking at each of them. Dean was looking angry.
"You guys going to be here?" Jensen asked from beside him and Sam gave a nod.
"Is our bodyguard here?" Jared asked and Sam shook his head.
"We came by ourselves of course, in your car." Dean said, shooting Jared a nasty look, but Jared didn't even flinch or react. He just nodded.
"Okay then." Jensen said, standing up.
"I am going to catch a cab. I wish I don't see you guys tomorrow." Jensen said, making his way outside the trailer.
"I will drop you." Jared said to Jensen. Jensen shook his head in negative.
"I will go. Thanks." With that, he was out and Jared closed his mouth like he was about to say something else, but thought better of it at the last moment. Sam suddenly remembered that these two don't talk to each other. Guess they were like them in the department, having issues between them in one form or another.
"I will go also." Jared said, looking around the trailer with some kind of pained expression. His eyes stopped on some point behind Dean, and Sam turned to see where he was looking. There was a small night stand beside the bed which Dean had been occupying, and there was maybe a photo frame lying upside down on it. Sam glanced back at Jared, who was now retreating back and turning to go out as well. He didn't say anything. Just nodded in their general direction and left.
"They are so serious. And weird." Dean said, flopping down on the bed again.
"Yeah well, what did you expect from them. Monkey dance? Seeing their characters come to life." Sam said, making himself comfortable at the couch and lying down.
"Yeah.. That's the thing. They were not that freaked out. I mean, I would have expected some panic or something. They are just civilians playing our characters." Dean said, suppressing a yawn.
"I think they did their freak out in our world." Sam said, feeling sleepy as well.
"Yeah.. I guess you are right. I am taking a nap man. Lock the door before you sleep." Dean said, tuning on his stomach and ending the conversation effectively. Sam sighed.
"You could have done it yourself." Sam mumbled but stood up nevertheless, locking the door, switching off the lights and lying on the couch again. Thank God the couch was comfortable enough. He glanced at Dean once again, the lights coming from the blinds casting an eerie look on his face. His eyes were closed but Sam knew that he wasn't asleep yet. He closed his eyes, Dean's face the last thing in his mind.
"Goddammit !" Dean shouted, kicking on the nearby chair and flipping it upside down.
"What are we going to do now." Sam said, sounding angry but more subdued than Dean. He rightened the toppled chair and sat with a heavy sigh.
"It didn't even glow or anything this time." He said, sounding exasperated. They had woken up after a few hours of nap and repeated the procedure at the same place, making sure that the area was deserted. But nothing had happened, it was like they were drawing just for the fun. They made the symbol, did what was supposed to be done, but nothing changed. Not any indication that it worked, unlike before when Jared and Jensen had came crashing through the window.
"What are we going to do now?" Sam said again, this time in a small tone, like he wanted to be reassured that everything is going to be fine. Wanting his big brother to solve the problem. Dean didn't disappoint. He came to Sam, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey. Don't worry. We will figure it out, like always. And with you on the research, I don't think so there is anything we can't find out." Dean said, patting Sam's shoulder one more time and then moving to gather the things they used for the spell.
They would crash at Jensen's trailer again, Sam thought. Sam didn't know how they were gonna manage though. Jared and Jensen were celebrities, he and Dean wouldn't even be able to walk around from the fear of being recognised. God, they were screwed so damn bad.
They went back to Jensen's trailer and crashed for the remaining night.
Sam was jerked awake by the banging of the door. He abruptly sat up and saw Dean blinking sleep out of his eyes. The banging had slown down to a constant rapping and he could hear someone saying something from outside. Dean also stood up and they slowly made their way to the door, listening what was being said outside. It was like Dean's voice and Sam recognised the voice to be Jensen's. He opened the door and saw a flushed Jensen standing outside of the trailer.
"What are you doing here?" Dean asked from behind. It was still early, maybe 4 or 5 in the morning.
"What are YOU still doing here?" Jensen asked and Sam and Dean both sighed in unison, leaving the doorway so that Jensen could get in.
"What do you mean by it didn't work?" Jensen sounded frantic.
"What part of 'It didn't work' don't you understand? Do you have a hearing problem or is English different in this universe that you can't understand?" Dean said to Jensen in a scathing tone and Jensen winced visibly.
"Calm down, Dean." Sam interrupted before Dean could get any further. He didn't want Dean to lose his temper on Jensen, and seriously, Sam was finding it hard to look at both of them simultaneously. It was freaking him out, just a little.
"You are telling me to calm down? Why don't you say something to this stupid idiot who is asking dumb questions." Dean shot back, looking at Jensen pointedly, who was looking at Sam helplessly and like he was admiring Sam for putting up with Dean. Sam suppressed a small smile.
"I am pretty sure he was asking that why it didn't work, right Jensen?" Sam said, looking at Jensen, who just nodded in agreement.
"We don't know why it didn't work. We did everything right." Sam said, sitting on the bed.
"What are you guys going to do? And we as well." Jensen said, sounding concerned and Sam could understand it. Celebrities and all.
"We have to figure something out. Speaking of that, where is Jared?" Sam asked looking at Jensen. An expression passed through Jensen's face that Sam couldn't decipher.
"Uhh.. Its not actually time yet. So he must be coming with the driver in an hour..I thought..I thought I would just come and see if your thing worked.." Jensen stammered through Dean's smouldering gaze on him. Its going to be a long time if they are stuck here.
They sat in awkward silence for a good half hour, Dean glaring daggers at Jensen now and again like it was Jensen's fault that they were in this situation. Sam could understand. Dean needed to direct his anger somewhere, and he wouldn't find anyone better to be on someone who looked like him, more like anger with himself. Sam thought with a sigh.
"So, tell me about Supernatural..umm..how is it.." Sam finally decided to break the silence, because there was nothing productive that could be done now. They needed a plan to cope with the situation. And they weren't even sure if the thing that attacked them was still there. It had escaped and they had no way to find out. But they couldn't stay here.
"Uhh... Its good..I mean enough people like it that its still on air.. We have fans and all that..." Jensen said, still looking somewhat uncomfortable and Sam couldn't blame him. Sam had the unbidden idea that maybe it was like the books back in their universe, telling their life stories and all. But he wasn't sure if this show just had them as characters or they were also somehow telling their life stories.
"Do you have any books on us? I mean Supernatural?" Sam asked and Dean glared at him from across the room. This is the one thing they both hated.
Jensen's mouth tugged up at the corners a little and Sam was suddenly reminded of Dean when things were not that bad, angels and demons together were not on their tails and looking for their father used to be the biggest problem in their goddamned lives. Sam missed those smiles, that cocky attitude of Dean, the smugness and the banter between them. God, how much had changed. Between them and in their lives. And it was like getting worse by the time.
"If you are asking about the Chuck books, no we don't have them here." Jensen chuckled, and it was probably the first time that he had not stammered through his sentence.
"Thank God." Sam and Dean said in unison, and Jensen chuckled again at that.
"Its weird, seeing you guys like that. I still can't believe that you guys have gone through all of that." Jensen said and was once again thrown under Dean's wrath.
"Yeah.. What would you know princess. The only thing you guys have to do is act, and think that's funny."
"Dean, you need to calm down." Sam said again. Its like it was his new mantra that he had to keep repeating to Dean.
"I can't believe you are telling me to calm down. We don't know what the hell to do and you are making conversations about our goddammed lives here Sam. One of us is insane here, and that's not me."
"Yeah well, its not his fault that we are in this circumstance Dean. You can't just lash out on him because you don't have anything better to do." Sam shot back, tired of the repeated thing happening.
"Woah guys, you both need to calm down here." Jensen said, albeit hesitantly.
"We are not going to accomplish anything if you guys keep arguing like that."
"Yeah well, enlighten us with your idea then, mister friggin' Zen." Dean said to Jensen, his words filled with sarcasm.
Sam was about to say something again when they heard banging on the trailer door again. It was like someone was going to tear the door off its hinges if they could. The three of them looked at each other. Not knowing what to do.
"We will get cover." Sam said to Jensen in a small voice and motioned Dean to retreat deep into the trailer. Dean gave a nod, his jaw tightening.
Jensen cautiously made his way to the trailer.
"Uh.. Who's there?" Jensen asked, and Sam heard someone saying something but he couldn't understand what was said from the other end, but Jensen's shoulders seemed to relax a little and he opened the door. As soon as the door was opened, Jensen was being hauled inside by an angry Jared whose hands were fisted in Jensen's jacket pushing him inside.
"What the hell Jensen?" Jared spat angrily and saw Jensen flinch and look down. Sam made sure that no one was coming inside from the door, and then came out from hiding. He closed the door first and Jared startled, seeing them and left Jensen's jacket instantly, but his eyes went back to Jensen again.
"What the hell Jensen.? What are you doing here?" Jared asked Jensen, his voice low and angry.
"Umm..I came to see if they had gone or something..." Jensen trailed of, shifting on his foot, looking at Sam for something. And Sam really didn't know what to say or do. He didn't even have any idea what was going on.
"Yeah..? Next time you have this type of brilliant idea, care to inform me, you scared the crap outta me when you were not at your place." Jared said and Jensen looked up at him with a weird expression and Jared quickly averted his eyes.
"I meant... I meant that you should have informed Clif. He was freaked out and you didn't tell him anything about where you were, and you were not receiving your phone." Jared said, this time more subdued. Sam and Dean just looked at them, not knowing what to say. Thank God Dean broke the silence.
"Well, if you guys are done with your tantrums and sissy fits, can we have an adult conversation here?" Dean said, while glaring at both of them. Dean was a lot more angry than usual. Sam didn't know what was going in his mind.
"Look who's talking about adult conversation." Jensen snorted, and really, Jensen had called it upon himself when Dean grabbed him by his collar and slammed him into the nearest vertical surface he could find.
