Randy tries to watch Smackdown whenever he can; he goes so far as to get the guys at head office to send him a copy if he's wrestling at a house show when it's on TV. He does it mostly for protection, he can keep an eye on everyone on RAW because he's there, but he doesn't want to be blindsided by someone from Smackdown jumping ship. In particular, he's thinking about Teddy and Cody; he wouldn't have forgiven and forgotten, so he can't expect them to have.
That's why he, along with countless others, hears McIntyre's anguished confessions of love aimed at Kelly Kelly. Randy knows McIntyre only in the vague way everyone knows everyone in the business, he probably noticed McIntyre a little more than he noticed most of the guys he didn't have immediate business with but that was because McIntyre had been Cody's tag team partner for a while, and however messed-up Cody appears to be, Randy knows he taught the kid well, and he expects Cody to strike back eventually, and with an advantage, if Cody can find it. Tag partners count as advantages, so Randy felt it paid to keep track of these things.
He thinks someone should tell McIntyre that Kelly is never going to say yes, even beyond her whole thing for Edge. The reason she'll never say yes is that McIntyre appears to be someone who might actually love her, and Kelly has terrible taste in boyfriends. Randy's evidence enough of that. So is Edge, if it comes to that.
Randy's thinking about it when he realises that there is an opening there for him. His time with Edge taught him that much, how to spot an opportunity, and how to use it.
In the wake of Teddy Long's 'accident' it's easy enough to get permission to swing by Smackdown, he comes down after the show, and finds McIntyre trying to get his drunk on in the corner of the hotel bar. Randy buys two drinks and shoves one in front of McIntyre.
"I just bought you a drink."
"I don't care. Go away. I'm not interested in what you're selling."
"I'm not selling anything..."
McIntyre glares at him. "You forget, I was Cody's tag team partner, he warned me about you."
"Then you'll know I never did anything without telling them I was going to do it to them first. It's not my fault if they weren't good enough to live up to my standards. As I was saying, I'm not selling anything, I'm offering you something."
"I'm still not interested."
"I think you will be. I heard about you and Kelly. I thought I'd give you some words to the wise."
"I should thump you." But McIntyre doesn't. Which was probably for the best, Randy's been well-behaved recently, he doesn't want a bar fight spoiling his record. "She's far too good for you."
"Yeah, but she's far too good for you too. I'm willing to help you fix that."
McIntyre looks him up and down, measuring him. Randy isn't bullshitting for once, so he thinks he'll pass this test.
"Alright." McIntyre slams the drink down his throat and stands up. "If we're going to talk about this, let's go somewhere more private." Randy follows, half disbelieving. The guy can't have been for real. Is he actually trying to safeguard Kelly's reputation? That horse was long bolted.
McIntyre gets a bottle of whisky from his luggage, and puts it on the table in front of them.
"So, talk." Apparently McIntyre stores his words to blurt out at Kelly. Unfortunately, it leaves the talking to Randy, and he knows that isn't his strong suit. Randy had been hoping that McIntyre would make conversation and Randy could get his way by driving it along the direction he wants.
"Okay. The thing is," Randy knows he's going to have to choose his words carefully, he's already seen how twitchy McIntyre gets when you say anything against his lady love, "I know, from what we'll call personal experience," McIntyre hears the undertone Randy's putting on 'personal' and his fist clenches, "that the thing with Kelly, what she wants, it isn't Prince Charming. Hell, you would have stood more of a chance if you'd been an asshole. But, if you've talked yourself into a corner by being a nice guy, then it seems to me that, seeing as I'm the resident chief asshole, I might as well do you a favour."
McIntyre's tempted, Randy can see it in the way he's relaxing his fist slightly. But he's not sold yet. "What do you want out of this?" He's a clever boy, this one.
"The time may come that Cody decides he wants a pop at me. I want you to give me a heads up if he does. I'm not even going to ask you not to join him or help him," because Randy can easily imagine that Cody can be very persuasive, because Randy taught Cody everything Cody knows about how to get his way, "all I want is an early warning."
McIntyre thinks about it. Randy is deliberately not asking for much. Randy knows, even if McIntyre gives his word, chances are that he'll go back on it. The man seems to be an ass everywhere but where he needs to be. No, Randy's planning for the worst, and the minimum outcome is that he gets laid, and there are worse results than that.
McIntyre's fist relaxes all the way. "I won't do anything to hurt her." The man has a complex.
Randy can almost hear the cogs turning in McIntyre's mind, a whirring leading nowhere. McIntyre is trying to figure out what Randy's idea is, wondering exactly how he plans to get McIntyre into bed with Kelly without involving Kelly. There's no way that he'll ever guess, but Randy lets him try. He can see the worry crossing McIntyre's mind that all Randy is planning to do is ring Kelly, and that Kelly still has enough feeling for Randy that she'd jump at the call. It's fear and jealousy, and entirely misplaced. "You're thinking about this the wrong way. I'm not going to do anything to her, I'm gonna make her jealous of you, I'm going to scuzzy you up, and make you look down and dirty, just how she likes it. Just lie back and relax."
McIntyre's a decent lay, once he stops being so tense. Randy's not going to complain about a willing hole anyway. He wonders if McIntyre even notices him biting his collarbone. Kelly'll know who did that. Randy supposes that McIntyre doesn't know exactly how much Kelly likes being bitten; the girl could get off easier on a good set of teeth than she could on a hard dick. No, there's no way McIntyre could know, he isn't the guy who used to get Kelly off once a day and twice on Sundays with just his mouth. Kelly'll remember the bite mark, she's bound to. There were a couple of times when Randy had bitten her so hard that he's amazed that she's not still got the indentations in her skin. She'd recognise Randy's teeth anywhere, and then, or this is the plan, she'll get jealous, and realise that McIntyre is a jerk just like every other guy she'd ever got wet over and she'll throw herself at him.
Of course, the chances of that plan actually working were minimal, but Randy didn't care, he's already got what he wanted out of this.