"What the hell is your problem?" He asked in a menacing tone, and it was looking like Jensen was having trouble breathing. Just when he was about to interrupt, it was Dean's turn to be yanked away from Jensen and pushed backwards by a very angry Jared again.
"What the hell is YOUR problem.?" Jared said to Dean, who was looking dumbfounded at Jared, apparently not expecting the sudden outburst. Sam waited for them to let it go, but neither of them was giving an inch. Sam had just had about enough.
"You know what, you guys carry on with your shit, and when you decide that you guys won't be acting like teenagers, let me know. I am outta here." Sam said angrily, making his way towards the door.
"Wait." Dean and Jensen said together, Sam turned back to look at them and they were again glaring at each other.
"What happened?" Jared asked, trying to disperse the tension in the room and Jensen repeated what he had been told earlier, minus the argument with Dean of course.
Sam and Dean were sitting on the bed side by side, while Jared Jensen sat on the couch as far from each other as they could make. All of them were sitting with hands in their hairs and for a moment, Sam wanted to laugh hysterically at the sheer freakiness of the situation.
"We will figure something out." Jared said, and Sam thought it was just to break the long stretched awkward silence. No one said anything to that till they heard bustling from outside, indicating that the lot and set were filling with peoples. They all sighed almost in synch.
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
They all decided that it’s not possible for Sam and Dean to hang around while Jared and Jensen were there and there was really no place they could go at the moment except at Jared’s or Jensen’s house. And even that was a temporary solution since anyone could see them and mistake them for Jared and Jensen.
Sam and Dean were in Jensen’s trailer, Sam typing furiously on the laptop and Dean going through the DVDs near the TV. Sam was searching about the parallel universe and whatever he could think that matched their situation when Dean suddenly snorted and Sam turned sideways to look at him. Dean was holding up a CD case directed towards him like he knew Sam would turn.
“Dude, you look like a twink in this one. Did you start acting when you were 12.” Dean said, laughing. Sam tore his gaze away from Dean’s face enough to look at the DVD. And there it was, some show named Gilmore Girls and Sam really looking like some heart broken twink.
“Shutup, that’s not me. It’s Jared.” Sam said, looking away and trying to keep the smile off his face. He turned back to the laptop. Even he was not finding anything and his brain hurt from all the things he read on the internet. The best and the worst thing about internet was that it had a lot of information. And it was really hard to differentiate between what was actually real and what was really over active imagination. He sighed.
“You need to take a break.” Dean said suddenly from behind him and Sam was startled for a second. He had not noticed Dean coming behind him.
“And do what?” Sam said, but turning away from the laptop at the same time. He really was tired.
Dean flopped down on the couch with a thud and patted the space beside him on the couch.
“We should watch this movie.” Dean said, pointing at the screen where something with creepy music had started to play. Sam decided that Dean was right. He really needed a break. He stood up from the chair and stretched himself, stifling a yawn. He went and sat beside Dean, burrowing himself in the cushions. As soon as he had made himself comfortable, he sat straight picking the DVD case from the floor and seeing his face on the case with the title “Christmas Cottage”. He quickly snatched the remote from Dean’s hand and pushed the stop button.
“Dude, what the hell.” Dean said, trying to make an innocent face but failing miserably since a smile started tugging on his lips which he tried to hide. Sam stopped himself from smiling by just looking at Dean. It was not every day that you saw Dean smiling like that.
“It’s not funny Dean. Why don’t you put something that has you in it? Like something that we saw earlier.” Sam said, smirking.
“Shut up.” Dean said lamely.
“And you are the one who said that it was not you. So what’s the problem.” Dean grumbled.
“And besides, it’s no fun watching yourself anyway.” Dean said, trying to take the remote back from Sam and failing.
“Yeah, you are right. No fun watching YOURSELF.” Sam said, emphasizing on the last word and raising his eyebrow.
They kept arguing back and forth for a few minutes over which movie to watch when there was a knock on the trailer. They both froze for a second and looked at each other. Sam put a finger on his lips indicating Dean to keep quiet when Dean was about to say something. Sam slowly got up from the couch and made his way to the door, his steps quiet. He tried to see through the small side window that who it was but couldn’t see anything as whoever the person was, they were standing straight in front of the door.
“Hey, it’s me.” Sam heard Jensen from other side of the door and sighed in relief. He opened the door and stood on the side in case anyone was around. Jensen came in with both his hands full, carrying two plastic bags in his hands. He closed the door and came to stand behind Jensen who was busy juggling with the bags.
“Is it a cheese burger I smell?” Came Dean’s voice from the side who was also approaching the table where Jensen was putting the container of foods.
“I figured you guys must be hungry.” Jensen said, looking down and moving aside to give Dean a wide berth. There was another plastic bag in his hand, Sam noticed but didn’t mention since it was none of his business.
“Where is Jared?” Sam asked, moving to the table.
“He is shooting on the location. Would be back in an hour or so.” Jensen said, going by the bed side and taking out things from the other plastic bag and spreading it on top of the bed. Dean went to sit on the couch, his hand full with containers of food and drinks. Sam wondered if Dean had left something for him. Sam dug through the remaining containers and found chicken salad in one of them. He smiled to himself, looks like Jensen knew them. And why not, since they have been playing their character for years now. But Sam is not sure whether it’s actually their lives or just some altered version.
“You are not eating?” Sam asked Jensen, who was still busy spreading some things on the bed which Sam couldn’t see from this angle.
“No..uhhh.. I will eat later.” Jensen said, giving him a sideways glance. Jensen still looked at them like he couldn’t believe that they were actually real, and Sam couldn’t blame him. Sam took his food and went to sit with Dean.
They ate in silence, Dean taking a swig of his beer now and again after eating and Sam still eating. Jensen was now sitting on the bed and looking at the things on the bed, but Sam could see that his mind was somewhere else. Even though Dean and Jensen looked identical, Sam could still see the differences in them as clear as day. But what irked Sam the most was the similarities he could see in Dean and Jensen’s expression. They both looked like they were fed up of the life and Sam knew this about Jensen because he had a life time of studying Dean, and really, he could easily see those lines and unsaid things in Jensen’s eyes that he could see in Dean’s. But Sam hoped that he was wrong about Jensen. After all, he didn’t have any reason to be. Did he? But again, what did he know. He pulled himself away from these thoughts and stood up, taking his and Dean’s empty containers and putting them in a plastic.
“Neat freak.” He heard Dean mutter but chose to ignore the comment.
“What are these?” Sam asked Jensen, gesturing with his hand on the said things. There were wigs, beards and all those type of stuffs that are used in costumes.
“I … I thought maybe you could use them.” Jensen said, pointing on the said things. Just then there was a knock on the door, and Jensen went to open it, seemingly knowing who it was without even asking. Jared came through the door wearing clothes just like he wears, apparently in costume and Sam averts his eyes. It felt weird looking at Jared like that when he is looking just like him. No wonder Dean didn’t look at Jensen. But actively ignoring him was another thing.
Jared looked at Jensen for a while and then averted his gaze, looking around the room like he might pick up some changes if he looks hard enough.
“What are these for?” Jared asked, looking at the bed.
“I thought maybe they could disguise themselves using these, and they wouldn’t have to hide all the time.” Jensen said, shifting from one foot to the other like he was nervous. Nervous of what, Sam had no idea. Sam also thought it’s a good idea considering their circumstances, they couldn’t really keep hiding like this. And Jared and Jensen being stars of this thing didn’t help either since he was sure that they would be recognized more often than not.
“Yeah, good thinking.” Jared said, moving to sit on the chair by the table.
“No way am I going to put fake hair on my head and my face.” Dean said glaring at Jensen like Jensen brought this to personally piss Dean off.
“You have a better idea?” Jensen asked Dean in a casual tone contrary to the way Dean spoke. Sam rolled his eyes. It’s going to be a long day with these two.
“He is right Dean, we are going to need those.” Sam said before Dean could say anything else.
“Yeah whatever. I don’t know why you have to agree with all the things that this one has to say.” Dean muttered, glaring at Jensen. No one commented on it and Sam was glad for that.
They made use of the things that Jensen had brought and now Sam and Dean were looking more alike than they ever had. Both with heavy moustaches coving their lips partially and thick beards on their face. Sam and Dean both refused the long hanging beard, so it was just covering their half faces. At least they were not looking like themselves. Jared was sitting on the chair after having done the makeover on their faces.
“You look tired.” Jensen said to Jared. Jensen was perched on the side of the table looking at his now mess of a bed.
Jared just shrugged. Didn’t say anything to Jensen and Jensen looked a little disappointed at his non-response.
“Have you eaten?” Jensen asked again, and really, Jared was not looking in any mood to answer questions.
“No Jensen. And it would be better if you mind your own business.” Jared said in a low but hard tone.
“You still have to work a few more hours Jared. You should eat something and get some rest before they come calling for you.” Jensen said again, seeming to ignore what Jared had said and Sam wanted to smack his head on the nearest wall. Seriously, what’s wrong with them? What’s wrong with Jared.
“I said, it’s none of your business Jensen.” Jared said angrily, standing up.
“Of course it is my business. You are my fri..”
“Don’t..Don’t even say that.” Jared cut Jensen before he could complete his sentence.
“We are nothing, Jensen.” Jared said in a small voice, walking away. He was not sounding angry anymore. Hurt maybe, Sam thought. But Jensen definitely looked like someone had punched him in the guts but he was quick to mask it away. Just like Dean, Sam thought. Jared left the trailer and Jensen sat on the chair previously occupied by Jared.
“Are you alright?” Sam asked Jensen. Jensen just nodded but said nothing.
“You guys are such drama queens.” Dean said, rolling his eyes.
“Dean..” Sam said in a warning tone.
“What? You saw them. We are having a universe crisis here and these two are acting like a couple of girls.” Dean said, taking a swig from his beer and flopping down on the couch again.
“I don’t know why Sam puts up with you.” Jensen said, shooting daggers at Dean.
“You clearly don’t understand him, don’t even know how he feels.” Jensen continued.
“Hey Hey, Stop it Jensen.” Sam tried to come in between.
“What do you even know about me? Huh?” Dean said, standing up from the couch and looking pissed and angry.
“I know enough. And I feel sorry for Sam sometimes that he has to put up with you.” Jensen said in an equally pissed voice and Sam knew that this time he will not be able to stop them if it came to blows between the two of them. Thank God that there was a knock on the trailer and Jensen went storming out of it.
“Dean, that was uncalled for.” Sam said to Dean, sighing.
“And what he said? That was alright?” Dean shot back at Sam. And Sam knows what Jensen said hurt Dean.
“He was just angry at Jared, I guess, and he misdirected his anger towards you. And you shouldn’t care about what he thinks.” Sam shrugged, trying so hard to convey that it didn’t get to him. That he didn’t want to punch Jensen for saying those things to Dean. He succeeded a little.
“I don’t know why you keep defending him. You don’t even know him.” Dean said. Sam shrugged again. He took the laptop that he had abandoned hours earlier and started researching about their weird situation once again.
It’s been almost a week after the return of Jared and Jensen and Sam and Dean hadn’t yet found a way of going back to their real world.
“I hate this.” Dean said, kicking the foot of the chair in frustration. Sam sighed from his position on the couch, laptop kept aside and looking hopeless.
“Yeah. Me too.” Sam said, looking tired.
“I really don’t understand. Why the hell is the spell not working.” Sam said, standing up and pacing around the room. They were staying at Jared’s house. Jensen’s house was under renovations and he was staying at a hotel himself. Dean had asked Jensen why he wasn’t just crashing at Jared’s for the time being but he didn’t get any reply. Considering all the things Sam had seen between Jared and Jensen, he wasn’t at all surprised. At least they did not have to wear those ridiculous things.
“Dude, I don’t want to stay with fake Ruby. And we will have to wear those things again around her. It’s better to stay in a hotel.” It was the first thing Dean had said when it was suggested that they stay at Jared’s house. And Sam had admitted, it was a valid question.
“She is not around. Has gone to visit the parents.” Jared had said and Sam noticed Jensen’s eyes fly to Jared. An unreadable expression on his face.
It was decided that Sam and Dean would stay at Jared’s house. They sometimes went to the set with Jared and just looked around the set, seeing that maybe they could find out what is going on there and maybe could find a way for them to get back as well. Interestingly enough, even in the shooting, Sam and Dean were not back in their real world.
“We haven’t been able to move forward on the episode where Sam and Dean are supposed to be back in their real world.” Jared had told them.
“I mean, whenever we are shooting the scenes of the episode, things are just not going the same way. Sometimes the lightening are not okay and camera’s stop working. So we have moved forward on to the other episode because the guest star of that episode has arrived.” Jared had said, sounding irritated himself.
“Do you think we are doing the spell wrong, maybe the symbol?” Dean said, shaking Sam out of his thoughts.
“I don’t know Dean. To be honest, I hadn’t even paid attention to the symbol that Balthazar was drawing.” Sam said, making his way towards the kitchen and taking out two bottles of beer, passing one to Dean.
“I talked to Jensen today. Said he might come today.” Sam said, taking a sip of his beer and sitting down on the couch.
“And why exactly is he coming here? “ Dean said, taking a swallow of his beer and sitting down beside Sam on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table. Sam could feel himself relax just by Dean’s close proximity.
“Maybe he is missing you.” Sam said, hiding his smile.
“But I don’t get it. Isn’t he supposed to like me, I mean I am the character he plays. If he doesn’t like his character, how come he is being playing it for years. And instead, it seems like he would just about swoon looking at you.” Dean said around a mouthful of chips which he was taking with beer.
“Now you are just exaggerating Dean. He doesn’t actually hate you, and as far as I remember, you are the one who acted like you have swallowed a bitter pill whenever you looked or talked to him.”
“Dude, he acts like a dumb person. I can’t believe he is the one actually playing me. How does that even happen?” Dean said, smirking and a little genuine smile on his face. Sam couldn’t help but smile even though he really wanted to say something about Dean not knowing Jensen. Seeing Dean smiling genuinely is rare. Sam missed those days when things were not like this, with the world and between them. Sam still felt guilty about pulling Dean away from the family who was there for him when Sam wasn’t. But Dean didn’t talk about it. Sam had tried, but it had ended up Dean pulling away more. So Sam had dropped it.
“Here you guys are.” Dean said, turning towards the door from where Jared and Jensen were making their way in. Jensen’s shoulders pulled tight as soon as his eyes went to the pictures adorning the wall of the living room. Pictures of Jared on his wedding with his wife. Sam couldn’t understand the reaction. It’s not like he was seeing them for the first time, and even if it were, this wasn’t quiet the reaction one would expect. Thankfully, Sam was the only one to notice this. Dean’s eyes were on the plastic bags that Jared was carrying.
“You find anything.” Jared asked. Jensen was smiling at them like he was really happy to see them. Sam couldn’t help but smile back. Sam shook his head in negative to Jared’s question.
“Great.” Jared muttered under his breath and gave the plastic bags to Dean.
“Why don’t you guys join us.?” Sam asked both of them.
“Nah. I am not hungry.” Jensen said, shaking his head.
“But you didn’t eat anything, and I have brought enough food.” Jared said to Jensen and Sam once again wondered what it was between the two. It was obvious they cared about each other. You don’t care for someone you hate, and Sam never really bought that Jared hated Jensen. Jared cared too much for Jensen. He had seen it the day Jared pushed Dean when he was manhandling Jensen. There was something that he and Dean didn’t know. And well, what they really knew about them except that they play their characters on a TV show.
“Well, you didn’t eat anything either.” Jensen retorted back. Jared glared at Jensen and Sam saw Dean hiding a smile behind a cough. Whatever Dean said, Sam knew he was also fascinated by these two who tried to play like they couldn’t stand each other or more like Jared couldn’t stand Jensen, but really, they cared for each other beyond reasons.
“You are so stubborn.” Jared muttered with gritted teeth. He was obviously not amused by Jensen’s reply.
“Okay you two princesses. All of us can eat together. I will even give you candy at the end if you play nice.” Dean said in a sarcastic manner and made his way towards the kitchen. Jared glared at Jensen for good measure and Jensen just grinned at him. Jared stalked behind Dean with a huff and Sam snorted at the childish display. But as soon Jared was out of sight, Jensen’s grin dropped like a ton of bricks and Sam could see shades of sadness on his face and reflected in his eyes.
“He hates me.” Jensen said, looking defeated.
“He doesn’t. And you know that as well.” Sam said looking at the slouched form of Jensen.
“He has every right to hate me though.” Jensen said and went to the kitchen. Sam followed him a few minutes later. He didn’t know what to think about what Jensen said.
“Let me drop you at the hotel.” Sam said when Jensen got ready to leave. They had eaten dinner in silence and after that discussed some possibilities and theories on their current situation.
“No, its fine. I will catch a cab.” Jensen said.
“It’s late Jensen. And Virgil is still on the loose.” Sam said.
“Yeah, Sam is right. It’s not safe for you to go alone. Just stay the night here.” Jared said, looking at his foot.
“I will be fine.” Jensen said, dismissing both Sam and Jared and started walking towards the door.
“I will drop him.” Sam said, motioning to where Jensen went.
“The hell you are.” Dean said.
“You don’t even know the area.”
“But Dean.” Sam said but Dean interrupted again.
“What Sam? I know you are not going to get lost or anything and you can protect yourself. But why take the risk for douchebags who can’t see past their problems.” Dean said and Sam realized that Dean really was angry this time and Sam had to admit, Jensen should have just stayed here with them.
“I will talk to him.” Jared said and before anyone could say anything, he went.
“I am sure Jared will handle Jensen.” Sam said, walking towards Dean who was still looking pissed.
“Yeah, if they don’t kill each other first.” Dean said, and stalked towards the bedroom where he had been sleeping for the last few days. Sam thought of going into the library that Jared had, but on an instinct followed Dean to his bedroom.
Dean’s room had a double bed with a couch and TV. Dean called dibs on the room with TV when they decided to stay here. Sam’s room was alike. Just without the TV. Dean was lying on the bed on his back, eyes closed and socked feet crossed at the ankles. The lights were open. The thick curtains on the windows gave the room a luxurious look. There were lines on Dean’s forehead. A telltale sign that he was worried and thinking hard about it. Sam took a moment to just look at Dean. He was still the same Dean to him. The one who took care of him. Who gave him everything and who was his everything. There were years between them now. Angels, demons whatnot. It seemed like all took active part in driving them apart, and Sam had to say, they succeeded now and again. But it was not actually those things that came between them. It was their fault more than anything else. Things said between them that they didn’t mean. And things that should have been said but never once saw the light of the day. Sam realized it was his fault more than anything. Dean wasn’t the one who changed; maybe he was the one who did. Letting his past insecurities tarnish his relationship with Dean. Sam didn’t know when he became this. What he was now.
“You are hurting my ears you are thinking so loud.” Dean said from the bed and Sam was startled out of his thoughts. He shook his head to clear his mind.
“I thought you would be going behind your wonder boy.” Dean said and Sam smiled.
“Yeah well, you thought right. Here I am.” Sam said. He moved towards Dean’s bed and sat on the edge of his bed. Dean moved his legs to accommodate him.
“You didn’t take refuge in the library today. Sleep with all those books.” Dean said, sitting up and propping himself on the head board.
“Nah. Thought I would rather see what’s going with my princess here. I think the Disney is catching with you and you aren’t even around them a lot.” Sam said, smirking.
“Shut up. I was not the one creating the drama.”
“Yeah, but you were the one throwing tantrums and stomping around. I guess that makes you one of them.” Sam said, trying to keep his laughter in at Dean’s expression of incredulity.
“I hate you.” Dean grumbled but couldn’t hide the smile that tugged on his lips.
“Yeah you really do.” Sam said, full on grinning now.
They heard footsteps in the hall way and sounds of talking, more like arguing coming over.
“I think everything is settled then.” Dean said, indicating his face towards the door.
“I told you so.” Sam said, making himself more comfortable on the bed.
“Those two are something else.” Dean said, stretching his legs. His foot nudging Sam on the back.
“Yeah they are.” Sam smiled.
“Do you think we would ever make it back? To our world?” Dean said, opening his eyes. And Sam didn’t really know what to say. Dean was looking lost right now. And this was not the look that Dean expressed normally, but Sam was sure he felt that way a lot, but chose to mask it.
“We will figure something out. We always do. And I am sure Bobby would be trying as well.” Sam said, even though he was not sure of anything himself anymore.
“You gotta be friggin’ kidding me Sam.” Dean said, holding the DVDs that Sam had found in Jared’s collection.
“I am not watching these.” Dean said, jutting his chin out like a kid and Sam grinned at the display.
“Dude, what’s wrong with watching them. We would see how much truth is in it. And we are also SamnDean there.” Sam said trying to make Dean see reason. His brother was still looking skeptical. But Sam knew he would convince him. And it wasn’t even Sam’s idea in the first place. It was actually Jensen who had told him that they should watch the series. It might help, Jensen had said. Helped in what, Sam had no idea.
“Dude, you said Sam and Dean like it’s one word.” Dean said looking at him oddly and Sam flushed. He had gotten to read some scripts and he had gotten used to the sound of it. And sometimes when he was reading the script, it didn’t even feel like the people in them were brothers. That’s how it was. Sam had wondered many times if they were like this in reality, but had shrugged it off thinking that it’s just a TV show and that’s maybe the way things are supposed to be written.
“Now put it on so we can get started.” Sam said, changing the subject as subtly as he could. Dean just made an annoying face and popped the DVD in. Sam went to sit on the couch, assuming his now usual position since they had come here. Sam would sit propped on one side of the couch while Dean would be on the other end. Their legs in front of them, parallel to each other. It wasn’t easy to manage like that, but they preferred it this way.
Sam looked at Dean. His eyes were as green as ever. The light reflecting in them made the golden flakes of his eyes more prominent. Sam had always thought that Dean had beautiful eyes. He used to compare it to the greenery when they used to pass from the greener areas of the country. Sam would never say that to Dean though, he would be smacked on the head for this. But sometimes he really wanted to say.
He was taken out of his reverie by the sounds coming from the TV.
“I think it’s enough for now.” Sam said as soon as the first episode was over. He didn’t expect to see all these. He didn’t really expect in the first place that this series would be this close to their lives. It was just the same. He felt like he was back in time, watching it again.
“Yeah, you are right.” Dean said, his jaw was tight and Sam could see that he was trying to rein in his emotions.
“I didn’t know about your LSAT scores.” Dean said after a few minutes. Sam looked up at him.
“Yeah well, didn’t think it mattered considering all the other things that were happening.” Sam said, shrugging. He wouldn’t have told even if the circumstances were different because he knew that they didn’t care, Dean didn’t care.
“You looked happy.” Dean said again, voice giving away nothing as to what he felt. Sam felt something deep and old stir inside him. Even though there were a lot of things that were in the episode, but most of it wasn’t there. They could only include so much in a single episode. Sam suddenly dreaded watching the other episodes. Sam was glad that they didn’t show how Sam couldn’t sleep some nights because he missed his family so much or the times when he was surrounded by his friends, all of them laughing and Sam could only think how this wasn’t the place he was supposed to be. How his skin sometimes felt that it was stretched over his body so tight, or the times he couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation he and Dean had when he had told him about Stanford, and how much it broke his heart and hurt him, even did now if he thought about it. But Sam is sure that there wouldn’t be these type of things involved in the episode since the series is about supernatural creatures and not some drama TV. Sam didn’t say anything to that. After all, how happy could he have been without the only person who he had wanted with him.
“I am going to bed.” Sam said, standing up. Even though it was early and he hadn’t even had dinner yet, but after witnessing the horror of his life once again, he didn’t think he would be able to stomach anything.
“Not going to wait for your wonder boy?” Dean asked, his voice giving away nothing. Sam knew that he wasn’t the only one who was affected by seeing it. But Dean liked to act tough.
“You can give him company.” Sam replied. He had totally forgotten about Jensen coming with Jared today and he was the one who had told Jensen in the first place to come. He felt slightly guilty on leaving Jensen with Dean, but he was sure Jared would handle if the need arose.
Dean sighed. He should have said something else , not what he had actually said. What he said was true, but not appropriate for the time. He just didn’t know what he was feeling, even though the feeling was familiar. It was the same thing he felt when he saw Sam and Jess together for the first time, how Sam didn’t want to leave her side and that made him angry for whatever reasons. He still vividly remembered that day like it happened yesterday, like he could still feel the heat waves coming from Sam’s apartment, or the horrific feeling which had stopped him in his tracks for a second that maybe he was too late, maybe he had already lost Sam.
He was taken out of his thoughts by the sound of the front door opening. Must be Jared and the douchebag, Dean thought. He really didn’t like Jensen, he was denser than a forest, and really, Dean didn’t know why Sam even talked to him. Not only talk to him, but he also got along with him good. He had seen them talking in hushed tones like they were imparting some big secrets to each other and no one was privy to it. He hated it.
“Hey.” Dean heard Jensen say and turned around to look at the both of them. Thank God they were not dressed as them. Dean chose to ignore Jensen. They were once again carrying plastic bags in their hands and Dean perked up a little at the thought of food. Not like he was hungry, he had just demolished some sandwiches that Sam had made for him before they had started watching the TV. But he was not the one to say no to food. Jared walked straight into the kitchen, without saying anything and Jensen trailed behind like a goddamn puppy. A few minutes later, they were back in the room and Jared sat on the sofa which was on the side of the couch with a sigh. Jensen also sat on the sofa opposite Jared.
“So, where’s Sam?” Jensen asked and Dean looked at him sharply. Figure that the first thing Jensen would ask would be about Sam.
“Must be in his room sleeping or something.” Dean said, trying deliberately to act nonchalant, and not being annoyed at Jensen and Sam at the same time.
“Oh, is he okay?” Jensen asked.
“I mean it’s too early and...”
“Yeah yeah he is fine.” Dean said, not managing to keep the annoyance out of his voice this time.
“Must you always act like this?” Jared said and Dean was surprised for a moment that he had spoken at all. He wasn’t even sounding mad. Even his expression was neutral. It was like he was just curious or some shit.
“What do you mean by that?” Dean said defensively, because he knew very well what Jared was talking about.
“You really want me to answer that?” Jared asked.
“Of course I...” Dean was saying when Jensen interrupted him.
“You guys were watching Supernatural?” He said looking at the DVD near the player.
“Yeah.” Dean said shortly and Jensen muttered something under his breath that was too low for Dean to hear, but he didn’t miss the swearing that was followed by Jared. He was surprised to see the reactions from them. They obviously knew what was there, but he hadn’t realized that it would provoke this reaction from them like they cared about them. The thought was a little disconcerting.
“How many episodes?” Jensen asked. And Dean couldn’t find in himself to be annoyed at his questions because Jensen was already sounding weary.
“Just one…” Dean said looking down.
“Where Jess, I mean…I mean I go to..I go to get Sam.” Dean mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. He was suddenly feeling conscious and somewhat vulnerable. It suddenly hit him that these guys knew almost everything about them. Well not everything, but at least they knew most of what happened after he and Sam hit the road again. He felt exposed. Jensen muttered something again like shit and stood up. He made his way towards the guest rooms without saying anything and Dean knew he was going to Sam’s room. He didn’t even have the heart to stop Jensen because he knew he should have been the one to do that. He sighed in resignation.
There was a knock on Sam’s door and Sam wondered who it could be. Dean didn’t normally knock, but who knows. He had been here for half an hour and he knew that Jared and Jensen were here already since he heard the sound of the car.
“Come in.” Said Sam, sitting up straight on the bed. He hadn’t actually been sleeping, just going through the things that had once again come to surface after watching the episode. And they were not pleasant memories, so there was that. The door cracked open a little and Sam saw Jensen peeking his head inside.
“You weren’t sleeping, were you?” Jensen asked in a skeptical tone, opening the door all the way. He was wearing faded blue t-shirt and equally faded light blue jeans and he couldn’t look more different than Dean at that instant. His brows were furrowed like he really was worried that he somehow had woken Sam.
“Nah I wasn’t sleeping, you can come in.” Sam said, gesturing him to come inside. Jensen stepped more inside the room and started looking around, like this was a strange and familiar place at once. Sam didn’t know what Jensen was looking for, but he saw a rueful smile cross Jensen’s face just for a fleeting moment.
“It’s a nice room isn’t it?” Jensen said, making his way further into the room.
“Leave Jared to make even guest rooms like a normally used bedroom.” Jensen said, taking a seat on the chair near the bed, and grinning.
“Maybe he gets a lot of guests.” Sam said, even though he thought it’s not possible. Being a TV show actor didn’t really give them the time for having guests for extended periods, knowing the hosts wouldn’t actually be there to entertain them and all that.
“No, he doesn’t. We have a lot of friends even here, but most of them are actors. So…” Jensen cut himself off, and Sam belatedly realized that Jensen had used WE instead of HIM and Sam once again got curious what got down between Jared and Jensen, but not curious enough to actually come out and ask. He didn’t want to pry but it was sometimes hard not to let something out when he heard these types of slip ups.
“Anyway, uhh.” Jensen said, looking down and scratching the back of his neck like he was embarrassed or something. Just like Dean when he was nervous or embarrassed.
“So, I see you watched something...” Jensen trailed off, looking at him and Sam turned away his face, instead concentrating on the far wall unseeingly.
“Yeah, you should have warned me though.” Sam said fingering the loose thread on the hem of his shirt. He was sitting cross legged Indian style, facing Jensen.
“What warning do you give someone who has actually been through it, but you are right. I should have said something.” Jensen said, slouching low in the chair and getting as comfortable as he could. Sam felt bad for Jensen, working hard all day and then also coming here because Sam had asked him to come, and Sam felt all the more guilty for not waiting up for Jensen but Jensen didn’t say a word about ditching him, instead he was here. Sam admired Jensen for that, he was a good person and Sam had seen it time and again.
“You guys are heartless bastards though.” Sam said well naturedly.
“Yeah well, we didn’t know that it was real. And anyway, who tunes in to watch reality when they see it happening around in their lives every day.” Jensen said matter of factly, and Sam couldn’t argue with that.
“You okay?” Jensen asked and Sam looked at him and immediately averted his eyes by seeing the look of genuine concern on his face. Dean sometimes looked like this when he was not busy trying to hide underneath all the bullshit masks he liked to wear. Sam just nodded. His throat suddenly feeling so tight. He knew if he started speaking, he wouldn’t stop. There were not a lot of people in their lives who they could talk to. And Dean had his enough baggage. Even though Dean didn’t like talking about feelings and all the stuff, but he always asked Sam how he felt when it was needed. But Dean didn’t ask him that after watching the episode, instead he was acting odd and Sam should have asked him what was wrong, but Sam really didn’t understand the reason, after all, he was the one who saw his girlfriend going up in flames.
“Can I ask you something?” Jensen said after a while. Sam nodded again. Jensen had a contemplative expression on his face, like he was still working through something in his head. Sam couldn’t help but compare the differences and similarities in him and Dean and this time was no different. He was lost in his thoughts when Jensen nudged him on his thigh.
“You still here man?” Jensen asked and Sam realized that he had zoned out thinking about Dean.
“Uhh yeah... sorry about that. You were saying?” Sam said sheepishly.
“I was asking why you left? I mean I know why you left, but I have a feeling something went down between you and Dean before you left for Stanford.” Jensen said and Sam swallowed hard.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I have always just wondered, you know?” Jensen said looking at Sam so earnestly that Sam knew he meant it when he said that it’s okay if he didn’t tell. For a second, Sam thought he could just say that nothing happened and he knows that Jensen won’t ask him again, even though he also knew that Jensen wouldn’t believe him. In the time that Sam had seen Jared and Jensen, he had arrived at the conclusion that they knew each other’s characters as well they knew their own characters. So Sam figured that Jensen would know and Sam wasn’t really feeling like lying to him. He was just about to say something when the door opened and Dean sauntered in.
“We are waiting for you girls for dinner, you know if you don’t mind me interrupting, some of us are hungry.” Dean said without missing a beat. He was looking angry and Sam didn’t know why. God, I hope he didn’t get into something with Jared, he thought and winced. Even though both Jared and Dean were good at ignoring each other, or just ignoring anyone, really, but anything could happen and he had a feeling that something happened, because Dean’s normal mood around Jensen is annoyance when nothing has happened, so Sam was not expecting Dean to be in such a mood. He just nodded in the general direction of Dean and Dean stalked out of the room leaving the echo of footsteps in his wake. Sam stood up as well.
“Guess we better get going then.” He said to Jensen. He could see disappointment etched on Jensen’s face but he thanked God that Jensen had not said anything. He just nodded and the both of them braced themselves for whatever was waiting in the living room for them.
I have been thinking about the version of this fiction in Jared and Jensen's point of view as well and having light on their story. but I can't do that in this story because its about Sam and Dean and I don't want to move the focus of the story.
Happy Reading !
They ate their dinner in relatively silence. But Sam could feel the tension radiating from Dean in waves. He didn’t know what had transpired in his absence, but something surely did. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to know or not. Even though Dean was appearing to be engrossed in his food, his shoulders were tense. He saw Jared darting sideways glances at Dean.
“You are staying today. Right?” Sam asked Jensen, just to break the uncomfortable silence in the air.
“Yeah.” Jensen replied.
Sam didn’t know why it was this awkward and uncomfortable today. They never had been chatty when all of them were together like this. But it hadn’t been this bad. Not even Dean was saying anything today. No comment on food or whatsoever. Sam was starting to get concerned now.
After they had finished eating, Sam and Jared cleaned the table and they all filed into the sitting room. It had become a kind of a ritual. After eating, they would hang out some in the living room, and by hanging out he meant that he and Jensen would talk, Jared would grunt some response if someone asked him anything and occasionally giving his two cents on their current situations. Dean would glare at Jensen a lot and give sarcastic answers to his questions and at the end, they would still reach nowhere in the solution for their situation. And the worst thing that was about to happen was that Jared’s wife was about to come to Vancouver and Sam and Dean didn’t know what they will do about it. Jensen’s place was out of question as well because there was some repairs and maintenance going over his place and he was staying with a friend for the last two days or so maybe. Jared had ruled out the idea of Jensen staying at a hotel deeming it to be unsafe since they still didn’t know the whereabouts of Virgil. Jared and Jensen had argued over that and Jared had asked Jensen to stay at his place but Jensen had said No so firmly and with an expression that clearly said to back off that Jared hadn’t said anything after that on Jensen staying at his house but he refused to back down on Jensen staying at a hotel so they had compromised on middle ground. Jensen was staying at his friends’ house.
“So…. anything?” Sam asked to no one particularly. They all knew what he was asking about.
“Nothing.” Jared sighed.
“I think even the people on set are wondering that why we are asking about it daily.” Jensen chuckled and Jared laughed, which was a welcome change.
“Yeah, I was just asking Phil off handedly about it and he immediately picked up on it. Said that why all of a sudden me and Jensen are getting curious about the matter.” Jared said still smiling and Sam didn’t know when he had started caring that much about these people because he found himself smile in return and feeling good at seeing Jared smiling like this.
“I didn’t find anything either.” Sam said, talking about his research that he did online or sometimes even went out to the library.
“You guys should just stay here.” Jensen said, grinning. Sam looked at Dean, expecting some kind of comeback from him but it seemed like that Dean wasn’t even paying attention. His expressions were hard and his eyes were far away. Sam started feeling concerned. Sam wished he could ask Dean what was going on but he knew he couldn’t do it in front of Jared and Jensen.
“So, when is uhh… When is Genevieve coming?” Jensen asked Jared like he really didn’t want to ask about it.
“Sometime around next week.” Jared replied stiffly.
“We should start looking for somewhere to stay then.” Sam said looking at Dean for some kind of confirmation. But again, Dean was not even looking like he was in the conversation.
“You guys can stay here even if she is around.” Jared said.
“I would tell her that you guys are my friends and would be staying here for a while.”
“I don’t think so it’s possible.” Sam said.
“I mean, how are we going to manage looking alike and all that.” Sam pointed out the obvious.
“What do you say Dean?” Sam asked just so he could get Dean out of whatever he was thinking. He wasn’t even thinking about the matter at hand, he just wanted to know what was up with Dean.
“Huh?” Dean asked, obviously not following the conversation.
“Are you alright?” Jensen asked Dean. Apparently even Jensen had picked up on it.
“Jared is saying we should stay here even after his wife comes.” Sam said, looking at Dean carefully. Dean just scrubbed a hand on his face and stood up.
“Look, can we talk about it later? Or do whatever you want.” Dean said walking away.
Sam stood up to follow Dean.
“Let him go Sam.” Jared said and Sam who had started following Dean stopped in his tracks.
“But…” Sam started but Jared stopped him.
“He will be alright. Just leave him alone for a while.” Jared said and Sam was about to say that he is not going to listen to him on this when Jared beat him to it.
“Look Sam, I know you are worried, but you left him when you shouldn’t have and he doesn’t need you right now.”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked in a hard tone. Jared shrugged. But said nothing.
“You said something to him. Didn’t you?” Sam said again. He was starting to lose his temper now. Jared shrugged again and really, Sam had had enough.
“We talked if that’s what you are asking.” Jared said and Sam wanted to hit him but suddenly Jensen’s hand was on his shoulder like he was trying to calm him down. Sam took a deep breath. He really didn’t want to get in any kind of argument with Jared but Jared was acting like a douche by not telling him what had happened, but something had happened between Jared and Dean, he was sure of it.
“Look Sam, I know you are worried. But you need to give Dean some space right now. Okay?” Jared said, seemingly losing his persona of nonchalance.
“But let me tell you one thing man” Jared said, chuckling.
“You guys really have issues.” Jared said still chuckling and Sam assumed it must not be that bad with Dean if Jared is, for the first time, amused by it. Sam decided that he would give Dean a few minutes to breath, and no, he didn’t really listen to Jared because he believed that he knew Dean, no, he just did it because he wanted Dean to not feel crowded, or that’s what he told himself. He slumped down on the sofa with a sigh. He didn’t know why he desperately wanted to know what Jared and Dean talked about. It had nothing to do with him wanting to know everything about Dean even though they stayed together almost all the time. He hoped though that Jared would tell something about what happened.
Dean was in his room, or the room where he was staying for the time being, didn’t know how long they would be staying here though. He wasn’t in the mood to be sitting with everyone when all he wanted to do was stay alone for a while, so he had left from there, hoping that Sam wouldn’t follow him. There was a lot in his mind right now to be able to talk to Sam. He was glad that Sam didn’t come behind him, knowing him, he would have obviously followed him, but Dean suspected that it had more to do with Jared or Jensen not letting Sam come. Dean sighed, thinking about Jared and what he had said.
“Why aren’t you with Sam?” He had asked when Jensen had left to see Sam, seemingly out of nowhere. Dean was surprised, to say the least. Jared wasn’t much of talking, and even if he did, it was just general small talk. He always interrupted when things got out of hand for one reason or another, but never the one to start something himself. So Dean was surprised.
“What do you mean?” Dean had said, even though he knew why Jared was saying that but he really didn’t think it was any of his business.
“I think you know what I mean.” Jared had said calmly. Dean was surprised to find the lack of accusation or judgment in his tone, like Jensen was prone to do when it came to him. It made Dean a little comfortable around him and less defensive.
“I think he would have wanted you to be with him.” Jared had said in the same calm tone, somehow more softer and Dean had looked up at him, only to find understanding in his expression and some kind of emotion that Sam normally had when he was sad about something. Dean didn’t know what it meant that Jared had the same expression on his face.
“I don’t know about that. He was so happy Jared, before I came and took him away from his prefect life. I don’t know how he even looks at my face without thinking about it.” Dean had said, a desperate tone in his voice like he wanted someone to tell him otherwise, remembering from earlier the episode they were watching and Sam having a perfect life. He was shocked at himself for saying that because admitting that to himself wasn’t easy, and saying those things out loud was cutting him from the inside but he knew that it was the truth.
“I think you are the only one blaming yourself here Dean. Has Sam ever even hinted on that? And don’t know how much I actually know about Sam, but I know for sure that he hasn’t ever thought like that and you need to believe it too.”
“It still doesn’t change the fact that I ruined his life for him.” Dean had said dejectedly but he was also glad that Jared had at least not blamed him, saying something yourself was another thing, but having that confirmed by someone else was completely another thing and Dean took some comfort in the fact that Jared had been the one playing Sam’s character, so he had to hand down some credit to him.
“You should sometime talk to him maybe.” Jared had said and Dean couldn’t help the urge to snort at that.
“You guys are so lucky to have each other Dean. Don’t let it go just like that.” Dean had looked up at that. He knew he was lucky, having Sam watching his back. Even though there had been a lot of misunderstandings and issues between them, too many arguments and hurt feelings to count but they had never given up on each other.
“The best thing I have always admired about you guys is that even when you guys hurt each other, it’s because of each other. Remember the time when you were angry at Sam for the demon blood thing?”
“Yeah. Don’t remind me.”
“You were mad because you didn’t want Sam to go down that road, and Sam was doing it because he wanted to kill Lilith because she was the one who took you away.” Jared had said so seriously and to be honest, Dean hadn’t even thought about it in that way.
“Yeah, that’s so healthy.” Dean had muttered.
“Well, I don’t think anyone has ever used healthy and you guys in the same sentence.” Jared had grinned at that and Dean had just glared. Jared was right of course. They were messed up.
“I don’t know if you have noticed Dean, but you are not the only one who needs Sam, he needs you too you know. I don’t think you even know how much you mean to Sam. I thought him going dark side would have given you some indication that how much you keep him on the straight and narrow and I am sure you also know how living without Sam is. You have done it for a year.”
“I never wanted to go to Lisa.” Dean had confessed.
“I know.” Jared had said.
“Do you think Sam knew?” he had asked.
“I don’t think I am the one you should be asking this question. But I do think on some level that he knew. Do you remember the case where you guys were in the dream? Where you saw Lisa?” Jared asked and Dean had to think for a few moments before he could remember.
“What do you think he would have thought of that?” Jared had asked and Dean really didn’t have any answer to that. Of course Sam would have thought that he wanted to spend his life with Lisa, but that was years ago and his deal was coming up. Of course he would be wanting things that he couldn’t have.
“Well, if Sam thought of it that way, which was obviously stupid. I was dying, for Christ’s sake.”
“I am not saying that he thought about that. I am just giving you an example. Because in all these years, I have learnt one thing. You Winchester brothers like to twist a straight thing and then complain that why is it so messed up.” Dean had glared at him after that for a full minute though.
“Have you ever thought of settling down with someone?” Jared had asked again and Dean’s response was spontaneous.
“Yeah, when I saw Sam again after he returned from hell, my first thought was that we would stop doing this shit, settle down somewhere. Of course I didn’t know at that point that I was already in deep shit and my brother was actually MIA.” Dean had said with and Jared had chuckled at that.
“What?” Dean had asked.
“I was asking about you settling down, having a family and all that stuff.” Jared had said.
“Oh.” Dean couldn’t say anything more than that. Because he had never thought about it in those terms. When the thought of settling down ever crossed his mind, it was with Sam and only Sam. He then noticed what a mess up it was. No one was as important to him as Sam was. Dean used to think that it was because he was supposed to look after Sam, because Sam needed him. But now, when Sam didn’t need him anymore, hell, even when Sam was at Stanford away from the dangers of the hunting life, all Dean could think was about Sam. He even remembered being clumsy on hunts, not being careful because he knew that there was no one who would care enough for him to get mad at him for getting hurt and then taking care of him. He didn’t like to think about that time. They were the worst memories that Dean had, and how funny it was, from all the things that had happened throughout their lives, from losing his mom and then his dad, his heart still couldn’t stop itself from constricting whenever he thought of Sam being at Stanford. Away from him. That time was the worst in his recollections in comparison with all the other times when Sam wasn’t around. Maybe because he knew that it was because that’s what Sam had wanted, and it wasn’t the circumstances and the thought right there always felt like someone was ripping his heart out and then cutting it with jagged pieces of glasses.
Dean sighed as he turned on his side on the bed. Talking to Jared had opened some wounds which had never completely healed. But it had also opened up his mind to a lot of things. One thing that he had realized was that he never asked Sam how he felt, generally or about some specific things. Taking care of physical wounds was nothing if you are hurting from the inside. Dean still remembered the time when Sam used to be so eager to talk about their feelings. He used to ask how he was feeling but Dean always used to push him away. Funny how Dean was thinking about it when Jared hadn’t even said anything about it.
“How come you are in a chatty mood today?” Dean had asked.
“Nothing. Just thought you might need someone to talk to, even though it was more like pulling it out of you.” Jared had said with a shrug.
“What about you though? I mean, I don’t see you talking to anyone a lot. I think this is the first time that you have talked this much.” Dean had said and Jared had shrugged again. It was clear that Jared was back in his no-talking state of mode.
“But I saw you when I was watching the DVD today. In the gag reel.” Dean had said, remembering the smiling and laughing and talking Jared, and Jared had frozen for a moment but had recovered himself quickly. If Dean wasn’t paying attention, he would have missed the notion. Jared hadn’t said anything again, instead had merely shrugged and Dean had let it go. Too much engrossed in his own thoughts.
Dean sighed again, thoughts swirling in his mind one after another. Things were fine between Sam and him right now. And Dean was glad about it, maybe because there weren’t things coming between them right now pulling them at the opposite ends from each other. They were trying to find a solution for something that was related to them and not due to the stupidity of others, even though the reason that they were stuck in this place was because of the douche angels. If Dean was being honest with himself, he would have admitted that he actually appreciated the downtime that they had gotten, however it was, but he also knew that they needed to find a solution soon. They couldn’t hide forever. Dean chose to ignore the fact that the last thing in his mind now a days was about it and he had gotten used to living with Sam like this. He closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotions that came with the thought that they would be back in their world sooner or later and things would inevitably have to change again. He wasn’t looking forward to it and the thought right there scared him and he didn’t really know what he wanted anymore.
Sam knocked on Dean’s door before going inside. He had sat with Jared and Jensen for about an hour before excusing himself. Jared hadn’t said anything about what he and Dean talked about and Sam hadn’t pushed a lot. Jared was talking like normal people for once and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.
“Took you long enough.” Dean said as soon as Sam entered the room and Sam startled. The lights were off in the room and Sam could only see Dean’s silhouette before his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room and he could see slightly more clear than before. He had expected Dean to feign sleep or not acknowledge him, so he was a little bit surprised when Dean said that.
“Yeah, well. Your new friend didn’t want me to come.” Sam said, making his way towards the bed. He pushed Dean’s leg aside and flopped down on the bed, Dean just put his legs back on Sam’s lap.
“What do you mean by new friend?” Dean asked switching on the bed side lamp, and his face washed in the yellow fluorescent light. He squinted a bit to get his eyes adjusted to the light. Sam put his hands on Dean’s ankle and let it rest there. Sam just shrugged, but he could see the shadows on Dean’s face from earlier were receding and he was looking more like himself, not all the way.
“You want to tell me what happened between you and Jared?” Sam asked, not wanting to beat around the bush. He wanted to know what had caused Dean that trouble and put that look on his face, if it was because of Jared, then he would be exchanging some words with him later, but even in his heart he knew that it was not because Jared had said something hurtful to him, not like Jensen did, because Jensen did like to throw things at Dean, saying deliberate things that would sure hurt Dean and Sam and Jared had to interfere a lot of times, normally Sam defending Dean and Jared defending Jensen. Their arguments normally would just start with a throw away remark, Jensen just casually saying to Dean that “Now you care?” when Dean had asked Sam how he was feeling after seeing some pictures of Jess or actually Adrianne, her real name, with Jared and Jensen. And just like that, they would be saying things to each other. But it was ironic, Sam defending Dean when Jensen was actually defending him and Jared defending Jensen even though he got along better with Dean, well, as much better as it could be when you are talking about Jared, anyway, defending someone who you don’t even supposedly talk with. Weird. It’s what it was.
“No..” Dean said with a shrug. What would pass as a shrug when you are lying down anyway. Sam just nodded, he didn’t want to push Dean, even though that’s what exactly Sam wanted to do right now.
“Really?” Dean said with a raised eyebrow and on Sam’s confused face, continued.
“You are just going to leave it like that?”
“Yeah well, you don’t want to talk, so there is not much I can do about it.” Sam said, remembering all the times that he used to ask Dean and Dean just dismissed him, it hurt, but not more than when he saw Dean suffering alone, not knowing what’s going in his brother’s head and not being able to help him was what hurt Sam the most.
“So, you are just going to let it go because I don’t want to talk?” Dean asked and Sam stilled his movements on Dean’s ankle. He didn’t even know that he was rubbing circles on Dean’s ankle, it must be sense memory. Sam used to do it a lot when they were young. Cooped up in some dingy house, not better than a motel room but atleast they had a couch, Dean lying on the couch, his legs on Sam’s laps like there is no place they would want to be. Sam used to love every one of those moments. They don’t do that now. Maybe when they are both drunk after a hunt and Dean’s guard is down, Sam lets himself indulge in the closeness of his brother when Dean is loose enough that he doesn’t say anything when Sam sits a little closer to Dean, instead, he leans into Sam that much more and Sam’s heart sores like a kite whose string have been cut loose and he doesn’t really care about anything at that point. Or the times when they have had a close hunt and afterwards, Dean doesn’t want to let Sam out of his sight. Staying close to him wherever they go. Even though Sam complains but he thinks both of them know how much it is just for show.
“What do you want me to say?” Sam asked, because he really didn’t have any idea where this was coming from, normally when Sam doesn’t push, Dean breathes a sigh of relief.
“Nothing. Just asking is all…” Dean mumbled, his legs twitching and Sam removed his hand from Dean’s ankle, promptly feeling the loss.
“Hey.. You okay?” Sam couldn’t help but ask.
“Yeah. I am fine… are you?” Dean asked hesitantly like he wasn’t sure whether he should even ask it or not. Sam just nodded and turned his face away from Dean who was gazing at him like he could see through his soul, Sam was feeling naked and vulnerable, and the moment was suddenly feeling very intense. Dean started sitting up, the sheets rustling and their breathing the only sound in the quiet of the room. Sam felt the bed dip beside him.
“Can I ask you something?” Dean said. Sam could see Dean fidgeting his hands and then folding them in his lap like he didn’t exactly know what to do with them. His eyes were down, looking at his clasped hands and Sam wanted nothing more than to see his eyes, to gauge what he was feeling. He turned his body towards Dean a little.
“Yeah sure.” Sam said before Dean could take his words back. It was not every day that Dean was open like this.
“How was it like? At Stanford?” He said and Sam let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I mean you lost Jess and … I am sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Dean said and his body language told Sam that he would stand up any second and Sam really didn’t want that. He placed his hands on Dean’s thigh, not stopping Dean if he really wanted to go but enough to convey that he didn’t want him to go. Dean didn’t try to get up again.
“When I went there, I didn’t unpack my duffel for a whole month, maybe more.” Sam said, closing his eyes at the pain that came back with the memory.
“I thought you would come any second, and tell me to go with you.” He said, his voice coming out hoarser due to the emotions he was trying to keep in check.
“I wanted you to come... you know? Kept hoping that you would come. Tell me all the reasons that why it was a bad idea that I shouldn’t stay there.” Sam stopped for a moment. He didn’t know what he should say anymore, he had already said a lot. The thing he didn’t even want to admit himself most of the time. How the second he boarded that bus, he wanted to jump out right back. How the idea of staying without Dean was terrifying. Sam felt movement beside him and turned his face to look at Dean. Dean’s eyes were closed shut and he looked like he was so much in pain that Sam thought for a second that maybe Dean was in some kind of physical pain. He opened his eyes and Sam could see all the emotions in his eyes. Of hurt, pain and something much deeper that Sam couldn’t put a finger on.
“You didn’t want me in your life anymore.” Dean said, his voice coming out thick with emotions Sam felt he could touch it with his hands. Sam felt his heart constrict at Dean’s words.
“What made you think that?” Sam asked because there was never a time that he didn’t want Dean in his life. There could never be a time like that. Dean looked at him, with accusation in his eyes like Sam was being deliberately obtuse or something. Sam really didn’t know where that was coming from. He still remembered the conversation as it happened yesterday. Could never forget that. Sam was left feeling unwanted and rejected. When it seemed like Dean was not going to say anything further, Sam decided to clear himself. One of them had to come outright and ask. Sam was tired of the unsaid and unexplained things between them. He always knew that Dean had resented him because of Stanford and really, Dean wasn’t the injured party in that. Dean had turned his whole world upside down and for good measure, had thrown it in his face. Sam had never said about that matter because he still felt hurt over that. He didn’t think he would ever get over that. And Dean saying that Sam didn’t want Dean in his life anymore was not making any sense to him. Even though he still didn’t want to bring that up, but knew that one of them had to go for both of their sakes.
“I never said that I didn’t want you in my life.” Sam said, not being able to put the hurt out of his voice.
“Yeah, not in clear terms, but I am not as dumb as you think.” Dean said, standing up. Anger just barely restrained creeping in his voice. He went to stand by the window.
“What does that mean?” Sam said, standing up and following Dean those few steps. He could feel hot anger burning into him by Dean’s word. He grabbed Dean by the elbow and turned him towards himself. Dean’s face was hard, emotionless but Sam knew it was just a matter of seconds before Dean’s emotions would get the better of him. His jaw was clenched so hard Sam was afraid he was going to break his teeth or something.
“No tell me dammit!!” Sam said looking Dean square in the face whose façade Sam could see was starting to break.
“You wanted me to leave hunting Sam, you wanted me to leave Dad, knowing full well I could never do any of it but still you asked me that. What did that imply? It was just a flimsy excuse on your part to look like that you actually gave a damn about me.” Dean burst out, literally shouting in Sam’s face and saying Sam was in shock would probably be an understatement. Sam was flabbergasted. All this time, Dean was thinking that Sam didn’t want him in his life. Only Dean had that talent of doing it like this. Really. Sam didn’t even think in his dreams that Dean would be thinking it like this in his head. But Sam had his own two cents to give, he wouldn’t let Dean off the hook just because he assumed something to his liking, again.
“Don’t even try to make it about me not wanting it Dean. Just don’t. Okay? When we both really know what it was about. I didn’t ask you to stop hunting, hell I said that we would even hunt together when we could. I just asked you to come with me so that you can do your own thing from there. Or are you going to deny it?” Sam asked in an equally loud and angry voice. Dean didn’t say anything. He just looked at Sam like he was the one who was talking gibberish. Dean didn’t say anything, he just shook his hand and turned away from him, Sam’s hand falling on his sides.
“You made it all about choosing between Dad and me.” Sam said, feeling tired by the whole argument. Dean was just being stubborn and really, Sam just didn’t have the energy anymore. He was feeling dejected somehow.
“Wasn’t it about that from the beginning Sam?” Dean asked in a small voice, his tone lacking the previous anger. His back to Sam.
“No it wasn’t. I would never ask that. Never intended in the first place. Me asking you coming with me never meant that you choose between me and Dad, Dean.” Sam said. Not mentioning that how he could never do that even if he wanted to. How he was afraid.
“Then what it was Sam. You knew very well that I would never leave Dad alone to hunt, yet you asked me.” Dean said turning to look at Sam. And there it was. Sam’s heart constricted again. He always knew that Dad was the most important person in Dean’s life and he also knew that whatever he felt towards this was an irrational feeling. He shook his head on those feelings. They wouldn’t get him anywhere.
“I never made it about choosing between me and Dad, Dean. You are the one who has always seen it like that. Dad normally hunted alone anyway. But you just don’t want to accept the fact that you were looking for excuses for it and this was the best one you found.” Sam said, his anger simmering again within him.
“I never wanted to stay without you.” Dean said, turning away from him again like he was afraid to face him while saying it.
“Why would I want to make any excuses about that?” Dean said and Sam was still for a second. Hearing from Dean that he didn’t want to stay without him was giving Sam mixed feelings. He didn’t know what to say about it. Because if it was true, Dean wouldn’t have let him go, but again, even Sam didn’t want to leave Dean and yet he had.
“I never wanted a life without you in it Dean, and I never would.” Sam said, his anger draining out of him.
“Then why did you leave?” Dean asked, turning around to look at him again, his face was covered in shadows, one side of his face illuminating from the light coming from the lamp.
“Because I thought that you didn’t want me anymore. You made it about Dad when it was never even about him. I didn’t even ask you to stop hunting...” Sam said, his voice coming out hoarse, this time he was the one who turned around, not wanting to face Dean. Dean turned him around though making Sam face him and he was now much more near than before.
“Are you crazy Sam? For someone who has got brains you sure do think stupid. Have I ever given you any indication in my whole life that I didn’t want you?” Dean asked in his face and Sam couldn’t think of anything to say because he and Dean were always together. Even though they had their more than fair share of fights between them about Dad and hunts and even small things.
“Why did you let me go?” Sam asked after he was sure that his voice wouldn’t come out broken.
“I wasn’t going to be the one to stop you from going when you wanted to go away from me.” Dean said, and really, Sam was so tired of listening that he didn’t want Dean in his life that he just wanted to physically shake Dean and tell him that it’s not true. He didn’t do any of it though.
“God I am so tired.” Sam finally said, turning away from Dean again and this time he went directly to sit on the bed. The last few minutes had drained him.
“I wouldn’t Dean. I would never want to live without you. That’s not possible. I hope you get that.” Sam said and lied down on the bed.
“Me too.” Dean said shortly and cleared his throat. Sam’s stomach flipped and he couldn’t help but smile.
“That’s my bed.” Dean said after a while like he particularly didn’t care about it.
“I don’t care.” Sam said, his voice muffled from the pillow. But one thing he knew that Dean understood this time, and he, himself understood as well. He could clearly see now where Dean was coming from and he felt like something huge was lifted from his heart. He was feeling light even though he felt out of energy after it.
“If you are not leaving my bed, why should I.” Dean said and really, whatever Sam expected, it wasn’t this. He thought maybe Dean would go to his room or maybe try to push Sam off the bed.
“Scoot over.” Dean said and Sam stilled. He was going crazy maybe. He moved on one side on instinct but his mind was still processing it. Dean took the other side of the bed and pulled the covers over himself, his back to Sam. He didn’t remember the last time when they shared a bed out of necessity. They used to sleep in the same bed even after they were too old to do that, but they hadn’t shared a bed since they had started hunting together after Stanford. Sam was surprised, to say the least. He knew he should go sleep in his own bed but he just didn’t want to. He could feel Dean breathing steady and knew he would be asleep in a matter of minutes. Soon he could feel his breath syncing with Dean and he closed his eyes with a smile on his face. Unknown to him, Dean had a similar expression on his face.
Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Things got progressively better between Sam and Dean after the night they let out their insecurities and grudges with each other in the open. But they were still stuck in the problem and they couldn’t see anything in sight for their current predicament. They were still at Jared’s house and Sam and Dean were thinking to just stay at a hotel until the renovations at Jensen’s house were done or Jared’s wife has gone. Whichever came first.
“I think you guys should just stay here.” Jared said one morning when the four of them were sitting around the table having breakfast which Sam and Jensen had prepared. It was a Sunday and thankfully they weren’t working today. Jensen had stayed here the previous night like most of nights now. They had also gone out to eat at night with Sam and Dean adjusting their faces with some of the stuff that Jensen had brought for them initially. It was a good night. Dean acted like he always does when going to a fancy place, and after that they had gone to a bar, finishing the night. Sam had expected Dean to hook up with someone but was pleasantly surprised when Dean didn’t even return most of the flirting thrown his way, genuinely engrossed in whatever conversation the four of them were having.
“We are staying here.” Dean said, implying a duh in his sentence and rolling his eyes at Jared like he was dumb.
“I don’t mean staying at my place.” Jared said, “I mean staying here here, like in this world or universe or whatever.” He cleared and then looked at the dumbfounded faces of Sam and Dean. Jensen was looking at them expectantly and Sam guessed that maybe Jared and Jensen had talked about it before. Not that he and Dean hadn’t, but it was never brought up again between them and to be honest, he had even forgotten about it. Sam and Dean exchanged a look.
“Why do you want us to stay here?” Dean asked Jared.
“Why would you want to go back?” Jared asked, incredulous like it should be obvious. And okay, yeah, there lives were kind of crappy in their universe.
“We aren’t even brothers here.” Sam said looking at Dean, and really, it was the only reason that he needed to go back as far as he was concerned.
“What do you mean by you aren’t brothers here?” Jensen said, eyes flicking between Sam and Dean and landing on Jared for a fleeting second before coming to stop at Sam.
“You aren’t living your lives here as Jared and Jensen, you are you, I mean as Sam and Dean, not us, so what does it matter?” Jensen asked. Sam looked at Dean who was actually looking like he was thinking it over and Sam had not really thought about it from that angle though. Before, they had to live as Jared and Jensen because they were not here, but now, they were back and Sam and Dean were not living their lives anymore. But Sam was really surprised by their offer of them staying here because having people looking like you roaming around could jeopardize their lives, and Sam and Dean couldn’t stay hidden forever. So yeah, Sam was surprised that Jared and Jensen cared about them that much that they didn’t think about their own lives.
“It’s not possible, even if we wanted to.” Dean said, and Sam wondered that how they had come at this position, from desperately finding a way to go back to their own world to thinking that they could stay here if it was possible. If Sam was really honest with himself, he also hadn’t thought about their actual world as much as he would have liked to. He still did research to find ways to go back, but at the end when he got nothing out of his research, he didn’t end up feeling hopeless like he used to feel in the early days. These days, he found himself making plans with Dean, and sometimes Jared and Jensen as well, what they will do on that weekend or this day or where they could go, and their plans had nothing to do with their problems. Jensen had actually started staying over at Jared’s a lot more without anyone saying it to him and even Jared seemed a little bit looser around the edges, participating in the conversations, coming up with ideas and all that.
“Well, we just thought to put it out there if you wanted to.” Jared said, and Sam didn’t miss the use of WE in his sentence, indicating it was both him and Jensen who talked about it, and really, Sam was surprised that they managed to discuss this within themselves because what they had seen of Jared and Jensen was that they didn’t directly talk to each other that much, and Sam just wanted to come outright and ask what their problem was.
“Not like you have anything or anyone important waiting for you.” Jensen said, cutting a glance at Jared and then looking at Sam.
“Whatever is important is right here with you.” Jensen said and Sam’s eyes inadvertently went to Dean who was looking back at him. Sam really didn’t have anything to say to that because it was true, plain and simple. Dean cleared his throat and stood up, pointing towards the kitchen and Sam could see his ears were red, but couldn’t understand the reason behind it.
After Dean had gone to the kitchen, Jensen chuckled.
“What?” Sam asked, thinking if he had missed something and looking at both Jared and Jensen.
“The fans got it right.” Jared said, trying very hard not to smile, his lips tugging up at the corners. Sam didn’t miss the widening of Jensen’s smile when he saw Jared smiling.
“What are you talking about?” Sam asked both of them, confused.
“Uhh,, nothing.. Just that you two can’t stay without each other.” Jensen said and Sam felt himself blushing. Jared burst out laughing and Dean chose that moment to come back.
“What’s so funny?” he asked in a casual tone passing him a beer and putting two on the table since Jared and Jensen were still nursing their last ones. Jared was still trying to control his laughter.
“Jensen, what is..” Sam turned his face to look at Jensen, who was staring at Jared like he was looking at him for the first time, a smile on his face which Sam had never seen before. He was looking at Jared with so much affection in his eyes that Sam had to look away. He felt he was intruding or something. When Jared noticed Jensen looking at him, his laughter stopped abruptly, an expression so contrary to his previous one that it hurt Sam to look at Jared like that so he averted his eyes. Even Dean had noticed the change of atmosphere in the room because his hand suddenly came to rest on Sam’s shoulder. Sam looked up at him. His eyebrows were raised, and Sam just shrugged. He didn’t know what had just happened here as well. He excused himself from there and went to their room, Dean following close behind. He sensed it was something that was none of their business and he didn’t want them to feel uncomfortable.
“That was odd.” Dean said as soon as they were back in the bedroom or more like the bedroom that they had started sharing more often than not after that night. They would watch some late night television or movie in Dean’s bedroom, and next thing Sam knew he would be waking up in Dean’s bed. They never talked about it in the light of the day, typical them, but things had changed between Sam and Dean for the better after that night. It was like Sam was seeing a different version of Dean. He had become open, not trying to mask his feelings. He even started to talk about things that Sam had thought were off topic as far as Dean was concerned. Just yesterday, Dean had told him how it was, when Sam was at Stanford. To say Sam was shocked, would be putting it mildly. Dean never talked about that.
“Me and Dad... We didn’t get along as well as you would have thought after you had left.”
“Don’t know. He used to tell me that I had become clumsy. Wasn’t paying enough attention and that I would get them killed.” Dean had said like he was imagining it in front of his eyes.
“Was it true?” Sam had asked.
“Yeah, well. I wouldn’t say I was at my best when you left.” Sam was surprised by the admission but didn’t let it show on his face. He was just glad that Dean was sharing something about himself. Sam had returned him in kind. Told him about Stanford. How it was living there on his own.
“There was not a single moment when I didn’t wish that you were with me.” Sam had said it so softly he doubted that Dean heard him.
“You don’t have to, anymore.”
“Are you even listening to me, Sammy?” Dean said, shaking Sam’s shoulder and Sam jerked out of his thoughts.
“Sorry… uh, you were saying??” Sam said, scratching the back of his neck.
“Seriously Sammy?!” Dean said, exasperated.
“Anyway, I was saying, do you think that those two have had a thing between them and then something went wrong?”
“I don’t know man... maybe?” Sam said, flopping down on the bed.
“But it’s very intense, you know, I think there is something more we don’t know about.” Sam said, making himself comfortable on the bed. Dean came and pushed him over to the other side of the bed, flopping himself on the bed alongside Sam.
“You haven’t asked your best friend about it?” Dean asked with a slight sarcastic tone.
“Why do you think I would share with you?” Sam said with his tongue in cheek. Dean didn’t disappoint. He glared at him.
“Yeah, right...” Dean started saying, getting up from the bed, but before Dean could go any further, Sam grabbed Dean’s wrist.
“And where do you think you are going?” Sam asked, amusement in his voice. Dean’s one leg was bent on the bed and the other was hanging off the bed. Sam pulled Dean’s wrist and Dean came tumbling on him due to his awkward position.
“Whaa...” Dean almost fell on top of him, but at the last moment his one hand landed beside Sam’s head, stopping his fall. Dean’s face was so close to him he could feel the puffs of his exhales. Sam couldn’t look away from his face. Those green eyes were looking right back at him and Sam’s breath hitched. He saw a finger on Dean’s cheek, which was close, so very close to him, and realized it was his finger. He didn’t remember doing that. His finger trailed along Dean’s cheek and he heard a gasp, which might be him or not, he didn’t really know. He was just about to ask him when Dean got up abruptly from the bed and turned away, but Sam didn’t miss the red staining his cheeks and he was sure that he had a similar expression on his face.
“I... uhh am...” Dean started saying, seeming to fumble on his words. Sam was no better off. He was still trying to understand what happened here. What he was doing.
“I should... Uh go... check on...Something...” Dean said in a rush and was out of the room before Sam could even blink. Sam was still reeling from what just happened. He remembered Dean falling on top of him, next thing he knew he was caressing his brother’s face. God, Sam didn’t know what came into him. How was he even going to look Dean in the eye? And why didn’t Dean say something to him? Like he was going crazy or something? Why did he just run away like that? Maybe he thought that he had gone crazy? Sam was rambling with himself. But he just tried to caress his brother’s face, which he only remembered doing when they were in their early teens… He didn’t know what to think, why he did. He just knew he was screwed. Because he wanted to do it again. And yeah, there was no word to describe how much screwed he really was.